Memories of Blue

There had to be something unspecial about the fractals of snow that littered the yard, year after godforsaken year, one edge to the other of this godforsaken town. It was no more an obstacle for school buses that become submarines in two feet of it or plows that transfer the agony to pedestrians as if the sidewalk is invalid. No schools closed, no state of emergency announced, only some natural interruption of crisp or inclement weather, divinity involved or not. I drank my French roast to the dregs, dregs that whisked me back to that fateful time in that distant cabin with the same wintry, er, problem.

Serena upheld the oft-challenged tradition of a trek through the forest for a cabin during the winter where most woodland creatures weren’t nearly as naive. There was no family on her side who wanted to tag along while damn about everyone on mine encouraged me to join her, my mom in particular with her brief wink. High school blinked ahead without a single interaction between us yet one sociology college course later forced us to bond which evolved into one where we both far more than tolerated every inch of each other on and off campus. The simple progression of things was for her to shove me into her camper for a drive outside a forest where we journeyed the remainder of the way sans wheels.

The crunch of boots deep in white, the sight of chilled breath, the occasional break for her to stargaze, past the snowcapped forest and such; it was everything that had me beg the question: “why not drive to the cabin?”

“To miss the beauty on foot?” she chuckled back, shaking her head beneath a tree.

“I for one think I’ve seen my fair share of beauty on foot for one day.”

I leaned against a tree, curved back to pop my chest, sighed while she giggled, nudged my shoulder.

“We don’t have that far to go, princess. I swear.”

I hoped she noticed my eye roll halfway to the back of my skull when we continued the walk. I figured it made perfect sense to drive, to curl up by a fire with some hot chocolate and a record, but excuse me if I, once again, made perfect sense. Thank goodness it wasn’t long before a cabin appeared before us. I was braced for another tree to lean on in case we didn’t reach it already.

I panted past her into the cabin, flopped onto the couch, exhaled.

“Thank freaking goodness and it’s toasty in here.”

She cackled while my eyes shut in sync with the door.

“I thought you’d like the winter wonderland to stay outside.”

I heard the smile creep onto her face or at least it sounded like it. I didn’t care as much as I cared to slip the boots off, curl up on the couch. I could taste the hot chocolate scald my tongue because I sipped too fast without attempting to cool it down at all. I could hear the music swell until it covered the entire cabin in song. It was only a matter of time before-

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

“Tis the season, huh, Darnell?”

That was all I heard before I drifted off. I stretched awake to a mug of hot chocolate, a plate of chicken skewers on the table before me. I took in the place, bare save for the couch, coffee table, round table with two chairs, and the stuffed deer head on the mantle.

“Does everyone who rents out cabins love taxidermy or something?”

Serena giggled, soft-pushed my shoulder on her way to the round table that faced one of the windows.

“You got me. I can’t get enough of stuffed animal heads on the wall,” she joked with a mouthful of chicken.

“Hey, Serena.”

“Hey, Darnell?”

“Does your family hate me?”

I studied her face while she stared outside, no pause from inhuman bites of chicken. When she waxed off the last of the skewer, she set it down, exasperated sigh.

“No but your family loves me,” she answered with the first half-smirk, half-frown I saw on her since we first met.

My eyes widened when the picture connected for me, when the pieces locked into place in my brain. That explained why my family wanted me to come along.

“That explains why my family wanted me to come along,” I laughed in disbelief.

“I mean, if anyone expected us to return home with grins on our faces because you and I were intimate, they’d be a little disappointed to know the truth is simpler than that.”

She turned her entire body to me, seated still.

“Darnell, I love you but the way a boy loves a dog or the way family love each other.”

“Unless the family love each other in an unorthodox way, so to speak.”

We cackled; her face turned up, mine tight.

“Please don’t say that ever again,” she exhaled with a heavy laugh.

“I swear on my life I won’t ever again,” I did likewise. “What you said though. Do you mean that?”

“I didn’t see you any other way if that’s what you’re trying to ask. Since we met, I knew we’d make killer friends but there wouldn’t be anything more that could blossom between us unless you hypnotized me.”

I masked my frown with a forced smile.

“I wouldn’t hypnotize you. You’re safe.”

“Thanks bud. I appreciate that a lot.”

***

I heard a knock on the door that interrupted my memory that near caused me to drop my mug. I fumbled it onto the island, intact. Then I was clear to shuffle for the door when I opened it wide for-

“Serena?”

She lowered her head the way a dog would if they were heartbroken or disappointed.

“Remember what I said to you in that cabin five years ago?”

“More or less,” I grimaced.

“I- can we, well, talk about that?”

I invited her in and shut the door.