Bridge

The moment I woke up, I could feel someone standing over me.

Oh gods, I thought to myself, rolling to the side and pulling my blanket up over my head. Who is it today?

“Come on, girl, get up”, the shrill voice demanded.

I opened my eyes and looked up to see Clara standing there, staring down with a cold scowl on her aged face.

“... Morning, Clara.”

“Oh, it's hardly that anymore. It's almost midday! Come on, out of bed, now. I have something important to ask of you.”

I sat upright and shuffled to the edge of my bed as Clara wandered about my room, tutting to herself.

“Really, Della, I don't know how you live like this. Dust on every surface, bedding that I'm sure hasn't been washed in months.”

She glared down at an unwashed mug on my dresser that I suspected had something growing inside it.

“You need to take better care of yourself, girl.”

“I know”, I mumbled. “I know. Just… what did you want to ask me?”

She turned to face me and her cold, judgemental demeanor gave way to something more passive.

“I… well, I was… hoping you could visit my son James today. He works in town as a carpenter, and he-”

“Yeah, I know about James”, I replied. Clara had a way of rambling on about her children, as a proud mother would. But she likely didn't know that they'd already had this conversation before.

“You want me to check in on him?”, I asked.

“... I- If you don't mind?”

She sounded so worried that I might say ‘no’, but there was no way I could turn her away. She'd come so far just for this, and there was no-one else she could ask. I’d have to be heartless to refuse her request. I got to my feet and trudged over to my dresser.

“Yeah, we can go check in on him. I needed to go shopping anyway.”

“Oh- oh, wonderful. It's… it's been so long.”

Hearing the woman say that, I felt a twinge of pain in my chest. I quickly got dressed and pulled my coat on, frantically brushing some of the dust off of it, eager to get this over with. I pulled my satchel off its hook on the wall and hurried towards the front door.

“You're not having breakfast?”, Clara asked.

“No, that's why I need to go shopping. Come on, let's go.”

She followed after me, tutting and tisking as she analyzed the state of my home.

“Oh, really, dear, you must give this place a proper clean. It's just not right for a young woman like yourself to live in such… such squalor.”

“It's fine”, I hissed, stepping out the front door and closing it behind me. Clara disappeared from behind the door and reappeared a few steps down the path ahead of me. I had to squint to see her under the glare of the mid-day sun.

“Come on, come on. You slept in enough as is. We don't want to miss him.”

I groaned to myself, but the woman's eagerness was infectiously heartwarming. I followed after her, down the path and out into the grove of maples that separated my cottage from the rest of the village. Autumn had only just begun, and the canopy above us was a vibrant blend of green, yellow, and red. Clara seemed enamored by the sight.

“Oh- how wonderful! You know, I must visit more often. I truly do miss this place.”

I stared at her for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Every time one of my visitors arrived, they seemed so happy to be back here. It made me worry about what it was like where they were coming from.

“When you say you miss it, do you just mean the village itself, or…”

“Oh, all of it. Everything. I miss the trees and the flowers, the birds, the animals. I miss the people, and the food and drink. Oh, and the ocean! I wish I could see the ocean one more time.”

“... I could take you some time, if you'd like.”

She looked at me, a little surprised.

“Oh, but… I couldn't ask that of you. It's quite far from here, isn't it?”

I shook my head, unwilling to disappoint her.

“No, it's okay. Just wake me up earlier next time you visit, and we can go.”

A bright smile spread across the woman's face.

“…you're too good to us, dear.”

It wasn't a long walk, and a moment later we were breaking from the maple treeline and descending down the thin dirt path that ran along the village's edge. I was going slowly, taking care not to slip. Clara was carelessly racing ahead of me, eager to see her son once again.

“Come on, come on! We don't want to miss him!”

“We're not gonna miss him, just- slow down, please.”

Clara ignored me, dashing down an alleyway towards the center of town. I silently cursed that she'd chosen this path, cutting right through the marketplace instead of going around the town’s edge. It was busy this time of day, and I'd struggle to keep up with her. Already, I was passing groups of shoppers breaking away from the main street, and had to slow myself to weave past them. They glanced uncomfortably at me, and I soon wished that I'd worn something cleaner and not covered in dust. Still, I hurried after her, walking as quickly as I could without breaking into a run. Clara had already disappeared into the throng of people, unimpeded by their masses. I tried to follow after her without attracting attention, but it didn't last.

“Where’re you going, witch?”

A woman to my left broke away from her friends and took a step towards me. I paused for a second, and then cursed myself for stopping. I should've ignored her and kept walking.

