Lone Wolf

The following account in which you are about to read is a full rundown of everything that happened today; starting with first contact and ending with the murders. Please understand that by the time you finish reading this, I will have already surrendered myself. This account is simply for your benefit and so I can justifiably meet my eventual end with a clear conscience.

Forgive me, Mama.

“Dr. Wolfe? Your 2:30 appointment is here.”

A surge of elation ran the full length of my spine. My standing Thursday, 2:30 afternoon appointments have always been reserved for River Davis– and she was right on time as usual.

“Thank you, Aileen. Please, have her come in.” The young woman nodded with a wink before ducking her head back through the crack of my office door.

River Davis was a 34-year-old therapy patient of mine for nearly three years now. Her initial complaint was depression due to the loss of her mother to Coronary Artery Disease. The loss devastated her and she was barely taking care of herself in the most basic methods. But as time went on, the anxiety from no longer having her best friend and fearing she may develop the same disease began affecting her in an even heavier manner.

No more than 30 seconds after Aileen disappeared, River was walking into my office with her crossbody purse routinely clutched close to her body– I planned on finding out why today.

“River, nice to see you again. Please, have a seat.” I motioned towards the sofa directly opposite of my chair.

“Hi Mrs. Wolfe. How are you?” Her voice barely pushed past the black wall of hair that obstructed half of her face. I could already tell something was wrong.

“I think that’s my line, isn’t it?” I let out a gentle laugh and her shoulders relaxed a little. “And I told you, it’s okay for you to just call me Kaya if you want.”

“Right. I’m. . . okay. I thought the anxiety was starting to get better, and it was, but I had a pretty bad attack last night and now I think I’m right back to square one– like is there even a point in coming to therapy if I’m never going to be completely better?” River’s words tumbled out one after another as if she would have detonated right where she sat if she didn’t say them quickly enough.

“I’m sorry to hear about that, but I’m really proud of you for coming to your appointment anyway. Can you tell me what triggered the attack?”

River shifted uncomfortably, refusing to make eye contact with me nor would she let go of the bag still in her clutches. It was taking all I had to keep myself from throwing my plan into motion right then– but patience was the only reason I had been successful thus far.

“I kind of don’t want to talk about that. Is that okay? I honestly don’t even know why I came in today.”

There it was. The off-putting attitude that was so distantly familiar. The closed off stance, unwilling to let me in. River hadn’t been like this in a long time and had improved tremendously since her first appointment; but she was in a very rare, regressed state today. I dare to say she was the most vulnerable I had seen her since I met her.

“Sure. That’s okay for now. But in order for me to help you properly, I need to know as much as you can tell me, okay?” My voice shook on the last word. I was truly terrible at hiding things and I was ready to get down to business.

“Tell you what, why don’t we go out to my favorite coffee shop downtown? They have a wonderful patio to sit on, it’s a beautiful day, and I think the sunlight will do you a lot of good. Does that sound like something you might like to do?”

River hesitated for about half a second before a shy smile slowly made an appearance. Her apprehensiveness and guarded demeanor seemed to melt away with each passing thought; it made me silently wonder what was so comforting and inviting about me.

“I think I’d like that. Do you . . . normally take patients there?”

A sharp breath clogged my throat and I started coughing uncontrollably. Her question threw me off kilter, but my slightly narcissistic tendencies allowed me to recover rather quickly.

“Not just there, I have other places I like to go as well. If I ever feel like a patient needs a more open space to talk, I keep a few places in the back of my mind to suggest. Not everyone is open to it so it’s completely up to what you’re comfortable with.” I forced my airway open to appear as if the coughing fit was nothing more than an irritated throat. River studied me closely but ultimately didn’t seem suspicious.

“If it’s normal then I guess that would be okay. Should I just meet you there?”

“That will be perfectly fine.” I nodded and pressed my lips into a thin line.

I took the initiative and stood from my seat first, closing my laptop and turning to collect my purse and other belongings. I heard River stand from the leather couch behind me, the nerves in my stomach doing the Quickstep at the sound.

“You know, if you’re comfortable with it, I wouldn’t mind letting you ride with me so you could save on some gas?” I did my best to sound as nonchalant as possible, but I feared my anticipation was going to finally give me away.

“Oh, uh. . .I don’t know. I’m not really quick to get into a car with just anyone.”

