Lavender Lens

Everything you can imagine is real. 

– Pablo Picasso 

1.

“Have you seen a sea of lavenders before?” Number Two waved at me as he walked over. His eyes were so lively, as if they could capture all the questions in the world.  

“No, have you?”

He shook his head. That was the end of our first conversation. 

2. 

I’ve seen a lot of things: my father’s eyes burning through pages of documents; tv screen intentionally broken, group fear lingering in the air; fortunate tellers on the streets selling secrets…there’s only one thing that I have never seen. 

When you don’t have something, it’s like your whole life revolves around it. Whenever anyone mentions it, the air falls silent as if a child just knocked down his mother’s favorite vase. I used to be curious about it too, until one day I mentioned it in front of my family, and my parents locked me in my room for the whole day, warning me never to bring up the question again. Since that day, I’ve never dared to talk about it again. 

But Number Two was different, he didn’t seem like the kind of person that would pause his discovery just because someone forced him to. Compared to him, I was just a coward. But I had no interest in becoming Number Two. He was too hard to become. He was stubborn: when his eyes locked with a target, he had to get it. He didn’t know how to give up. 

Perhaps that was why he had a perfect streak in attendance. Even when he caught a bad cold, he still came to school. He never left school early or came late. Number Two’s dedication and self motivation was admirable. However, I never understood why he pushed himself so hard. 

3. 

The second conversation happened because of a seating arrangement. Number Two, coincidentally, was placed sitting next to me. I had nothing against it, in fact, I found him entertaining. Everyone else in the room was just like me, dry and cold, like a piece of dead leaf. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Number Two.” He smiled.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Number Thirty-One.” 

He didn’t say anything back. My gaze traveled around the room, looking for an excuse to escape from awkwardness. My hands were fidgeting. I had never been good at hosting conversations, especially with people I barely knew. 

“What do you like to do outside of school?” He asked. 

“I don’t know.” I added, “Nothing in particular.”

“That’s interesting.” He said. Then, after another bit of silence, he continued, “I love to paint. To tell you a secret, I do that a lot outside of school.”

“What’s paint?” I asked. Having never heard of this word before, I was confused. I debated with myself on how to spell the word. 

“It’s hard to explain, but it’s like making thoughts in your head come to life! You use something called a brush, it’s like a pencil but has hair on the end, and dip it into water, then you dip it into more liquid…you take a sheet of paper and allow the brush to dance on it.” 

“To dance?” I gave him a puzzled look, “Is it a human?” 

“No,” He let out a soft laugh, “a brush is an object. I was just personifying it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s okay, maybe next time you should come to my house, we can paint together!” He said, “Let me tell you another secret, my mom is a painter.” 

“That’s a lot of secrets you just told someone you don’t really know.”

“It’s okay, I can sense that you are a good person.” 

“I trust you.” He smiled. 

I came to the conclusion that Number Two was a questionable person. 

4. 

After being seated next to each other, I spent most of my time in school with Number Two. Surprisingly, I did enjoy hanging out with him for a while, even if I didn’t understand what he said half of the time. I had never met his parents before, the people who shaped who he was. My parents were strict with who I hung out with, especially outside of school time. My daily route looked like this: wake up, go to school, go back home, and sleep. For the longest time, my life had no entertainment. To some extent, I appreciated Number Two for being friends with me, because of him, I started thinking about things I would never dare to think about. 

Such as it. 

“Remember when I asked you if you have ever seen a sea of lavenders before?”

“Yeah,” I answered him, “that was random.” 

“Really? I think about lavenders a lot. What do you usually think about?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Oh, you’re missing out!” He laughed while rocking back and forth in his chair. “I’ve read in books that lavenders are beautiful, the way they smell and the way they shine under the sun. It’s very different from everything that we’ve seen before.” He said, “One day I am going to see lavender, not just one, but a sea of them.” 

“How do you do that?” My question slipped out of my mouth. I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t curious at all, it was all out of politeness. 

“Well, there’s this myth…” he came closer to me, “At exactly 12 a.m., when you look outside your window, there will be this little dot of light up in the sky. You have to look really carefully to see it. If at exactly that moment, you jump towards that dot, you will be able to see everything. Not just lavender, but it.”  

“That’s ridiculous.” I scoffed. “You can’t see it, that’s impossible.” 

“Well, I will do it one day.” He shrugged, “Whenever I am ready.” 

5. 

I stopped talking to Number Two after that. I was already too afraid of the idea of it, and to see it? Even more terrified. His courage scared me away. I began avoiding eye contact with him in class and avoided him in the hallways. He quit talking to me too, as if catching my hint. Thankfully, the teacher switched our seats again. Since we stopped sitting next to each other, there was no pressure for me to talk to him. Eventually, I started hanging out with other people in the class, and completely forgot about Number Two’s existence.

My life no longer orbited around a person I could never become.  

Until we switched seats again and his name appeared next to mine on the whiteboard. That day he wasn’t there, and the next, and the day after that. The abnormal attendance told me he wasn’t coming back. 

That was when I knew he did it, he saw it. 

6.

I took out my journal that day, a journal that I hadn’t touched since the day when I mentioned it to my family. 

At the end of the day, you have never seen colors before, or paint, or seen lavenders. 

One day you will be stuck in a world where no one understands what it’s like to explore, but only to follow.