“Off to ruin someone else's day?”

I turned a little and looked back at Raich. She glared at me with the same derisive look as ever, judging me from head to toe, as if she didn't already hate me. She took another step forwards, clearly much more comfortable confronting me than any of her friends.

“I… it’s not like that”, I stammered. “I don't have time for this”

“Oh? You speak as if you've got something to do. Don't tell me you're having another one of your episodes?”

Before I could answer, Clara stepped out from the crowd ahead of me, having turned back to find me.

“Della, darling, what are you doing? You know we don't have all day.”

I quickly looked back and forth between Raich and Clara, not sure who I should respond to. As I did, Raich’s smirk broke into a look of disgusted wonder and she took a sharp step away from me.

“Oh gods, you're actually- it's happening right now, isn't it? Gods, what's wrong with you?”

I quickly turned away from her and tried to press further into the crowd, but I could still hear them behind me.

“... having another one of her fits…”

“... feel bad for whoever she's after this time…”

After a moment of struggle, I managed to break through to the other side of the crowd and out towards the western side of town. Clara was waiting for me, and balked at the look on my face as I quickly brushed away my tears.

“Oh- sweetie, what's wrong?”

“It's nothing”, I mumbled. “It's- come on, we don't want to be late.”

I marched on down the street as Clara followed after me, trying to get a clear look at me.

“That woman back there- what did she say to you?”

“... Nothing that mattered”, I whispered.

“Do you want me to go have a talk with her?”

At that, I smiled, and couldn't help but laugh a little at the irony of her suggestion; Clara talking to someone on my behalf. I glanced at her and saw her smiling back at me, though I couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. Maybe she was being sincere? Maybe she'd forgotten how this works?

“No, no, it's alright”, I assured her. “Forget about them - let's talk about James. When we get there, what do you want me to ask him? Is there anything specific you want to know?”

“Oh, uh… no, I just want to see him, and know that he's well. Though, could you also ask about Marianne and Tommy? Oh, he was so small last time I… I was…”

She paused and slowed down a little, and I turned to her as she stopped in the middle of the street. She had an anxious look on her face.

“What's wrong?”, I asked. A few bystanders on the edge of the street turned to stare at me, but I tried to ignore them and focus on Clara.

“No, it's… er, I was just wondering, dear, if you could perhaps remind me…”

I knew what she was talking about. All of my visitors struggled with their memory, and it only got worse the longer they were away for.

“The last time you visited was about two weeks ago”, I informed her.

“Ah, I see.”

This didn't seem to help, and she began to look about herself nervously, as though she had lost something important. It seemed as though she was only now remembering what had happened to her.

“Clara, it's okay-”

“No, it's- it's not. I've… I've forgotten… when did I…”

“Three months ago”, I informed her. “July 7th. You were with James when it happened.”

She nodded and began to smile at me weakly.

“Ah, I see… I… James. We should go see him, shouldn't we?”

“We should”, I said assuringly. I knew this reunion wouldn't be comfortable for me, but it's what Clara wanted and I couldn't say no to her. I gestured for her to follow me and we started up again, walking towards the western side of town. I could feel the eyes of people following me, judging me for what they'd just seen.

James was out the front of his cottage when we arrived, leaning over his workbench, halfway through polishing some kind of carved wooden box. I stopped by the gate at the bottom of his house, Clara standing eagerly beside me, trying to resist the urge to wave to her son.

“Hey, uh… James?”

He looked up at me with a small frown before turning back down to his work. He didn't seem happy to see me.

“... Della. What do you want?”

I felt my heart start to drum heavily in my chest. This was always the worst part.

“Uh… do you remember the last time I was here?”

“Mhm”, he nodded, a bitter tone in his voice. “How could I forget? It was two weeks ago. You said that my mother was- wait… don't tell me…”

He looked up and glared at me, and I nodded slightly at him.

“She… she just wanted me to check in on you. See that you were okay, and that Marianne and Tommy were-”

“I can't believe this”, he whispered. “Again? You're doing this again? What's wrong with you?!”

I took a careful step back from the fence but he stood up from his workbench and followed after me, walking down the steps towards me and stopping on the other side of the gate. I took a few more steps back, and Clara's smile disappeared as she saw the divide between James and myself.

“We only lost her a few months ago”, James muttered. “You never even met her. Do you honestly think it's okay for you to come here and say, what, that she asked you to? That you're here on her behalf?”

“N- no, but… she's just… she worries about you, and she asked-”

“Stop”, he said, interrupting me. “Please, I… I don't want to hear this again. Just leave us alone.”

