The Quite One

This world is a seemingly fun but absolutely disturbing place. I could be out with friends one day and the next handing them tissues as they tell me how the world is so unfair to them. In my friend group everyone has a purpose, everyone has a reason to exist and be needed. That's how my world has always worked, my friends called me the backbone, the one who listened but never judged. I felt so wanted, like I had a place to belong. The world never saw me but my friends did.

I still remember the day I met each of them, I met them at different times but each memory is fresh like it was yesterday. Esra was the first one I met, she had this sparkly pink princess dress she was running around in. It was the public park, we were 4 and she was having her birthday party. I wasn’t part of it, I was watching from afar wishing to have a dress like that. She saw me looking and came to ask me if I wanted to play. I shook my head to say no but she took my arm and pulled me towards her party. we ‘ve been friends since that day.

Amal and Noor came next, Esra and I were in the same class. It was pure coincidence but one I was happy with. Amal, Esra and I were seated at the same table in our 1st class and Noor transferred in mid year. Our teacher placed her seat at our table. She didn’t speak at first but slowly as it came time for lunch all four of us had made a friendship pact.

After 2 decades of friendship I can describe everyone including myself with just one word:

Esra: Expressive

Amal: Discerning

Noor: Driven

Zimal (me) ;): Perceptive

Life with them felt easy like I was being myself rather than performing and we lifted each other up and hyped up every new achievement. Everything felt so natural but then I began noticing things that weren’t there before.

It was Noor’s 32th birthday and also her 3rd best music composer award party. I was running late and came to Noor’s recording studio straight from work. All three of them stood around the cake shining as the spotlight hit Noor. Their smiles could light up a room on its own and it made my heart swell with pride and admiration. Amal spotted me first, her smile had dropped a little or I think it did. She jumped and waved me over.

“Zimal, Jan (Jan meaning life) why so late we almost cut the cake without you,” if anyone else heard her they would tell me Amal was mocking me but I knew her, she was just being her playful self. Amal positioned me by her side, her heels making her a head taller than me.

Noor blew out her candles and the crowd cheered and clapped as balloons fell from the ceiling. It was after the party ended that we really talked. We were at Noor’s penthouse, staying over lounging around and eating everyone’s (not mine) favorite cheese pizza.

“This author I’m working with is so needy but also arrogant, she thinks her book is revolutionary but come on” Amal laughs, it's somehow mocking like she is enjoying it. I’ve never noticed this before, “the book is literally the most basic thing out there, same trauma, same survival story but for some reason she thinks this will change the world, affects people’s hearts. You know what the truth is…” Amal stopped for a dramatic effect before continuing “if it weren’t for me to guide them, shape their work their work doesn’t exist. I make it exist.”

“Same girl,” Esra chimes in from her seat waving around her slice of pizza “you know my junior designers, they have talent but no sense. I mean they have the concepts but if I don't shape them they are useless. So what if I take their half finished designs, if it weren’t for me those designs would sit in storage for life.”

“That's nothing,” Noor holds her head higher like she is about to say something profound, “I have an artist who comes in with the most absurd lyrics and likes the same old beats. But they are literally the most fragile people out there. I told that artist, you know the one with pink hair and all that her lyrics were timeless but OH MY GOD, it's the same incoherent lyrics she always brings in.” Noor throws her hands up in frustration, “I can't say it to her face ‘this is stupid’ so I have to maneuver her towards what will work and I know what will work.”

They continued ranting for a while before turning to me. I was quiet the whole time. This felt wrong, talking about other people.

“What about you Zimal, no drama” Esra asked, tilting her head slightly and looking at both Noor and Amal, a glance passed through them. I notice but it's so effortless.

“No drama,” I shrug a little, “you know I work alone.”

“That's the best, work alone and have a drama free life,” Esra looks away and i see a twitch of a smirk which she cover up by pretending to scratch her nose.

“Guys, I…” I take a deep breath before speaking “...I don’t like it when you talk like this and…”

“Well, not all of us could be saints like you…” Amal trails off smirking.

This was my cue to leave, I got up and headed to the quest room furthest from them. I spent the rest of the night, until sleep came, thinking back to all the moments I dismissed. By morning I had a mental list of all the things they had done that could destroy their lives. Right there in Noor’s kitchen I made three lists, each list had all the wrong, illegal and betrayal worthy things they had done. The list was long and far more damaging than I had anticipated.

Noor, Amal and Esra came to breakfast one by one. I placed their trays in front of them, the list remained folded in my pocket. I knew I needed to talk to them before they went over their heads.

