To-Do

CW: Physical violence, stalking

To Do:

1. Cut a chunk of her hair.

2. Find out where she lives.

3. Met with Map Design study group.

4. Impress her with my genius!

“Do you know the difference between a cape and a peninsula? Or an isthmus?

"Because people just say peninsula for everything. But I know the difference. I know a lot of stuff. Let’s go out sometime. I can teach you things.”

Camille pretended to sip from her empty cup and breathed in the lingering coffee smell. She’d finished the flat white on the other side of campus but only threw it away after this class. With her hands full, she couldn’t return a wave or shake his hand.

Her silence rose above the classroom noise of unzipping backpacks and banging metal doors. Rob only smiled wider, showing every tooth. She could feel his stare the same she could feel an approaching storm. Were there any words, any new words, that would make sense to him?

“Umm, geography is not really my thing. I mean, I told you before, no? I just need to focus on this class. Ok, Rob?”

“Why? It’s just a dumb elective. ‘Memes and Society’. It’s an easy A. Unless…are you struggling? I can tutor you. Let’s partner on this project. I’ll come to your dorm.”

The paper cup dented under Camille’s thumbs. Her earrings swung, pulling on her ears and bouncing off her neck, as she too quickly shook her head. The professor rescued her with his claps demanding everyone’s attention. Camille faced forward and allowed a quick shiver of her shoulders. She could still feel Rob’s eyes and hear his breathing as the professor began his lecture on Man vs Bear.

“Would you rather be stuck in the woods with a man or a bear? Raise your hand for bear.”

Clothes rustled and a few sleeves snapped like punches thrown in a karate class. All the female students, including Camille, had raised a hand. Some of the male students jeered and the debate began but Camille heard only the scoff from behind her and then felt a slight tug on her hair. Automatically, she turned and Rob’s eyes locked on hers.

“So you like bears better? I know where they are. I can take you to the marsh. And I’ll show you the difference between a marsh and a swamp.”

Camille retreated forward again. She twirled her hair into a ponytail and pulled it forward over her left shoulder. The ends were choppy. She didn’t remember having that weird gap. Had she felt something? Was she imagining things?

Camille grabbed her backpack and rushed down the aisle, putting distance and other students between herself and Rob. At first, she’d thought he was just another nerd, not so different from herself. But she wasn’t looking over her shoulder for a nerd. She wasn’t taking the long route to her dorm because of a geek. And she definitely didn’t hide inside the women’s restroom because of some dork.

To Do:

1. Drop-off hardware at Geographic Info Systems office.

2. Order costume. Overnight delivery!!

3. Zipties, assorted sizes! Blanket, ropes, other usual stuff.

4. Review trails and pick out spot.

Rubbing the leaf between her fingers, it could have been plastic, the leaf was that smooth and sturdy. Camille didn’t know the names of any of these trees but under their canopies, she felt both more protected and more alive. The trees had been an unspoken factor in Camille choosing this university. Now standing at the head of this trailway into her favorite forest, the sweet air was polluted by an unwelcome voice in her head. That know-it-all tone spouting condescending facts about her forest. The trees gave her peace, and an anger grew at him for intruding on that. A deep voice unrolled behind her and she jumped, closing her hand on the leaf and ripping it from the tree.

“Camille – whoa, you ok? Its just me, Michael. I’m sorry I scared you.”

“No, yeah - I’m sorry. I was just stuck in my own head. Weird question, but would you mind walking me back to my dorm? Actually, could we hang out at your place for a bit? I don’t want to go home right away.”

Camille ran her fingers through her loose hair, lingering on the chopped ends. She had avoided tallying all the signs, the red flags, throughout the semester. It had been drilled into her to always give the benefit of the doubt. But she was walking with a green flag made flesh. Through middle, high school and now in college, Michael was solid even if they’d always been in different social circles – she a bookworm, he a drama kid. And a guy’s perspective could be good.

Michael’s eyebrows arched higher and his frown deeper with each detail. When Camille fell silent, he finally flipped the eyebrows, and they dove down to meet his pseudo-permanent frown. Camille felt his eyes on her and searched the living room for a distraction. On one wall hung the iconic comedy and tragedy theater masks. This pair stark black against the white wall but with Mardi Gras gold, green, and purple colored streamers hanging below. Michel’s face had mirrored those masks, shifting as she’d talked, and now was frozen like bad plastic surgery.

