SWEDISH FIKA

Lena was looking at the cobalt blue sea. It was so peaceful and she felt so much at ease, especially when she felt two arms hugging her from behind.

„Enjoying yourself?“, a seductive voice murmured in her ear. She nestled more into the hug and closed her eyes. She felt secure. Held. „I got you“ feeling all over her.

She woke up slowly, listening to the soothing sounds of the seagulls, breathing in salty air. Eyes still closed, she enjoyed the peace, the sounds, the smell. She turned around in bed and opened her eyes to the new dawn – her windows were open at the top, the radiators in full heat. Her phone showed it was 5AM. She had slept for only a couple of hours but felt rested and refreshed.

She got up and looked through the window. The Baltic Sea was so close to her hotel, she was lucky the room overlooking it was available. She squinted her eyes turning her head just a little bit: a little like the sea in her dream.

Sweden. She was in Sweden, in Västervik, her favorite getaway whenever she felt restless, sad, dejected. Traveling always took her mind off her own demons. She landed at the Skavsta Airport and went straight to Aiden by Best Western. The place was amazing, at 9:30 PM the sun started to set. It was May and the air was mellow. The hotel guests and those from the nearby cities were there watching the Eurovision Song Contest 2022. She could easily see why they would come here with their family and friends – the interior design was gorgeous. She sat down at the bar and started chatting with a waitress from Colombia who was preparing her daughter’s quinceañera. She had just come back from there because she wanted to invite all those on the guestlist in person.

“I told her, ok, not all our relatives and cousins from Colombia will come, you may change your court, do some modern stuff, but I am choosing the dress! I paid €670 for it!”, she said proudly.

“Can you afford that?”, Lena asked nodding approvingly.

“Well. I am in Sweden now, so yes, I could have bought her a more expensive one but…I will let her see how money is earned and then she can buy whatever she wants no matter the price!”

“Oh, you let me go on and on about me and how about you? What brings you here?”

Lena hesitated for a second. She didn’t want to sound like a bad cliché so she decided to spin it.

“Oh, just my poor ol’ broken heart”, she quipped, fighting off the pain that clenched her insides. “I am actually heading for Västervik tomorrow morning. Bus to Linköping and then train to Västervik.“

They chatted some more, the waitress told her more about her life in Sweden prompted by Lena’s questions. Then Lena went to take a shower, her card got demagnetized due to the steam in the communal bathroom so she went down to get another one from the receptionist.

It was almost 6AM when she woke up. She packed her suitcase took another shower, got breakfast and headed for the bus. She reached Linköping and waited for her train for Västervik. She was half-drowsy while on the train.

Those were the things that made Lena take long trips after heavy heartbreaks. Being busy with bookings, packing, meeting new people, learning about their lives, enjoying nature – all that helped her forget.

Lena temped as the instructor in the American camp for middle school students from developing countries. While prepping the students for camp activities, she felt her fiancé had become a bit distant but they both worked a lot so she didn’t want to obsess about it. However, it was strange that he was rarely home, even in the evening, considering the fact that she was supposed to be away for two weeks. They had got engaged five months prior and suddenly he started behaving as if he had locked up the prize thus ensuring a free pass. The free pass! She even went away for the weekend without telling him anything and he never asked a single question, let alone called her! When she got back, on the way to their building, she stopped a few feet away from him and saw that he didn’t even notice her – he was gazing at something in the distance, eyes focused and intense. She looked in the same direction but saw the same shops as always. It was too early for most of them to be open.

„Hey“, she called and he was startled, as if from some kind of reverie. „Care to help me with the luggage?“, she asked smiling.

He was confused: „Sorry, hon, gotta get to work“ and left. Not even a dry peck on the cheek.

She went to her own apartment (they lived in the same building and alternated between apartments). Something was amiss but whenever she checked on him, which was not often, he was always in the company of men.

She knew he had wandering eyes but decided to trust him right at the beginning of their relationship. Good thing she wasn’t jealous by nature. Or maybe she should've been?

That very evening, he had to work late and she had a meeting with her team and the parents of the kids who were going to the camp. She was taking notes for the report and when the meeting was over, all explanations and information provided, the parents gathered around her colleagues to fill in the forms and get the checklists of all the things they should provide for their kids and the paperwork they would bring to the camp instructors before the trip.

