Echoes of the Heart

It had been exactly one year since James had last stepped foot in Stella’s Bakery. Ever since the first time he and Ellie had visited, it had been her favorite. Unsurprisingly, it had been a rather memorable occasion. Though, their definitions of memorable differed rather drastically.

Despite the fact that it was nowhere near their neighborhood, James made the trip anyway, finding the stone and glass facade nestled in a thin strip between a now abandoned department store and a boutique art shop. With a smirk, James stepped through the doorway. Rumbling trains and honking horns faded as the door closed gently behind him, replaced by the steady murmurs of conversations within. An oasis from the chaos of the world. It was packed, nearly every seat taken and a healthy portend of standing customers waiting to order. Good thing he was just ordering to go.

James made his way to the back of the line, squeezing between tightly packed tables and weaving around loose handbags, arriving down the corridor leading to the kitchen. Just behind him dishes clanked and machines whirred, fresh pastries slowly rising in the ovens. A warm wave of cinnamon and freshly baked bread wafted into the hall. It smelled exactly as he remembered from their first visit years ago, one of endless comfort and familiar faces.

James and Ellie had stumbled upon the place almost by accident on their way back from what had felt like an endless 10k that he had run for her. She was the runner, not him, but it was still early in their relationship and, like any man too young to know what love really was, he had wanted to impress her by pretending to like the things she liked. He had to remind himself of such as he hobbled his way around the city. It felt like he had never used legs before.

But Ellie had still had as much energy as ever, and she had insisted they stop for breakfast on a clear spring morning, so he had relented. At least he could sit down.

They had ordered a healthy amount of food, including sandwiches and pastries. Now that was a perk of being a runner he could get behind.

“So, did you have fun?” Ellie asked between bites.

“Of course,” James said unconvincingly. “An absolute blast.”

Ellie chuckled and they finished their food talking about less pressing matters. Of life and hobbies, dreams and ambitions. Though they were there for some time, neither had noticed the turning of the clock, and both had semi permanent smiles impressed upon their faces.

When it came time to leave, James had been mortified at the sweat marks he left behind, trying in vain to hide the damp chair while he found a napkin to wipe it off, which he eventually did. But not before another man standing in line caught a glimpse. A half a head taller and leagues more fit than James himself, the man looked to both Ellie and himself before chuckling.

“Gross, dude. What did you crawl here straight out of the river or something?” he said, throwing an expectant glance sidelong at Ellie.

“No, I, uh, well…” James stuttered.

Ellie hadn’t missed a beat. In a blink she followed each of their gazes and turned to face the man.

“Of course he did,” she said with a straight face. “Haven’t you ever heard of a merman before?”

The man tilted his head, perplexed.

“I was walking through the park when I found this one. I happened to think he was rather handsome, so I took him with me for the morning and here we are, his last chance at human experience before I have to take him back.”

“Huh?” he said.

James just stared at Ellie, all he could remember thinking is that she was definitely better than he was. Smart, strong, and witty. Yes, most definitely out of his league.

“Rather tragic, really. See they can only come to land for a day, unless they find someone willing to trade places, then they can stay forever. I don’t suppose you’d want to trade places with him?” She eyed him up and down.

The man only stood there, an offended look on his face. “What, me for him?”

“Why not? I would call that a win-win for humanity.”

A group of girls sitting just behind James and Ellie giggled to themselves, causing the man’s cheeks to flush with embarrassment. “Your loss.”

Ellie merely shrugged as she broke eye contact and shooed the guy away with her hand. “Come on then James, plenty more to see that doesn’t require wasting our time with this one.”

“Next.”

James chuckled at the memory of the guy's contorted face as he stepped up to the register.

“What can I get for you this morning?” the barista asked with a warm smile.

“Two cappuccinos,” he said softly, giving Ellie’s name for the order.

The barista tapped it in and nodded. “Sure thing.”

James tapped his card on the reader and waved off the receipt before stepping off to the side to wait for the drinks to be made.

James wasn’t able to recall much else from that morning. They had left hand in hand, he was sure, but the only other memory is that it had been the exact moment he had admitted to himself he was in love with her. Now, he simply stood in the space with reverence for what it had granted him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin golden band, the warm lights shimmering off of a small gemstone set in the top as he ran a finger around the edge. A smile crept across the corner of his mouth.

“Order for Ellie,” the barista’s voice rang out across the room. He placed the ring back in his pocket and spanned the distance to collect his order, picking up the two steaming cups and making his way back out onto the city streets.

It was still too early for much of the city, but it was plenty alive for James as he strolled through the streets. Delivery drivers were unloading large panel vans, ropes dangled down to the sidewalk as solitary men with buckets repelled from high above. Men in suits walked by in a hurry, phones to their ears.

