The Black Widow

Mia hovered over the sleeping man. Finally resting, his pain erased by the cocktail of medications in his IV drip. She checked his vitals. Weak, but steady. His heart fluttering as much as beating. His breathing shallow. Day after day she watched him deteriorate. A month, maybe six weeks ago he was vibrant, happy. The disease wore him down. Inevitable. She whispered in his ear.

“No need to fight anymore. Time to rest,” she said.

She walked over to the IV and slipped in the syringe. Insulin. A heavy dose. Same dose she’d been giving him for the last week. Weakening him. Wearing down his body’s defences. Overloading his systems. The dose administered, she capped the syringe and left the room. She dropped the used needle in a sharps disposal bin elsewhere on the floor and continued her nightly rounds. She finished her shift and disappeared into the early morning dew.

A few hours after she left, a nurse walked in to check his vitals. Wake him for breakfast. See how he was feeling. Administer the morning’s medications. He didn’t respond. His heart stopped. His breathing gone. Died in his sleep. The investigation was almost totally administrative. A basic blood screen, a going over of his charts, and soon the body was released to the funeral directors. A simple ceremony, the man had outlived his family. The will reading was conducted by the state. Some of his estate left to his children that had abandoned him long before. Some to charity. Some to the nursing staff. Mia getting the larger portion of that. She usually did. She had such the bedside manner with her patients.

Nobody suspected a thing. Nobody noticed. Palliative care was like that. Patients would come to the wards with serious, life-limiting illnesses. Mia and the nurses would care for them, support them and their families, easing them to the end of their lives. Rarely did anyone recover. They all slowly slipped away. The lawyers from the State Government would visit weekly. Making sure wills were up to date. Last wishes known. Funerals organised and arranged. Many patients had little to no family left, or in contact with them. Mia’s duties included attempts to track down long lost children or grandchilden. A task that was often fruitless.

He had been such a sweet old man. Gentlemanly. Polite compliments. Never sleazy. All he wanted was one final conversation with his daughter. She’d left him years, decades before. Had refused to speak to him for something he’d done. Mia dutifully tried to find her, but never managed it. He never suspected she wasn’t trying too hard. When the lawyer came round he rewrote his will. He still left his daughter something, but the nurses were given a greater slice. Especially Mia. She had no idea how much he was worth, not until the executor went through his estate. Instead of a few hundred dollars, Mia and the other nurses were given tens of thousands. The daughter was barely mentioned.

Mia went home afterwards. But she wasn’t elated. She walked in the front door of her flat, her apartment she shared with her husband and her daughter. As she had grown very accustomed to, the housework was behind, mostly not attempted. She attended to her daughter, cleaning and feeding her, making sure her precious toddler was happy and content before bed. Teeth cleaned, tucked in, story read, her daughter was out like a light. Mia finally collapsed into her armchair, half a room away from her husband on the couch.

“Seriously Theo, when’s this going to stop?” she asked.

“What are you on about?”

“This ‘not working’ thing you’re doing. Are you actually trying to find a job? Or are you just sitting on the couch all day playing video games?”

“Babe, don’t hassle me. I’ve been pounding doors everyday this week,” said Theo.

“And yet, nothing. Not even a casual shift at the local supermarket where they’ve had a ‘help wanted’ sign in the window for months.”

“I told you babe, I’m too old for them. They want someone young. Someone they can work hard and screw them out of most of their wages.”

“There’s a handful of grannies that work there, Theo,” said Mia.

“Probably since forever. Anyway, listen, how did the will reading go today?”

“Unexpected. He left me $25,000”

“And you’re complaining about me not having a job?” asked Theo.

“Yes. That and the house is a pigsty everytime I come home. You could at least tidy up occasionally”

“It’s a lot of work, looking after your daughter”

“Our daughter,” said Mia.

“Your daughter, my step-daughter,” said Theo. “Besides I’ve been working hard on paying back that guy I borrowed money from”

“What? You still owe that creep Niven money? He’s a loan shark Theo. I don’t know why you’d ever borrow money from a guy like that anyway”

“Because he was the only one who would give me a dime.”

“Whatever. How much to clear this debt?” asked Mia.

“$50,000”

“What? You can’t be serious!”

“Serious as a heart attack, I pay this and I’ll get a few weeks grace. A decent win and I’m all square. Please babe,” said Theo.

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. I’ll help you out, but no more bets. Please. No more. Promise me.”

“I won’t, I promise I won’t. No more gambling, babe. I’m serious. Give me that $25,000 and then I can work to square it with Niven and then neither of us have to worry ever again.”

“Your debt, Theo. Not mine. You still need to get yourself a job to get out of this hole,” said Mia.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re right. I’m wrong. I apologise. As always. You going to give me the money or not?”

“This is absolutely the last time, Theo,”

“I swear on my mother’s grave, this is the last time Mia,” said Theo.

