I did not like it

We search in life for big changes. Breaking up relations and forming new ones. A few lucky ones have the honor to introduce a couple, who eventually get married. Today I will share with you a example of a honor of such but with a twist. I was at the age of 25 and feeling good. Always hustling and bustling. While many of my friends have married with their mache, I was still burnt from a previous relationship. The reason I mention this will be understood soon. Since I stayed around, still living with my parents. While I tried to leave my pass behind, I was very into a girl from the past. Where is the conflict here you might ask? The short answer is – looking back is ok, but some girls are gentle. This girl not so much. I was fixed on dating her. We had some mutual friends( English speaking ). Her age and friends one year senior. She denied my efforts. The book I received named: "A Late Divorce" was the final nail in the coffin. Soon after she left the country to start a new life, leaving a gap in my soul. Well, when I thought is was feeling "good", now my attention focused on my future. No more running around the bush. Suddenly, I wasn't always feeling good. Sometimes I became sad. I felt I was letting go. The storm inside calmed. The second relationship was a different girl. Different name. someone new( unlike previous old time relations). We were heading in a constant push and shove. When I told her I can't let go of my past, she said:" I love you". A common response. To me it meant: if you keep effort, she is fine with it. I can keep the friends, and she might want to meet them. Her side of the family was different. Maybe a different origin can change the way we feel? For years now, I pondered that question. We have broke up, and currently I'm single. Dating an American was my first, natural choice. But, since I don't live in the USA, I might want to think of the future rather than the past. When my parents moved here, to Israel, they might have felt the same. Their friends and past was in the US and even their relations. So their "reality" is different than mine. There were times that "changes" happen. Every relationship is new and exciting in it's way. For some it can be a life changer. Now most of us chuckle. When I saw a therapist she said:" feeling disappointed is part of a daily struggle, learn to deal with pain. I want you to suffer". I always said that some kind of upper force makes things complicated in ways that we learn and endure. To me when I look back somehow everything I did, every choice I made I would do again. I accepted that book she gave me, and I feel better now. I'm back to reading and I even work in a used bookstore. 15 years ago I took her advice," don't push " was her comment, " don't ever doubt your abilities to love." When I grew up, my family and I would travel every two years to my family in Wisconsin. We shared meals, get together and the warm weather. I cherish this moments today. When I was old enough to go to the army ( people usually go after high- school graduation, but some postpone for a year to do community service like volunteering in the scouts movement), I didn't question the cause. I did my best to fit in and succeed. The reason? Plain simple – a good soldier survives, a good team thrives. We were honest people doing God's job protecting the country. No thoughts about the future – it was all altruistic. 3 years. I was happy. My parents were proud. My family was. My hobbies were reading and meeting friends on the weekends. I was in top shape. I participated in a running team that represented my unit, and continued my physical efforts from high school. I remember a lot because that's when the first Harry Potter came out. My sister went berserk and people traveled with it from the states to be the first to read it. I handed a copy of the first book to a friend of mine. Some were planning to work abroad after the service and had to improve their English. I wasn't impressed by the series, but remember the noise around it. I think life has been simple until now. Working in a used book store part time is comfortable and I don't have much else otherwise. I've been on a writing break for the pass year but missed the comments and likes ( they are the bread and butter of every author). In the book " A Late Divorce" the hero (main character) returns to Israel to divorce his wife 5 years after being attacked with a knife by her. Some relations last, most don't. people make decisions at early age, and enjoy a warm and stable bond. Lately, I challenge myself to do more, be more than a seller. I'm 41 years old and still have more to do. More to learn. I've written down my own book, it's right here in front of my eyes. All I need is money to get it edited, banded and published. I'm very excited. I recommend – no doctor needed- read every week 20-30 pages, practice some workout ( tai- chi) and save money. Learning is a long process, and if you aren't happy – make new rules. Change your perspective. Many post military service travel around the world. " A Late Divorce" isn't about a crisis or an overwhelming disaster. It's a new page in the characters life. Sometimes it's easy to cut your losses, to admit it. I've noticed that "receives a book that changes their life…" is quite dramatic. Books are meant to be a cozy, quiet and warm hobby to spend your time. Right? We tend to read on the bus on the way to work, perhaps during our lunch break or before bed. I would call it a passive verb, like " laughing ". I do realize that reading is a verb. But, it's always done seating down maybe even while eating something. Reading might be called "overrated" by some people (people who don't read). It's a trick. So much to read. A newspaper. A book. An e-mail. I especially enjoy packing 3 books while taking a vacation. It's really satisfying to read so much. A man's balance is his mentor. Like the scales of Justice. Order must be obtained. I have had a law suit vs. the Israel defense force to rightfully claim a compensation for my injuries. My injuries aren't physical, aren't visible. When writing a story, every reader imagines it a bit different. If you think about it, where can a writer suggest a graphic description? By the cover, of course!.