lost and found

the way it all started it was a bit of a fluke really. the lads from work said they were going down the Red Lion that night and I should come with because it was going to be a good time. otherwise I would have just gone home I suppose. anyway I tagged along and we got a table right down the back of the pub away from everyone else and the lads started cracking jokes about something. probably inside jokes I don’t know. then Graham who was sitting next to me gave me a tab and said get that down your neck Andy we’re going clubbing after this and it’ll really make you feel the music. I’m always up for a good night at the club so I took it and I don’t remember much of the evening after that.

when I woke up it was the next morning and I was still in the Red Lion and I was lying on the table. my whole body felt so stiff and sore and I couldn’t stop shaking like I was cold or something and my teeth were chattering. then a man walked into the pub with a posh suit and his hair all slicked back nice like. I thought it must be his pub and I was in trouble. he said you alright son and I said no I don’t think I am. come on he said let’s get some breakfast into you you’ll be right as rain. so we went to the Excelsior which is a cafe just down from the Red Lion and they do all-day breakfasts that are great when you’ve been out for a proper session the night before. so we sat down and ordered and I was still shaking so bad I could hardly hold my knife and fork and I could see the man laughing at me. alright shakes he said just fill your boots and then we’ll talk. I wasn’t wearing boots but I was so hungry I didn’t really care so I just started eating the breakfast and he was right it did help and it calmed me right down. when he saw that I’d calmed down he said alright son my name’s Mr Beeson and I work in lost and found. I said oh like that office at the station and he said kind of but mine’s a private business people come to me and tell me that they’ve lost things and then I find them for them. I said oh that sounds good I lost my gloves on the train last week do you think you could find them and he laughed again and said he was looking to hire someone. because he had to stay in the office all the time and take calls he needed someone to go out to the places people had lost things and pick up the things and bring them back. I told him I already had a job but he said he’d pay me five hundred quid for every thing I brought back to him and that was more than I earned in a week so I said yes OK then. he asked me for my mobile number and said he’d call me when he needed me.

it was a few days later when he called me and he said somebody’s left their green scarf behind in the shopping centre and I needed to go and get it. he said I had to go when there were no people around though because if somebody saw me just walk in there and take a scarf they might think I was nicking it or something so I said OK then. so I went to the shopping centre when it was closed and I found a fire door that didn’t shut properly and got in that way. it was weird seeing everything so dark. I thought I’d been really quiet and all getting inside but this security guard came round the corner and grabbed me by the shoulder and said mind telling me what you’re doing here so I told him I was looking for a scarf and he said in the middle of the night the shops are closed and I said no I’m not here shopping I’ve just come to look for a scarf. he said are you being funny and I said no what do you mean I’ve just got to look for this green scarf and he said says who but then I remembered that Mr Beeson told me not to say so I just looked at him. anyway he threw me out and then I had to go and see Mr Beeson in the club and tell him I’d been thrown out of the shopping centre and I couldn’t get the scarf and then he got angry. so angry. he started punching me and kept punching and punching until I fell over and he started kicking me and everything and I kept shouting for him to stop but he kept going but he did stop after a while and then he left. I just stayed there on the floor because it hurt so much and I knew I had to learn to get better at being quiet and not being seen.

the next thing I had to get was a hat. Mr Beeson called me a few days after that and said that somebody had left their yellow bucket hat with ducks on it in a restaurant and I started laughing because why would you wear a bucket for a hat and he got all riled up again and asked what I was laughing about so I told him and he said forget it son just look for a yellow hat with ducks on it alright. you do know what ducks are don’t you and I said yes of course I do. there wasn’t any need for that. anyway I went into the restaurant just before closing time and there were still loads of people in there but I avoided the waiters and looked around and I found the hat and took it and brought it to Mr Beeson in the club where he told me to meet him again. he was so happy and he gave me an envelope with a big fat wad of cash in it and he bought me a drink but it was one of those fancy club cocktails and it made my head spin a bit but I didn’t say anything because you’re not supposed to be ungrateful in life. I was starting to like Mr Beeson at this point. the next day I went back the shopping centre like a proper customer and I bought myself a new jacket.

it was almost three weeks before Mr Beeson called me again and I was starting to worry that business was getting slow but then he called me and told me a little girl had come to see him and told him she’d forgotten her cuddly toy at the station. I said won’t the station lost and found take care of it then and he said no you don’t understand the station lost and found can’t get hold of it because she’s expecting it back from me. so I said OK and I went down the station late at night but I did remember to ask what sort of cuddly toy it was and he said it was a green ripple crocus and I didn’t know what that was so I just looked at him and he sighed and said it was a dinosaur with a long neck and it was green. that was OK. I could work with that. anyway I found the dinosaur on a bench on one of the platforms and was about to go to the club like the last time but I got a call from Mr Beeson telling me to meet him at the top of the hill just outside of town under the tree. I knew which tree he meant but I didn’t know why we were meeting there.

anyway I got to the hill and it was very late and dark and there was no one around. I could barely see where I was going because there were no street lights. right at the top of the hill I could see a man in the moonlight and as I got closer I saw it was Mr Beeson. he was leaning on a shovel and standing next to a big hole in the ground. there was a little girl in the hole and she had a yellow dress on and it had stains on it and I said should we wake her up and he said shut up son. he took the dinosaur off me and handed me the envelope with my money in it and he knelt down and put the dinosaur on the girl’s chest and then he got up and just stood there looking at her and he said thanks shakes he said. thanks shakes you can go now.