“So…uhhh…listen. This is important and I need you to listen till the end…OK” they stared at me without blinking, “OKAY!!!” I said more desperately.

“Okay miss dramatic” Esra yawned, stretching and taking her seat. Noor and Amal followed.

“Last night, when I went to bed I started thinking… what you are doing is not right.” I was fidgeting with my hands and had to push them into my pockets.

“What are we going to do?” Noor asked bored and lazily waving her fork.

“Talking bad about your clients, stealing designs and not letting your artist express themselves. It's wrong and then you gloat about it. What if someone found out. This could ruin your careers, your lives…”

“Who's going to tell anyone…” Amal’s voice was low and razor-thin, every word sharpened by restraint “YOU? Are you going to tell someone and destroy your best friend's lives? HUH?”

“No… I just…” I began but was stopped by Amal’s next words.

“Pathetic, you think you could be here if it weren’t for us…” Amal was taking slow heavy steps towards me, “You want to go tell on us…” Esra was behind Amal now, “Do you think people will believe you…” Noor was holding Amal from the front.

“Amal calm down, Zimal won’t say a word,” Noor was standing between me and Amal now “You wouldn’t say anything will you, Zimal…Zimal.”

“No, I won't, I was just…” I could finish the sentence.

“See,” Noor said with a weak smile “Zimal apologies, please.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” Amal spat.

“Amal, you apologize as well,” Noor demanded. Amal glared at Noor who glared back but then Amal’s face softened.

“Zimal, sorry” Amal said without meeting my eyes.

“Zimal,” Esra spoke up this time, “What we are going isn’t wrong, we make them successful, we help them,” Esra held her gaze with me, her soft eyes made me believe she wasn’t wrong, but I knew she was wrong. They all were. I couldn’t do anything about it, I had no proof, no evidence. For people who gloat about their wrong goings they sure knew how to hide evidence.

I left the house an hour later, we had made up for now. After how Amal spoke I had made up my mind I wanted to distance myself from them, slowly, so they wouldn’t notice.

After 3 weeks I went to dinner with them. I had gotten out of 3 meet ups and 2 dinners but I had no excuse this time so I went. Sitting at the outdoor downtown restaurant I finally understood the group dynamics, Amal was the gatekeeper to literature, Esra decided the group fashion, Noor was the music guru and I…I had one job, to make them look interesting, uplift them and feed their ego. They were ‘nice’ when we were young but I don’t know when everything changed.

“Hey…” they all turned towards me, “What do you all think about Germany?” I asked in my softest voice.

“BORING!!!” they said in unison.

“Why?” Noor asked.

“I’m going for a week for research. I wanted to know if you would join.” I explained.

“Yeah, No. Germany is so boring.” Amal dismissed me.

“Nah!! I have a show.” Esra cleared it, it was a lie and I knew it.

“Nope” Noor didn’t even try to explain.

After dinner, I came home and packed my bags. My flight was in hours and the sooner I left the better. Once in Germany, I sat in my new home and waited, waited for them to call and tell me how their lives were imploding.

Everything was going as I had planned and the second the group called me I knew it was time for the truth.

“So…” my voice was steady no longer the weak and timid voice they heard all their lives.

“What the hell Zimal, what did you do?” Amal screamed through the phone.

“Nothing really, I just collected evidence on you for all the crimes, illegal dealings and sabotages you have done over the years and gave it to a trusted reporter. I didn’t do much,” this time I was mocking them.

“Why?” Esra asked desperately.

“Ohh Esra, I know you don't remember and that's the part that hurts the most. You three betrayed me and I couldn't forget that.”

“We didn’t do anything…” Noor yelled.

“Ohh but you did, you just don't want to admit it.” I have a sly smirk on my face, enjoying their reaction. “You think I don't know about the group chat where you called me all sorts of names.” My voice is steady, controlled unlike how I normally speak with them.

“Or how you sabotaged my thesis project and almost got me expelled because you thought it would be fun. Or did you forget how you used me as a punching bag whenever you were upset. It was so easy to make you think I was weak, but I was always watching, recording. I took it all not because I couldn't speak up but because I wanted to make you fall when you were at the top and I have the records to prove it. And I must say watching you scrum is quite fun. I only regret not being there in person to watch your world crumble.”

“You bi…” one of them started before I cut her off.

“Don't even, none of you will lose your careers. I made sure of that but neither will you be able to get up from where you have fallen. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.” I say before hanging up the call, I could still hear them yelling profanities.

— The End —