“There’s no pressure at all. I just wanted to offer because I know you live out of town and the coffee place is a bit of a drive from here. But if you would be more comfortable meeting me there, I have absolutely no problem with that.” I boasted a smile that offered silent reassurance.

River pulled her bag closer to her torso and the impatience in my gut spiked. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something more unusual than normal about her behavior. Sure, she always held onto that bag like her life depended on it, but today was different. She was different.

“Or we could just stay here, we don’t have to go anywhere. I don’t want to pressure you into anything, River.”

“I’m fine with going. I just want to drive my own car, okay?” She let out an exasperated breath and reached into her bag to pull out her car keys. Her attitude shift had once again thrown me for a loop– which simultaneously made me nervous.

As she pulled her keys from her satchel, I caught a short glimpse of a black, metallic object inside. She gripped her keys tightly in one hand, her bag in the other, and snapped her head up to look at me. My heart sank as soon as our eyes connected and I knew she knew that I had seen it.

Every noise in the room seemed to immediately go silent, save for the sound of my own heartbeat. I could feel my lungs expanding and pressing against my ribcage with each breath I took. I suddenly couldn’t hear the annoying traffic on the street directly below my office window. The only thing I could focus on was the potentially dangerous woman standing in front of me.

“What was that in your bag, River?” My voice was hollow, no longer trying to mask the thick apprehension spreading through my chest.

She looked at me for only a second before looking down at her bag, blinking slowly a few times as if she was deciding what her next move was going to be. My mind instinctively went into survival mode– looking for my exit route, eyeing something I could use to defend myself if I needed.

“You were never supposed to find out about this, Dr. Wolfe. You were never supposed to know about this side of me.”

River’s voice had dropped an entire octave, and she still hadn’t looked back up at me. Her hair had fallen once again, shielding her face from me almost completely. The unease and discomfort between both of us was palpable.

“We don’t have to go anywhere. We can stay right here and talk about whatever you want, I promise. But you have to tell me. . . is that a gun in your bag, River?” As much as I didn’t want to, I was about to cry. I was doing my best to stay calm but I was on the precipice of coming undone.

Instead of answering the question verbally, she reached into her bag and pulled out an all black Glock handgun– and pointed it directly at me.

“Sit. I’ll decide where things go from here.”

Not even sure my heart was still pumping, I quickly obeyed and sat back down in the chair across from her. Without taking her eyes, or the gun, off of me, River sat on the edge of one of the couch cushions and leaned forward.

“You know, for a while I really trusted you as my therapist. I felt like we had a true connection and I thought you were helping me.” Her tone was cold and emotionless, tilting her head slightly as she spoke. Bright, blue ice shards pierced my heart as she stared into the very depths of my soul.

“What? No, it’s not wha-”

“STOP! JUST DON’T SAY ANYTHING!”

I jumped and dropped my gaze, the tears now flowing freely with my unrelenting dread. My fingers immediately found the hem of my skirt, twisting a loose thread between them to soothe my building anxiety.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out about you looking me up? Looking into all of my personal history? I mean, I know you’re my therapist and I’m supposed to let myself be vulnerable around you but damn! This is crossing the line, don’t you think?”

For the first time in probably my entire life, I was speechless. There hadn’t been any indication that River knew I had been up to something.

“Well, since we’re here, you might as well know the truth. My mother didn’t die from Coronary artery disease. She died the same way you’re about to.”

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and let her continue while I came up with a plan to disarm her.

“I tried to make her change the will, I really did. I didn’t want to kill her. But the rage was too much. It was over before it was decided.”

River’s face had turned a light shade of pink as her blood pressure continued to rise.

“How dare she leave everything to that ungrateful bastard?! He left as soon as he turned 18 and we haven’t heard a word from him since! Not to mention, I was the one that took care of her, moved her into my home, dedicated my life to her. ME! I DID! NOT HIM!”

At that moment, Aileen threw the door open and ran into my office with the aluminum baseball bat she keeps underneath her desk clutched tightly in her hands. I suppose she heard River’s shouting and figured out that something was wrong.

God bless that girl.

River jumped to her feet with a swiftness that was almost inhuman. Within seconds, she had her back to the corner with her gun raised, pointing it directly at both of us.

“What are you doing?! You’re ruining everything!” River shouted angrily as tears stained her cheeks. Her hands were shaking as the gun’s target changed back and forth between me and my secretary.