However, one mother was leaning against the wall, apart from other parents. She would look at her phone and then glance at Lena. Lena liked the woman, Katarin, she worked in her neighborhood and she was her daughter’s favorite instructor. Not long ago, Katarin was showing her Leah’s primary school prom pictures. Leah was wearing a man’s suit, a hat and she was the embodiment of a young female power.

Katarin stole another look at Lena who gave her an encouraging smile and nodded towards her colleagues and other parents:“ You should go grab the papers!“, and went back to her report.

Katarin was looking at her, a cat looking at a mouse. She started towards Lena, undulating her hips. Lena choked back a laugh because the woman’s walk was unnatural, it was not her style. Suddenly, she was in front of Lena’s desk.

Lena stood up. She thought Katarin was perhaps nervous because of „her little camper“ going away for two weeks into the unknown.

„What’s the problem?“, Lena asked with a smile.

Katarin simply held out the hand with the phone on her palm.

„You have a new phone? You want me to help you out with something?“, Lena asked all confused.

Katarin fumbled with the keys, blushing.

„I just wanted to show you Leah’s prom pictures. You are her favorite teacher, after all“, she added.

Lena wanted to remind her she had already shown her the pictures but something made her stop.

Katarin’s finger was hovering over the icons on her screen and then she went straight into the WhatsApp messages.

Lena didn’t blink. Her professional business-like brain took over. She recognized the picture of the second person in a long message thread. Didn’t even bother to look at the messages. She only let herself notice the messages were long, the content was irrelevant. She was aware of the voices of other people behind the two of them.

She turned her wide smile to Katarin.

„Wow, Katarin, this must be a brand new phone since you’re not able to distinguish between the icons for Gallery and WhatsApp!“, she said flippantly.

„You really need someone to help you with technology, it’s not that difficult!“

Katarin was now red in the face. She left the messages and clicked on the Gallery icon. She commented on the pictures.

„Here’s Leah, a genuine original!“, she said.

„Yeah, she really is something!“, Lena added looking at the picture.

„Here’s another one with me“, Katarin swiped right. Lena was looking at the picture thinking: Had Katarin even thought that her kind-hearted beautiful daughter would have experienced the same things her mother was trying to make Lena go through?

„I love the pictures, they are so Leah“, Lena said.

„I would have liked them even more had they not been the same pictures you showed me two weeks ago“, she added with a quiet smile. She nodded towards her colleagues:

„Go get the papers, otherwise we will have to print out the new ones for Leah. Have a great evening!“

She sat down and continued working on her report, acknowledging the fact that he was looking at the shop where Katarin was working when she met him that morning. He was probably checking whether she had opened it. I am not thinking about it now, Leah thought. Her brain was in a working mode.

Katarin was still standing above her, looking utterly confused. Lena looked up and motioned her towards her colleagues.

Oh, you stupid woman! You are not going to get the reaction you are hoping for from me!

They finished everything and decided to spend the rest of the evening in the nearest cafe. He was there but she ignored him. He got loud in order to attract her attention and she finally turned to face him: „Could you be less loud? We can barely hear one another! Oh, Katarin says hi, she is free tonight!“

She turned around, paid the bill for the table and left.

Two weeks passed quickly. She returned to her apartment, texted him she was going away and that they needed a break, or a break-up. She despised the people who did such things via text but self-preservation had won. She got herself busy with booking the flight, tickets, accommodation… She managed to find a great room in downtown Västervik.

Suddenly, she became aware that the guy sitting diagonally from her would look at her from time to time. Along with the girl sleeping in the farthest corner, they were the only people in the compartment.

Lena had the whole booth to herself so she simply turned around and took a short nap. When the train stopped in Västervik, it was already late Sunday afternoon. The hotel was some 10 minutes away from the station. She walked slowly rolling her suitcase. When she reached the hotel, she checked the door code on her phone, keyed in the numbers and took the elevator to the second floor.

She took a quick shower, changed and went out to have dinner. The street was empty except for several women with headscarves and their kids ahead of her on the quay by the sea. The sea was cobalt blue, like the eyes she had left behind. She went back to the main street and decided to get something to eat in a Thai place, Thai Hoa. It was also empty and when she asked the owner; „Where are the people?“, the woman answered; „It’s a beautiful day, probably somewhere in nature or having a barbecue with family and neighbors.“

She thought she was alone until she saw him sitting at the corner table by the window. The chairs had high backrests so he was hard to spot. She waved and he got up and sat down at her table.

„It’s ok, right? I don’t need to ask for permission since you’ve waved me here!“, he was joking.

