A Heart's Longing

The perfect pair to the outside world, always by each other’s side, always finishing one another’s sentences, always giddy and smiley. They both have thick, long brown hair that almost reaches to their waist. A beautiful soft smile regularly rests on their slim faces. They have an elegant, tall figure like a model. Everyone wants to be them, have a best friend constantly at their side, while always looking perfect without trying.

 Inside the walls of the Struddle’s small home however,  tells a different story than the rest; one with only tension, hatred, bickering, and fighting. Jesslyn and Jainie are 15 year-old twins who are always exhausting themselves with a fake appearance of perfection. 

“HEY! Who are you texting?” Jainie aggressively asked while snatching the phone from Jesslyn’s hand. 

“JEEZ JAY! I’m just texting, Chole!” 

“That’s MY friend Jess, NOT your friend!” 

Jesslyn’s face burned hot red and her cheeks were puffed. 

“Why do you have to be so controlling, Jainie! She is ALSO my friend!” 

“This is why we need TWO phones!” Jainie snapped back. Not like that was even Jesslyn’s fault they did not have a lot of money. 

Their father passed away when they were babies, so their mother, Julie, has raised them as a single mom. She hurts to hear her daughters constantly fighting. She would love for them to have more gentleness and contentment. 

Julie used to regularly get angry at her daughters, but a few weeks prior a friend of hers invited her to church where she began her walk with the LORD. Now, she only wants that for her daughters, too. Jesslyn noticed the change in her mother’s character, while Jainie was ignorant to this life-change. 

Grasping their phone, Jainie stomped out to the kitchen where their mother was.

“MOM! Can we PLEASE buy a second phone? I am 15 years-old and I should have my own phone by now!”

“Honey,” Gently began Julie as she set her towel down. 

“You know you should be grateful for that phone.” As she tapped on the smartphone in Jaine’s hand.

“I worked hard for that, you know. I would like more ‘thank you’s,’ than complaints sometimes.” Julie smiled sweetly, turning back to the dishwasher. 

“Actually, I would love some help!” Julie added.

“Uhhhhh Jess can.” 

Jainie stomped back to her room and slammed the door. 

“Jay, that wasn’t fair to Mom.” Jesslyn said concernedly as she began to get up from her bed. “She does do so much for us.” 

“What are you?” Jainie scowled. “Miss perfect now?” 

“Whatever Jainie.” Jesslyn said as she left the room. 

“Mom, I can help!” Jessyln cheerfully said as she greeted her mother. 

Julie smiled, handing her the towel to finish the dishes. 

“Sweetie, I have been meaning to talk to you about something. Well, both you and Jainie, but if it’s alright, may I ask you?”

“What is it, Mom?” Jesslyn replied in a slightly concerned tone. 

“I was wondering if you would be willing to go to this summer camp with Moving Waters Church that’s right around the corner? I just have been thinking, I know I can’t control it, but I just want you girls-” 

Julie had her fist clenched over her mouth as the words faded away. Jesslyn embraced her tender mother.

“What is this about, Mom? Are you alright? Isn’t that expensive? We never go to camps.” 

Julie softly chuckled as she rubbed her eyes. “Oh honey! This camp is different. I have been praying for JESUS to come to you girls, and I just found out about this camp and I will work as much as possible to get you there. It is extremely important.”

“Jesslyn,” Julie firmly, but tenderly spoke as she sat Jesslyn down and put her hands on her shoulders. “This is not just a summer camp, this is about life and its purpose. It’s about GOD, the real and alive GOD. And, about life after-death. Jess, this is very important, and I desperately want you girls to go.” 

Big drops started to flow from Jesslyn’s eyes. Not even Jesslyn knew why she was crying. It was almost as her heart tugged a bit. She knew something was missing in her life, and she knew it wasn’t more things she needed. 

“Mom, I’ll go! If this is about why you’ve changed, I want it too, Mom! I want it, too!” Jesslyn reached for her mom sobbing. Julie hugged her daughter tight as joyous tears rolled down her face. 

“WHAT!” Jainie slammed her plate. “There is NO WAY I am going to a summer camp! Mom, during that week I am supposed to have a beach trip with Chole! And, so were you.” Jainie said to Jesslyn rolling her eyes. 

“Oh! I completely forgot! Jay, we can reschedule, we still have all summer to do more beach trips. This camp is really important to Mom, you should go! She is working extra hard to pay for us to go.”

“Yea, and that stupid camp is why I can’t have my own phone!” Jainie snapped. “If I don’t go, maybe I can get a phone. Plus, I’ll finally get to be away from you!” Jainie stomped back to her room and slammed the door.

“HEY! JAY! That’s not-” Jesslyn turned and saw her mother looking down at her plate with tears streaming down her face.

“Mom-” Julie embraced Jesslyn once again. 

Two weeks later.

“Bye, Mom!” Jesslyn waved from the bus. “Tell Jainie I said bye, too! And that I hope she has fun with Chloe!” 

“I shall, sweetie!” Julie waved back with a bright smile. 

“If you were to die tonight,” the preacher began, “where would you be going?” Jessyln hesitantly raised her hand. 

