The Ordinary Man

“Ring, Ring, Ring”

David stared absently at the ceiling. He had woken up before the alarm had even sounded, just like the day before and the day before that. He left his bed, brushed his teeth, washed his face, and changed into fresh clothes. It was all the same to him, each event melting into the next. But as David began to leave, his steps slowed and yet his heart could not have been beating faster. He gulped as he stood in the doorway, he felt positively ill and anxious.

Maybe I will do it tomorrow

David lingered there, frozen in deliberation, however the fear of missing the bus finally forced him to move. He turned and stormed through the house with nervous haste, making his way to a draw and pulling it out. There were many items in there, but only one whispered to him, only one made him shiver with frisson. His breath grew shallow and fast as the thing stared back at him tauntingly.

Eventually, David bit down and curled his lips in determination. He only needed to put it in the bag, for now. The harder decisions could wait. He slipped it inside, slung the bag over his shoulder, and left, his heart still pounding.

…..

David was a law student, rather he was doing his masters in law at the prestigious University of Sadny. Four times a week he came here, lectures, workshops, endless rooms filled with fluorescent light and droning voices. Each one stretching for hours at a time. And for the other three days, he just toiled over the same lifeless material. One would think David had wild aspirations of becoming a phenomenal attorney, of becoming one of those lawyers you would see in a show or a movie or a video game. He once had those same lofty aspirations, but nowadays none such existed for him. The reality of law, to David, was far more dull and drab, being filled with contracts and endless reading and not the intense battle of wits he saw on the screen growing up. Every class, every hour, every second, he was reminded of that fact; reminded of how dull the world really was. At least, that is how he felt when he was completing his degree.

However, something had occurred to him during his Masters. He asked himself, had Napoleon's life been boring? Had Genghis Khan’s? Had Alexander the Great’s? Of course not. These men lived spectacular lives, but why? Why they and not him? What exactly separated the wheat from the chaff? What made them extraordinary.

The subject matter troubled him deeply, everyday he wrestled with it until the answer became clear. These ‘Extraordinary Men’, they were not made. They were born. They were born with that innate ability to rise above the herd and become more, to step beyond the invisible lines that kept others obedient. They could discard hesitation, instinct, even conscience in an instant if it stood in the way of their ambition.

While the ordinary agonized over each choice, fearful of straying from the fold, the extraordinary man acted, unapologetic and unrestrained.

If the distinction between man and beast lay in free will, in the triumph of reason over instinct, then it stood to reason that those who were the finest at doing so were the most special of us all, and that we were nothing but louses. This thought haunted him terribly, the idea that no matter how hard he worked, no matter how much he suffered, he would never escape this cycle of dull banality. And if that were the case…. Why even exist at all….

…..

It was dark now and the moon was brilliant. David’s classes were finally over and he was heading off now, walking through the quiet, desolate streets. Despite the coldness of the night his body ran hot. Dread and anxiety had been coursing through him ever since the final class. It was coming, the moment was coming; and now he was at the crossroads. If he turned right he would be heading home, but if he went straight…..

It wouldn’t be the first time that David had bailed and headed home with his tail between his legs.

I’ll just have a look…. Just a little look….

He went straight.

David’s feet trembled from under him as the glow from the river ahead became brighter and brighter. He slowed to a stop right in front of the open walkway next to the river. Peaking around the building, his eyes trailed up the embankment which shone with blue moonlight. Suddenly, David's eyes flared wildly and he cowered back to safety, his back pressed firm against the wall with his chest rising up and down rapidly.

She was there.

Standing, arms resting on the railing as she gazed with awe at the shimmering waters below. David knew she would be there. She would walk home alone, and on one such night he decided to follow her. For a few nights after that, after class he would go to the same location and confirm that she would be there. Of course, he would talk to her or even make his presence noticed, in fact he wouldn’t even stay for long at all. He just wanted to find a place where he could get her alone.

