Forecast

Falling.

Falling.

Falling.

I watched helplessly as the fluffy white clouds I once stood on floated away. I held my hand out, begging them not to leave me. They were cruel, growing smaller...Then smaller...

Then finally, a solid surface crashed into my back like a freight train. I tried to gasp, but it was like sucking in a brick wall. It felt like everything inside of me broke into a million pieces; the betrayal, the agony of watching what I once had, now forever out of my reach.

I lay there on that earthly pavement, my aching head rolling flat against the grey road. I stared blankly up at the place I loved so much. The searing hot impact of the fall shooting all over my body made it very clear:

I had lost a part of myself.

I rose carefully, as if I were made of glass, and I scanned around the area. Parks were on both sides of the road; hundreds of trees and fountains danced around a curvy, hill-ridden walkway that stretched to the horizon for what seemed like forever. Many different types of people were scattered everywhere, some older than me, some younger than me, and some just at my age. Some were having lunch, some were playing games, and some were strolling around, jabbering away.

Together, everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over at me to wave. A concerned smile washed over their faces; their eyes followed me as I stepped onto the sidewalk, but only for a moment. They went back to their activities when one of them came up to me, a hand gently held to their chest.

"I am sorry for your loss." They spoke.

Seeing that troubled look on their face, I hardened myself and shoved down the agony in my back with a deep breath. "What pain? I'm fine, see? You have nothing to worry about." I lied.

The still cool air sprang to life and blew right into my face, unnaturally whipping around the person and I, like I did something wrong. The person then pulled out a perfectly sized windbreaker in my favorite color and handed it to me.

"Here, may want to put this on. Might get a cold!" They said.

I shook my head at their offer, and the wind billowed harder, slamming little bits of grass needles into my face. I shivered, but the person seemed unbothered. I didn't need that gear; I was perfectly fine.

I stepped around them, walking into the wind and toward the park. I didn't know why; I felt lost and wanted to wander, I suppose. The throbbing pain in my body pulsed with every step, screaming out, 'Gone! Gone! Gone!'

I looked up at my clouds, flying in that crystal blue sky. I longed for their carefree softness again, that warmth and that familiar feeling that made me right at home.

"Look, I'll do anything, okay? Anything! Just put me back!" I called out, but I didn't know to whom. The sun peeked through, shining so warmly that my clouds almost disappeared.

I heard a thud on the ground and a kid crying out for their parent next to me. I turned to the kid and approached them cautiously. They were lying on the ground and holding their knee, all banged up and dirty, and on the brink of tears. I offered my hand and hoisted them up.

They gave me a frown." It hurts," they said, gesturing to their knee.

"I know the pain," I said, rubbing all over my sore head and back. The pain was there, and it wouldn't subside. I looked back up again at my clouds.

"See? I'll be good, I'll DO good!" I called out.

The sun stared back at me, burning brighter, hotter than before, melting my clouds away into mist. My eyes, seared by the light, looked away in dismay. I watched the kid apply sunscreen to their arms. They offered it to me.

"Want some? Might get a sunburn!" They said.

I shook my head again; I wasn't going to take the kid's only protection. I walked away, down the grass-lined paths and past all the small water fountains the colorful birds bathed in. Sweat dripped down my face, and my cheeks flared bright red; my aching body simmered in the heat.

After a few blocks in the park, someone else approached me. They offered me their hand, almost genuinely. "Hey, I heard about what happened. I can replace that loss, if you'd like."

My body blazed within a second; I clenched a fist, and a fire burst up from my chest. "Don't you. Dare! Nothing can EVER replace that part of myself; do you hear me?!" I seethed through my teeth.

The person's face was suddenly shadowed, and the sky had blackened above me. The heat disappeared instantly as a single drum of thunder boomed out of the distance. Seeing my misty white clouds inflate into storm clouds seemed far from natural, at least to me. The audacious person merely held a hand over their head, ducking from the clouds.

"Here, may want to take shelter. Might get struck!" They said, gesturing to a nearby stone building.

I shook my head and stomped away; I wanted nothing to do with them. A bolt of lightning cracked in the distance at that thought, lighting up the darkness and making people in the park flinch. The shriek silenced my pain, at least for a moment.

As the sky continued to scream out in the same pain I felt, another person came up to me. They appeared calm while everyone else behind them braced for the thunder, as if they looked past the storm and right to the source.

They put a hand on my shoulder and gently asked, "Hey, do you want to talk about it?"

