SamSara (and) The Bully

SamSara (and) the Bully

I can’t understand why my parents sent me to this stupid school. It was fine when I was a little kid, but now that we’re in sixth grade and are the older kids in the school, it’s the worst. The only thing the other girls care about is their looks and boys.

Forgive me, I don’t want to just stand around at recess watching boys play football and then cheer for them like some airheaded idiot. Sorry, but when I go to the bathroom, I just go to the bathroom, I don’t obsess in front of the mirror for hours on end constantly flipping my hair just so. These girls are the absolute worst, and the boys aren’t any better. All they care about is sports and showing off for girls.

And everyone is cussing constantly. Don’t get me wrong, I cuss too, but when I do it it’s because I’m trying to make a point or am emphasizing something. They seem like they just found out that bad words exist and they only use them to impress each other. “Look how cool I am, I just found out about the f-word.” Oh wow, you’re soooo cool!

And if you try to talk about anything other than sports or cussing or looks or how stupid the teachers are, everyone looks at you like you’re completely crazy. Like, it’s okay to like Star Wars, but if you actually know anything about the lore, you’re a complete nerd. Just try to say something about Darth Bane and see the reaction you get from the brainiacs I go to school with.

You know, I don’t care that they’re all a bunch of superficial, vapid idiots. I’m fine eating lunch by myself and I’m fine sitting at a picnic table at recess by myself. It’s better than giggling like an idiot over some dumb boy who just almost made a catch. But what really bothers me, what really makes me mad is when I’ll be sitting there, minding my own business, and some dumb girl will come sit next to me just to bully me.

Why go out of your way to make fun of me, you know?I’m not bothering anyone. Like the other day, this girl, Sara, just came over and sat next to me and was like, “You excited for the new Star Wars movie coming out?”

I was about to answer her for real, you know, but I looked over her shoulder and saw my former best friend Sam and all of her other stupid friends watching. Of course, they all want me to start talking about Star Wars so they can make fun of the nerd who cares more about the greatest film series of all time than she does about make-up.

“Whatever,” I told her, “why don’t you go poop your pants in front of the class again.”

Her face got all red, it was hilarious, and she got up and stormed off.

You see, it’s so funny because she didn’t really poop her pants, but it was this awesome prank me and Sam played on her, and it was easily the most embarrassing moment of her life.

When Sam transferred in here, I was the only one nice enough to befriend her. Everyone else just thought she was some weird new kid, but I actually sat by her at lunch and made her feel welcome, because I’m actually a nice person even though I go to a school full of bullies.

Anyway, she and I hung out together all the time and I would tell her about how dumb and horrible everyone in this stupid school is. She would always be like, “I’m so lucky that we’re friends” and “I can’t believe how mean everyone is to you.”

I pointed out to her that Sara was the worst of them all. That Sara was this huge suck up to the teachers but as soon as they looked the other way, she was always making fun of me, pretending to be interested in my nerdy stuff or whatever. It was awful.

So anyway, this one day in class, Sara got up to throw something away and I had this candy bar in my pocket that was all melty. I looked over at Sam and showed her the candy bar and then pointed to Sara’s seat. I could tell from across the room that Sam thought the idea was hilarious, so right before Sara got back, I smeared the candy bar on her seat, and Sara sat right on it! Oh my God, it was awesome!

Then, when she got up, someone else saw the back of pants and was like, “Oh my God, Sara pooped her pants!”

Sara got so embarrassed! She ran out of the room and everyone was pointing and laughing. It served her right to know how it feels to have everyone laughing at you. She came back in a few minutes later and was like, “it was just a candy bar you guys. It must have melted in my pocket.”

The candy bar was still on her seat and everyone checked it out and knew that she didn’t really poop her pants. So, no lasting damage or anything, just a harmless prank to help her start to see what it feels like to be pointed at and laughed at.

Anyway, at lunch, Sam was all upset with me even though she gave her approval and thought it was hilarious at the time. Then, Sam went over to Sara and said something. Sara then actually hugged her! Ugh, I could not believe how low Sara would stoop to get at me. Sam came back over to me and was all like, “do you want to sit with Sara with me? She said she forgives you and invited us to hang out with her at lunch.”

