Belonging: You Find It When You Give It

Belonging: You Find It When You Give It

The man strode confidently into the board room, selecting a seat three rows from the front and just a touch offset from center. It was the perfect trifecta of being seen, being easy for others to hear, and showing he belonged there but wasn’t over-eager.

A tenured and well-respected manager, he'd worked hard to get here. A sharp mind and disciplined work habits projected him rapidly up the ladder.

He liked it, usually. He’d been searching for a position like this for a long time, although in the big picture it was merely a job.

Staff filled the meeting space, and he noticed the new girl slip into a seat on the far right, second row from the back. The placement said it all: “I’m here but not sure that I should be.” He remembered those days. He could almost feel her angst.

She was bright and the company was fortunate to have hired her before their competitors did. She was the type of person that the label “rising star” was created for. She just didn’t seem to believe it yet. If only someone could help her come into her own.

The man had been a bit of a star himself. A few years ago, he was promoted to the top position of a premier field team working on staff development.

Attaining that title was a pinnacle moment in his memory. He had reached a position that truly mattered, and now held responsibility for a group of just eight other individuals to accomplish something bigger than themselves. For a while he thought he’d finally arrived. But the gratifying sense of glory couldn’t offset a nagging sense of… well, something missing.

Teamwork wasn’t new to the man. Its principles were forged in his athletic background.

Winning was exhilarating. Even when his role was to support a teammate, the cohesive synergy gave him a boost of belonging. The physical accomplishment was thrilling, but the competition and constant sacrifices for training eventually drained him. An ingredient was absent that was deeper than podium places.

His thoughts flashed back to a time when undefined longing hadn’t been his constant companion. Something about Dad had brought everything into line.

He was gone now, the car accident etching a pivotal mark in the man’s history.

A few memories remained, anchored by the distinctive void of ensuing experiences to replace and update them: Sharing the wide front seat of the family sedan. Spending the day at the worksite where his father proudly introduced him as “his assistant for the day.” Evening outings to sporting events where they cheered or groaned in unison while watching the spectacle.

It felt good to be Dad’s kid.

After he passed, life wasn’t the same. Biology makes you related, but it doesn't naturally bestow real meaning. Mom was distant. Sister was markedly older. Interests pulled him away, and the outdoors were more invigorating to play in than sitting in a shell of a house.

A marginal introvert, being alone didn’t bother him, at least not very much. He had the outlets of sports, music, and the typical quest for a girlfriend to keep him distracted.

Friends were co-conspirators for adventuring and didn’t cross the unspoken boundaries that protected emotions. Rugged individualism became his way… a guy should take care of himself and not rely on anyone else.

It had slowly been dawning on him that one of the casualties of this lifestyle is the fulfillment of being an integral part of something. Instead, a dull ache seemed to fill that spot in his heart. Belonging requires connection with those around you. You can’t develop it or manufacture it under your own power.

He had confidence in who he was, and he lived every day to make the lives of those around him better. But a true sense of belonging had slipped away years ago, joining Dad in his well-marked grave.

Dad had a gift for giving a feeling of acceptance that filled a space deep inside your heart. When Dad spoke, the boy knew he was in the right place and that he belonged with him.

The loss was more than his alone. No one ever left Dad’s company; they understood that they belonged there by the way he showed them they were important. It was a second family for them.

The loud snap as the conference room doors closed jarred the man out of his inadvertent reverie. These spells had come over him more frequently recently. Strange.

Glancing around one last time before the VPs took center stage, his eyes fell on the new girl again. Should he risk it? Wasn’t it too late to stand up now?

Involuntarily he found himself rising and walking to the vacant seat beside her. The unplanned words came from a place he didn’t realize existed within him.

“It’s great to have you here. I’ve seen your work, and you have a lot to offer.”

Somewhat stunned, but retaining her professional dignity, she responded. “Really? I didn’t think anyone knew who I was. I’ve been trying to stick to myself and just do a good job.”

“Yes, the bosses always comment on the depth and quality you produce.” The man was warming to his mission and now knew why his legs had carried him to that back corner seat on the aisle.

“Beyond your skills, we’re lucky we hired you before the other firms did. You belong here.”

The lights dimmed as a PowerPoint lit the screen and the CEO welcomed the crew.

The man settled into his new seat, surprisingly more comfortable than his previous strategic selection.

Yes, he mused to himself, shifting to the obscure corner seat was worth it to see a colleague sit up a little straighter, blooming with confidence. She belonged here indeed.

And he realized that he did as well. Right here, sharing the sense of belonging that every human needs and desires.

He’d found his place. And Dad would be proud.