„We’re the only two people left alive after the apocalypse or so it seems so it’s okay“, Lena laughed.

He introduced himself as Anders, a lecturer at the Stockholm School Of Economics.

„Oooooh, big shot! Nice!“, Lena was flirting. She felt carefree and careless. He was not too tall, 5.7 perhaps but he had strong, elegant features, fair shiny locks reaching his shoulders, mesmerizing gray-green eyes.

They decided to dine together and split the bill and then opted for the duck with pineapple. Lena was always in search of tasting unfamiliar foods and dishes and she enjoyed it. They paid and then Anders suggested a walk along the sea. There were walking paths and cute houses along the way. The sea sparkled under the setting sun. They saw a bunch of beer cans, „probably left by minors since they cannot drink in cafes and bars until they are of age“, Anders said.

The conversation had a natural uninterrupted flow and even the pauses were not uncomfortable. They started walking back to the hotel when he entered the code.

„Wait, you’re staying here too?“, Lena asked. He chuckled.

„It’s a great location, right in the middle of the shops!“, he added with a mischievous smile.

He was at the beginning of the corridor and she was just next to the spacious dining room.

„I’ll leave you alone tonight“, he said. Lena raised her eyebrows. She smiled and as she was passing him while he was opening his door, he took her by the hand and kissed her. She didn’t even have the time (or space) to complain. But what a kiss! His tongue in her mouth seemed to be caressing her most sensitive spot.

Lena was not the person who slept with men at the first sight. Or the second, sometimes it would take a long time and then the chance was gone. But this time she simply decided to follow her senses and her body’s needs.

„I need to go to my room and change“, she extricated herself from his arms.

„DO NOT CLOSE THE DOOR!“, she shouted as she was walking away. She took a quick shower and silently thanked her mother for teaching her that waxing was not a luxury but part of a regular beauty routine and hygiene so she didn’t need to worry on that front. She changed into her sleeping shorts and camisole and hurried back to his room.

Anders was two years younger than her but when he stripped, she'd later describe him to her friends as „41 on the outside, 24 with his clothes off“. His body was beautiful. Lena could not think of other adjectives, just „beautiful“ every time she looked at him. No spots, no skin tags, clear, finely shaped muscles, buttery feel. Slightly tanned, he went fishing with his cousin in Spain a month ago.

But his game was not aggressive. They were kissing like crazy for a long time and he took his time alright. Then he took his time with every part of her body: face, neck, eyes, shoulders, tummy, legs, knees, toes…Lena finally understood when some women said „Oh, this guy knows how to take care of a woman!“.

She was taken care of and enjoyed every second. She felt extremely selfish, no need to do something in return and Anders seemed to enjoy himself pleasuring her. Her (definitely ex?) fiancé was very handsome but the sad truth was that they had never had sex! One whole year of relationship and engagement and nothing! Judging by Katarin and his behavior, God knows how many women had been on the same string. He was a bad kisser too – he kissed as if he was trying to pull her tongue out, or her tonsils sometimes. Sometimes it was exhausting. Of course he could not sleep with her since there were so many women who probably had no idea he wasn’t much of a lover. All he had was a silver tongue - a smooth talker and a smooth operator.

That night, after a year of celibacy in a relationship, Lena hit the ceiling nine times. After every one of them, her hunger and passion grew more until Anders groaned: „Woman, you are insatiable!“

They fell asleep as the sun was starting to emerge. Anders was spooning her, his legs around hers, his arms around and above her so that she wouldn’t feel suffocated (earlier that day she shared she couldn’t sleep with a guy in the same bed and thought separate beds and rooms were a blessing).

They woke just in time to grab some breakfast and then dressed and went for a walk. Their steps matched without any effort. Lena remembered how her ex didn’t bother to help her on an icy street when she was in heels. Matching steps were nowhere to be found.

Since the weather was nice, they decided to sit outside the Mocca Deli restaurant. They agreed their tea was the most delicious green tea ever tasted.

“How long are you staying?”, Anders asked kissing her fingers.

“Eight days”, Lena answered.

He thought for a second.

“Have you ever been to Stockholm?”

Lena shook her head.

“Well”, Anders said, “I think you should come and let me be your guide. How much time off do you have?”

Lena ordered bulgur chicken for her and deli plate for him.

“How much would I need?”, she asked.

“Enough to get used to having Swedish fika with me as long as you want”, he said with a cheeky grin.

Lena hid her smile.

“Then I have as much as it takes”, she said, looking out at the fateful Baltic Sea.