I’m not that stupid, but Sam apparently is. After that, Sam slowly stopped talking to me as much and now hangs out with Sara all the time. They’re so inseparable that everyone calls he SamSara, and I feel like I’m stuck in the this loop every day of seeing them together, laughing at me and joking about me while I sit all alone at this picnic table.

It finally reached a boiling point one day when I was walking around the playground at recess. The two of them took a break from staring at boys just to mess with me. There I was, minding my own business, when this ball bounced into my back. It didn’t hit me that hard, but when I turned around, there was SamSara asking for the ball back. The ball that they just threw at me!

I held the ball in my hands, turned and faced the fence, and kicked it as hard as I could. The ball went flying over the fence into a neighbor’s backyard. That’ll show ‘em!

Before I could even turn around to laugh in their stupid faces, Ms. Thay was on top of me and sent me to sit on the curb for the rest of recess, which was fine by me. It was totally worth it. The only problem was that Ms. Thay sat with me, asking me all kinds of questions about why I would do that.

At first, I just sort of answered with things like, “I don’t know,” or whatever, but she kept pressing me. It was kind of annoying because she noticed things about me and SamSara that I wouldn’t have thought she would have seen. Like she knew that Sam and me used to be best friends and now we didn’t talk at all.

Finally, I broke down and told her everything. I told her all the kids just thought I was the weirdo and they all bullied me all the time. And how Sam used to be my best friend but then she became best friends with Sara and the two of them were always making fun of me and even hit me with the ball today.

Ms. Thay said she would talk to SamSara and would get back with me. I actually felt sort of relieved. Ms. Thay was the first person in my whole life who ever actually listened to me or cared about how I felt. So, she and I agreed that I would stay after school so we could finish our conversation. Then, she went over and talked with SamSara about how much they were bullying me all the time.

When the bell rang at the end of the day, I stayed in my seat, as did SamSara. They didn’t even look at me, but they looked at each other and I could feel their silent taunts. Ms. Thay sat at her desk for a moment, waiting for the last child to leave the room, then she stood, closed the door, and arranged four desks in a small circle for us to all sit together and talk.

We took our seats and just as Ms. Thay began to open her mouth, I blurted out, “I’m sick of the two of you and everyone else bullying me all the time. Who cares if I’m not pretty? Who cares if I don’t wear make-up? Who cares if I don’t like all the stupid little girly girl junk as everyone else? I’m sick of getting bullied for being the smartest and most interesting kid in the whole class!”

A silence followed. I’ve been waiting years to tell these bullies the truth and now they were forced to confront their own abusive behavior.

Finally, Sam spoke. “No one bullies you.” I didn’t remember her being so condescending. “Name one mean thing anyone has ever said to you.”

“It’s not what they say, it’s just, it’s the way they…it’s how…”

“You think you’re being bullied, you’re wrong. You’re the bully. You can’t think of one mean thing said to you because no one has ever said or done a single mean thing to you. I hung around with you for nearly a year and all you did was think that everyone was making fun of you. All you talked about was how terrible everyone was. When people try to talk to you or include you, you make fun of them. You’re the bully. You’re the bully! You know why people don’t talk to you? They’re afraid of you because of how mean you are. I mean, you put chocolate on Sara’s seat so it looked like she went to the bathroom in her pants.”

I looked over to Ms. Thay who had taken the time to listen to me earlier expecting her to defend me, but she didn’t. She looked at me silently for a moment and then finally spoke. “What do you think about what Sam said? Is it possible that you’ve misinterpreted what’s been going on all this time?”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t try to defend myself. Ms. Thay tried to get me to talk, but there was nothing I wanted to add since even Ms. Thay was against me. Eventually I was allowed to leave. I went home and went straight to the backyard to sit under my favorite tree where I thought about what Sam said. I tried to think of something mean someone had said to me, but came up with nothing.

But what I did come up with were times I thought mean and angry thoughts. I came up with examples things I said to people where I called them stupid or shallow or bully. I came up with things I did that harmful, like the candy bar prank or kicking the ball over the fence.

The next morning, I arrived at school not sure how I wanted to approach SamSara or anyone else. I decided to observe the day to determine if I was the bully or if I was the bullied. I arrived to school just before the bell to start the day and sat silently in my seat. When lunch came, I stood last in line, holding my Star Wars lunch box. I entered the cafeteria and walked in the direction of my typical, solo table to quietly observe when SamSara walked up to me.

“Do you want to sit with us?” they asked.