Strawberry Moon

Recovery, Magic, Mental -Health

From an early age on, I was always interested in the mystical. Magic was and it still is the ultimate escape. It was in my late teenage years that I began studying Wicca. The craft was lots of fun, and the College was called Sacred Mists. I was a member of the Mists for ten years. Closer to the end of the ten years my addiction resurfaced, once more and I strayed off the spiritual path into the darkness of addiction. I did not return to studying Wicca, until many years later. It was one night in June of 2022 which made me return to study craft.

While practicing Wicca actively, I was always peaceful and accepting. I believe in one higher power for all humanity even in my active addiction days. Wicca always helped me to stay open minded. However, I did not completely comprehend what the mystical truly could be and how magic worked until that one night in June of 2022. I had a late-night "experience", as I call it, which still seems like a dream.

Today, as I am writing this, I am reminiscing. Thinking: “It was in my Wiccan days that I felt all was magickal.” It was at the same time in which I frequented in Hollywood and Beverly Hills.

Yes, I had the opportunity to be around fabulous successful people. I myself was born Jewish, raise Catholic and was not fond of religion at all. My experience with religion was a macabre one. It seemed like a grim jest how religious people acted. So, yea, I ran far away from all the people in my early life. And I definitely ran from religious movements.

How did I get to Beverly Hills in the first place. I ran away from home. Ran from Europe into the unknown. By force? Was it an accident? Memory can be tricky. Over time, people, places, and things acquire different meanings in the human mind. Today I feel like it’s a miracle all together. It’s magic! Or is it? Aren't miracles magical? My life was and is mystical by nature and I make living fun. In the years to follow my escape from Europe, I overcame my darkness and embraced the light.

The one thing which I remember clearly, is that the year was 2022, and it was right before my naval birthday. So, it was the month of June.

It all began when I woke up out of a deep resting sleep. Doc, my puppy was still sleeping. He was snuggled up on the pillows right above where I lay my head. As I sat up in bed, Doc stretched and rolled to his side facing me. I, sitting upright on the bed, was completely discombobulated. I was half awake and half asleep.

My first thought when looking at the light outside my window, was that Declan’s car lights are not switched off. Yes, I live with four boys. They live in the main house, and I live in the adjacent guest house. Declan usually parks right outside my window under the car port. He works at night managing clubs in Hollywood and comes home late. Sometimes he is home by midnight other times in the early morning. What was different that day was that my puppy did not bark. I usually see Declan’s car lights through the blinds of my window, and puppy begins to bark. Not so tonight.

My puppy finally woke up, as I was sitting in bed and he sat up and looked at me. No braking. He tilted his head to the right and licked his lips like: “What’s up mama.” He sat there on the pillows and stared at me. I lied back down and said: “Lets go back to sleep little one. It is midnight and I am tired.”

A little while passed. I could not go back to sleep and I looked again at the window which is located to the right of my bed. The lights were still on. Now I began to worry because maybe Declan forgot to switch off his car light. I took my phone off the nightstand and sent him a text message: “Hey D. did you forget to switch off the lights on your car?” It took a few minutes, and he answered: “No, I am still at work. I am not at home.”

Now I began to worry about those lights. Who could be parked in front of the house with the lights on shining at my window. Nobody ever drives onto our driveway. Declan send me another text: “Ask Sonny. He might have parked under the port and forgot to turn the lights off.”

“Can you send a text to Sonny. I do not want to send him a late-night text. Its too late and his girlfriend might be there,” I replied.

The guys and I had a great relationship based on respect and friendship. Sonny had a girlfriend, and I did not want to disrespect her by sending him a late-night text. We are all people in recovery and work a program. Respect is a big part of recovery.

Declan sent Sonny a text message. Then got it right back to me. “No, Sonny is not parked in the car port. Please be careful if you decide to go outside.” He knew me well. I was not the one to mess with at any point. Especially not at night while I am tired and want to sleep.

“Of course, Declan, I just want to know who it is.” I texted back.

I looked at the right window and then at the left window. The right window was still light and so was the left one. However, the left window to our backyard, was much dimmer. Nobody can shine car lights into that window, there is no car access to the back yard. It was slightly darker on that side of the house always. During daytime when the sun is up the roof of the house is casting a shadow to the left side of the house right above my left window.

