CHRISTIAN-ISH by Brittney Gathen

I couldn’t have heard him right.

Tonight was supposed to be the night that Eden Aimes life changed for the better, the night that all of her mama’s coaching and nagging finally paid off, the night that the Pinterest board she’d made of her dream wedding and the list of ideal future children’s names she’d made would serve as testaments of her proactive forethought, not evidence that she was delusional and man-obsessed, like her older sister, Erin, said. Tonight was the night that she was supposed to become the future wife of Ezra DeShawn Montgomery—her college boyfriend of four years and the love of her life. But none of that mattered now, because Ezra had just shattered her entire world with five words: “We need to break up.”

“Eden, did you hear what I said?”

Eden forced herself to come out of her daze and somehow managed to respond.

“You…You want to break up with me? But…why?”

Ezra sighed.

“Look, the past four years have been fun, but now that we’ve graduated, I have to get more serious about my future…and you just don’t fit in it. I’m moving back to Texas, and I’ll be starting theology school in the fall to get my master’s in practical theology.”

Wait…what? The more he talked, the less sense he made. She’d always known that he’d eventually return to Texas to prepare to take over the family business one day, but theology school? Where had that come from?

“Theology school? But you’re going into the restaurant business–”

“I know it doesn’t really make sense, but you know how my family is–everything is a test. Apparently, getting a business degree and working in the family business since I was little isn’t enough to prove that I can take over things one day. Me going to theology school is supposed to prove that I can handle the ‘spiritual side’ of the family business. It’s my grandpa’s crazy idea. The point is, now that I’m on this different path, at least for now, if I’m going to be in a relationship, I need someone who’s a little more spiritually mature, and well…you’re kind of lukewarm, more Christian-ish, than Christian, if you know what I mean.”

So, not only did he have no problem insulting her, but he saw nothing wrong with letting her know that he was already thinking about his next relationship. She was going to be sick.

“Listen, I know that this is a lot to process, but I want us to end things on good terms. So, let’s just enjoy our dinner…as friends.”

This man had lost his mind.

Ezra continued to talk, but Eden didn’t hear another word he said. Four years…wasted. Four years of stroking his ego, being made to feel like an unworthy outsider by his family and biting her tongue anytime he said something she didn’t agree with. Making it to this moment had been the most important thing in her life. What was she supposed to do now? What was she going to tell her mother?

Her head spun. Her ears rang. Her eyes flitted between his face and the bowl of hot chicken and gnocchi soup in front of her, and before she knew it, she’d forgotten all about the decorum that her mother insisted she always have, and she’d thrown it on him.

He screamed in anguish, but she didn’t care. She stormed out of the restaurant, eager to get as far away from him as possible.

How was that for lukewarm?

#

“Eden, where’s the ring?”

“Hello to you too, mama.”

Eden sulked past her mom and into the kitchen and helped herself to a glazed maple pecan mix–-her favorite comfort snack, although she was far from feeling comforted.

“What happened?” her mother, Toni, demanded.

“He didn’t propose,” she replied simply, in between bites.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing! Actually, you know what, I did do something–I did everything that you told me to do, and it was all for nothing!”

Her mother sighed.

“I’m so disappointed. You could’ve been set for life!”

Eden rolled her eyes. Ever since her father left them when she was little, her mother had become obsessed with making sure that her daughters had security by any means necessary—for Eden that meant capturing the attention of the right man, with the right pedigree and the right socioeconomic status. Although Eden’s feelings for Ezra had always been genuine, her mother was less concerned about genuine connections and more excited about the wealth and clout that were associated with being connected to Ezra’s family. She’d been thrilled when she found out that Ezra was the heir to a faith-based food and restaurant empire based in Texas. The fact that money wasn’t an issue for them didn’t deter Toni from constantly pushing hypergamy.

For years, becoming a wife—particularly the wife of someone important–had seemed like the most important thing to focus on. She’d finally please her mother, and she’d have a chance to build the family that she’d never really had growing up. Now, what was supposed to be one of the best nights of her life had turned into an absolute nightmare. Today had started off so perfectly. She’d graduated from college and had an amazing lunch with her mother and sister. The future had seemed so bright and full of possibilities. She’d just known that the best part of her life was about to start. How could she have been so wrong?

She looked at her distraught-looking mother and felt nothing but disgust.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you mama, but this isn’t my fault, and you’re not going to make me feel like there’s something wrong with me just because you didn’t get the result you wanted…not this time.”

And with that, she stormed out of the kitchen and up to her room.

#

You really shouldn’t do this to yourself. Eden knew that nothing good could come out of what she was about to do, but she couldn’t help herself. After she’d replayed the brief conversation from dinner over and over in her mind an unhealthy amount of times, and scrolled through old photos of her and Ezra that she was supposed to be deleting, she vaguely remembered Ezra previously mentioning that his grandfather had gone to some historically Black theology school in Texas before he launched his culinary empire. What was it? Miller? Mendler? Mercer? She did some digging online and found it—Mercy Theology School–a lush campus with beautiful Neoclassical architecture located in a small town in Texas. So, this is where Ezra would be starting his new life. Suddenly, she was struck by a thought–an irrational, borderline delusional thought, but one that, once it took root, consumed her mind. What if she went to Mercy? As angry and hurt as she was about what had happened tonight, she still loved Ezra, and she wasn’t ready to throw away all of the time she’d invested in this relationship. It was too important to her. So, Ezra thought she was more Christian-ish than Christian? She’d prove him wrong, win him back and all would be right again, or at least that’s what she told herself as looked over the application for fall admission….

