Undoing

Trigger Warning: This story contains themes of childhood accident, emotional/psychological distress, and memory loss.

Everyone is focused on their conversations filled with laughter and words. There is a deadly kind of cliff nearby. People sit and stand near the trees for shade. Some have children who run and play, unknowing of the danger waiting too close. A young girl runs as if danger is a foreign thought. She feels like a memory, like a familiar face you can’t forget.

The cliff gets closer, but no one really sees it, wrapped in their own worlds. I see it, though. I can’t reach out and stop it. I can’t yell; it’s too close by the time I notice. She looks like pure sunlight, joy, and warmth exploding from her. When her foot slips slightly over the edge, she screams. She can’t catch herself in time, and her face fills with regret and fear as tears gather in her eyes. It’s like time slows as some people scream, trying to run for her. Others look confused, trying to understand what’s happening.

They can’t do anything, no matter how fast, loud, or desperate they are.

But I can.

I can save this stranger and her family from pain without them ever knowing. They won’t know the cost or that they were saved, but I will. I can’t let this happen. Not again.

The memory plays in my head; it’s a reminder I didn’t need. The little girl I was, wrapped in sunlight that seemed too real to ever be torn away. People nearby were lost in their own busy lives. No one saw anything else; they didn’t know they needed to. Voices loud and soft filled the air, leaving no room for silence. Smiles and laughter followed me like it was just me, but danger followed like a shadow.

I tripped over uneven ground as the road got closer, and so did the car. They were too close to stop, and everything was too fast for anyone to understand what was happening. The tires whined and smelled burnt. The car hit before the ground did. I bounced backward onto the hard road, scrapes and bruises forcing their way into my life. A metallic taste filled my mouth, bitter and unwanted. The car stopped, and screams followed. Everything was loud and overwhelming.

How did no one see until now?

Sobs broke out of me. People ran toward me, but time slowed and then reversed. Suddenly, I was moving backward, back to the moment before I tripped. I stopped the run short this time. A memory tore painfully away, and tears filled my face. The pain was only a memory now, one too real and not distant enough.

But on the other side of the road, a girl different from me but similar ran near the water’s edge. She tripped on a rock and hit her head, almost falling into the water. They caught her in time, but the damage was done. She cried in pain, and the tears in my eyes stopped in shock.

Saving myself hurt her.

I won’t let that happen ever again. I won’t use this power for myself; it only causes pain for others. I will help them through, even if I forget myself completely. I never want to see their pain if it doesn’t have to happen. The sunlight inside me dimmed that day, like a small star fading in the sky.

Suddenly, time slows and starts to rewind. Everything moves backward, from panic to fear to unknowing, simple joy. Their worlds return to minutes before the disaster. Some look around now, confused by the feeling of impending panic. They watch more carefully, unaware of why.

The cost begins to pull.

I know this pain too well, so I hold onto the memories that mean the most to me, hoping they won’t be ripped away. It’s like being made of glass and trying not to be dropped. You might get lucky, but you might not, and you inevitably break.

Not this memory. Please.

I plead uselessly, and I know it.

It’s the moment I promised myself not to let bad things happen to people if they didn’t have to. If I could change it, I would. I was a little girl, and I looked like pure sunshine, too. Everyone was in their own world and didn’t see or notice me.

Tears form on the brink of overflowing as the memory starts to fade into the distant place of no return. Screams twist. Faces blur. I try to hold on, but it feels like metal bars slide between me and the memory. Shapes dissolve. The metallic taste flickers in and out. The car and the girl wave like old friends, saying goodbye for the first and last time. My promise replays like a favorite song fading to its dreaded end.

Nothing is left in its place but pain, like my heart shattering into glass. A piece of me feels frozen. A hollow feeling settles in.

The tears on my face feel foreign to the numbness taking over. It’s like my whole purpose is lost. Who even am I right now? I saved a stranger, but I don’t know why. Part of it hurts, and part of it feels inevitable. What did I lose this time? Wondering won’t bring it back, but it’s all I can do.

The familiar girl runs again, but they stop her now, watching closely. She sighs but runs away from the cliff, the sunlight still following her like they are one. There’s a tug in my chest, but why?

I walk toward the road to get away from this place. I trip on a rock and fall to the ground. My hands scrape against sharp stones, and it stings. Fear rushes over me, fear I can’t understand or remember. A car brakes hard, and the screech makes me tense. My body braces for something almost remembered, but I can’t grasp it.

No one screams. No one sees. It’s just me and the car.

It’s a heartbreaking moment that feels familiar and foreign at the same time. Like I’m falling and standing still. Time slows and rewinds. I stop walking before the trip happens. A memory pulls its way out of my life, but I’m too numb to care.

Beside me, an older lady trips and falls, scraping her legs on the rough ground as she cries out in pain. People notice immediately and rush to help her. My heart breaks harder knowing this is my fault for fixing my own pain. Something deep down feels familiar, but I don’t know why.

Tears fall as numbness turns to sorrow, hurt, guilt, and internal pain. I look away to hide my face from people who would never understand. They help the lady up carefully.

I walk away in a world of my own. Words don’t escape my mouth. My mind is tangled with messy thoughts, confusion mixed with too much pain to explain. The strangers keep living their lives, unaware of mine.

I’m disappearing for kindness no one will ever see.