Begrudgingly Mia pulled out her phone and transferred $25,000 from her secret savings account to Theo’s. He never knew that account existed. Never realised that just because the will reading was today, she wouldn’t see the inheritance for weeks. But as soon as it did Mia was going to drop it straight back into her savings. Her bug-out account. She watched Theo as his phone beeped at him. He looked at it, saw that the money had been transferred, then returned to watching the football game on the tv on the wall. Barely even a muttered “thanks babe” under his breath. Not for the first time Mia watched him, contemplating just how easy it would be for her to send him away like her patients. But she didn’t dare. Killing someone who was expecting to die was one thing. Killing someone who wasn’t expected to die was another. She kept watching Theo, feeling her resentment growing. Until she couldn’t stand it anymore. She got up, left the room and made herself a cup of tea.

The next afternoon Mia met a new patient. A kindly old man. Sweet. Eyes that were just starting to lose their sparkle. The reality of being on a palliative care ward not quite starting to sink in. Still determined to put up a brave face, refusing to give in just yet. Mia worked quietly, efficiently. Quickly running through her list of duties, carefully noting the readings and measurements on the chart. Noting the diagnosis. Cancer, and quite a lot of it. He spent her visit being charming, cracking jokes, trying to put her at ease. As though she was as worried as he was to be on the ward. She wasn’t. But it warmed her heart. Despite his dire situation, he was concerned for a stranger’s wellbeing. Vitals checked, chart completed and tucked away back into it’s holder at the foot of the bed. Mia turned to him, studying his face.

“Alex, I see you haven’t unpacked your suitcase. Would you like me to do it for your?” asked Mia. In front of the wardrobe, on the floor was a battered old suitcase. Covered in stickers from far off exotic places. Well-worn, well-loved. A testament to his travels. A reminder of the places he’d been. Clues to the things he’d seen and done.

“Not just yet, Mia my dear. Not yet. I don’t think I’m staying long,” replied Alex.

“That’s okay, totally up to you. How’re you feeling? Do you need anything for the pain?”

“I’m not in any pain.”

“Alex, there’s no need to lie to me. If you’re in pain, please tell me. Us nurses are here to try to make you feel better. So, happy drugs for Alex?” asked Mia, her professional smile radiating just right.

“Ok, ok. Please, Mia. Some happy drugs would be wonderful,” said Alex. She reached into her kit and pulled out a few small bottles. She handed him a glass of water and a tiny paper cup of pills, watching carefully as he swallowed all of them.

“Ok, Alex. That should help you relax a little. Anytime you need me, or any of the other nurses, just press that button and we’ll come running. Beck and call, mate.”

“Thankyou,” said Alex.

“No worries, you just lie back and get some rest. Relax. It’s been a big day,” said Mia. She puffed his pillows, drew the curtains and made sure he was comfortable. Then she left, his eyes always on her.

Over the coming weeks Mia grew quite fond of Alex. The total opposite of Theo. Theo barely cared about her, even when she was doing something for him. Alex cared about her, even when she wasn’t doing something for him. When she had quiet moments during the night shift, she found herself gravitating towards Alex. He was almost always awake. Too tired to sleep. But without a fairly strong dosage, he slept fitfully. So she would sit at the end of his bed. Talking. Listening to him tell tales of far-off strange places. Exotic lands. Friendly people. Daring adventures. The more she listened, the more she wanted to hear. The worse she felt about her life. A life of going to work, cleaning her house, caring for her little girl as much as could, supporting her deadbeat gambling husband, praying for a miracle.

“Are you ready for me to unpack your suitcase now Alex? You’ve been here quite a while” said Mia.

“My whole life is in that suitcase, Mia. Everything I am, everything I’ve been and done. The lot. I’m not quite ready for it to be opened up and laid bare in this place. Not just yet.”

“That’s ok, whenever you want it.”

“There is one thing you could do for me though,” said Alex.

“What’s that?”

“I never get a straight answer out of the doctors. How bad is it?”

“Alex, there’s no easy way to say this,” said Mia. She stopped, looking Alex deep in the eye. She softly, gently took his hand.

“It’s the end, isn’t it” said Alex. A finality. A ringing of the bell.

“I’m not a doctor, but I’ve been working here for years. Never seen anyone recover from anything like this before.”

“That’s ok. I get it. It’s actually nice”

“What do you mean?” asked Mia.

“Nice to finally know. Rather than this wishy-washy nonsense that the doctors keep talking.”

“That makes sense. Happy sleepy drugs Alex? Help you sleep through?”

“You’re an angel,” said Alex. Mia pulled a syringe from her kit, slipped it into the drip on his arm and dosed him. Almost immediately he could feel the tension and the pain slipping away from his body.

“Thankyou, Mia. You can do that do me anytime” said Alex. Mia looked at him, smiling. His eyes were closed, fully relaxed. For the first time since he’d come to the ward, he was truly relaxed and peaceful. She dropped the syringe into a sharps disposal bin and left the room.