My heart cracked at the words, like a dam bursting; my anger melted into a stabbing pain in my throat, and my eyes filled to the brim. The pain all over my body came roaring back, swelling every part of me and taking over my heavy chest. I choked, "It's not fair! I shouldn't be here! I'm feeling this pain all the time, when I was so happy before! What did I do wrong?!"

Upon hearing those words out loud, I let out a heavy cry. Thick tears rolled down my cheeks, and my chest heaved in anguish. Every happy memory in those clouds just stabbed me and made my heart bleed furiously. It wasn't until the person patted my shoulder that my tears started dripping onto my head, too. I looked up with blurry eyes; the thunder had fled, and the clouds were sprinkling. The person also took out a perfectly sized raincoat in my favorite color and offered it to me.

"Here, you may want to put this on. Might get soaking wet!"

I shook my head and ran from them; it just hurt too much. All of it did. I dashed as fast as my heavy body would allow, the sprinkle turning into heavy rain, dark blotches appearing on my clothes as I sped down the longest sidewalk through the park. Flowers and small fences zoomed past me, the rain stabbing my face like tiny knives. Everyone around me put on their weather gear.

I skidded to a halt and looked up at the rain. All these raincoats...I steeled myself again.

"No!" I yelled out. "No, I am not feeling any of this weather! It's not a problem! It never was before, and it won't be now!"

The wind burst into life again and jerked me backwards, replacing the droplets of rain and turning them into a small cyclone. I slammed my foot on the ground and pushed against the wind, every gust making my muscles writhe in agony.

Another person came up and silently offered a windbreaker.

"No!" I screamed out, pushing past the ever-increasing cyclone coming at me, almost knocking me down a few times. "I shouldn't have to use anything to help me!"

I couldn't hear myself, between my slow blinking through the chaos, a child huddled under a bench, shivering. I stepped over, through the waves of hurricane wind, and gave them my coat.

"See?!" I screamed out to the sky. "I will give EVERYTHING I have! Just let me back! Make the pain go away!" I gave the child my shoes, my money, my keys, everything but my base clothes. They took everything into their small arms, without saying a word.

The sky erased itself like a chalkboard; the sun came beaming out again, sizzling onto me worse than before. It burned and burned, turning my skin bright red and making my face pour with sweat. It was unnatural, burning as hot as my muscles from the fall.

The child took out a bottle of sunscreen and offered it to me as my skin sizzled like a pan.

"No!" I yelled. "I don't deserve to get anything in return!"

I sped off, running and running aimlessly as everyone rubbed on their lotions. When I reached the center of the park, I skidded to a halt and screamed out, "Why is this happening to me?!"

I clenched my shaking fists and inhaled the hot air as deeply as I could; a dryness swept over my throat. In a moment, I let out the loudest scream I could. My lungs searing, my ears almost bleeding from the sound.

The ground shook as deafening cracks of lightning repeatedly struck around me, flashing and blinding me. I screamed even louder, "It's all of your fault! I hate you ALL!"

Thunder raged in the suddenly darkened sky again, silencing everything in my body. Everyone ran past me, waving their hands to me as they ducked into the shelter of buildings and stone gazebos, huddling together and shaking like leaves.

"NO!" I screamed, watching a tree in the distance get hit and catch on fire. "I don't! Want! Your! Help!" I heaved between my screams, the flames dancing as I wailed and roared, letting the flame in me grow and spread dangerously.

I became tired and glared around the vicinity, making sure no one else was offering me help.

But no one was left.

Everyone had fled from the storms.

They all ran away. And I was all alone now.

Seeing the lonely, empty park, my shoulders dropped like rocks. My screams turned into heaving. The sky fell silent as I sobbed into the once-again still air. "It's all my own fault..." I whimpered.

My eyes were stinging with tears; I felt the onslaught of heavy, stabbing rain suddenly pour onto me. The grass flooded; streams of rushing water overtook the concrete park paths. The beautiful landscape work drowned in the waves, soaking my bare feet. I sobbed and sobbed, the water rising to my knees, then to my chest.

"I'm...All alone." I cried. "What's there left for me? Everyone's happier without me here ruining their park."

I watched the floodwater rise to my face. My distorted body held itself tightly in a hug under the unnaturally clear water, the coolness gently massaging my agonizing muscles.

My head would submerge slowly.

For good.

But by its own will, my body waded over to a high-rise bank I didn't even notice.

And I chose to get out.

I pulled myself up, my toes squished into the muddy grass. I was met with a pristine plot of plants in rows, some budding, some stemming, and some full-grown. Someone had their back turned to me, their face hidden behind a straw hat wrapped with a ribbon. A notepad lay beside them as they knelt.

