My dream could be just as a dream

CHAPTER 1: THE MESSAGE THAT TOUCHED MY SOUL

In the silence of a screen, I found your name,

A spark, a light, a tender flame.

But love is cruel, it loves to tease,

What starts in joy may end in freeze.

By author

They say some people enter your life like a whisper, but leave like a storm.

It began on an ordinary evening. The kind of evening where the sky is neither dark nor light, and silence lingers in every corner of your room. I had no idea that one simple notification a stranger’s name lighting up my screen would become the beginning of the most beautiful and the most painful chapter of my life.

I didn’t know who he was. He was just a boy studying in Turkey, far away, living a life I could barely imagine. His words came slowly at first kind, careful, like someone knocking gently on a closed door. And I, with all my dreams and doubts, opened it.

At first, it was harmless. Just two people talking about simple things: study, family, books, music. But something about the way he listened the way he made me feel heard felt rare. Precious. I started waiting for his messages like they were sunrise. He made me laugh. He asked about my day. He remembered the little things I said, even the ones I had forgotten. And slowly, the space between our hearts grew smaller.

He called me “akylly gyz” (“Clever girl”), and I laughed. He called me “my moon”, and I cried. Because no one had ever spoken to my heart like that before.

Nights became sacred. I would sit under the soft glow of my bedroom light, typing away into the dark, imagining his voice, imagining his eyes. I didn’t know it yet, but I was falling in love with someone I had never touched someone I had only met through a glowing screen. And yet… it felt more real than anything around me.

Then he said he was coming to Turkmenistan, so to my Motherland.

My heart raced. I didn’t know what that meant. Would I see him? Would it still feel the same? What if it didn’t?

But when I saw him for the first time… I knew.

He was standing by the fountain, holding a single white flower. His smile was nervous. So was mine. But when our eyes met, the entire world grew silent. It felt like time had stopped to take a breath, just to watch us.

He hugged me like I was something fragile and sacred. Like he had been looking for me his whole life, and had finally found me.

That day, the universe shifted.

And so did I.

CHAPTER 2: WHEN LOVE FEELS LIKE HOME

You were a home I longed to keep,

But dreams don’t rest, they never sleep.

I held your hand, then let it go,

To chase the sun I’ll never show.

By author

Days turned into weeks, and we couldn’t stay apart.

We walked through the parks of Ashgabat like two souls reborn. Every word, every glance, felt like it had meaning. We shared our fears, our pasts, our secrets. And I began to wonder if life had saved something this special just for me.

He held my hand like he never wanted to let go. He memorized my laugh. He wrote me notes and hid them in my bag. He told me: “You are my future.” And I believed him.

But love, no matter how warm, doesn’t always fit the shape of your dreams.

Because he began to talk about marriage.

At first, it was only a whisper. “If we were married…” he’d say. “Wouldn’t it be beautiful?” I smiled. I nodded. But a storm was forming inside me. Because deep down, I knew that to say yes meant to say no to everything I had worked for my education, my future, my dream.

I had always promised myself: I would study, I would grow, I would build a life on my own terms.

And now… that promise was trembling.

CHAPTER 3: TORN BETWEEN TWO ROADS

Two roads, one heart, a painful choice,

My dreams and you – the silent voice.

I broke the heart I called my own,

To walk this future all alone.

By author

I began to wake up with a heavy heart.

He started asking more often. “Do you love me?” “Then why wait?”

His eyes, once gentle, now searched me for answers I couldn’t give. And I… I began to feel like I was breaking him. But wasn’t I breaking, too?

I couldn’t sleep. I cried in secret. I stood at the mirror and asked myself that if love should feel like a decision between the heart and the mind. I looked at my books, my dreams, the girl I had once promised to become and I looked at him.

And I asked the cruelest question of all: “What if love is not enough?”

He told me he would wait. But the pain in his voice said he couldn’t.

And I told him I couldn’t give up study, not now. Not yet.

