Mile 76

Jake

Jake had been on the road for less than an hour when he decided he already needed more coffee, preferably something large and sweet with an extra shot of espresso. His sleep the night before had been restless; his morning full of emotional family goodbyes, the usual promises to see each other more. Typical funeral stuff, nothing a gallon of caffeine couldn’t fix.

Jake knew this stretch of the Garden State Parkway better than almost anywhere in the world. Manahawken. Barneget. Toms River. Countless summers on New Jersey beaches. College poker trips to AC. And of course the trips back home to see his parents. Now there would only be trips to see his dad.

Jake didn’t want to think about that right now, at least not before he had a Venti cup of steaming hot Starbucks coffee in his hand. He signaled a lane change and prepared to exit at the next service area, Forked River.

He pulled his dark red BMW into a parking spot and shut off the engine. It was Natalya who had convinced him to get this car, a “status symbol” she had called it. Jake had wanted a Tesla, which he supposed was a different kind of status symbol. But Natalya had frowned when he had mentioned it.

“You aren’t a Tesla kind of rich guy,” she had said. “You don’t care about the environment or the rising price of gas or colonizing Mars.”

Of course that was a few years ago. He supposed owning a Tesla nowadays could easily be misinterpreted.

She had not attended his mother’s funeral. Memorial services were “triggering, she had claimed, they reminded her of her “childhood trauma.” This was a typical Natalya response. The supermarket was too crowded on Sundays, could Jake please buy some groceries. The walk from the train station at night made her nervous, could he just pick her up instead. Large family gatherings were uncomfortable, although she seemed to have no trouble going out to crowded bars on weekends with her trio of friends.

Jake hadn’t said what he was thinking at the time, that funerals were “triggering” for everyone. The smell of flowers, the weight of sadness in the room. No one wanted to go, and yet you did, you showed up because life required it.

Some things were better left unsaid.

The truth was that Jake had been fine with Natalya staying home. He loved her very much, fragility and all, however, the trip to the shore had been easier without her. Natalya was an NYC girl through and through and small town Jersey scorn was in her blood. She was always polite to his family, of course, but he knew she would rather be anywhere but there.

When they had first started dating, Jake had brought her out to Long Beach Island, excited to show her the beaches he had grown up on. Summer vacations had been spent eating ice cream on the sand, riding bikes to the arcade in Beach Haven, surfing long waves to the shore on bright blue boogie boards. He and his friends had jumped from the abandoned lifeguard chairs in the evening, daring each other to see who could get the highest, the farthest. He had wanted to share all of this with Natalya and the two of them had spent a lovely weekend there, including making love on a darkened stretch of beach, underneath the stars. Afterwards, lying together on a scratchy blanket, her head on his shoulder, Jake had told her he loved her and she had said it back. He had been so happy to be there with his beautiful girlfriend, at his childhood summer paradise.

On the drive home he had asked her what she thought of the Jersey Shore.

“It was really nice,” she had replied. “I had a great time and I really loved seeing all the things you did as a kid.” She then paused, brushing her long brown hair off of her face. “Next summer though, lets go to the Hamptons.”

Amelia

Amelia didn’t really need to stop for anything; the drive from Brooklyn to LBI was under three hours and she had water and snacks in the car. But the GSP made her restless, and she felt like stretching her legs, maybe grabbing a coffee. After using the restroom, she joined the long line at Starbucks. There was always a line. Road trippers needed their caffeine boost.

To be honest, Amelia had always loved places like this. Rest areas on the side of highways. Airport bars. Train station newsstands. She loved the idea of people passing through on their way to somewhere else, grabbing a quick beer before their flight. She imagined no one who actually lived in Forked River, NJ stopped at the service area Starbucks for coffee.

But what she did she know? All of her friends in college had been outer borough New Yorkers, not quite successful enough to afford Manhattan, but able to swing Bushwick with a roommate or two. Now they were all married with families like herself, one or two in suburban Westchester, but most still holding down the fort in Brooklyn or Queens somewhere.

Amelia’s own family were already at the shore house, Steven with his big floppy sun hat (you were never too young to protect your skin, he always said) and Niko with his big bucket of sand toys. She knew that Steven would have unloaded all the groceries into the fridge, put the sheets onto the beds of the rental house. He was good like that.

Finally at the front of the line, Amelia ordered a Grande cold brew with sweet cream and headed towards a table by the window. She knew she could take her coffee to her car like everyone else, but she enjoyed watching the people come in and out of the rest area: parents dragging cranky kids inside to use the bathroom, commuters stopping for snacks. She liked to observe them and wonder about their lives.