Aileen and I exchanged a quick glance. I certainly didn’t want anyone in this room to get hurt– so I had to make a smart choice and quickly. Raising my hands slowly, I took one small step toward River.

“River, Aileen has nothing to do with this. It’s me that you’re angry with, right? Aileen is going to walk back out that door and then we can talk about this, just you and me.”

“No! I said I’M making the fucking decisions now!”

I had never heard a gunshot before today. In movies and shows, even some songs, sure; never in real life. So when the bullet exploded from the barrel of River’s gun, my knee-jerk reaction was to drop to the floor and scream at the top of my lungs. Oh, how I wish I had thought to push Aileen out of the way instead.

She didn’t even make a sound as she hit the gray tile carpet. Not a scream. Not even a thud, really. I didn’t even know what happened until I found the courage to open my eyes. But as soon as I saw her, nothing else mattered. I panic crawled over to where Aileen laid gasping for breath, her blood soaking through the carpet and surely into the wood underneath.

“No, please, Aileen baby, it’s okay, you’re okay.” My voice was hoarse, like I had swallowed handfuls of sand. I pulled her upper body into my lap, cradling her head and stroking her soft red hair. Nobody knew that Aileen and I were in love. We hadn’t told anyone yet. We hadn’t had enough time. We needed more time.

I looked down to see where she had been hit. One small, fatal bullet hole sat just below her left collarbone, her blood practically a steady stream where the piece of lead was lodged.

“Kaya. . .” A gurgled cough sent blood spilling from Aileen’s lips as she raised her hand to my face. I held her hand in mine, my tears dropping onto her nose and mixing with the blood that had begun to leak from there as well.

“Shh, it’s okay my love. I’m going to get you help and everything is going to be just fine. Just hold on for me, okay?” My words had turned to sobs as I watched the light slowly fade from her beautiful forest eyes.

“I. . .lo-”

I didn’t need her to finish her sentence. I knew what she was trying to say before the blood loss took her from me. I knew she loved me even when her hand slipped from my grasp and onto the floor.

I was stuck. My lungs didn’t feel like they were working anymore. My brain felt like it was actively short-circuiting. And after what felt like hours, I finally remembered the other human being occupying the room.

“You.” It was more of a growl than anything. Sorrow had quickly dissolved into rage as I eyed the baseball bat laying close to Aileen’s body. I could hear River behind me, rummaging through her bag once again. I didn’t care what she was doing. I didn’t care about anything in that moment.

I leaned down to place a soft kiss on Aileen’s lips. She looked so peaceful laying like this, like she was just sleeping and would wake up any second. But I knew that wasn’t the case. I knew she was gone from this world and there was nothing I could do that would bring her back to me.

“Dr. Wolfe, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Before River could finish her futile lamenting, I had already grabbed the bat and turned on her to swing. The sound of the aluminum making contact with her skull is one that I’m not soon to forget– it was less of a sharp crack and more of a resounding thud that was solid enough to run the length of the bat and into the bones of my arms. The entire right side of her skull caved into itself as she fell to the ground, her body convulsing violently in silence.

I kept going.

I took another swing to satiate my rage.

I took another swing to soothe my sorrow.

I took another swing for all of the time I should have had with Aileen.

I took another swing for the life-long destruction that had been caused in such a short amount of time.

River was unrecognizable by the time I was finished. My pencil skirt and white blouse were both stained a deep red. My breaths were rapid and shallow but my mind was oddly calm. I dropped the bat on the ground beside her, taking in exactly what I had just done.

I knew someone had to have heard all of the commotion and called security by this point. So I didn’t waste any time grabbing my cellphone and keys before leaving my office and taking an emergency exit through the back.

Which leaves me here. Writing this letter. If you’ve made it this far, which I’m sure you have, then I have already taken myself to the police station by now and confessed to what I’ve done. I couldn’t control the rage, the need to get instant revenge on the person who took the love of my life from me.

River had been right. I had been looking into her personal history. I had been looking at information that I had no business seeing, even if I was her therapist.

I had only wanted to help. I found a car that Aileen and I had raised money to buy for her– we were going to surprise her with it today. I knew River was strapped for money ever since she lost her mother. She thought she was going to receive an inheritance but everything had gone to her estranged brother instead. Clearly, that had sent her over the edge and I missed it somehow.

But none of that matters anymore. I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to hide. This is what I’ve done. This is everything that happened.

Aileen, I’ll love you forever and always.