Sunflowers

(Disclaimer - the contents of this story may content sensistive topics that may be disturbing for some readers, including subject matters of death, grief, and brief imagery of a dead body)

This spring morning was particularly crisp. The dew was heavy, so much so that it made the windows of the young woman’s car cry as she stepped out onto the tarnished gravel of the old park. 5 AM was a jarring time to be awake, but at the spry age of 28, she was used to it. It was definitely dark, but the haze of the Sun herself, who was still an inglorious huddle of sheets refusing to start the day, damply lit the area.

Leaves crunching beneath her feet, the woman walked to her usual spot and settled her picnic basket into the earth. She unpacked some paper plates, two turkey sandwiches, some napkins, and a bottle of orange juice onto her navy tartan blanket. She did this every Thursday, as she was a woman of habit, but this particular Thursday seemed to greet her with a melancholy disposition.

She took a second to scan the surroundings of this desolate park. Lonely gray stones stood proudly, scattered in no particular order. The only other signs of life were the sparrows nesting in the evergreen willow trees and the crickets chirping inconspicuously. Both of which provided the woman with shade and company. Nearby, she spotted a bushel of sunflowers and smiled softly. She loved sunflowers.

She closed her eyes and breathed in a deep gulp of cool air. She always believed that nature had the most maternal scent. Exhaling with a loud sigh, she took a moment to wipe her glasses clean of the humidity that blocked her view, and spoke.

“I’m going away for a while, and I don’t think I’ll be coming back”. The park had suddenly grown quiet, as if her voice had startled it.

“Joshua and I are moving”.

She let that statement sink in, and the universe allowed a beat to pass before she continued.

“We talked about it, and I know it’s sudden, but his job is demanding. I think it would be in our best interest to leave while the market’s low. The house will be inexpensive enough, at least for the down payment”. A sudden gust of wind kissed the girl's face, and she rubbed it tenderly.

“It’s been tough. I know it’s the next step, and this would be such a good opportunity for him, but I…” Her voice cracks as her eyes well with hot tears.

“I’m not ready to leave you”. Trembling, she turned to face what she had been avoiding this whole time. Laura Sandhurst was speaking over the grave of her mother, Edith Sandhurst, who had been buried 3 years prior.

“I’m so lost, Mama. I don’t know what to feel anymore.” Laura could hardly breathe between her broken words. “Even if I did have the…the funds to come and see you, we’re moving halfway around the world”.

Laura remembered all the times her Mama would console her when she cried. As a little girl, whether it was a scrape from tripping in the garden or simple childish anger, she would bawl into Edith’s arms until her roar of emotion finally settled. She would suddenly find herself falling asleep to the gentle sound of her humming. You are My Sunshine was her favourite song. As she grew older, and the challenges of high school, a bachelor's degree, and a master's degree pushed her beyond her limits, Mama was always there.

No mother and daughter in the entire world were closer. Laura’s father had died in a car accident when she was four, and Edith, now handling the responsibilities of a single mother, taught her everything. A humble seamstress, Edith made sure to guide young Laura on the joys of life and what it meant to be a woman in this day and age. There was always an emphasis on her education and on how she needed to work hard, so that she would never be in a position where she needed to depend on someone for support, financial or otherwise.

All these memories of Laura laughing with her mother, arguing with her, her and Joshua’s wedding, and even morning tea conversations rushed back to her all at once, and at this point, she was inconsolable; her sadness grew into solemn, desperate anger.

“I just want you to come back, Mama. I can’t do this anymore”. Streams of tears glided down her face as she cried, wailing for her mother. The most human of all desires. What Laura would give to hear her sing again. The flashing image of her mother's decaying, lifeless body, 6 feet underground, stabbed her heart sharply. Nature, which both women once loved dearly, was now slowly claiming one of them back. How cruel was that?

“Why did you have to leave me, Mama? Why?” She mumbled between sobs. “I wasn’t ready. You said you’d always be there. Was that ever true?! I still need you.” Laura’s cries could be heard throughout Balladsville Cemetery. She would never forget that phone call. Edith was pushing 80 and had passed in her sleep. It was how she always said she would prefer to go. Painlessly. But the reality of a world without her mother had crushed Laura, and now, three years later, it was still as if she had passed yesterday.

She couldn’t take it anymore. Weeping like a baby, Laura was now curled in a fetal position just in front of the gravestone. Her tears watered the overgrown grass as she grabbed at the bits of blades into her whitening fists.

“Mama?” She whispered into the soil, now smeared all over her reddened face. “Can you hear me?” She already knew the answer, but she was stubborn. That was never her mother's favourite trait, and the memory of her blonde hair and caramel scent ached her heart.

Laura mumbled into the dirt, “I still dream about you, Mama. All the time. You sing to me in those dreams. Do you remember?” Her glasses clung to the sweat on her face. “Will you sing for me, Mama? Just like you used to?” Her voice raspy, gulping breaths as she began to sing.

“You are my sunshine….my…only…sun…shine”. The wind slowly grew stronger, and the sagging tree branches swayed to the melody of the lullaby.

“You make me happy…when skies are gray.” Her skirts covered in mud, Laura glanced up for a brief moment to see a bumblebee land on the group of sunflowers she had noticed earlier, seemingly shining despite the gloomy dawn.

“You’ll never know dear…how much I love you,” She choked on the word love. Nothing hurt more than this.

“Please don’t take…my sunshine…away.”

As Laura finished, the Sun finally awoke from her deep slumber and began to rise in all of her reigning beauty. As she stretched, her rays shone brightly against Laura’s skin, who, unbeknownst to her, was shivering. She welcomed the warmth, as a sense of calm had washed over her.

She sighed again, no longer crying, and sat up straight. Tear-stricken, she dusted herself off and slowly made her way to the Sunflowers. Mama’s favourite. Shooing away the bee, she plucked a misfigured bouquet and tied it with the crimson ribbon that held up her chocolate hair. Wandering back over to where Edith slept, she gently propped up the flowers and dusted off the etched engravings of her Mama’s name.

“I’ll be back, Mama. Someday. Many years from now. Perhaps I’ll have a girl of my own, and you can meet her then.” The wind once again bristled the greenery surrounding Laura, life seemingly being breathed into it once again.

“I’ll miss you, Mama, and I love you. I can’t wait to see you again, both of us in the kingdom of heaven.” Laura smiled softly as the Sun now illuminated the elegant gravestone.

“Rest easy now, Mama. I’ll be alright, I always am.” And with that, Laura turned, collected her things, and made her way back towards her car, eyes still stinging.

Although this may be the last time Laura would see Mama, she made a silent promise to herself that she would be back again someday, even if the day would be in the distant future. If not, she would be buried here, next to her Mama, so that together, they could become part of the earth again, just as nature intended.