Yet, at the moment of truth he shook unbearably. The pressure of the moment pressed deep into his chest, like he had swallowed a bowling ball. He clutched it as he grimaced with dismay. David's eyes sparkled like the water below as he considered abandoning his mission, leaving shamefully like he had done every other time.

But he didn’t, not this time, instead he swallowed his fears and sharpened his gaze.

Recently, during one of his ruminations, of which he had many, David happened upon a singular idea about himself. These ambitions about being the greatest lawyer, those fantasies of crushing his opponents, perhaps they were all a sign. A sign that he was meant for more, that he was meant to be extraordinary.

David slung his bag across his shoulders and carefully onto the floor.

You see, maybe it was only circumstance that had made him so pathetic. Perhaps if he were born in another time or in another circumstance things would have been different.

He reached deep into the bag. The tip of his fingers touched something, and his heart skipped a beat. David clutched it tightly.

If he were born in Alexander’s or Napoleon's body, perhaps he would be just as extraordinary…. That was when a poisonous idea began to grow within him….

David pulled his hand unsteadily from the bag. Something metallic caught the light, a thin, merciless glint that sliced across his widening eyes. For a moment, he could not breathe. The handle was slick against his palm. And then the truth of why he had come in the first place, settled. Cold and undeniable.

This was a knife and he had come to kill her.

David frantically peaked around the corner again, she was still oblivious to the horrifying reality of the situation. Her eyes reflected the water spectacularly. He frowned, could he really destroy such a precious thing? It was not too late, he could still pack his bags and leave.

No I can’t

Back then, in those moments, deliberating in his lonely room he wondered, what exactly made an extraordinary man, extraordinary? Was it intelligence? Sure, but there were many intelligent men in the history of the world that were merely foot notes at the bottom of your high school textbooks? Strength? Maybe, but not immensely so, Napoleon himself was not known for his physical strength. What need there be, when others rally by your side and fight for you. Wisdom? Was it wise to concur the Persian empire? Was it wise to war against Europe? Was it wise to overcome the world?

What made these men great was their defiance.

David grit his teeth and crept around the wall finally exposing himself under the beaming sapphire of the moon. His heart raced and his feet trembled as he tip-toed towards her. A strong gust of wind blew past almost throwing David off balanced. Her hair fluttered magically in it, carrying her perfume over to his nose, it was floral and sweet. It made his head feel heavy and his body ill. The world spun around him tumultuously and he shivered in its chaos. Even now it was not too late, David could still just walk away, and yet he persevered.

Great men put their ambitions above everything else and there are very few things as ambitious as killing someone. It was complete dominance over life itself. In the face of death, social status, wealth, and intellect were all meaningless. All that mattered was that you were dead and I was alive. It was the ultimate victory over God's creation. And if we are made in his image, then it was the ultimate victory over God, and that, he dared to say, must be extraordinary….

David was so close now, her scent was intoxicating, the ends of her hair tickled the tip of his nose. He had imagined this in countless fantastical ways, compared to them, reality seemed sloppy and banal, and yet none of his fantasies had been anywhere near as intense as this. Not even close.

So this is how it happens…

David lifted the dagger, which trembled terribly in his hand. His mind raced. He didn’t want to admit it, but the second thoughts he had been having this entire time, which he had been drowning out, completely consumed him now.

This is crazy! I can still turn back! I can still—

Suddenly her hair whipped about and her face appeared.

She had turned around! At first her face was filled with shock, and then confusion and then terror. Her eyes burned with it and when they looked directly into his, it brought him to tears immediately. David’s body was both frozen and incredibly hot.

Could he turn back now?

Her mouth moved, faint whispers came out almost like a plea, but his head was on fire and he could not hear anything other than the static of his bleating mind. She kept whispering, until something whipped past her. For a moment, they just stood there, silently gazing into one another's eyes, both terrified. She raised her hand and touched her throat, then brought it to her face. She saw blood. Immediately she clutched her neck in desperation, keeling over with realisation and pain.

