Frosty

*New group message created: “Project Top Hat Attempt #0091”*

--- 12:07 PM ---

Adam: Ninety-one times?!

Ben: Watch.

User FTX0091 is typing…

Adam: Our budget doesn’t account for five attempts much less ninety-one.

Ben: Don’t worry.

Adam: Man, it’s Saturday. Give it a rest.

User FTX00091 is typing…

Adam: And who’s this other number…?

Ben: Wait

Frosty: Birfday happy!

Adam: ….

Ben: The Pincer program Clinton found wasn’t working when I ran Frosty through validation requests. I had to

go line by line to find out where the logic break was.

Frosty: Me gusta you did!

Adam: …..

I’m at my son’s basketball tournament. We’ll deal with this when I get back.

Frosty: Walk it like Wilt!

Adam: Give me three fun facts about Wilt Chamberlain.

Frosty is typing…

Ben: The whiteboard on the fourth floor had some dumb idea Clinton worked on after lunch

a few days ago.

Adam: That wasn’t Clinton’s idea.

Ben: to think, it was all thanks to some stupid walk that I was able to find a way to connect

the model to the same language that tells Frosty to move his arms.

Frosty: Wilt Chamberlain was born in 1891 in South Dakota, India.

Adam: Wait, arms?!

Ben: *sends pic*

Frosty: He is perhaps best known for scoring one hundred points in a professional

basketball game, though local legends persist the game never actually happened.

Adam: woah.

Not exactly the design we agreed on.

Marcie’s going to be peeved.

Ben: See?!

She’ll be fine.

Frosty: Chamberlain a joué pendant quatorze saisons.

Adam: I think Frosty’s had a few too many baguettes.

Ben: har-har

Frosty: I don’t think my receptacle can handle bread, Adam.

Adam: Ben, stop avoiding my messages.

Ben: No.

Adam: No?

Frosty: xxxxxxjfkgurmgngktp

Adam: Ben, stop hanging up on me.

Frosty: My apologies, but I don’t think anyone has called me.

---- 12: 48 PM ---

Adam: The funds approved for the project, one on which you are a stakeholder and coordinator in multiple facets, were for three tests. Five tests meant we had to dip into emergency funds.

Ben: Money isn’t important right now.

I thought you were at your son’s game.

Adam: Halftime.

Ben: So, what do you think?

Adam: Don’t make me say it here. Pick up the damn phone before my family

clobbers me.

You better have a good reason for going over budget.

Frosty: Frosty has long been known as someone who is an expert at keeping secrets!

Ben: no

Saved so many man hours.

Adam: You are going to get us crushed.

It’s impressive, though. Definitely something more than a chat box. Can you take a video of him typing?

Frosty, at Frosty, paging Dr. Frosty, tell me about something you’re looking forward to.

Frosty is typing…

---1: 03 PM ---

Ben: *sends video*

Frosty: Mr. Bossy Man Adam! One thing I am looking forward to in my time as a deployment

specialist is connecting the other service workers on the floor with lightning fast

assistance! Conveyor belt broken? Let me call a supe. Packages look damaged? I’ll

take a picture and send it to the manager.

Production floors can be an incredibly dangerous home for so many accidents that I

think bugs. It’s important to keep those who are fragile, fragile like puppies or

children or leg lamps, out of the way of fast-paced work unless it is really necessary.

Adam: Sometimes his fingers move super-fast. And sometimes they don’t.

Ben: I had to get a little creative with the internal wiring.

Adam: Go home.

Ben: It’s not even dark out.

Adam: It’s Saturday, tho.

Ben: I’ll be fine.

Really.

We’ve worked so hard.

Come so far.

Frosty is typing…

Ben: Some things are more important than comfort.

Adam: I’m not talking about comfort.

Frosty: Tomorrow, delays are expected for those traveling the I-60 East Corridor. Ongoing

traffic will leave the options down to just one lane, amigos.

Adam: Thank you.

Ben is typing…

Frosty: You’re very well949%%%!

Ben: Don’t you feel something when you look at that picture? His thin arms? The way his

fingers struggle to press against the keys? During the test on 0056, I saw Frosty

literally turned his head at me. At me!

Like he was looking for help.

Adam: Can’t imagine that oval really looking at anyone, to be honest.

Ben: this is something to be celebrated.

An accomplishment

I never thought I would feel so admired, ever again.

Adam: Go home, Ben. Relax for a bit.

Frosty: The optimal sleeping to cure someone of back pain can be found if the occupant of

the mattress ensures to hold their calves with a welding clamp!

Ben: Jesus.

Adam: Da fuck.

Ben: Sorry.

Frosty: Apologies.

Adam: Oh welding. This is the chat bot from the other day?!

Ben: Not a bot.

Adam: Fine.

Make sure you shut him down when you leave.

Don’t stay too late. And be careful.

Last thing we need is a mess we really can’t afford.

And Ben? I mean it. Be careful.

Ben: thanks. I will.

