Abysmal Paradox

Warning: Brief strong language

Hey, Traveler. Yeah, you. The confused, sentient being floating around the void with me. You know who you are…I hope.

If I were to ask you, “Are you lost?,” I imagine you’d have a few preset responses. Responses along the lines of those written below:

‘I’m so lost right now. I have absolutely no idea what the hell’s going on.’

‘I have Google Maps if I ever get lost.’

‘Appealing to my humanity and addressing me as an individual to elicit a personal connection. Clever. But still subverting the prompt. 3/10.’

‘Fuck off.’

Personally, I think all those options—and the countless others unmentioned—are all good and equal (especially that last one). I mean, who even cares about participating in a dumb thought experiment, anyway? Certainly not me.

But what if I manipulated the question so it looked more like this:

Do you know where you are right now?

Again, presumably many responses; all good and equal.

But to give just a little bit more of an irritatingly vague hint: Define the term ‘where.’ Does this void we’re in even have a ‘where’?

To then go a bit further and offer a convoluted example, I might ask whether you consider the term ‘where’ to be defined as ‘physical position’ or ‘a moment in time.’ These are two very different interpretations of the term, but they can both mean ‘where.’

It’s simply a matter of one’s mindset and what you believe it to be.

…Yes, I had as visceral a reaction to that last sentence as you did. It irks me that I even wrote it. One might say I put the ‘rage’ in ‘range’ …I think. I can’t quite remember why I relate the two, I just know ‘rage’ is in ‘range.’

…What were we talking about?

…

Doesn’t matter. Moving on.

I have a request. A favor, if you will. Perhaps even a task. There is no reward aside from my thanks, so don’t delude yourself into believing otherwise. It will only lead to disappointment. Or…maybe there is a prize? You see, I’m not entirely sure, but I suggest you expect nothing. Who knows, maybe we’ll both end up surprised.

…Surprised…Why would we be surprised…?

Dammit.

No matter, the task is quite simple.

I’d like you to retrieve something for me. Something I’m not even sure actually exists anymore—or if it ever did. All I know is that it lives within my mind.

…Your mind?

Our mind.

I would look for it myself, but for some reason…I’m stuck. Though, I’m not sure how long I’ve been stuck. My sense of time has never been all that great, even in the past.

…The past…? Odd. I don’t know anything about ‘the past.’ At least, I don’t think so.

No matter. I’m sure you’ll be the one to figure it out. After all, you haven’t left yet. And I’m starting to enjoy your company.

You see, I’ve never had any friends—not even myself. It happens every time; they stick around for a while and I start to think we could be buddies…and then something changes—something always changes—so suddenly, and then the next thing I know, they’re gone. Vanished. Poofed out of existence to somewhere…outside existence? I’m not quite sure, but I think I knew at some point. Whatever the case, I don’t know where they go or how they leave or why they leave or what changed. Perhaps there’s something wrong with me and I don’t even realize it. I hope that’s not the case, but I can never be sure.

…Oh! What’s this? A library? I never knew I had a library. Maybe it belongs to you?

Well, we might as well go inside. After all, if you don’t know something, the only way to learn is to roll up your sleeves, steel your nerves, and dive right in.

Shall we start with the first section? The title looks a bit worn, but I believe it reads: Terms & Definitions. That should be a good place to start, right? Simple explanations for simple things. Why don’t you open the first book to the first page.

Hm…that’s weird. There’s nothing here. All the pages are blank; no terms, no definitions, not even any invisible ink.

Try the next one…

…Or maybe the next?

…Surely the fourth book which is titled ‘Rocks’ will have something in it…

…Surely…there’s something in this library worth reading…

…Surely—

What’s the point of an empty library?

…What did you say…? An empty library…? That’s not right. If a library is empty, then…it’s not even a library any—

There! I found something. The only book that has any writing in it. It’s in the very back in the section titled ‘Unknown.’

How convenient, it’s the only book in the section. Well, go ahead and open it.

…Seriously?

Nothing?

I’m sure there was something written in this book. At least…I think there was…

It’s not empty.

Yes it is! There’s not a single word in or on this book!

You can’t see it?

Of course not! Because there’s nothing there!

What are you talking about? This book has everything. It has…everything.

Don’t you think I would know if there was anything in this book? I see everything. I know everything. Heaven and Hell, trees and skies, the beginning and the end of everything! I know it all! So how could I possibly not know what’s in this book!?

…Sounds to me like you do know…

What are you talking about? If I knew I’d be able to read it…I’d be able to remember.

But I don’t understand.

…Why can’t I remember?

We’re not supposed to remember because there’s nothing to remember. Everything’s right here in front of us. Let me show you.

This book was different.

The cover was blank yet had every color imaginable. There was no end or beginning. There was no plot, no mystifying twist, and no evil antagonist. There was only what is and what isn’t; what exists and what doesn’t; what is true and what isn’t. And it told me everything I had always known yet never knew.

Oh.

I see.

We can’t be here anymore.

And so we sealed the library off from ourselves—we erased every bit of information inside it, including the information within our mind—, knowing it would inevitably be sifted through again, very soon. And then we left.

Hey, Traveler. I don’t mean to bother your aimless wanderings through this empty void, but you’re the only one here…I think.

If I were to ask you, “Do you know where you are?,” what would you say? Would you know? Would you care to know? Or do you enjoy being lost?

I can’t imagine why you like being lost, but who am I to judge? After all, I’m a little lost, myself. So before you find yourself adrift in endlessness once more, would you mind accompanying me on a journey toward discovery?

You see, I’m looking for something, but I can’t quite remember what it is.