“What’s your name, Miss?” The preacher smiled, pointing to Jesslyn.

“Oh, my name is Jesslyn.”

“Alright, Jesslyn. If you were to die right now, where would you be going?”

“Well,” Jesslyn began, “I would like to think of a good place like Heaven. I mean, I do yell at my sister a lot, and disobey my mom, but I like to think of I’m a pretty good person.”

The preacher kindly chuckled. “Ah, if only I was that good! Let me ask all of you, have you ever told a lie, even just a small one by changing the truth? Have you ever hated your sibling or someone at school? Have you shown any anger towards them? Have you ever stolen? Even just that cookie before dinner. Have you ever been jealous?”

The preacher continued to pack down GOD’s Law to these youth. “GOD has said if we do any of these things, yes even just a teeny lie, that is a sin, and we are bound for hell, and when we die, have eternal torchering.”

Jesslyn’s heart began thumping loud. She realized she has told more than one lie, she knew for a fact she was going to hell. This problem was so immediate to her that she forgot she was not the only one in the room. 

“Sir! What must I do to earn GOD’s love and get away from HIS wrath? Sir! I am so guilty, how must I be cleared of my filthy sin!” 

“Daughter,” the preacher kindly replied. “There is nothing you can do to get rid of your own sins. Once committed, they can’t be undone. However, GOD the FATHER sent HIS own perfect SON, JESUS, to save you. HE was torchered in your place. To make you clean, and able to be in the presence of GOD, it is only by the blood of JESUS can you stand praising HIM! Only through HIM, child. All of you, repent and believe in HIM! Confess your sins, turn away from them, and look to CHRIST!”

One week later.

“Mom!” Jesslyn shouted as she embraced her mother; she was beaming with a joy so evident that it only could have come from JESUS.

“Preacher Jim, who is the youth pastor for Moving Waters Church, gave me a Bible! He also gave one for me to give to Jainie! I wrote a message in there for her; I hope the LORD will call her too, Mommy!” 

“Oh sweetheart!” Julie kissed her daughter’s forehead. 

“Let us go to the coffee shop by our house and talk all about camp and the LORD, shall we?”

“I also loved learning about David! I mean, Mommy, I have committed some pretty awful sins, yet GOD has washed them all by HIS blood! But back to David. He is such a great example of repentance, like a true heart of repentance, and I think that-”

“Would you just shut up, Jess?” Jainie couldn’t take anymore of Jesslyn’s conversation. “Like seriously, I would like to talk to Mom, too. Meal time conversations should be shared.” 

“So sorry, Jay! I was being so inconsiderate!” Jesslyn sweetly smiled at Jainie and stuffed a bite-full of mashed potatoes in her mouth. 

Jainie froze, why was Jesslyn being so sweet? I mean, she tolerated Jainie’s snarky behavior pretty well before, but something was definitely different. 

“Um, thanks. So, the beach was great! Let me show you some pictures.”

Jainie scrolled through the photos of sunsets and sunrises and ice cream with her friends. Jainie’s heart stopped for a second as she had a picture with her in a bikini. Even before Julie followed the LORD, she never wanted her girls to wear skimpy clothing. She always felt like it was not right, and now she knows it’s modesty. 

Jainie quickly skipped past the few photos of her and her friends in non-conservative swimwear. 

“Jaine,” Julie softly said, “was that a bikini you were wearing?”

Her mother spoke so tenderly Jainie did not even feel like lying. “Yes, Mom, it was. What’s even wrong with it? Everyone wears them.”

Julie gently placed her hands on Jainie’s shoulders. “Sweetie, there is no need to show off your body in that way. After Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, they had to clothe themselves. Wearing clothes is almost a reminder of our sins. We must not show off ourselves that way, it is not how we are designed.”

Even though Jainie did not understand, her mother was too loving to argue. 

“What-” Jainie started with tears flowing down her face. “What is up with you, two!” Jainie ran into her room, but gently closed the door this time.

“Jainie!” Jesslyn shouted worriedly.

Jesslyn walked into their room and sat on her bed that was across from Jainie’s. 

“Um, I have something for you, Jay!” Jesslyn smiled excitedly and reached under her pillow and gave Jainie a Bible; the one Preacher Jim gave to Jesslyn to give to Jainie. 

“JESS no I-” Started Jainie. “I don’t want it, okay?”

Jainie turned the other way.

“That’s alright, Jay! Let me give it to you, still. Read it when you want!” Jesslyn smiled and walked out of the room. 

“Keep praying the LORD will call her, sweetie!” Julie tenderly smiled, placing her hands on her shoulders. 

Two months later.

Tap. Tap. Tap. The eraser of her pencil is always quietly tapping on her desk. Their sophomore year of high school had just started, but Jainie could not concentrate if her life depended on it. Something was prying at her, but she could not fulfill this longing in her heart no matter what she did. She glanced over at Jesslyn and saw her eagerly engaged with the lesson. Rolling her eyes, Jainie looked back down at her desk. 

“Ah, Miss Jainie, are we engaged in class? What is the answer to number twelve?”

 “Um, I am not sure.” Jainie responded looking down.