He turned and started up the stairs again. I looked at Clara and saw that she was on the verge of tears. This wasn't how she'd wanted to see her son. I couldn't leave with her like this.

“How's Tommy?”, I asked.

“I told you to leave”, he replied, not turning back to me.

“I… I'm asking for her. She wanted to-”

“She's not here!”, he shouted. “She's gone, and everyone's moved on except you! Some stranger who's latched onto my dead mother for some reason only the gods know. I told you to leave, I won't ask again!”

I stared at him for a long while, trying to find the words I could say to fix this. To my right, Clara had started weeping. She turned away from her son and slid to her knees.

“Augh- J- James, he- he didn't- he said that he- AUGH!”

She keeled over and buried her face in her hands as she wailed to herself. I quickly knelt down in front of her.

“No, no, it's okay! It's- it's okay, he didn't mean it like that. He just meant that-”

“What are you doing?”, James muttered. I looked up. He was staring at me as though I were mad. I quickly turned back to the crying woman in front of me, and tried to speak more quietly as James got back to his feet and slowly descended the steps towards us.

“Listen, listen, it's okay. Please, don't be upset. He just… he doesn't see you the way I do. He didn't mean-”

“He- he doesn't want to see me anymore!”, she cried. “He's forgotten about me!”

“No, no, he hasn't forgotten. He just- he just doesn't want to talk to me. I'm the problem, not you. Listen, how about we try this another day, and next time you visit, we can go see the ocean together? Remember, you said you wanted to-”

A shadow fell across us, and I looked up to see James leaning against his fence, standing over us. He looked confused.

“... What did you just say?”

I quickly shuffled back and got to my feet. Staring down at Clara, still sniffling to herself as she leaned against the fence, I cursed myself for not handling this better. This whole experience had only hurt her, and I could only hope that she'd forget about this before her next visit and we could try again. James slowly followed my gaze with his eyes, looking down at the empty space along the fenceline and then back up at me. I stared at the two of them, lost for words. I felt like a monster leaving Clara like this, but there was nothing else I could do.

“I… I'm sorry”, I whispered to both of them as I turned to leave.

“... Tommy’s walking now”, James called after me. “He took his first steps last week. Now he won't stop.”

I turned back to him, and saw that he was smiling a little. Clara had stopped sobbing, and was staring up at her son.

“Marianne's been a bit worried about it. Worried that we'll leave the door open and he'll run off and disappear. So, we're trying to be careful, keeping doors closed and locked. Still, the boy's got energy. He won't stay still anymore.”

“... And… and Marianne… she's doing well?”

“She's great”, James said with a smile. “She's been spending a lot more time with Tommy since Mum passed, but it's been good for her.”

I watched as Clara slowly got back to her feet and took a step back to take in her son. She was still crying a little, but there was a broken look of pride on her face.

“Well… we're very glad to hear that”, I said.

James smiled at me, but there was a definite look of discomfort behind his eyes. He still didn't believe me. He was saying all of this for my sake, not hers.

“Listen, I… I don't want to be rude, but… I think it would be best if these visits stopped”, he whispered.

“I- I know. I'm sorry. It's just- it's not up to me. She… wanted to come see you.”

James nodded solemnly, biting his bottom lip.

“I see”, he muttered.

“But we might not visit you next time”, I said. “She… she said she wanted to see the ocean again, so…”

I looked at Clara and she smiled back at me, brushing her tears away.

“... Mum always did like the ocean”, James whispered to himself. He remained silent after that, staring blankly down at the ground. A long moment passed before I spoke again.

“Listen, uh… I think we're done here, so…”

Clara nodded at me affirmingly, as if thanking me.

“...I'm gonna go.”

“I think that would be best”, James whispered.

I turned to leave, but Clara's voice called after me.

“Wait! Della, wait!”

I turned back to her as she ran up to me. James was already climbing the steps back up to his workbench.

“What's wrong?”

“Could you… tell him that I love him?”

I paused and gritted my teeth. I wasn't comfortable with that, and I was certain James wouldn't be either. It would be best to leave it here.

“Please”, Clara said, interrupting my thought.

I sighed to myself and looked back up at James, now sitting behind his workbench.

“James”, I called out. He looked up at me.

“... She loves you.”

He didn't seem to react at first, instead staring at me blankly. It was as though he was trying to decide on something. Then he nodded at the two of us before turning his attention back to his work.

I smiled and looked to Clara, but she wasn't there anymore. At least, not that I could see. A warmth spread through my chest as I turned and started back towards the center of town.