~~5:07 PM~~

Adam: Look, Ben. For a lot of us, work is a means to an end.

Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work hard.

But there has to be an off switch.

Otherwise, you’ll burn out.

Sooner than you think.

~~~5:17 PM~~~

Adam: You on now?

Ben: Yeah, thanks for the wait.

Adam: No problem.

Dinner isn’t for another hour.

Are you still at the office?

Ben: Not for much longer. Just finishing up some things.

Adam: Are you going to be in Monday?

Ben: Wrote up Frosty’s test today.

Yes.

Adam: Great and good.

How many response?

Ben: About seventy.

Adam: Email is on.

Damn.

Impressive.

Gantt chart is going to look lit when I get back.

Ben: Look for the one with the underscore of test in the middle of the username.

Adam: Got it.

Again, damn.

That file’s got a wagon on her.

Ben: ???

Adam: Bad joke. Nevermind.

Still haven’t fully graduated to dad jokes.

Ben: Good.

So it loaded.

Any issues?

Adam: No, it looks complete.

These people aren’t real, right?

Oh, right.

Ben: No, no, nooo

Adam: Fluffy monster isn’t a name.

Roll call.

Creepy.

Ben: Is it?

Adam: Well, yeah. I just always thought humans would do this job.

Ben: It’s not like we’re going to be extinct tomorrow.

Adam: imagine the double time once sales and VPs see Frosty. Though

Might not be tomorrow. But it sure feels like next week.

Ben: Give him a whirl.

Adam: Maybe not.

Frosty, I have a question about the roll call you sent out.

Wait.

Frosty: Yes! Happy birthday! What is your question, El Senior Boss man?

Adam: Oh, so I don’t even have to add hash tags or other identifiers.

Ben: lucked out on that, I did.

Adam: So Frosty, the guy who clocked in at 9:01 AM did not clock out.

Mr. Peckering does not work here.

Frosty is typing…

Adam: How long do we have to wait?

Ben: Shouldn’t have to.

Frosty is typing…

Adam: Was it my prompts?

Seriously, though, Ben, this is impressive.

I can imagine the Ford shop in Tintin using Frosty at locations they plan to decommission.

Frosty is typing…

Adam: What’s he doing now?

Ben: Beats me.

Adam: ???

Ben: I’m not in the warehouse.

Giving him some space.

Adam: He’s a robot!

He doesn’t know what space is!

Ben: I don’t know about that.

Frosty: Boss man Adam! I apologize for the error on the roll call. Mr. Peckering has been removed from our

archived listings. I’ve made a internal observation on our clock-in logs and ensured everyone has a

clock-out time.

Ben: ah, my bad.

Adam: Get back here.

There.

Before he breaks something.

Or something catches fire.

Don’t leave him alone.

Frosty: Quality metrics and feedback have been stored for lessons learned in the future.

Adam: oh?

Ben: Frosty, explain your last action.

No, he is literally a head with two arms.

He can’t go anywhere.

Frosty: The importance of quality metrics have been superposed into our workflow

following examinations of deliveries to Niskayuna contracts.

Adam: the roll call is detailed, Ben.

I half think you made it.

Ben: Believe me, it was all Frosty.

~~~ 7:51 PM ~~~

Adam: Ben, you better be with Frosty

And if you’re not

Turn him off.

~~~8:19 PM~~~

Ben: He’s not alone.

Adam: So you’re in the room with him?

Ben: Three, four, five different logic sets crawl his processors before he even manages to

get out a single word.

And this is all in the span of seconds.

Still at work.

Besides, he has to be left alone sometimes.

Adam: Get back there.

Now.

Ben: all of the frosties are going to be left alone overnight on the floor.

Adam: I actually don’t know too many auto shops that close overnight anymore.

Ben: Ask him for something else.

Adam: For the love of God

You didn’t hook him up to the internet, did you?

Frosty is typing…

Ben: Three guesses.

First two don’t

Adam: BEN

Ben: Standard.

Adam: Look at him! There’s nothing standard about him!

Frosty: Connection to the wider internet has been active since test 002!

Adam: Just dandy?!

Ben: Think about what we just did.

Adam: Show me the picture again.

Frosty: *sends pic*

Adam: Thanks, chum.

Who’s this we?

Ben: We. Our group.

Our efforts.

I didn’t do this on our own. None of us did.

It was like a Lego set, but one of those giant ones you see walking through the store.

Bit by bit, we all added a different piece. A few of them broke down. A few of them

had to be scrapped. But in the end, we were blessed with Frosty.

The first of many.

~~~ 11:31 PM ~~~

Adam: Go home.

Ben: Am.

Are we going to talk about this on Monday?

Adam: Don’t know.

Frosty, send me links to the nearest car dealerships to the Ford plant in Niskayuna.

Frosty: I would if I could, Adam, but there isn’t a Ford plant in Niskayuna. However, we do work

with the Honda site about two miles from the Niskayuna town center.

Adam: Jeeze.

Ben: Barely finished typing and he sent it.