“Pie thirty-eight.” Jesslyn happily responded.

“Yes, Miss Jesslyn! Jainie, please stay engaged.” The teacher said, turning back to the whiteboard.

“Miss perfect.” Jainie whispered. 

Biking home from school, Jainie could not take it. 

“Jess, seriously, what is up with you?”

“What do you mean, Jay?” Jesslyn questioned looking at Jainie as they rode along. 

“Jesslyn, this all seriously cannot be because of that one camp you went to this summer, is it? There is no way you could change this much.”

Jesslyn excitedly smiled, she has been praying for months for Jainie to be open to ask questions. 

“Yes, it is all because of that one camp!” Jesslyn exclaimed. “However, it was not camp that made my heart alive, but JESUS! Jay, HE has changed my life!” 

Jainie stared at Jesslyn’s glowing face. 

“I- I just don’t understand. Help me understand, Jess, please!”

Jesslyn giggled, “Of course I will tell you everything! Thank you so much LORD for answering my prayers!”

Jainie’s eyes were widened, her heart was so heavy. This. Is this what she has been looking for? Jainie glanced down at her watch. 

“Oh! Jess, I said I would meet Chloe at 4:00pm and it’s 10 to! Can we talk about this tonight when I get home?”

“Absolutely! Looking forward to it, Jay! I love you so much, always remember that. Have fun at Chloe’s!”

Jainie looked down as the tears began to flow. 

“I love you too, Jess.”

Jesslyn waved to Jainie as she turned on Chloe’s street. 

“LORD, YOU deserve all the praise, YOU deserve all the glory!” Jesslyn softly sang to the LORD as she rode home. As she was singing to the LORD, a truck was coming head-on. Quicker than a single word spoken, Jesslyn was hit. 

“Jesslyn has been in an accident. Come to Petalville Hospital immediately.” Jainie’s hand was shaking as she read the message from her mother. 

Chloe’s parents drove her to the hospital. 

“Jainie, I am so sorry. We are here for you always!” Chloe hugged her tight. 

Jainie rushed through those hospital doors. “MOM!” Jainie shouted as she embraced her mother sobbing. They both hugged tight and fell to the floor. 

One week later.

“The death of Jesslyn Struddle is an extremely difficult one. However, it is a joyous occasion, she is with her beloved LORD and SAVIOR. She may have only walked with the LORD a short while, but I know living for GOD became her everything. She has been a light for all to see. I know she-” Pastor Jim started sobbing. “I know Miss Jesslyn really loved the LORD. Let us follow her example and walk in the light of CHRIST.” 

Jainie and her mother hugged tight while sobbing during the message at the ceremony. They picked to hold the funeral in Jesslyn’s favorite garden to pray during her week at camp during the past summer. 

Two weeks after the ceremony Jainie was sitting on Jesslyn’s bed and spotted her twin sister’s Bible. She quickly looked away with her hand over her mouth, holding back tears. 

“She was going to tell me about her JESUS.” Jainie whisperingly sobbed. 

Jainie crawled under her bed and found the Bible her sister had given to her from camp. She brushed off the dust and opened it up. She saw a hand written note that read: 

Jainie,

I have been praying for the LORD to reveal HIMSELF to you as HE has for me. Jay, the LORD is oh so good! All the sins I have committed, are washed clean! Jay, they are gone! How is that even possible? I have done so much wrong. But, even though I was bound to go to hell, the LORD loved me so much to die a gruesome death to pay for my sins. By HIS blood I am free! I am alive in HIM! Jainie, I pray you repent of your sins and follow the LORD, too. This book is all of GOD’s Words; read it and cherish it. I pray my JESUS becomes your JESUS, too!

Love,

Jesslyn

Jainie held her Bible close to her heart and collapsed to her knees. Her mom came rushing into her room.

“Oh sweetie! Are you alright?” Julie said tenderly with tears in her eyes.

“Oh Mom! How can it be that an awful sinner like me, be saved?”

“Jainie!” Julie hugged her daughter tighter than ever.

“LORD, I want to live for you! I do not deserve a thing, yet you gave a sinner like me, everything! JESUS, I want you to be mine, too! Be my JESUS like you were Jesslyn’s JESUS!”

1 year later. 

Jainie became a changed person. Never going to sleep again with anger towards another person, as said in Proverbs. She was kind, caring, and a radiate light of JESUS. 

“Um, Jainie, I need to ask you something.” Chole looked down, fidgeting her fingers. She went to Moving Waters Church camp with Jainie as she thought it would be something fun to do, but now her heart was heavy, something was pressing at her. 

“What changed you? You used to be so bitter and aggressive, but now all I can think about you is how sweet and gentle you are. Was it Jesslyn?”

Jainie had the same excited look on her face as her sister did in the past. “Oh Chloe! It is all because of my JESUS! HE has changed my life. I have found my purpose in life: to live for HIM!”

“Jay, I want what you have, too! I want your JESUS!” Chloe desperately exclaimed. Jainie put her hands on Chloe’s shoulders and sweetly told her, “Let me tell you all about my JESUS so HE can be your JESUS, too.”