The Nightmare

I desperately needed sleep. I mixed melatonin powder into a warm cup of lemon chamomile tea and played some haunting instrumental piano music on my cellphone. Then crawled into bed, closed my eyes and took deep breaths. The warmth of the blankets soothed me. I felt my body being tugged into sleep, when a loud advertisement for some deodorant product interrupted my music. I turned off the phone and hoped I was close enough to sleep that I no longer needed the music.

I was in a meadow outlined by tall, red barked trees. Wildflowers of various colors surrounded me. Golden rays of light spilled through the tree branches. I tilted my head back to feel the warm kiss of the sunlight and soft caress of the breeze. A sense of weightlessness took over my body. Almost like I could fly.

Then I saw a man leaned against a tree with his hands behind his back. He wore a cream colored cable knit sweater and jeans. The details of his face were blurry and the more I tried to focus on them, the more unclear they became. All I could tell was that he had light brown hair, and a lanky build. I had a sense he was grinning, but I couldn’t see it.

“Hello?” I said nervously. The vibrant colors dimmed to gray.

“You look really pretty.”

My cheeks burned as I looked down at the floral sundress I wore. I giggled, unsure of what to say. He stood up off the tree, and let his hands fall to his sides. A glint of light in his right hand caught my attention. My heart pounded as I realized he held a knife. A knife dripping in blood. Not a kitchen knife. More like a hunting knife. Once I noticed it, then I saw the body. How did I not see it before?

A woman slumped against a tree, blood covered her lifeless corpse and matted her dark hair. My hand flew up to cover my mouth.

“Hey, why don’t you come a little closer? Let me get a better look at you.” He tilted his head to the side. I couldn’t see the smile. I couldn’t see any clear features. I knew he was smiling. I knew it was a warm, sweet smile that made my stomach flip. He wiped the knife across his sweater and stepped closer to me. I turned and ran, but didn’t move. I ran full speed in place like I was stuck on a treadmill. The man blurred completely. Almost like a ghost. The blur got closer and closer every time I glanced back.

I jumped up in my bed, gasping for air. My eyes wouldn’t stay open and my head spun. It felt a little like being tipsy. The melatonin maybe. My body screamed for me to let it go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. What if I returned to that meadow?

I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I tried to stay awake, but sleep tugged me back.

The next morning, it felt like I hadn’t slept at all. I put my container of coffee in the fridge and milk in the cabinet. Then headed to work. A rare text message notification dinged on my phone, but it was only my mom warning me about a string of bank robberies in the area. Last week, she sent me grainy security camera footage of the men, and told me to look out for them. At least she cared for my safety. Nice someone did.

The lights of my office were harsh, eye burning, and made everything appear slightly off. I sat at my desk and typed a message to my online pen pal, Sarah, telling her about the nightmare. Then I quickly checked my dating app. Only one creepy message from some guy named Tom asking if I was ready for a strong alpha male to take control. Tom’s profile picture was of an overweight, bald man, sitting in a dark room. He looked at least a decade older than me. He wore glasses and I think I could see a computer screen photo of a naked woman in their reflection. I groaned and closed the app.

Sarah responded saying the dream sounded really scary. She wondered if it represented my fears around dating, since I liked the man at first. Then asked how the dating app was going. Avoiding the discussion, I pulled up my work email. My boss waddled by my desk. He wasn’t wearing a shirt or shoes. Only tight spandex shorts, and he gleamed with sweat like he had rubbed oil all over his body. I held in the vomit rising to the back of my throat. He liked to ride his bike to work. That was fine, but entering the office like this was completely inappropriate. So was the fact that he always stopped and leaned into Cassandra’s cubicle, chit chatting with her while his gross sweat dripped over her paperwork. Poor girl.

“Hey, Rosie. Aren’t you supposed to be in a meeting?” Lila asked while walking by with her coffee.

My stomach dropped and my eyes widened. I was supposed to be in a meeting! It wasn’t like me to forget. The lack of sleep must be getting to me. Maybe I could fix it. Could I build a machine that gave me better dreams? Controlling dreams themselves probably wouldn’t work, but perhaps creating optimal sleep conditions would. It could monitor symptoms of emotions like elevated heart rate, and help regulate and stabilize those systems. Ideas swirled through my head as I tried to focus on the meeting, and ate six donuts without realizing. Someone jokingly told me to save some for the rest of them.

That night, the man returned. His features were still mostly blurry but I could tell he had icy blue eyes. Was he someone I had met? He could be someone I passed without actively noticing, but no one I knew. We were in a run down, empty city. The sounds of something scurrying surrounded us. Like rats in the attic. They’d have to be very big to make so much noise.