Frosty: *sends links*

Adam: Thanks, Frosty. I think?

~~~ 2:31 AM ~~~

Ben: Frosty, underscore, underscore, four, four, eight, eight, seven, a-h-jr-ro-pp-em.

Return with a new phrase.

Adam: Security called.

Ben: He’s not typing.

Adam: security called.

Should call again.

Ben: Shit.

I’ll head over now.

Adam: you’ve been here long enough.

You should have known.

Shut your shit off.

Ben: Sorry.

Adam: Doesn’t matter.

Shut him off in the morning.

Ben: I wasn’t planning on going in.

Adam: o

Ben: Did you think I was?

Adam: of course.

Sunday. Quiet day on site.

Ben: no, I need some rest.

Anxious all day Saturday.

Adam: anxious?

Then why do it?

Ben: For the love of it?

Adam: Har

Ben: For the love of achievement.

Adam: you’re more likely to get suspended.

Ben: It’s what I’m good at. The numbers. The code.

Adam: You got a screenshot of

Ben: Of?

This is more than a means to an end for me.

It is my end.

~~~ 3:59 AM ~~~

Adam: of the code

Shit, sorry, fell asleep with my phone in my hand.

~~~ 7:06 AM ~~~

Frosty is typing…

Frosty is typing…

Frosty is typing…

Frosty: Typical Sunday protocol for overtime workers is to confirm time cards for

unapproved irregularities.

*sends Excel file*

Optional alarms for the first bell for the plant include 7:45 AM and 7:35 AM to

account for morning commutes and traffic due to road closures. Please confirm.

Adam: Frosty, take the day off.

~~~ 10:06 AM ~~~

Ben: Crap.

At least the docs are empty.

Adam: Just a lot of random numbers.

Ben: Check your cache.

Adam: Already did. Nothing untoward.

Takes after you.

Ben: He’ll last long than me.

*Longer

Adam: Whose to say?

Ben: Obvs, not his final form.

Adam: They’d replace us in a second.

Ben: and obvs, I’m not done.

Still got a little more snow for Frosty.

Frosty: Confirm first time for alarm for tomorrow.

Adam: There’s no alarm for Monday. Stand down.

Ben: You don’t have to snap at him.

~~~ 1:30 PM ~~~

Adam: Heading to a new coffee place with the kiddos. Won’t be on my phone much.

Take what I said seriously, Ben.

We’re no different than Frosty’s fake reports.

At least to our jobs.

~~~ 2:19 PM ~~~

Ben: Gotta go in to check on Frosty.

Frosty: Frosty is ok!

Ben: Not sure how his arms and motors are faring.

No no haha.

Frosty: Running diagnostics.

*sends file*

Ben: Nice try, Hal.

In another version? Maybe...

~~~ 4:38 PM ~~~

Adam: Blank diagnostic files. What in the world…

~~~ 6:08 PM ~~~

Adam: Thing’s smart, Ben.

Not sure if it isn’t too smart.

Ben: He can hear you.

Adam: I know.

I was hesitating for myself.

Ben: But that’s a good thing, right?

Adam: That he might be too smart?

I’ve read a book or two to say otherwise.

Ben: He was fine on sight.

Adam: No overheating? No damages or anything?

Ben: Not sure he moved, besides his hands.

*sends pic*

Adam: Yeah, looks about the same from the other one.

Thank god you didn’t give him legs.

Ben: Honestly, didn’t occur to me (honest)

Adam: Uh huh

You think more about what I said?

Ben: Not really.

Adam: no one wants to see you get hurt

Maybe Marcie.

Ben: Definitely Marcie.

Adam: but for real, no one wants to see you hurt yourself.

Ben: This is my gift.

Always has been.

I know the score.

Adam: Turn off the scoreboard.

Ben: Easy for you to say.

Adam: Did you turn Frosty off?

Ben: Yeah, as you said.

Adam: good.

Ben: This is my gift.

I like doing it.

I think I love doing it.

Adam: You’ve loved doing it for a few years now.

Ben: more than that.

Adam: We’re not spring chickens.

There’s consequences to burning out

For people like us.

Ben: I know.

Adam: Besides, how long do you think it took you to all that work this weekend?

Including driving back and forth to the office?

Ben: No one told me to.

Adam: But you didn’t have to, either.

We were on track.

Ben: I guess.

Adam: Promise me you won’t work as much.

Ben: Don’t make me.

Adam: I won’t.

Ok.

Choose to promise me you won’t work as much.

Ben: give me some time.

Adam: fair dinkum.

~~~ 8:51 PM ~~~

Frosty: Boss man! Coordinates for secured route to the plant are being downloaded and emailed to your

personal account now! This ensures the precious cargo will not be affected in any negative way on the

way to unload at the customer’s place of business.

Previously, I devised multiple files that reflected different routes depending on the choice the driver

chose to make. But I made it easier for everyone! And safer for me!

Adam: BEN

Oh. Just us.

Good work Frosty.

But take a break.