As she was contemplating this, a tall, dark haired man holding a very large cup of coffee, sat down at the table next to her. Amelia watched as he popped open the lid and took a slow sip, staring out the window. The man seemed tired, preoccupied. She imagined he was on a business trip, a corporate lawyer on route to meet some high profile client. Amelia was so lost in her own imagination that she did not hear him ask his question the first time.

“I’m sorry to bother you but do you happen to have a cigarette?”

Amelia shook her head. Almost no one she knew smoked. Her friends were mostly into wine, or the occasional edible after the kids were asleep.

“I figured you didn’t. You don’t look like a smoker.” He sighed. “To be honest, I am not a smoker either. But it seemed appropriate for today.”

Amelia didn’t ask what he meant.

“Anyway, thanks.”

The man went back to staring vacantly out the window. Amelia felt kind of bad for him. He seemed somewhat lost, or sad. She reached into her purse and took out a pack of Extra spearmint gum.

“I have this.” She offered him a piece.

He smiled as he took it from her hand, unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth.

“Thanks!”

“No worries.” Amelia turned to look out the window again, figuring they had reached the limit on polite conversation between strangers.

“Going down the shore?’

Amelia spun around to face him again and nodded, smiling at the way he had said it.

“Long Beach Island,” she replied.

“Where are you staying?”

“Surf City. Right off the causeway.”

The man nodded. “Yes, I know the area. Bought my first surfboard at Ron Jon.”

Amelia pauses thoughtfully.

“My son wants to learn to surf,” she replies eventually. “But I don’t know, all I can think about is the undertow pulling him out to sea.”

Jake

Jake smiled when she said that. All shore kids had been tossed underneath a wave or two.

“When I was 8 I had to be rescued by the lifeguards. Got myself out a little too far and by the time I had realized it it was too late to swim back.”

The woman looked horrified.

“You see? That. That is exactly my worst nightmare.”

Jake shrugged. “I was fine though,” he said. “I went back in the water the next day.”

The woman narrowed her eyes at this. “Do you have kids…”

“Jake. My name is Jake. And no, no kids.”

She shook the hand he had offered, firm and confident.

“Amelia,” she replied. “And when you have kids you will understand.”

Jake didn’t respond to that. His mother used to ask him about kids of course. When was he going to bring her some beautiful grandbabies to spoil?

Now it was too late for that. Not that it mattered. Natalya didn’t want kids; she had been clear on that from the start. Children got in the way. You couldn’t go to fancy dinners anymore, or take a spontaneous trip to Paris.

Jake had agreed, even though the truth was he wasn’t that interested in fancy dinners, or in travel really. He would have been content to stay home most nights cuddled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a good movie.

Amelia took a long sip of her cold brew, swirling the ice around in the bottom of the cup. Eventually she said, “You must spend a lot of time out here. Are you heading to LBI too?”

Jake was silent for a second, not sure how much he wanted to share with a total stranger. Finally, he shook his head.

“I’m going the other way”, he answered. “Back to the city.”

He stared out the window for a few seconds before adding, “I was at a funeral.”

Amelia

Amelia listened quietly as he told her about his mother. He finished with a sigh. “She was old. She had a long life. It was her time.”

Amelia nodded. “Yeah I am not sure that makes it any easier though. I’m sorry.”

Jake smiled sadly. “Thank you”, he replied.

“Did you have to go all by yourself?”

“I have two sisters.”

Amelia shook her head. “No I mean your wife, or girlfriend….boyfriend….someone…”

She trailed off awkwardly, suddenly realizing that she had just met this man and none of this was any of her business. She was about to apologize when he replied.

“My fiancee couldn’t come. She..” he paused, frowning. “Its complicated. Funerals make her uncomfortable.”

Amelia’s eyes narrowed. “Funerals are uncomfortable for everyone,” she said. “You go anyway.”

Jake said nothing and Amelia worried she had offended him.

“I’m sorry about your mother,” she said.

Amelia briefly thought of the texts she had ignored this morning, the phone calls she had let ring through. Her mother knew this was the week her Amelia and her family were going away, it was the same every year. She probably wanted just wish her a good vacation but Amelia hadn't been in the mood.

“I don’t really speak to mine much anymore.”

Jake paused for a second before simply replying, “You should.”

Amelia frowned, shook her head, then pasted a smile on her lips.

“So when are you getting married?” she asked.

She expected his eyes to light up, for him to be excited to talk about his fiancee, their wedding plans. Instead, a scowl passed across his face.

‘Whenever she decides I am rich enough,” he answered.