“What the hell do you mean, you lost it?” shouted Mia, her voice harsh and shrill.

“I mean I had a sure fire, red hot tip. I put the money on it. The horse didn’t win. It’s not my fault!” shouted Theo.

“Seriously? All $25,000?” asked Mia

“What do you care? It was just a bonus from some lonely old guy that died and had nobody to leave his money to.”

“Where I got it is not the point. You were meant to use that money to put towards that debt you have with that gangster, Niven.”

“If the horse won like it was supposed to, then I would’ve paid the whole debt and had enough left over to take you on a holiday to Bali,” said Theo.

“Always someone else’s fault. Never yours. You are utterly unbelievable.”

“I swear I’ll make it up to you”

“Save it, Theo. I just care bear to look at you right now,” said Mia. She left the room, curled up on her daughters bed with her daughter sleeping in her arms. Wishing things were different. Somehow different. Again she found her thoughts drifting towards the needle. How easy it would be to dose Theo like she could dose a patient. Not for the first time she fell asleep, dreaming of how much easier her life would be without him.

A week or so later, the lawyer from the State was doing his rounds of the wards. Making sure everything was as it should be. Confirming and writing wills. Working through funeral plans. He spent a long time in the room with Alex. Dotting the I’s, crossing the T’s. Later that night Mia clocked on for her night shift. She visited Alex as she made her rounds. Checking vitals. Noting things down on the chart. She noted with concern as his vitals were dropping, the cancer starting to really take hold.

“Alex, dear, you ok? You in a lot of pain?” asked Mia.

“How did you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Alex. Happy drugs or happy sleepy drugs?”

“Just the happy drugs please. I had a visit from the lawyer today,” said Alex.

“Oh? Get everything in order?”

“Everything’s in order. I could die happy tonight.”

“Don’t say things like that, Alex,” said Mia.

“Seriously Mia, everythings sorted and done. Put away properly.”

“And yet, you still wont let me take your things out of your suitcase and put them away.”

“I told you before, Mia. That’s my whole life. Everything I am. And I’m not quite ready to let it go, just yet,” said Alex.

“Ok, ok. You’ll tell me when.”

“I will definitely do that.”

A few more weeks passed. Theo was spending his time alternating between watching sports on the tv at home, making increasingly riskier bets, and avoiding Niven and his gangsters. Alex’s health started to really fail. Now he needed help to go to the bathroom. Part of Mia’s nightly duties was to carefully shower him and dress him for bed. The spark started to truly die in his eyes. Mia knew it was time. He was holding on, perhaps for a relative to visit. But none came. They’d exhausted every search they could do in trying to find his children. The son they did find was overseas and refused to come home, or even talk to Alex. Mia watched as the realisation crept over him. The sadness taking him. She pulled out her insulin syringe. Alex watched as she injected it into the drip.

“Happy drugs or happy sleepy drugs, Alex?”

“Happy sleepy drugs, my dear,” said Alex.

He gulped down the pills as she handed them to him, his fluttering closed as he relaxed into the bed. Every night that week, the same routine. The injection, then the pills. Alex slept longer through the night, sleeping deeper than he’d had before. The end was drawing near. Early one evening, Mia helped Alex through the shower and dressed him for bed. He relaxed, carefully watching her fuss over him, watching her inject the drip.

“Mia, my suitcase,” said Alex.

“Yes Alex, what would you like me to do with it?”

“It’s yours. Take it. It’s old and heavy, so I suggest you get an orderly to help you get it down to your car. But it’s yours. I want you to have it.”

“Are you sure?” asked Mia.

“Definitely. Make sure you get an orderly to help. I wouldn’t want anyone thinking you were stealing it. Take it to your car, then you come back here and give me those happy sleepy drugs.”

Mia tried to pick up the suitcase. Definitely far too heavy for her to lift. She made a call from the nurse’s station, and soon she and one of the orderlys took it downstairs to her car. How she was ever going to get it out of her car when she got home, she didn’t know. That was a future problem.

“I know you didn’t open it, that’s good. Open it when you’re home. Somewhere private. Don’t let anyone see. That’s for you and you alone, Mia,” said Alex.

“Thankyou Alex, I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Now, can you please give me my happy sleepy drugs? I’m quite tired.”

“Of course,” said Mia. She carefully doled out the pills, noting them down on the chart. She watched him gulp them down. Watched as he relaxed into the bed, to sleep.

Next morning Alex didn’t wake up. As was usual, the investigation was purely administrative. The bulk of his estate was left to the church, his family. Mia and the staff were mentioned. Alex was buried in his family’s plot a few days later. Mia had just returned home from the funeral when she worked up the courage to open the suitcase. Inside she found money, a fortune. And a handwritten note.

“This is all my life became. Do more than this with your life. Love, Alex.”