The Quiet Weight That Listens

The Others call me a monster, a parasite. They do not know that I was once like them-human. They whispered about me as if I was a dirty curse, a secret whispered between them. Fearing that saying it too loud would make me appear during the night. Maybe they were right, after all, the only thing that I craved and ate was what humans called fear.

I slowly crawled out of my burrow as the sun's last rays slowly faded into the horizon. I crawled over to the pond where I could study from afar the dwindling sunlight, where the sun could not hurt me. Faint memories of what the sun felt like flickered in my mind but disappeared just as quickly as skittering fish.

I drank water from the pond avoiding my reflection, I already knew what I would see. Elongated deformed hands ended with sharpened claws that could easily slice through anything or anyone. My thin,disheveled hair was matted down, dirty from mud and twigs from where I stayed hiding during the day. I no longer knew what color it once was. My large eyes were all consuming white, discolored pupils with red veins throughout their entirety. My mouth was overly large, consuming half of my face, rows of teeth sharp as needles. I knew I was hideous; a thing bred from the Others' nightmares.

The sunset’s last amber rays of shimmering light gradually melted away, allowing passage for twilight to take over, turning the world from liquid gold radiance to tenebrous darkness. I looked at the last rays disappear with a flutter of something in my chest I could not comprehend.

As soon as the moon started its journey across the night sky, I knew it was my time to go to the village to feed.

I made my way through the dense forest and marshes using the silvery glow of the moon to guide me towards the village. I ignored the branches and cobwebs that grazed my arms and shoulders while my clawed feet stepped over rotten leaves. Everything was quiet as always. The creatures that I shared this forest with always went silent as they sensed my presence passing by. Even they seemed to be apprehensive of what I was. I preferred silence anyways, it’s what I was used to.

Every night for as long as I could recall, I would let my instinct and ravenous hunger for fear completely take over. I would crawl my way into an unsuspecting house and enter their bedroom, remaining in the corner of their wall. I would bide my time looking for signs of their breathing evening out. Leisurely waiting for their breaths to grow deeper and deeper into luxurious sleep. Once the Others are asleep, I make my move, scuttling towards their bed.

My appendages from my back would slither over to wrap around their ankles and arms restricting all movement. The Other's faces typically would frown, still half asleep, slowly realizing they are not able to move. Their eyes would finally open, horrified, realizing they cannot move. Frozen, feeling the pressure of my hands on their chest making it sometimes difficult to breath. The sight and smell of their utter fear is my food, my necessity. I would then lean forward to inhale their fear through my slitted nostrils. Only then would that sharp insatiable hunger dissipate from my body, and I would feel some relief.

Tonight was no different as I approached the quiet and isolated village. My predatory focus settled on the smallest house on the road. Shingles were missing and the chimney was eroded, crumbling and slanted to the side. Some shutters were missing, while others were barely hanging on by a nail or two. Some windows had tape over them as if trying to hold it together and failing.

I quickly scurried through the tall grass and made my way up into the bedroom. I skittered up the wall to see who I would feed from. The Other looked to be an older man, with graying hair on his temples and a scruffy unkempt beard. He was not even positioned all the way in his bed, as if he had sat down for only a minute before sleep had taken over and he simply collapsed. He was already in a deep sleep.

I approached him, uncoiling from my back appendages. They wrapped securely around his ankles and wrist preparing to create fear so I could feed. Allowing instinct to take over I leaned over him and started pushing into his chest-

A sudden sharp gasp echoed through the cluttered bedroom. I snapped my head looking at what caused such a sound. It was a small ‘Other’ by the door. I scrambled backwards with my feet and claws scratching the linoleum floor. The little girl brushed her messy, chestnut hair out of her face and rubbed her eyes, getting a good look at me.

“What are you doing?” she asked in a silvery melodic voice.

“You….see me?” the words struggled to form in my throat. My voice sounded coarse and gravelly from centuries of not speaking. She simply nodded studying me without an ounce of fear, her wide black eyes only filled with curiosity. She wore a nightgown with pink stripes that ended above skinny scraped knees. She only had one sock on while her other foot was bare, she gave me a gap-toothed crooked smile, perplexed, I tilted my head to the side. Such a strange little creature.

I crawled over to her and stood before her. We were about the same size with my body hunched over on my heels. Bewildered, I sniffed, searching for a sign of fear but only found the scent of something sticky and sweet.

“I know who you are” She said, taking a step closer to me, which made me scuttle back from her. “You are the one they call Nocturna Oppressa. My grandpa says you're just a legend to scare people away from the woods, but I knew you were real. All fairytales are. You were once a human, but you were tricked by a witch and ended in a curse like in fairytales. Now you're a monster. Is that true?”

Her question unsettled me as a flicker of something coursed through my body. It sounded familiar. Centuries ago, I knew I made a bargain, but I cannot remember much else or why. Before I could answer, she continued peppering me with questions.

“ Is it true you can not go out in sunlight?” The only fleeting memory I had was the sun on my skin. A faint memory that I cherished from time to time. I slowly shook my head.

“That’s really sad," she said, rubbing her eyes again. “Is that why you are so pale?” I looked down at my white patchy hands.

“How old are you?” she asked. I cocked my head to the side confused at what she meant.

“I am six and a half. I am going to be seven soon” I was silent not knowing what to say. I was interested in her voice, the only sounds I could count on hearing were beating heartbeats and scared shouts from the Others as I fed.

Are you lonely?” she asked, realizing I was not going to answer her previous question.

“I am…. not lonely” I croaked “I do not feel useless things…feelings that you Others have” My claws dug into my palms poking into my skin. My appendages swayed behind me feeling restless. My hunger gave me sharp pains throughout my body.

