The Bridesmaid Scandal (a bit scandalous, age 32+ for l*sb*anism)

Josefina looked at herself in the mirror. She wore a dull, beige mom bridesmaid dress. Ugh, she looked a mess (she was british latina so thats why she said that). A bloody mess. (Not actual blood, for non brits who may be reading. Well, she had gotten her period that morning, but she put a tamp in!!!! Come on!!!! Duuuudeee! She's not a monster! Cmonnnn guyyysss....)

She glanced to her left. Before her was her very best friend, Bianca, the bride. Her wedding dress was a sight to be seen. A sight for sore eyes with styes. It was beautiful, flowingly elegant, and white and busty. And....and....well, let's face it; she looked like a snack. A fruit snack, to be exact. Her back it cracked. It sounded really satisfying to be honest......Zach.

Josefina was bubbling with envy for her Bibi. Outside, Adam, the groom, was waiting for his gorgeous busty wife. Josefina was flat as a varnished wood door with no knocker (get it). Her hands curled into angry fists. "Bianca......it's not fair......I was supposed to be the busty bride...."

*FLASHBACK*

Josefina was getting tan on the beach with her boyfriend, ADAM (Bianca's now-future hubby if you forgot if anyone reading has amnesia of sorts). Adam was playing volleyball with the boys. His shirt was in a heap on the sand. His muscles shifted beneath his glistening torso as he served the ball. He completely missed the shot. It was so embarassing genuinely. But still, the sand was wet with Josefina's drool as she admired her mans. She liked 'em pathetic and apalling.

"Ahhh..." She sighed, applying some suntan lotion to her Latina arms and back, "This is the life. I love my Adam. My Adam's apple. The apple of my Latina eye," She talked to herself like this often. crazy girl... "We will always be together. We will never break up. And he will never marry my best friend Bianca because she is sooooo ugly and flat as a varnished wood door with no knocker. (do you get it yet. anyone anyone there any god dang body where are you Icant see anything )

But to her surprise, the following summer, Bianca had a serious glow up. She got implants and botox so of course she was like gorgeous BBL queen, but in a Kim Kardashian sort of way. Meanwhile, Josefina was naturally beautiful. She didn't need bust or botox to lure the boys in. She just needed her milkshake in her yard (Anyone???? EFFFF SYDNEY SWEENEY!!!)

End flashback babes xx

The wedding music began to play. The church bells chimed. The organist played the lovely instrument. She was very old and looked as though she would drop dead at any minute. She was just really old like youd have to see it to believe it. But she looked pretty sharp like she prolly didnt have dementia or anything. But you can never really tell. That kind of stuff sneaks up on you like an ex husband on your doorstep in your Ring camera at 3am. Plus I think dementia is genetic? Can somebody tell me if you know in the comment section. All of my elders had memory problems. Ah....what was I writing about??? Hah, I guess it does run in the family. LMAO. (laughing ((with)) mom and ouncle my kpop granddaughter taught me that stan loona type shift)

Bianca stepped into the aisle, looking like a delicious cake pop in a Starbucks display case. Not the kind with flies inside. The kind with beautiful busty butterflies.

Adam's mouth fell open when he saw his bride to be. "So....so beautiful.......must....resist...." He drooled. Josefina growled deep inside her flat chest. "No......can't crash out.......not now.......gotta keep it in........"

"Greetings, everyone," said the priest. "Y'all ready to have a wedding?" They were in Texas so all the priests talked like this. "Adam Warlocke, do you take Bianca Stratford to be your lawfully wedded wife?" "I do," Adam grinned cheekily. Bianca shed a giggly tear. "And Bianca Stratty, do you take Mad-Dog Warlocke to be your hubby now and forevs?" "I'm ready to be Bianca Warlocke. I do," she laughed with a bit of an aegyo charm. "If anyone has any objections to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your pee. CRAP!!!! EHHHH! Peace I meant. Stupid stupid... god Icant do anything right jesus "

"I object!" Cried Josefina. Everyone gasped. "Bianca.......Adam is my manz! I won't let you take him away from me!"

"Ladies ladies," Adam said, shaking his white boy dreads. "No need to fight. I'm tryna get married today.. leave me alone type shift."

Josefina tried to pry the bouquet from Bianca's greedy grimy hands. They yanked the flowers back and forth until it split down the middle and they fell over. Haha clumsy girls their so wild...

Josefina was getting ready to throw a punch when she saw Bianca standing over her, holding out her hand in an offer to help her up. "Thanks," she said. The two women gazed at each other with a newfound appreciation for their shared hardships.

"You know what?" Bianca said. "I think Adam is causing most of our problems, don't you think????? What do you say... take a chance and run away with me, Mija?"

Josefina pondered this, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Thinking.....thinking.....1....2....3......." Finally, she said, "YES! You may call me rose. I mean, wife. I mean, let's go live in a cottage in the woods."

Note from Carol: this is what I have always dreamed of doing with my best friend Agnes but we are not lesbian she is married and I am recently divorced but exclusively attracted to males and Josefina and Bianca are not lesbian either they are just really really really really really close friends I thought I'd clear that up because I know how some of you are no shade to the muh luh muhs I like them a lot and consume all the MLM media all the Boys Loves and Yaoi and such thx xoxo

Adam growled menacingly. He couldn't believe his boo thang was MOVING IN (not marrying) his ex fling. Just then, the organist who thought the girls were at the beginning of their lesbian journey which she did not support, dropped to the floor having a heart attack (by CHUU and demi lovato) and a fever (by ENHYPEN) and an anneruism (Greys atnatmy prolly at some point). "Omg someone get her to the hospital!" said Bianca.

The organist died but everyone else was ok. Except Adam as the years wore on he turned to alcohol and hard drugs. He bought them from a man named Walter White he was bald and bad and he had some glasses on his haad. Eventually though they both got arrested and Adam got beat to death and shanked in prison just like the hit mobile game BitLife.

Meanwhile Josefina and Bianca spent the rest of their days in a beautiful cottage in the English countryside feeding goats and riding horses into the night. They were very very very happy and straight both of them.

GUYS if anyone goes to micky d's anytime soon and you get the jimin figure can you sedn ti to me thanks im sooooo stressed trying to pull my bias