“Camille, you need protection beyond me just walking you home. You may not have pepper spray, but I got something. Here – why are you laughing?”

Camille held the bear spray and giggled at the irony of being given the spray by a man for a man and not a bear. It could be a good angle for her Memes paper.

“Michael, you are a theater major who has never once been anywhere without air-conditioning. Where in the world did you get bear spray?”

“Of course, it’s not mine. It’s my roommate’s. He goes out into the woods all the time. Wait, not woods, marshes. He’s crazy about that kinda stuff.”

Marshes. Rob hadn’t been in class today. Michael’s apartment had been empty when they arrived. Inside the apartment, that one other door was closed. No TV murmuring from that bedroom. No footfalls of a grumpy roommate. No echoes of running water in the bathroom. She had assumed they were alone, and now that basic, white door had turned sinister and deceitful. Were those shadows moving on the floor? She removed the safety on the bear spray.

“Whoa! Camille! You can’t use that indoors!” Michael jumped up from the table as Camille moved towards the bedroom door. “What are you doing?”

Maps. Maps overlapping other maps covered the walls, with red strings and pushpins marking something. Cardboard boxes overflowed with gear like someone had lucked into a clearance sale at Outdoor World. On a drafting table, stacks of books with colorful Post-it flags between the pages, proving they were well studied. The titles boasted surveillance and tracking. Outside the single window, a beautiful tree waved its thick leaves in the dying sunlight, throwing shadows over the furniture and across the floor.

Michael’s voice had turned to white noise as Camille stood by the bedside table. A lock of hair was tied with the same red string as on the walls. She reached one hand up and then down the length of her ponytail to the edges of a missing chunk.

“I think I know your roommate.”

The silence from Michael stretched taut and then broke into a rush of memories, excused comments, dismissed moments. His words pushed Camille out of the room, the apartment, and she rushed down the stairs to stay ahead of them. Michael ran beside her and away from all that he had mistaken.

Pumping her arms. Pounding her feet. Panting each breath. Her body did what her mind could not – something, anything. Branches scratched at her face, and leaves caught in her hair. Michael pulled on her arm, slowing her down, and tried to stop her from running deeper into the forested trail. With Michael as an anchor, she sank to her knees.

“Michael, you were not on my to-do list.”

And there he stood. In a bear onesie costume.

A burst of laughter rose up just as her stomach dropped to the ground. Camille felt she had split in two. In her mind, she saw her childhood room with the calming tree murals and her cuddly teddy bears piled into a soft mound on the bed. With her own eyes, she saw stubby ears and a round potbelly, all brown and furry but with Rob’s relentless wide-mouthed smile. In one paw, a bundle of white ropes and red string.

“I had planned for just you and me, Camille. But plans change. And I already made some corrections.” In his other paw, Rob waved something that Camile prayed was only a taser or a stun gun.

“Do you recognize where we are, Camille? It’s your desire path. The trail you’ve made on your own, off the official path. In geography, also called erosion paths or pedestrian shortcuts. But I like desire path. We all have our desires. I knew you would come this way. Eventually. Instinctively.

"And what do you think of the costume? I was inspired by my roomie here. I’m not into theater, but I do like irony.”

Cutesy brown and soft beige against nature’s palette in a million green leaves. Rob had taken the innocent memory of a childhood toy from her. He’d taken the safe haven of trees from her. And clearly, he planned to take much more from her.

“So Camille, let’s find out what happens when you are stuck in the woods with a man and a bear.”

To Do:

1. Give ‘Man vs Bear’ presentation.

2. Visit Michael in the hospital.

3. Get more pepper spray.

Jello pudding cups cluttered the table, and Camille pushed them aside to make room for another glass of ice chips. Hot drinks, caffeinated drinks were all taboo, but Camille had lost her taste for coffee. And not because her throat still burned from the spray.

The cool glass soothed her hand too. Red with scaly patches, it was now the only visible evidence. Theater makeup hid the purpling bruises and the scabbed scratches on her cheekbones. The makeup had been Michael’s suggestion, to boost her confidence during her speech. Camille flexed her empty hands and shook out the nerves. She pulled her newly styled hair forward and let it fall evenly over her shoulders.

Camille tried on a smile and reached for her phone to take a selfie. The new phone buzzed across the table, and Camille yanked her hand back as if from a hot stove. Another unknown caller.

4. Report calls from prison to DA’s office.

5. Move