A Flower Blooms in the Desert

"Please," the woman said in more of a whimper than spoken word. "I can't."

"Dammit, we've been through all this already!" said the man. He put his head in his hands, then stepped in front of her. "What are you gonna feed it? Huh? Tell me."

"I don't know. We'll find something."

"We barely find anything for ourselves. Fuck! I haven't eaten in three days."

She looked up at him, eyes wide. "You said-"

"-Yeah I said...I fuckin say a lot of things."

"You didn't have to."

"Yes I did. There's not enough and you're already weak." He stood up and walked over to the edge of the alley. His shoulders sunk in a sigh. "I shouldn't have let it get this far."

"I'm sorry." She started crying again and squeezed the baby to her shriveled breast. It started crying.

He turned. "And that's why we can't keep it. You know. I shouldn't have to remind you what happened last time. A baby out here at night is a death sentence."

"We can go somewhere else."

"We've been through this."

"Please. We'll go somewhere else and I'll keep her quiet. We can find a goat for milk."

"A goat? Hey!" He shouted and slapped his hands together hard. "Stop being stupid. Snap out of it. This isn't a fucking game and it's not about what we want or like. It's just the way it is."

She shut her eyes and sobbed silently. The man grabbed the baby fast and hard, ripping it away from her. The woman screamed and lunged at him. The baby wailed and punched tiny fists in haphazard directions, legs squirming inside the blanket against his hands. He dropped it and hauled the woman away. She tripped him and they both went down. They wrestled for a few frantic, dusty moments. He got her arms pinned and then it was over. He picked her up over his shoulder and almost fainted. She did. He felt her weight go dead as he stumbled out of the alley. He wiped tears off his cheeks and tried to get as much distance between them and it before she woke back up.

"What is it?"

"Sounds like a cat."

"Doesn't sound like any cat I've heard."

"Think we can catch it?"

"That's not a cat."

"What do you think it is?"

He didn't answer but moved around the trash heap slowly. Billy and Trin followed a couple steps and then waited.

"What is it?" said Billy.

He turned around and motioned violently for Billy to shut up. Trin flicked Billy in the ear. They watched him until he stopped, crouched over a smaller heap of trash in the alley. He didn't move for a long time. Trin threw a rock at his shoulder and made a questioning sign when he looked back. He shook his head and made his way back to them.

"What is it?" said Billy.

"It's a baby," he said.

"Fuck," said Trin.

"Somebody just left it out here?"

He nodded, his eyebrows knit.

"What we do with it?" said Billy.

"Why are you looking at me?" said Trin. "Just cause I'm a girl doesn't mean I know what to do with it."

"Does it have much meat on it?"

"We're not eating it," he said. He ran his hand over his head and stared at the ground.

"You're thinking of bringing it along," said Trin. "Come on. Don't be stupid."

"No, I know. I know."

"Well what do we do then?" said Billy.

He sighed and looked back towards the alley as if he could see through the trash heap. "We leave it," and he walked away. They followed.

Later, they sat around a small fire. Billy and Trin were finding it hard to keep their hands off each other while at the same time trying to hide what they had been up to for the last few weeks. They thought he didn't know. He did, and he should've stopped them. But he hadn't and he didn't think he would.

"I remember this one time," he said, "back when everything was good."

Trin looked at him, which forced Billy to have to pay attention as well.

"I was walking home and on the side of the street, there was a gutter, which is where all the rain water would go instead of flooding the road. Well I looked over and there was a little puppy in the gutter, just by itself. Probly just a few days old. It couldn't walk, its eyes were still shut, and it was just wiggling inch by inch trying to get who knows where. Trying to find its mother's teat. I stopped and looked at it for a minute but ended up deciding I didn't have any way to take care of it. So I left it there and went home."

"You didn't eat it?" said Billy.

"We didn't do that back then. Things were different."

"You shouldn't do it," said Trin.

He looked down and nodded. "I know."

Just before sun down, he went back to the trash heap. At first he thought it wasn't there anymore because he couldn't hear any crying. He went all the way into the alley just to make sure. It was there, after all, whimpering weakly.

"Fuck," he said to himself. He picked it up. It was a girl. A baby girl.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know you didn't ask for this. You didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for it either. I don't think any of us did. And Trin and Billy are off under some bush starting this shit all over again. But they don't know any better. No one ever taught them anything...I can promise I'll do my best to feed you and keep you safe. Maybe you'll make it like Trin and Billy. Realistically, it probly won't last long. We'll probly both get killed. Maybe eaten. It's just the way it is here. There are things and people that come out at night and if you're not quiet...Well, we'll try. Don't worry, though. If it happens, it won't be your fault. You didn't ask for me to come pick you up, although it kinda seems like you wanted somebody to."

The baby squirmed against his chest lethargically.

"What it comes down to is I can't leave you. So it's really my fault...Alright then, let's go see if we can find a better dump."

He didn't make it far, but he died with a clean conscience which is more than most had those days.