“My name is Mabel. What's your name?”

“No name”

“You must have a name. Everyone has a name, you don't remember yours?”

I shook my head as if trying to shake off her questions. They were making me think things, feel things. I did not like it. Mabel's face changed into something I could not recognize. Her eyebrows furrowed together, her lips pursed together as she tilted her head mirroring my own movement. She leaned closer, her eyes becoming softer as she looked at me. It was an expression I did not recognize.

“What is your face doing? Stop it”

“It must be hard being a monster. I feel lonely too since mama went away” Her little hand reached for my disfigured one. I looked at her tiny hand in my clawed one and shook her hand away, confused by the contact. She did not let go immediately, but released me as I shook her off again. No one had touched me. It felt…strange. Not to mention my claws could injure her.

“Go… back… to sleep” I snarled, trying to remember words. My hunger sent a sharp pain, reminding me I needed to feed yet again.

“But I can’t, no one tucked me in.” Tears appeared in the corner of her eyes as she rubbed her eyes again.

“No tears." I grumbled "What is tucked in? …Food?”

“No,” she chortled, brushing her tears away. “It's when someone covers me with blankets and kisses me goodnight. Grandpa forgot because he fell asleep.” She pointed to the Other who I was about to feed on before she interrupted me.

“If I do tuck in... you will stop talking”

Mabel nodded sleepily and walked back out to the hallway to her bedroom. The bedroom was small, only enough space for a bed and dresser and not much else. She climbed her bed and waited for me expectantly.

“Cover me with the blankets," she commanded. I surprised myself by letting a guttural laugh escape me. It sounded deep and raspy. A sensation coursed through me, what I imagined the sun’s warmth would feel like. I rather liked it. Mabel did not seem to mind my laugh as I slithered over to her small bed. My appendages reached over my back and grabbed a purple and pink frayed blanket gently. They moved delicately, trying not to scare her as they pulled the blanket over her shoulders.

“Thank you” she grinned, giving me another gap-toothed smile. “Now a kiss goodnight”

I simply stared at her. Did she not see the creature who stood before her? Mabel apparently was not scared of anything. I scowled and gingerly tousled her hair, careful to not have my claws cut her. Mabel seemed to accept it as she nestled more into her bed and put her thumb in her mouth. I turned to leave.

“Wait!”

I sighed, the urge to feed growing worse. But I pushed it down and looked over at her trying to ignore it.

“We can be friends. Grandpa takes care of me now. But I feel lonely sometimes too”

I did not bother to answer, caught off guard by how casually she said it. To me, a creature of nightmares. I felt my lips pull back, not to snarl but to smile.

I scuttled to go back to her grandpa's room. My stomach growled with hunger but as I started to paralyze him, something felt off. I could not seem to bring it upon myself to do it. He looked exhausted, dark circles were under his eyes. His face was rather hollow and gaunt. I noticed that he hadn't even taken off his work boots. I hesitated; I needed to feed but I could not. It felt strange to do so when he was in charge of Mabel. I could feed from Mabel, I could sense her breathing deeply; asleep already. The thought of scaring her to feed made me somehow feel even more uneasy, upset even.

I needed to feed. Why was I all of a sudden thinking these useless things, it was impractical. My stomach gnawed with hunger, but I refused to feed on the girl and grandpa. I never thought of this before, never questioned or doubted. This was just how things were. I needed to feed on fear. But as I went from house to house, I just could not bring myself to do so. All I could think of was Mabel’s face with her questions. Did I feel lonely? Was I sad? Happy? What did I feel? And that expression on her face, as if she actually cared about how I felt. I wasn't sure I liked it very much, it made me feel…complicated. Acute hunger shot through me making my bend over in pain. I need to feed, urgently.

Little tidbits of my life when I was like the Others came to me. I was happy once. I had felt sad and angry at times. I remembered the feeling of the sun on my skin as I lay in the fields of my family. The word family, such a strange hollowness fluttered through my chest at the word. What was I before all of this? I never stopped to think about it. My purpose in life was simple, give them fear so I can feed off of it. It was straight forward or at least it supposed to be. I was meant to do this, but I simply could not bring myself to feed tonight. My empty stomach growled voraciously, sending a violent wave of pain and nausea through me. I never had a night without feeding and my body was punishing me.

The moon slowly made its way further across the sky letting me know I had to go back before daylight came. Dizziness overwhelmed me as the hunger consumed my entire being, but I refused to feed. I stumbled into the forest, crashing to the ground, the hunger becoming agonizingly sharper. Clammy sweat broke out throughout my body as I fought off nausea. Sharp stings made me arch my back as I watched my appendages vanish. My body convulsed as if tearing itself in two; my bones grated, shattering. My vision began to blur, my body trembling as I watched helplessly particles of myself floating away. Was I going to fade off into nothing? Is this the prize I would pay for not feeding on the Others? Is this what I get as punishment for not falling through on what I was created to do?

The sun's rays started breaking through the remaining darkness. I found myself, half delirious, trying to crawl towards the shafts of light filtering through the trees.

I never made it.

The sound of a drum woke me up. I felt something nuzzling my cheek and saw a bunny sniffing me before leaping away. Birds were nearby singing, not perturbed by my presence anymore.

Something warm soaked into my cold skin. It felt radiant, soothing me in ways I could barely remember. A golden blanket after centuries of hiding in the cold shadows. I felt tears in my eyes as I tilted my head towards the radiant heat. Towards the sun.

I slowly sat up looking down, studying my fingers and hands -utterly human. The steady drumming continued as I looked around confused. That's when I felt it, a soft faint beat. I placed my trembling hands on my chest not daring to believe.

My heart was beating-coming back to life.