Stuck

The girl walked into the gas station. Pink bubblegum popping as the bell chimed! above her. Fluorescence lights buzzed their welcome, the coolers hummed in somber unison. The smell of curdled milk and syrup sweet slushies hovered over the single aisle divider. 

The old woman who usually worked the night shift glowered at her from beside the slushie machine, all knees and elbows as she wiped up pink liquid from the stained cabinet. “You’re late,”

“Had things to do, Mary.”

“As if I don’t have shit to do,” Mary slapped her rag down on the counter. The liquid dripped out, covering the peeling promotional stickers. Five Bonus Chances! Everyone’s a Winner!

The greenish light gave her stringy hair a ghoulish glow, it sunk into the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. How long had this woman worked here? It seemed more likely she had sprouted out of the concrete one day, work vest on, ready to growl at passing children. 

“Whatever,” the girl said, unconsciously running her hands through her own iron flat locks as she came around the counter.

Mary rolled her dull eyes. “Machines out again. Don’t bother calling Todd, I already did since I was waiting on you.”

“Noted,” she said, throwing the red vest over her band tee. She couldn’t wait to get out of this place. For now, she punched her ID in the greasy screen.

B., M. 09:17P.M, Clocked In.

Mary grunted, lips quirked. “Look, it’s your first time working the night shift so there’s a few things you ought to know.”

The girl lifted her own brows back, “It’s a Tuesday night in the world’s most boring state, in a town with two stop lights. I think I can handle it.” She pulled out her phone and sat on the stool behind the register as a final statement. Conversation done.

“Kids these days,” Mary muttered between missing teeth, waddling over to punch out. Her gnarled, knobby knuckles reaching over to touch the screen. “Just keep yourself busy, alright? Best to keep your mind occupied.”

“Didn’t you have shit to do?”

Mary rolled her eyes again, “Suit yourself.”

The girl didn’t notice the chime! of Mary’s exit over the spastic pop song blaring from the video. A blonde influencer, who looked a lot like every other influencer, did a spastic dance to it, in a house with tall windows and even taller ceilings. 305k likes, 27,000 comments, like and follow for more! A ten-year-old opened packets of trading cards, screaming over a cartoon, shelves and shelves of figurines and toys behind him. 40K views, subscribe, don’t forget to like!

Her own video – 10 views, 0 likes, 0 comment.

Why weren’t her videos doing better? What was she doing so different from everyone else? Where was her big break? She’d only started working at the gas station to save up. To one day leave. How long ago had that been?  A year ago? Three? Ten?

For a stomach tilting moment, Mary flickered in her mind. So old who knew what came first, the gas station or Mary. It hadn’t been that long though, she knew that. Reminded herself that she was taking a short break. It was only the late-night thoughts gurgling up again. She wouldn’t be stuck here, wouldn’t become like some people.

 She chucked her phone onto the counter, where it splattered sticky liquid revenge back from the pool around the rag. Mary had left it for her. 

“What a dick,” the girl muttered, ducking down to grab the paper towels they kept stocked underneath, but the overhead lights turned everything strange. Made the shadows darker, the shelves deeper. When had it gotten so dark outside?

Peering out of the long, dirty window the only light to be seen was from the awning. It was enough to light up the empty lot with its two pumps (one for diesel), the two-lane highway, and a few stalks of corn just beyond. 

For a heart rustling moment, it seemed the gas station hovered like a ghost light in the darkness. No beginning or end. No highway beyond the patch caught in the gloom of the station. Time irrelevant. 

A semi roared by. 

She jumped, put a hand to her thudding heart, and let out of an airy laugh. Mary’s little warning was wiggling its way into her brain. “Don’t be stupid.”

She found the paper towels tucked behind back stock of grape flavored vapes. It took half a roll to clean up the slushie syrup, most of the promotional stickers came with it. Todd was going to be pissed, but there was no saving them. 

Not wanting to give in to Mary’s mutterings but not wanting to feel trapped behind the counter anymore she went to one of the drink coolers and snuck an energy drink from the back of the shelf, where they stashed the just expired ones. Todd would be pissed about that too, if he ever found out. 