I’ll never forget the silence that followed.

It was the beginning of the end.

CHAPTER 4: THE GOODBYE WE NEVER WANTED

One kiss, one breath, a tear-stained day,

I begged my feet not walk away.

But in that parting, soft and slow,

We buried love we’ll never know.

By author

We met one last time. The city felt too bright. The streets too loud.

He looked at me like he already knew. Like the goodbye was sitting behind my eyes.

I held his hand for the last time. I wanted to say so much, but my throat closed around my heart.

He said: “I would have given you everything.”

And I said: “But I would have lost myself.”

Then we cried not like lovers do, but like people who had to bury something beautiful.

He kissed my forehead, and I felt a thousand versions of us dying inside me.

And then he walked away.

And I let him to be free from me.

CHAPTER 5: ECHOES OF WHAT WE HAD

The echo lingers, soft and deep,

Of nights I cried myself to sleep.

You live in poems, stars, and pain,

A love I’ll never touch again.

By author

The days that followed were hollow. My heart walked with a limp.

I kept opening our old messages, reading his words like scripture. I still heard his laugh in the quiet. I still looked for him in the crowd.

But he was gone.

And in his place was a silence so loud, I had to learn how to breathe again.

People said I was strong. But they didn’t see the nights I wept into my pillow, whispering his name like a prayer.

I missed him. I still miss him.

But I also knew: sometimes choosing yourself feels like the loneliest kind of love.

CHAPTER 6: THE GIRL WHO CHOSE THE STARS

I chose the stars, the dream, the sky,

But still I miss your last goodbye.

Not all who leave do so untrue,

Some love themselves by losing you

By author

I don’t regret loving him.

He taught me that my heart was wide enough to hold galaxies. He taught me what it means to ache and to hope.

But I chose to follow the stars my dream, my studies, my future.

And though it broke me to leave him behind, I knew that one day I’d look back and say: “That was the love that almost became everything.”

I still write his name in my poems. I still wonder if he thinks of me.

But now, I walk forward. Not because I stopped loving him, but because I started loving me.

And that’s how the girl who once chose love… became the woman who chose herself.

EPILOGUE

THE MESSAGE I STILL SENT

And I say to myself for this my broken love story:

This is the story no one sees

Of loving, losing, memories.

Of hearts that break but still survive,

Of pain that teaches how to thrive.

So I whisper your name in the dark,

A ghost of love, a fading spark.

And though we live apart, not near,

Your shadow walks forever here.

In every tear, in every sigh,

In the love that refused to die,

I carry you my sweetest pain,

A bittersweet, eternal flame.

By diary of author

Years passed but he never fully left my heart.

One day I heard the news about he had gotten married to someone else. My hands trembled when I saw the photo. Her smile. His arm around her. The life I once imagined, now being lived by another.

But the story didn’t end there.

They couldn’t have a child. And slowly pain began to grow at home they had built. I heard through whispers that he regretted marrying her and not waiting for me that his heart still remembered mine.

And then… we met again.

Not like before. Not with hope, but with history between us. His eyes carried sorrow, and his voice cracked when he said: “I never stopped loving you.”

I smiled. Not because it didn’t hurt. But because I had grown strong enough to carry the pain without drowning in it.

Even after everything, I still sent him a message on his birthday to wish him the best things in this world. I still whispered “Happy New Year” to the boy I once called my world. Not to bring him back or to have his wife left but to honor the love that made me who I am.

Because some love stories don’t end.

They simply live in the quiet corners of who we become.

So in my love I stayed between love and future dream. But I chose my future dream. Because I need it to gain. But this love made me so strong girl not like others. But in the same time it taught me to not believe anyone. But And at the end of my word I want to say him:

You are my everything.

You are my

first and last love.

You are my first and last believe.

You are my full of darkness of my broken love.

But you were my dream just could be as dream. I’ll never forget you. You are my memories forever.