I sat back up and put the phone down. Now I was sitting on the bed looking at both windows. My puppy went back to sleep, breathing slowly and deeply. A part of me wanted to go and open the blinds. Another part was like: “No hold off, breath, think and wait.”

My thoughts were racing as I clasped my hands, then I rose from the bed. Now it was midnight exactly. The light outside was still bright and I decided that the only way to figure this out was if I go and open the door. Slowly, I got off the bed. I walked up to the door and reached out for the doorknob. I grabbed it and turned the knob. At that moment I realized that I was breathing heavily and that I was slightly shaking. I was scared to pull the door open.

I looked back at my puppy he was sleeping. “It can not be anything bad outside,” I thought, “He would not sleep. He would bark his head off.” I took a deep breath, turned back to face the doorknob and whispered: “God help us all,” then pulled the door open.

A rosy light flooded into our place. The light filled the entire room. I looked up at the sky and the sky was lightly pinkish and the moon the color of a strawberry. The moon was huge and covered in pinkish-red light. I have no idea how long I was standing there staring at the sky and the moon. It must have been quite some time.

I saw a blinking coming from my nightstand. It was my phone. “Declan is checking on me,” I thought and ignored the blinking. “I am not picking up right now this moment is too perfect. This light is like out of a movie. I love this moment.”

My puppy stretched out and then rolled to his side and opened his eyes to face me standing in the light. My body cast an elongated shadow onto the bed and covered my puppy like a vail. “How magical,” I thought and smiled softly at my puppy.

“Look at the strawberry in the sky puppy. It’s so pretty, I said, “Oh, how much do I wish I had some strawberries at home to eat. It’s too late to go to the store.”

My puppy and I often ate strawberries together. He enjoyed eating fruit and veggies with me. Its our special time together.

That’s when the light faded and disappeared. That’s when my puppy started to whine and he gave me one of his very low barks. I turned around to look at him. As I stepped back slightly, I felt something at my feet. I looked down and what I saw took my breath away.

Right behind me on the floor in our place was a pretty wooden basket with strawberries. I wrinkled my forehead a bit, turned to face the door again and looked at the sky. The moon was still there, however much less bright.

It was a full round moon looking like a smiley face. I imagined the moon was winking at me and smiling. Or did I imagine that?

At that point my puppy had jumped off the bed and walked to my side. He stood there sniffing the basket of strawberries and barked at me. He was happily wiggling his tail. Puppy wanted to eat strawberries as much as I did. I bend downward and gave my puppy a kiss onto his pink nose. I got back up and closed the door. Then I grabbed the basket of strawberries. While walking to the table, I took the most appealing strawberry from the top of the heap. Then put the wooden basket onto the table by the window.

My puppy and I sat down on the bed. I took a bite off that strawberry. Puppy got a piece as well and he licked his lips and enjoyed the strawberry. Strawberries are his favorite fruits. We sat there on the bed silently for a while. It was dim again outside. The moon was still light but had lost its pinkish brightness. The window was in dim light as usual. My puppy and I lied back down and closed my eyes and puppy, and I went back to sleep.

In the morning when we woke up, I first turned to look at the table. A wooden basket of strawberries sat on the table. I smiled and said: “Thank you strawberry moon for making my wish come true. For sending us magic” I was sitting there for a while before getting up to get ready for the day. I started with my prayers and chants as usual.

Then I looked at my phone. I never checked last night, who was calling, after I had opened the door. I saw that I had a text message, which came after midnight. My friends Heidi and Heather had sent me a message, with a picture. The picture was right outside of TTC. Our place of work. The building was flooded in bright light. I smiled and put the phone down onto the table. I felt happy and so much joy. My puppy looked at me. I pulled him onto my lap and gave him a kiss onto his pink nose and said: “Love and Light that’s all there is. The moon reminded me of that yesterday.”

As I stared into my puppy's bright green eyes, I saw something move across his pupil. "Was that a tiny strawberry shaped spark?" Puppy licked my face, closed his eyes and lied back down on my lap.