#

“You want to go to theology school?”

Eden ignored the pitying look on her sister, Erin’s face, the following day, and answered with resolve.

“Yes. I’ve already started working on my essay and put in an online request for my transcripts. Mercy does rolling admissions. So, once I submit all my documents, I should hear back in two weeks. Mama’s already agreed to pay for it. I think she wants me to get back together with Ezra even more than I do.”

After marrying for love ended in divorce, Toni’s second marriage had been purely fiscal. She’d married a wealthy older man who’d made her a wealthy widow after he died a year after their wedding.

“Eden, you don’t need to be going after someone who’s made it clear that he doesn’t want you, and theology school is no joke. I have friends who’ve gone through it or are in it, and they said it’s one of the hardest things they’ve ever had to do. If you were going to do something like this, it should be because you’re chasing after God, not a man.”

“Ezra doesn’t want this version of me, but once I show him that I can be different, he’ll change his mind. And who says I can’t get my man back and chase after God? Once I get around all those deep, spiritual people at Mercy and start taking all those classes on homiletics and the Old Testament and stuff, I’m sure I’ll get closer to God at some point.”

“I still don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Look, I don’t need your permission….but I could use your help. I need some help with my essay, and since you’re a college admissions counselor, I figured you could…”

“Eden…”

“Erin, I’m not asking you to like or understand my decision. I’m just asking you to respect it. So, are you going to help me or not?”

Erin sighed, a look of resignation on her face.

“Let me see what you’ve got for your essay so far…”

#

I can’t believe I’m actually here.

Eden felt a rush of excitement surge through her as she headed to her first class at Mercy Theology School. Sure, she was thousands of miles away from her hometown of Memphis—the only place she’d ever lived, and she didn’t have an actual plan of how to find Ezra or win him back, but she’d figure it out. She tried to look on the bright side—if she had to suffer through all these complicated–sounding classes, at least she’d get to do it on a beautiful campus. Walking around Mercy felt like being in a painting–with its Corinthian columns, vine-covered facades and tree-lined paths.

Lord, I know this is crazy, but please let everything work out for me. Don’t let all of this be for nothing, she silently prayed as she entered her Systematic Theology class. As she scanned the room for the best possible seat, what–or rather who–she saw near the front of the room convinced her that she had to be one of God’s favorites.

Ezra. He was talking to some girl who looked like she was dressed for a conference or a convocation rather than the first day of class. She contemplated how she should initiate an interaction. Should she just walk right up to him and say, “Surprise! Look who got into theology school!” No. That was too much. She’d just have to play it cool. She took slow, deliberate steps toward the front of the room, and simply said “Excuse me,” as she walked right past him to take a seat in the front row.

“Eden?”

She suppressed a giddy smile and feigned nonchalance as she got back up.

“Oh. Hey, Ezra.”

“What…What are you doing here?”

“Oh. Well, you inspired me. When you said that I was more Christian-ish than Christian, I said to myself, ‘Girl, you can get bitter, or you can get better.’ So, here I am trying to better myself and my relationship with God, you know—become more spiritually mature and all that stuff.”

“You two know each other?” Convocation clothes girl interjected.

“Eden is my…ex,” Ezra said.

“Oh! The chicken soup girl you had a fling with in college.”

What did she just say?

“I’m sorry. Who are you?”

“Hosanna is my…”

“I’m his future wife,” she said, proudly flashing a princess cut ring.

Eden felt like she might throw up. Future wife?! They’d just broken up in May. It was August. How had he managed to find someone, especially someone he was so eager to marry, so soon?

“Um, yeah,” Ezra said, nervously, unable to maintain consistent eye contact with Eden, even as he gave a pathetic explanation. “We dated in high school, and we got back together over the summer when our families ended up vacationing at the same spot, and we ended up volunteering at the same place. One thing led to another and then–”

“It was honestly all God,” Hosanna interjected. “He is the ultimate matchmaker, and his timing was just perfect. He’ll really give you the desire of your heart when you least expect it, you know?”

She placed her left hand over her chest in an obvious attempt to show off her ring yet again.

Eden tried to say something, anything, but she just couldn’t. Her brain was short-circuiting. This was all too much. She’d come here so confident and ready to reclaim what was hers, only to discover that he was now someone else’s. She had to get out of here.

She rushed past both of them and didn’t stop walking until she’d made it outside. The beautiful campus that had seemed so welcoming and idyllic now felt full of doom. Even the sky had darkened. Was it supposed to rain today? She hadn’t even bothered to check the forecast. She found a bench to settle down on while she calmed her nerves.

What was she supposed to do now? She couldn’t just go back home, at least not right now. She didn’t feel like hearing her mother or Erin’s mouths. She’d just have to stick out…at least for this semester, but…how?

Lord, please give me a sign that everything’s going to be OK.

Suddenly, thunder roared from the sky, and the clouds unleashed a downpouring of rain that left her soaked.

Great. It looked like this was going to be a long semester.

-END-