Jake

Jake had brought Natalya to dinner at his parent’s home in Barneget after they had been dating for about six months. He had been so proud to walk in with his beautiful girlfriend on his arm. Natalya had been charming and effervescent, laughing at all of his dad’s corny jokes, complimenting his mom’s cooking and her taste in home decor. When she excused herself to use the restroom later, Jake had grinned at his family.

“She’s pretty awesome, huh?”

His dad had nodded indifferently, too absorbed in the baseball game on the tv to really care, but his mom had placed a hand on his arm, a worried frown on her lips.

“She’s very beautiful Jacob”, she said slowly. “And she seems sweet. But…”

She paused, not sure she should continue.

“Women like that can be very difficult to make happy”, she finally concluded.

Jake had waved his hand dismissively, told her not to worry, that they loved each other, that everything was great. When he asked Natalya to marry him about a year later, his mother had offered to throw them an engagement party but his fiancee had politely declined.

“I think a bar would be better, no? Our friends don’t want to go all the way to New Jersey just to drink some champagne.”

Only now that his mother was gone, was Jake starting to think that she might have been right about Natalya.

He turned back to face Amelia with a sigh.

“I think it might be time to end it,” he said.

Amelia

“That sounds a bit melodramatic, no? I mean have you tried just talking to her. ”

Amelia smiled to let him know she was partly messing with him. But also, men were sometimes so bad at this. When she and Steven had first started dating, she basically had to interview him at the dinner table to get him to talk about what he wanted out of life.

Jake took the comment well, especially considering they had just met. He said that when he had first started dating Natalya they had actually wanted the same things. Fresh out of college, Jake was highly motivated towards financial success. And it had worked, he busted his ass, made money, rose quickly in his field, made more money. It wasn’t until recently that he had started to wonder if there was something missing.

It did not surprise her when he turned to her then and said, “So, your mother?”

Amelia told him that it was complicated. That she had lost her father to cancer when she was only a teenager. That her mother had not really known how to cope with her own loss and parent a grieving child. That there had been arguments, really ugly ones. That it had been a relief when Amelia had finally gone away to college.

“I don’t know”, she said finally. “There is so much pain there. Not speaking is just easier.”

Jake’s expression said that he understood, but didn’t quite agree.

She watched as he chose his next words carefully.

“I’m not saying you are wrong”, he replied. “Like you said, family is complicated.”

He paused, took a breath.

“Its just that once you lose the opportunity, it really is gone forever.”

Jake

The two of them sat in silence for a moment . Eventually Amelia checked her watch.

“I probably should hit the road,” she said with a sigh.

“Yeah me too,” Jake replied.

“I hope you figure things out with your fiancee,” Amelia said.

“I hope you have a nice time at the beach,” he replied. “No lifeguard rescues.”

Amelia laughed. “I’ll do my best,” she responded. Her expression then turned serious.

“It was really nice meeting you, Jake,” she said. ‘Seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever had such an interesting time at a New Jersey rest area before.”

Jake took the hand she offered, giving it a firm shake.

“Me too,” he replied. She tossed the remnants of her iced coffee into the trash and grabbed her purse off of the table.

She was about to walk out the door when she turned back towards him.

“Oh, and I really am sorry about your mom.”

Jake thanked her and watched as she exited onto the pavement, turned left and then headed towards the long line of parked cars. As he was leaving, two boys, about ten years old, raced towards the doorway. He held the door open for them, checking first to make sure their mother was close by. She gave him a nod of thanks.

Jake suddenly had a memory of running barefoot as a child across the hot sand, the foamy waves of the Atlantic Ocean spread out in front of him. It was so strong he could almost smell the salt air, feel the grains of sand wedge between his toes.

He looked out at the parking lot, the sea of cars twinkling in the mid morning sunshine. He knew he could just end his relationship. Or he could walk into the apartment they both shared and tell her that he wanted more from his life than fancy dinners and weekends in the Hamptons. More than working 10 hour days in a windowless office in midtown, trying to win a game that felt more like gambling every day.

Jake unlocked the door to his car. But before all that, he thought, he just might buy a Tesla. Who cared what other people might think?

He was smiling as he pulled out of the rest area and back onto the Garden State Parkway, heading North.

Amelia

Amelia climbed back into her car, texted Steven to say that she was back on the road, and pulled her car out of the parking lot.

She drove deep in thought, mostly in the right lane of the southbound GSP, where she did not have to worry about impatient drivers eager to begin their shore weeks. She thought about childhood memories, family, and second chances.

After about 20 minutes, she finally decided it was time to call her mother.