The Bus Shelter

Some journeys are lived elsewhere. Deep inside and so very far away. Another life. Another world. When she returned to herself, she was beneath a roof and standing in shadow. There were voices nearby. As they receded, she thought it likely that they had been the alarm that had awakened her from another slumber of escape. A siren call for the pain that signified the reality that smothered and clawed at her very soul.

She was wet. And she was cold. In the dark of the shadows she could see enough to know that she was smeared in dirt and that her clothing was torn. Disparate fragments of a dream came to her. The blurring of tree trunks as she passed through woodland. Embracing the soft, damp earth. Wriggling under the blanket of dead leaves. Wishing to join them. Feeling their reluctance. She was a welcome visitor, but this was their home and her time had not yet come. There was no way of her knowing when that time had been scheduled. One of her many fears was that she’d missed her ride and was now doomed to haunt this tragic world. Trapped in a silent prison of her own weakness and incompetence.

Centring herself. Reminding herself that she was here. That there was nowhere else. Wasn’t quite sure she believed that. Always on a broken rollercoaster. Out of control as the tracks buckled and howled their protests. Her fate in the hands of others. Thrown asunder and discarded. Hitting walls. Walls that didn’t care whether she lived or died. These walls were her family. Monoliths that surrounded and intimidated her. She cowered in their centre and tried to conjure a magic that would make a sense of it all. That would make sense of her at long last.

This was how she adjusted to her circumstances. Peering through the darkness and wishing that she was blind. Furtively searching for the off switch to each and every one of her senses. Numb was yet another con trick. Numb was only ever another kind of pain. Hers was a constant trial by combat. Once the damage had been done, her battles were only ever with herself.

Now she was here, she felt the books around her. A strange calm that she seldom had encountered. There were pages of knowing all about her. This here was a magic of indifferent understanding. Daring to step forward, she felt them all the more. Never had she feel comfortable, let alone safe. This was the nearest she had ever been. Whispered words that she could take or leave. The distillation of a conversation gifted into the ether. Hers to embrace or to shun. Having had all her choices smashed from her, here a stolen choice remained after all. This was her desert island. Her temporary refuge. A secret place that held the only promise left to her.

In that dark place she allowed her hand to drift over the books. An eager reiki master feeling the magical heat of them. The space between her and the world they contained was infinitesimally small as she drifted so far away. Lost. Always lost. Yet seeking treasure that she knew held answers. If only she knew the questions.

Few of the books showed their faces to her eager hand. Tucked away in disciplined ranks awaiting a drill sergeant to propel them forth. Occasionally though there was a tome laying upon the shoulders of its siblings and the thrill of an imminent encounter that could change her world. She shimmied and danced as her hand fluttered above a universe of meaning. And as she swayed to the silent music of the unspoken words beneath her she warmed to the potential of their song.

The spiteful trance she’d shrugged from her heavy shoulders was replaced with a warm cloak that drew her on and on. The thrill of chance encounters with books that awaited that light touch of hers introduced her to the possibility that she was not quite done. This was another voyage of discovery. There were doors that lay open beyond the dark pool within which she had languished for far too long.

When her fingers grazed upon the textured surface of the book that was meant for her, she jumped forth in the shock of connection and abandoned it. In her act of abandonment she froze in a torture of resonant frequency. The electricity of the encounter would not dissipate. Her lip bled under the tyranny of her spiteful teeth. The taste of copper propelled her back to the book that she had fled. A fluttering taste of an errant page was the prelude to her revisiting the surface of a cover that had spoken to her in the language of dreams.

Snatching the book up, she held it to her beating heart in the hope there was a conversation to be had here. Leaving nothing to chance, she ran. Entrusting her fate to movement. Returning to the place that masqueraded as home. She a pin ball in the confines of a soulless prison. Bruising herself in the pursuit of sanctuary and a stolen moment with her treasure.

She hid her bounty and played the game she was familiar with. Her constant lover lay beneath her mattress. Its presence changed her borrowed space. Numbing herself all the more as she faced the reality that threatened to consume, she endured the machinery of the only life she knew and did all she could to preserve her energy for what was to come.

With hands shaking from the trials of a life that was never meant for her, she retrieved the book that she had rescued and as she saw the page emerging from the multitude she smiled for the first time in an age. The page was a note and the note was for her and her alone. An introduction to a light she had sensed but never seen. A happy ending that was only ever a beginning. The one promise that would always be fulfilled.

She read the note and change pushed against her. It warmed her and licked her cheek. Snuggling within her and introducing her to her true heart and all that it contained. She opened the book at the first page and drew in an awakening breath, knowing that her life would never be the same again. Waking up to her true self, she read the first words…

In the beginning…

And the pages came to life, gifting her the promise of a new life. Soon there would be an irrepressible light. She already felt it growing within her and she smiled serenely at the infinite possibilities it brought with it, lighting her up and teaching her how to shine.