A rush of fruit-throat-punch juice hit her taste buds, before she jammed it down. Veins thrumming before it even hit her stomach. She just needed a ‘pick me up’, a little energy to keep boredom from riffling through her thoughts. 

She fiddled with the candy bars until they were straight and even in their boxes. Played with the gum until all the packs faced the same way. Organized the chips by expiration date. Kept her eyes inside, on the shelves, on the task. 

But even that wasn’t distracting enough, her eyes would lift to the windows, to the awning just outside, to the heavy darkness barely kept at bay.  

How long had she been here? Her phone screen read 11:17P.M. A few more hours left. She regretted taking the night shift, even if it did pay a dollar fifty more an hour.   

Snatching up the device, she escaped back to social media. Another blonde influencer unboxed the same makeup collection she’d already seen five times today. She made a note of which colors to buy, how much she could afford of the collection to get. Then the bell chimed! to welcome in a family of four. 

Two kids giggled, running for the candy, while the adults dragged themselves in. They were dressed for comfort, for napping in the car if needed. She stuffed her phone in her pocket.

“Hi!” she greeted, voice too high, too tight. Had she ever greeted any customers before?

The mom gave her a thin, tired smile just as sound of the kids arguing broke out. They were fighting over the slushie machine. 

“Sorry, it’s out of order right now.”

Another tight smile, “A sign might be a good idea.”

The girl wondered briefly if that really would have stopped the kids, if they were even old enough to read. She watched the mom fuss over them, before managing to strong arm them into a different sugary beverage while the dad left to fill up their gas tank. 

“Kids these days,” she muttered to herself, mimicking Mary’s voice for her own private joke, then caught herself.

She rang up snacks, waters, pops, already sticky candy. The mom tried to wrangle the kids into standing still. Exhaustion made the woman look older. In fact, the girl couldn’t tell how old she was for a beat. The tightness around her eyes and mouth signaled older, but the smooth skin cued she might be younger. Maybe they were the same age. 

That moment dug in again. Were they the same age? Could people from her graduating class already have kids this old? She’d been avoiding any social media from her old class, didn’t want to compare her life to theirs. See what they were doing while she was still here. Still waiting.

How long had it been?  It was just meant to be a gap year, a little break before she moved to a bigger city, a bigger life. She couldn’t seem to grasp a timeline anymore. 

The mom cleared her throat. “A bag, maybe?”

“Oh,” the girl started, staring at the card that had practically been shoved under her nose, “right.”

She stuffed the purchase into a bag and didn’t bother to hand it over or even slide it across the counter. The mom huffed but grabbed her bag and stalked out, other hand holding one kid hostage to stop them from running out. 

Another chime! and she was alone again. She checked the time. She checked her video. 

10 views, 0 likes, 1 comment. The comment was from her roommate. She pushed down the bad feelings, the useless thoughts. All she needed to do was stick with it. Everyone started at the bottom. Right? 

Just focus, post another video, add another story, try to be unique in a world of same face syndrome. Like!

She picked at a nail. Reminded herself, she was unique, was different. She looked up the makeup collection she needed to buy. Thought of ways to wear these colors in a new way, a way that stood out.

Flicking through more videos, more big houses without a speck of dust. She thought of her tiny room, old stains on the carpet. She checked the time again.

More videos of new makeup collections, brands she’d never heard of, brands she could hardly afford. Subscribe!

She would make something of herself, she would get the deals, the PR packages with all the gadgets and freebies, wouldn’t have to think of how much it all cost. Wouldn’t have to share a small apartment with a roommate who left dirty dishes in the sink, clothes in the bathroom. Be late for work because she’d been waiting for her mom to pick her up. 

Frustration swelled like a balloon in her stomach. Shoving her phone in her pocket, she couldn’t stop her eyes from looking out. 

The window reflected an image back at her. Ghoulish green light reflected off dull, sagging eyes, casted off stringy hair, sank into deep wrinkles around her lips and mouth. 

How long had it been again?