The first dance

Romance

Written in response to: "Write a story about love without using the word “love.”" as part of Love is in the Air.

The air was alive with the sounds of nature's symphony, the trill of unseen birds hidden among the dense foliage, the chorus of chirping insects, and the deep resonance of bullfrogs bellowing their presence. Each sound melded together to create a harmonious melody that echoed throughout the swamp. Spanish moss draped from the branches like silken curtains, swaying gently in the breeze. Its ghostly tendrils trailed down, casting eerie shadows upon the murky waters below. In the stillness of the morning, it seemed as though time itself had slowed, enveloping the bayou in a hushed reverence.

As Lazare paddled his pirogue, the air grew thick with the scent of earth and 'decay, mingling with the sweet perfume of blooming flowers. The landscape shifted with each passing moment, revealing hidden secrets and untold mysteries lurking beneath the surface.

In the bayou's embrace, he sometimes felt as if he was being transported to a world untouched by time, where the boundaries between reality and fantasy blurred and the magic of the swamp enveloped him in its embrace. He would often come to fish and end up mesmerized by the beauty of his surroundings.

Yvette had been quietly observing Lazaire fish from his Pirogue, concealed by the 'dense shrubbery and the sprawling branches of a towering Cypress tree draped in Spanish moss. Waiting for just the right moment, she emerged from her hiding spot, feigning ignorance of his presence.

Upon catching sight of Yvette in her sundress adorned with vibrant yellow flowers, carrying a woven basket, Lazare greeted her with a charming "Bonjour, Pretty lady." Yvette’s gaze met his as though she were seeing him for the first time, her expression a mixture of surprise and subtle intrigue.

‘Bon Matin,” she turns from him as if to leave.

“Wait! Wait!” He tries to get his Pirogue closer to the bank. “I am Lazare, at least tell me your name before you go.”

Yvette smiles broadly. “My name is not for you, little Cajun boy. Do you think I shout my name to every handsome man in a Pirogue?”

Lazaire Smiling. “So you tink I am a handsome Cajun Man?”

Yvette turns, hiding her smile, and walks with the bank as Lazare's Pirogue closes in and parallels the bank, keeping in time to her walk. When she says nothing, he tries again

“So I will just call you Angel of Beauty… Angel of Beauty, what brings you to my lonely Bayou today.”

Yvette Stops for a moment and looks at the sky, then back at him as a pretense of annoyance. “My name is Yvette I am looking for Black Berries” She presents the basket, lifting it slightly with sarcasm.” and I was not expecting to meet ‘de owner of 'de Bayou today.’”

“Yvette,” Lazare smiles, “dare are no nice blackberries near dis part of ‘de Bayou. But I know where the biggest and sweetest berries all hide away from ‘de hot sun. I know a place where ‘de berries are so big and juicy 'dey practically burst in your mout just looking at them?" He paddled closer, his voice dropping to a low murmur. "Come on, Yvette. Let me show you my secret spot.”

Yvette Now outwardly Laughing. “I bet you do Lazare, and I bet I would not be 'de first girl you brought to dis secret spot.”

“You have me all wrong…,” Lazar smiled, “…mostly.” he turned his face in mock bashfulness.

“Is the fishing good?” Yvette decided to change the subject.

“Like so much else along 'de Bayou, it depends on what you are fishing for.” Lazare charmed. “Today” he pulled up a fish stringer. “So far, it's good for catfish.” He laughed lightly. "But 'de day is young and dare is the opportunity for so much more. Now dat I have seen you, I am very optimistic.”

“Maybe a man should be tankful for his luck, and the fish dat feed him and not go tryin to fish for what he can't take home.” Yevette replied smiling and backing away from the bank of the bayou

“Don't go beautiful Yvette, I really do know where dere are huge blackberries,”

Yvette laughed lightly “And I know what you are really fishing for Lazare.”

”Yvette, you misunderstanding me," Lazare protested, his tone playful but earnest.

A fleeting moment of hesitation swept over Yvette as she considered Lazare's words. The day's heat seemed to intensify, wrapping around her like a suffocating embrace. She couldn't deny a flicker of temptation. Lazare's charm was undeniable, but the whispers about him, about his family, could it all be true, could he put a greegree on her.

Glancing back at Lazare's pirogue, following her along the bank. With a deliberate twirl, she spun to face him, walking backward as she spoke. "I've gotta get home, with my berries, even though 'dey are ordinary and not the juiciest in 'de land,”" she quipped, a playful glimmer in her eyes as she looked in her basket.

“Friday,” Lazar shouts, as Yvette continues to go further up the bank and away from the bayou “'dere is a Festival in Breaux Bridge right in 'de center of town.”