David’s mouth was ajar and his eyes were wide. This was not a clean decisive victory like he had thought it would be. In fact, this was nothing like he imagined. He couldn’t bear to see her like this, she had to go, she had to.

Head in a frenzy, and in delirious fervour, he shoved her. She stumbled back tripping on the railing as her bag dragged her down beyond it. The blood drifted in the air, trailing her descent. He could still see her, those eyes they burned into him, they weren’t fearful like before, they were just…

Sad. And in that awful moment he was reminded that ‘she’ had a name, and it was Alice.

Alice plunged into the crystalline water, dragged down by her heavy bag into the dark and cold depths of the river.

He turned around and shut his eyes tightly. David stood there silently for a moment, before a certain uneasy excitement began to run through him. Tilting his head back, he nervously laughed into the night sky, gazing at the stars which he was always meant to concur.

I concurred humanity. I finally did it!

His thoughts were triumphant, yet tears streamed from his eyes, relentlessly. In that moment, he felt something had changed within him. But that was to be expected. It made sense, the transition between louse and man, or rather the confirmation that he had always been extraordinary. Of course he would feel different. To concur someone in such a way, it placed you in a category separate from the herd.

Except he didn’t feel exceptional at all. Rather, instead of feeling like he had gained something, he felt like he had lost something indescribable and irreplaceable. Like there was a hole in his chest, like he was hollow. David turned around with frenzy, when his eyes flared and he froze in disbelief.

Standing right in front of him was Alice. Her clothes were drenched and her body was moist. She was bloated, and puffy, her skin a harrowing greyish, green blemished with spots of purple. But that wasn’t what struck him so horrifyingly. It was her eyes. Those dark infinite pearls…

She was still. She was dead, and yet those eyes stared into his soul unforgivingly.

LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, DAVID.

David shouted, rising as he did. However, he caught himself and stopped immediately. David was now in his room, in fact he was in the comfort of his own bed. He panted, letting reality sink in, and felt a wave of relief as he touched his face, reassuring himself that it had all been nothing more than an awful dream which he was now happily awake from.

“Ring, Ring, Ring”

He had never been so glad to head to university.

….

On his way he reflected about his dreams of being a lawyer. Now everything didn’t seem so bad. Despite most of the subjects boring David, criminal law had always fascinated him and his strong sense of justice. David realised then, that it was never just about defeating his opponents that made him fall in love with being a lawyer. It was helping the innocent and holding people accountable that attracted him the most.

If that meant slogging through his boring masters then so be it, afterall a truly extraordinary man puts his emotions aside for the sake of his goals.

The thought made him chuckle wryly.

Yet not everything had settled for David. The dream still gnawed at him. For his own sake, he decided to take a detour and go back there, back to the river. Even if it was just to clear his head.

Of course it was a dream. I just–I just need to confirm it is all~

David walked the same route he had in the dream.

I can’t believe I followed Alice like that. When I get back to Uni, I’ll just talk to her and after that maybe I can walk home with her, properly.

However as he turned the corner, he was confronted, not with the peaceful serenity of open embankment, but chaos. His eyes flared with consternation. It wasn’t just civilians that were there, it was police officers and recovery teams also. David didn’t stare at them for long though, in the centre of all that disarray was a gurney and a body in an unzipped bag. David's lips trembled her name, but no words came out.

Alice

By her side was an older woman. It was her mother. Tears streamed from her blood shot eyes but she did not cry. Instead she stared lovingly at her baby, pushing the wet her out of her face, and adjusted her clothing. She moved in and kissed her daughter on her cold forehead before moving back with a longing slowness and caressing her cheeks.

David ambled forward, his face pale and his stomach sick. People rushed about him, but the thought of running away never even crossed his mind. He arrived next to the mother, but she did not face him and neither did he face her. His head slumped, as he pensively and shamefully stared at the ground. A policeman was there also, he shouted at David to leave immediately. But he did not leave or waver at all. Rather David lifted his heavy head, his face gentle and sad. He met her mother's tired eyes with his own painful ones.

“I have to tell you something….”