"What weather we are having!" they said through the torrent. Their back was still, but their beige gloved hands were busy digging a hole. "Tell me, did you lose something?"

My eyes welled up on their own; the rain beat down even harder, and the pain all over me stung with every drop. Yet, the gardener seemed unbothered.

"Y-yes. I'm... Missing a part of myself." My throat burned again, and the gardener stayed silent. I continued, "I want it back. I want. EVERYTHING back to the way it was before! No more change! I was dancing on the clouds, but now I have to feel all of THIS!" I sobbed, gesturing to all the weather I've been thrown into.

"Well, that's a pretty tall order!" They said calmly. "If that were the case, then time would always stay still. Nothing would grow." They held up a young plant's roots by its stem as an example. "Everything needs to pass, just like the weather."

I sniffed and rubbed my weak eyes; the rain softened, and my breathing finally evened out.

"Ah, perfect for the plants!" The gardener called out, opening their arms and embracing the drizzle. They continued, "You know what else is like the weather?"

I waited for them to respond, staring deep into the back of their head.

"Grief."

My heart jolted; the gardener simply lifted a potted bud and let the rain absorb into it. "Crying skies nurture this little seed!" They said, "But too much, and the whole pot will drown."

They took the potted dirt out and planted it in the hole they had dug. "When that happens, you may need an umbrella to prevent it! Good thing it's not cold, or else it'd be snow instead!"

"...Snow?" I asked hazily.

"Yes!" They said. "A cold, depressing blanket protects these blooms, but if they stay underneath it too long, they'll go numb! Keeping them from ever feeling the sun till it melts! Take them inside the greenhouse at that point!"

I looked away in shame, holding myself tightly; there it was again with the weather gear.

"Maybe just the sun is all it'll ever need..." I mumbled. My chest tightened as my body seized in pain.

"Ah!" The gardener said. "A little bargain for some sunshine to grow these plants, and make everything okay! But if you give too much, then there'll be too much sun! Poor plants will go through an awful drought! Do they make a 'plant sunscreen', you think?"

I loosened my grip and stared at them in shock. Were they...Joking? I couldn't see their face, but by the corners of their cheeks, I thought I saw a smile. I grabbed my soaking wet shirt and squeezed the water out; thunder cracked behind me.

"Angry storms!" They said cheerfully. "A fantastic reset button! Helps the atmosphere, especially for these little guys!"

The gardener patted down the dirt. "Of course, too much can turn into a violent storm, and it'll destroy these defenseless buds! Everyone hides from the lightning, but perhaps this plot needs a lightning rod?"

I almost couldn't take it anymore; the rain finally stopped, and the sky became quiet. I blurted out, "Denial!" Without much thought.

The gardener threw their hand up. "Oh! Plants and people alike love throwing things into the wind, hoping they never come back! For plants, it's seeds! How else can they disperse to grow a bigger garden?" The gardener took a bag of seeds out of their pocket and threw them in a line. "I'd be careful. If enough wind picks up, then a hurricane will come right back, and it'll just be chaos everywhere! Better put these guys in little windbreakers so their leaves don't fly off!"

In awe, I just stared at them, searing their hat and overalls deep into my brain. The air was pristine; the sky stood in silence, and I almost thought my world became just a little brighter.

I almost didn't think I processed anything the gardener said; almost nothing made any sense. Until they looked up, and their hands spread as they exclaimed, "Ah! The perfect day!"

I looked up too, and couldn't believe my eyes.

Partially cloudy. A sun hidden behind scattered clouds, a sky empty of all weather, a perfect temperature. I had realized something else:

"My pain subsided," I whispered.

"For now." I heard.

I looked down at the gardener; they were double-checking their plants, as if they had missed something. "Every plant owner knows to just accept a perfect day like this, in the present." They said. "Because it is also an omen. Sunshine will need to come back, and those clouds will soon become tomorrow's forecast. The weather will never truly go away, but just a little of it is what these plants need to bloom, and a gardener needs to brace for when it gets too much! Weather can be growth, but storms can be destruction."

"...You care a lot about your plants," I said out loud.

The gardener froze and whispered, "They're yours."

I opened my eyes, shielding them from the streaming sun shining against the therapist's wooden door. A picture of them hung on the wall; they sat on a couch with a notepad lying beside them.

I glanced down at the photo of my loss in my hands and held it tightly to my aching heart.

I feel like I've lost everything....

With all of these storms raging inside of me, I'm finally tired of pushing away the people I love.

It's time I put on the raincoat.

I reached for the door.