Only a few red lights later and the city gave way to the greenery of the park. James pushed inward, trading the mechanical din for the gentle rustling of greenery. Both joggers and bikers alike flew through the area, bringing back the beautiful pain of that one and only race he had run with Ellie. After he had told her he loved her, she had thankfully let him off the hook for any more races, though he did still try to jog a mile here or there when he could.

Not far into the park James found what he was looking for, a small alcove of trees with a single path leading inside. Inside, he found one of three empty benches overlooking a bed of brightly colored flowers, its wood softly weathered. He sat on one side, placing one of the coffee cups beside him. The flowers were in full bloom on a warm spring morning, a bed of bright colors flowing together and reaching for the sky, surrounding a small stone water fountain centered within. Here, the sounds of the city were gone entirely, replaced by the gentle rustling of the nearby trees in the wind and the trickle of water across the stone. Birds echoed in trees near and far.

James sighed, letting his nerves settle before slowly taking the ring out of his pocket and holding it tenderly in his lap.

“Hey El,” James said to the flowers. “Happy anniversary.” The trees rustled louder in response.

“Five years… I know, hard to imagine,” his voice cracked. He took a sip to collect himself, his heart beating fervently in his chest.

“Where to begin,” he continued after a moment's pause. “Well, you’ll be happy to know that I still haven’t beaten your Pac Man score at the bar. And not from a lack of trying, I promise.”

He imagined Ellie shaking her head the last time she had watched him try. Still got it, she said with a lighthearted punch to the arm, her initials flashing atop the leaderboard. You better step up your game, J.

“The whole leaderboard is you now, all the other guys put your initials whenever they get close. I don’t have that problem, though,” James smiled. “Closest I’ve made it is fifteenth.”

James went on to explain all that had happened during the year. The good, the bad, the mundane. Sparing no detail and missing absolutely nothing in regaling Ellie with the entirety of his life.

By the time he had finished, his coffee had long gone cold and the sun sat high overhead. A perfect day, Ellie would have loved it.

James sat silently watching the water trickle across the dark stone feature, imagining Ellie there next to him. He was unsure how exactly to tell her the rest, but figured he couldn’t put it off forever.

“El, there’s… there’s one more thing,” he said. “Look I don’t know any better way to say this, but I got a new job offer. On the west coast.” He let it hang in the air, returned only by silence. Even the trees seemed to stand still. A heavy weight clamped further onto his heart.

“See it’s that one you always said I would get, when we talked about the future. I didn’t even apply, it was a real spur of the moment thing. But the thing is, I couldn’t dream of saying yes before talking to you first.” James sat back in the silence.

“I don’t know what to do, Ellie. We were supposed to go together. You and me–” his voice caught in his throat before he could finish. Tears welled in the corner of his eyes, and he didn't have the strength left to hold them in any longer. He let them come, in the silence of the park, a lone coffee cup marked Ellie sitting next to him.

After the tears James sat with his head in his hands, unable to speak. Unable to do much of anything besides sit there, replaying each moment they had spent with each other. The years of good and bad, the highs and the lows. The time he had thrown out his back rock climbing and spent the week in bed, her caring for him every second. The endless hours they had spent together in that very park, watching the birds fly by and the flowers sway in the wind.

And the call he got just after the accident. The feelings he had felt when he had gotten to the hospital. The whirlwind that followed, the emptiness. The doctor shaking his head, the rainy funeral. How empty their apartment felt. How empty his heart felt.

“I’m sorry, El,” he whispered finally. “It was supposed to be the both of us.”

James slumped, knowing that to ask was futile. But then he heard a flutter of wings, and slowly lifted his head out of his hands to find a robin perched atop Ellie’s coffee cup, watching him with its head turned to the side, observing his presence. It looked him in the eyes and chirped twice while spreading its wings.

James laughed. Slowly at first, quietly. And then louder. Robins were Ellie’s favorite. And now here one was, here she was. The robin chirped once more before flying away into the trees, taking with it the weight that had been resting on James’ heart. And for the first time in five years, he felt at peace, here in their tiny park in the city. He glanced down again at the ring still in his hand before making up his mind.

He stood slowly, taking a deep breath before collecting the cups and tossing them in the nearby trash can. Turning slowly, his eyes settled on the fountain. He approached, kneeling down carefully so as not to crush any of the flowers, and dug a small hole at the base of the fountain.

“Goodbye, Ellie,” James whispered. He dropped the ring inside, covering the hole once more before rising steadily to his feet. And as he walked out of their place, out of the park, James knew then that the weight he had carried all those years was gone for good. And all that remained was Ellie, her love echoing through his heart, to carry with him for the rest of his life.