“Yes, I know,” she says, “I plan to bring a pie for 'de contest’ again she holds up the basket.

“I Heard dare would be Dancing to do. Do You like to dance, Yvette?” .

“Dance,” she pauses, “Goodbye Lazar,” she laughs, as if the thought of their dancing together was pure silliness. But her second thought seemed uncontrollable, her true spontaneous nature emerging as she shouted down to him from the top of the bank.

“Just so you know I dance like no utter you have met…. But I am not easy pickins for a ‘Little Cajun Boy ’ with a reputation …. Good Fishing Lazar.” she turns away heading up the bank

“One day I hope to taste your blackberry pie,” Lazar shouted now standing in his pirogue to make sure he could be heard and seen.. Yvette laughed loudly without looking back “ I bet you do Lazar I bet you do”. She shouted.

The swamp air hung heavy with a sudden stillness as Yvette dissolved into the verdant foliage, her laughter fading like a dying wind chime. Lazare, stretched and tipped toed to try and watch her go, the movement sent him careening backward in the wobbly pirogue, a surprised yelp escaping his lips. With a splash, he plunged headfirst into the murky bayou water.

He resurfaced, sputtering and coughing, his dark hair plastered to his forehead. A shiver ran down his spine. Clinging to his overturned pirogue his morning catch along with all his fishing gear at the bottom of the murky waters of the bayou Lazare kicked his legs and pushed the pirogue the short distance it needed to go to get to the bayous banks. With only a minor struggle he pulled it on shore and let it drain off the swampy mixture of water and muck before turning it over and placing the tip of it back in the bayou.. His eyes scanned the water for his paddle. He saw his paddle floating among the branches of a fallen tree. Stepping back into the murky water to retrieve it he saw just a little ways up the bank on the other side of the Bayou where Yvette had stood a yellow ribbon, fluttering slightly in the morning breeze.

Lazare's breath stilled in his chest as realization blossomed. That was where Yvette had been standing before he tipped over his boat. Lazar collected his Pirogue and with a push he launched it in the direction of the opposing bank. Within a few strokes of the paddle he was on the other shore . Moving with purpose as he noticed the wind had caught the ribbon and was blowing it away from him. With quick long strides the ribbon was in his hands. He smiled and brought it to his nose

Yvette had melted into the dense tangle of cypress knees and sawgrass, her movements as fluid as the bayou's sluggish current. Years of roaming these waterlogged lands had gifted her with an eerie woods craft, a talent for dissolving into the verdant landscape unnoticed.

Circling wide, she doubled back in utter silence, creeping to the top of the bank. There she went motionless, watching through the tangled curtain of Spanish moss as Lazare retrieved his wayward paddle from the murky depths.

The young Cajun man paused, something catching his eye on the muddy bank. Yvette's breath stilled as he made his way toward her ribbon, and plucked it from where she'd carefully let it fall. She watched, anticipation coiling in her belly, as Lazare brought the scrap of faded fabric to his face and breathed deeply.

Yvette's full lips curved in a satisfied smile, eyes glittering with secrets darker than the bottomless bayou. “follow your nose my lil cajun boy. Our dance has just begun”

Posted Feb 18, 2026
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2 likes 2 comments

Eli Simpson
02:00 Feb 26, 2026

Darrel,

This has a really interesting beginning to a story. There's something almost mythological in the setup—the bayou, the hidden observer, the dropped ribbon. It feels like the start of a folktale, and that's a compelling foundation to build on.

A few things to consider for revision:

The first paragraph feels supercilious—like it's trying too hard to impress with all those music metaphors. You mention the trill of birds, the chirping insects, and the bullfrogs all in close succession, then later call it a "symphony" and a "harmonious melody." You're making the same point multiple times. Let the details do the work, then maybe one reference to music later if you need it.

Also, look at how many times Spanish moss appears. It's a beautiful image, but it loses power with repetition.

Check your tenses throughout. You're switching between past and present in ways that feel unintentional. Pick one and be consistent.

On the dialect: it's a tricky thing to render. Either dive fully into it within the prose itself or use just enough in dialogue to suggest the voice without overwhelming the reader. Right now, it lands somewhere in between, which can be distracting.

But again, I really like the mythological feel here. That's worth protecting. You've got something to build toward.

Yours,

Eli

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Bob Ferrari
22:31 Feb 25, 2026

I ended up liking the story. I say that because the entire first paragraph held no action. I feel like you could eliminate the whole paragraph and the story would draw me in more quickly. I liked the sparring going on between the characters. Good job!

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