“What’re you doing here again?” I asked him. Thankfully, he didn’t have a knife. Though if there were giant creatures, it might be better if he did. Or if I did, at least.

“You had a rough day at work.” He sounded sympathetic. The words stuck with me, creating that feeling of something on the tip of my tongue. What did this remind me of?

“So you’re making it worse?”

He smiled. “I’m here to help you.”

“Really?”

“That skepticism is good.”

Despite seeing him murder someone in my last dream, his smile melted something inside of me. The warmth felt like a betrayal.

“I’m going to get rid of you.” I proclaimed.

“It’s really not in your best interest to.”

A giant rat burst through one of the crumbling brick buildings. The rat was at least 20 feet tall. It’s fur was wet, with a slick oily look. It’s teeth were sharper than I thought a rat’s teeth would be. It wore tight spandex shorts that caused it’s stomach to muffin top. The rat hissed at me and lunged forward. I fell back into the man’s arms. I didn’t know if he'd save me or hand me over.

“C’mon, girl. He’s not scary. He’s wearing bright pink spandex. He’s just a rat.” The man said. I looked up and sharp fangs were right in my face. Hot breath burned my skin and drool splashed onto my arms. I jolted awake.

The next day when my boss walked in, I saw his neon orange spandex and couldn’t stop laughing. I noticed his teeth even jutted out a little like the rat’s. Everyone in the office stared at me with confusion. I shook it off, apologized quietly, and went to work on my perfect sleep machine.

Through some research, I found inventions that were on the way to what I wanted, but missing some components. I combined what already worked and existed with a few new additions. I even reached out to collaborate with some of these developers. After several months, I was ready for a test run.

If I suppressed the negative emotions and kept my sleep peaceful, what would happen to The Nightmare? This was what I had come to refer to the man as, since he refused to provide any name. Even after all this time. He insisted he wasn’t a person. I felt an ache. Was I attached to him? I put the soft band connected to the machine around my forehead, and ignored that thought.

For a few nights, The Nightmare appeared, but then vanished when he tried something scary. My dreams turned pleasant. Flower filled meadows without dead bodies, castles with friendly dragons, and cozy cabin homes.

One night I stood under bright moonlight, surrounded by fireflies and pink rose bushes. The Nightmare appeared. He held out a hand and asked me to dance. Before I could say there wasn’t any music, a small band appeared. They played gentle jazz music. I agreed and took The Nightmare’s hand. He twirled me around. The way my long lavender dress floated out around me, made my heart giddy. He pulled me close. We swayed to the calm, enchanting sounds.

“Your need for control is insatiable,” he whispered.

I searched his eyes unsure what to make of that, and realized I could now see every feature vividly. He felt so real. “I don’t have any control.”

He twirled me around and I felt like I was made of fireflies. Thousands of little sparks of light flickered inside me. “I like it here.”

‘Eh, it could be better.” Suddenly we were in a dark haunted house with faintly glowing ghosts dancing around us. Bats hung from the ceiling, bobbing their heads.

I groaned and tried to imagine the fireflies back.

“You know, instead of trying so hard to make me a nice guy, you could just find a nice guy.”

“But why not change you? Aren't you my creation? Isn’t all of this?”

A mischievous grin slowly spread across his face. “I think you need my darkness. It helps you.”

“How?”

He leaned in slowly. His lips moved closer to mine. My heart pattered. Heat flooded my body. An urge to run pulsed in my feet. His lips delicately brushed mine and my body tensed. My mouth felt full. I stepped back and spit into my hand. Blood and bits of crushed white teeth land in my palm. I coughed and spit up more teeth and blood. I felt around my teeth with my tongue worried they were all gone. I felt gaps where teeth should be. I couldn't stop spitting up more teeth. I squirmed as bits floated in my mouth. I gagged and choked on the tiny pieces that I couldn’t spit up fast enough.

With a gasp, I sat up in bed. A few tweaks to my machine and this would never happen again. I knew exactly what to try first.

It worked. For several weeks, I didn’t see The Nightmare. A strange sense of longing haunted my gut, but I buried it deep. My dreams were beautiful, safe, and happy. Perfect other than a small nagging sensation of something missing. Despite that feeling, I couldn’t wait to sleep. I found myself going to sleep earlier and earlier each night. Sometimes not even eating dinner after work. Despite all the extra hours of sleep, exhaustion plagued me. How could I be so tired all the time, when all I did was sleep?

I sat at my desk, struggling to stay awake. A message from Sarah helped.

Sarah: Happy Wednesday! Almost through the week. Have any fun weekend plans?

Rosie: Yeah, I have a date with Steve! I can’t wait.

Sarah: Steve? Didn’t you tell me you had a dream about a guy named Steve?

I paused, confused. Steve wasn’t real? