Something I Couldn't Have

Something I Shouldn’t Have.

I was busy working in the kitchen, preparing a meal for my guests, who were due to arrive at my unit in an hours time. I had decided to prepare a pasta bake with noodles, chicken, vegetables and a delicious Italian sauce. I would have to prepare something else for my lunch because the pasta I was using wasn’t gluten free and I had just found out that I had Celiac Disease. This meant I had to eat Gluten free food which would cause health issues, and I would have to miss out on the meal I was putting a lot of time and energy into. This was a reminder of something else in my life I shouldn’t have, but I had hung onto to my detriment. Looking at the meal gave me a lot of food for thought.

My apartment was cluttered with goods I had purchased from the local department store and various online companies. When I had visitors they had to sit outside on my veranda and after seeing the clutter through the window two of my friends had suggested that I should get rid of the junk that I wasn’t using. When I heard them tell me this I turned away and started talking to my other friends. I wasn’t ready to part with the things I had an emotional attachment to. These items were filling a big void in my life that I had almost fallen into when my relationship ended and I lost my job because I couldn’t concentrate on the work due to the trauma I was going through in my personal life. Shopping and buying luxury items filled my days with some positivity while reducing my savings. The persistent efforts of my friends were not going to convince me to move on until I reached out for professional help.

One evening I started watching a documentary on TV which started with an interview with a celebrity who can gone through mental health issues. She had struggled with an alcohol addiction and she had been charged with a driving over the limit. This had convinced her to seek medical help and she started seeing a counsellor. Her life had turned around and she was gaining a lot of recognition for her major roles in movies. She had recently married her partner and they had bought an expensive property near the coast. She had demonstrated that life can turn around for the better if you are prepared to get support and work on moving forward. The interview followed up with information about addictions and compulsive buying disorder was mentioned. It was described as an uncontrollable urge to shop and spend money despite threatening consequences. It gives temporary pleasure but it can lead to feelings of guilt and financial hardship. I knew that while shopping temporarily relieved the sadness I lived with everyday it was combined with anxious feelings of guilt and uncertainty about my financial future which pointed eventually to homelessness. Eating food with gluten would not be a good choice and compulsive buying was an even worse choice. I needed help to fix this and I found a Counsellor who set me up with Cognitive - Behaviourable Therapy which allowed to move forward and join a Support group.

I walked into the room where the Support Group was taking place to start the sessions and I was feeling nervous. I had never been happy sharing the shopping addiction and dealing with the negativity it could produce. I sat down next to a young lady and she smiled at me. The group leader started the discussion with a friendly greeting and an invitation to share our stories. When everyone starting sharing I realised that while everyone’s experience was unique in most ways, it resonated with what I was going through and the feelings of guilt and despair. I was ready to share my experience with the other attendants in the room and they answered me with affirmative nods. A man in the room responded with a verbal affirmative and I was confident that I would be accepted in the group, get support and also accept accountability for my recent decisions to keep spending money. While my personal friends were very supportive I knew spending time with people who had experienced a similar situation would be more beneficial at this stage and I knew that I would keep attending the Group Support Program.

Within six months I had been able to move on and I had stopped compulsive buying. I was using my money for essentials and the occasional treat which I would use and get satisfaction from. The next step was removing all the junk from my home and Sarah, my counsellor offered to come with me to support me if I had emotional connection issues when getting rid of the goods. When the junk removalists came Sarah stepped in to help me leave emotional connections behind and let the removalists load the goods into their truck. Getting professional support from the start had been the right decision to let go of a tragic something that I should never have had.

When my friends came for the next visit they were finally able to sit in the relaxing decluttered loungeroom and dining room. They were delighted and amazed with the changes in my home and in my demeanor. They were very happy for me and I felt very grateful to have such wonderful friends. Sue suggested that I may like to share my story in a blog to help other people experiencing the same addiction. I agreed and she helped me set it up on a Social Networking Website. Everyone had been there for me and I would be there for someone else who was going through a similar trauma, hopefully motivating them to take the first step to move forward to a happier and more fulfilling life. Avoiding the temptation to access risky somethings we shouldn’t have was essential to eliminate future physical and mental health issues.