What's the Tea?

What’s the Tea?

Sabrina Finch

“Good morning listeners. I know you can’t see it, but I just settled down with a fresh cup of this new hibiscus herbal tea that my friend Tara got me, shoutout to Tara, and I’m ready to spill the tea, hopefully not literally (laughs), cause you’re listening to, What’s the Tea? With your host, as always, Sabrina Finch.”

Sabrina presses the mute button on her laptop and coughs loudly, like she is hacking up a hairball, then composes herself.

Unmute.

“This week I’m going to fill you in on all the drama with Justin, we’re going to talk about my cat adoption saga, and my sister’s wedding, that I can’t believe is this weekend. It’s crazy times in the world, hope you are staying sane, love you all.”

She blows into her tea, creating a soothing ASMR sound for the listeners.

“So, Justin. Where to begin with this boy? You’ve heard of the term performative male. He has, like, embraced the term. He heard the definition of performative male, and he was like, oh yeah, that’s me. He literally said that, he said, oh that’s me. And I was like, you know that’s a bad thing, and he said yeah, yeah, I know.”

She blows some more on the tea, making a wooshhhh noise.

“He is on this big Sally Rooney kick, shoutout to Sally Rooney, and he’s like, I think it’s making me a more sensitive lover. But… The boy cannot commit. Cannot, if his life depended on it. We have been doing this whole situationship for like, three weeks now, and last night, after this super romantic date night, we went to the movies, we went ice skating, he held my hand ice skating, we took cute pictures, I made a little joke about us being the perfect couple or something stupid like that, just a joke, and he got super serious. And he was like, if you’re unhappy you have to talk to me, I don’t want you to be unhappy. And so, I’m like, well, I’m not unhappy but I am a little confused sometimes, because we have been getting really close. You know, if you act like you are in a relationship with someone, they might start thinking you are in a relationship together. And he was like; I just don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship right now. Which is what he said three weeks ago. So, I’m like, ok, well do you think you are going to be ready in the future or what? And he totally just flips everything on me, and is like, if you’re unhappy, I can leave. And he starts leaving. Super dramatic. And I’m like, no, no, I’m sorry. And he stays the night, of course.”

She pauses and takes a sip of tea.

It burns her mouth slightly but tastes alright.

Hibiscus.

“So, I don’t know what to do. Listeners, if you have ideas, DM me. It’s weird being single these days. But I’m not alone. I have a cat. I’m watching my friend’s cat. And it has been a mess. A MESS. This cat is a menace. An absolute menace. My friend Dylan, no shoutout to Dylan, brought this cat over to my house for the week while he was going on vacation. In my little apartment that I share with Allie. Allie has a new girlfriend, so she is never home anyway. So, it’s basically just me and this devil cat. And this cat has scratched up our sofa, peed on the floor, it knocks things over. It runs around randomly. It just does sprints sometimes randomly, from one side of the apartment to the other. No reason. What’s it training for, the Cat Olympics? Of course, Dylan did not tell me any of this when I agreed to watch the cat.”

Sips tea.

“And I like cats. Chat, don’t start coming after me about disliking cats. I like cats. I had cats growing up. I was even thinking about adopting a cat before this. I literally said, the day before this menace was introduced into our lives, I was like, oh Allie, we should adopt a cat. But now… I don’t know.”

Sips tea.

“No, like, this cat is really making me reconsider things. Like, do I actually want kids someday? What if they turn out to be little menaces?”

Sabrina looks at the Chat on her laptop, reading the latest comments.

She reads the question, “What is the cat’s name?” written by username SweatyBetty

“The cat’s name is Michelangelo.”

She reads the Chat again.

“Yes, like the Ninja Turtle. I would much rather have the Ninja Turtle though.”

Sips tea.

“Going back to Justin being a performative male for just one second, we were at the ice-skating place, and this kid came up to him and was being super silly and gave him a high-five. It was super cute. Then, he starts talking about how he wants kids someday. And we get into this really deep conversation about how even though the world is super messed up, it’s important to stay hopeful. Hope is what makes us human. Blah. Blah. Then, he asks me if I want kids. And I’m like, um, I don’t know. Maybe someday, but it’s way different for me than it is for you. And he goes into this whole thing about how impressive women are for carrying and birthing babies, which, like, true, but, okay, thanks Justin. Anyways, so after I find a nice cat that restores my faith in the world, maybe I will have kids.”

Sabrina checks her phone and sees a couple of Instagram messages, a few Snapchats, nothing too urgent. She will reply to some of them after the show. Some she will let sit for a while.

Michaelangelo sprints across her apartment from one side to the other and back.

She watches him for a moment skid across the wood floor.

She looks at the Chat again on her laptop.

“Oh, this is a good question.”

She readjusts her microphone.

“AntiSocialSocialist34 asked, Are you taking Justin to your sister’s wedding?”

Sabrina looks into her cup of tea and is disappointed that it is almost empty.

“So, as you all know, Nicole is getting married. I know, she’s crazy. But she’s in love or whatever. And I’m going with Chris. Just as friends. So, don’t say anything Chat.”

She looks at the Chat.

BrittneyBich: “Perfect Couple”

MaxT : “Girl ditch Justin and shoot your shot”

Sabrina blushes.

“We’re just friends. Besides, he’s going to be going into the Peace Corp or something crazy like that, so, whatever. That ship has sailed. Anyways, we’ve finally reached a good point where we are cool, just as friends, so I don’t want to ruin anything.”

She finishes her tea.

BrittneyBich: “You should give him a going away present :)”

Sabrina blushes again.

“We’ll see what happens. Stay tuned listeners. But, I’m actually really happy for Nicole. Jim is a total dork, but whatever, he makes her happy. The wedding is going to be at this really cool castle type place. Really cool. Totally Nicole. And I’m going to her bachelorette party. I’ve never been to a bachelorette party so, I’m super pumped. We’re going over to her friend’s house first to play some games, then out for drinks. Should be fun. I never thought that Nicole would get married, because she was always so career driven. And she was definitely against marriage as an institution when we were younger. Our parents are divorced. But, I don’t know, I guess you get old and things change.”

She looks at her empty cup.

“I think I’m going to get myself some more tea, we’re almost out of time, I’ll be back next week. I’m Sabrina Finch, and That’s the Tea!”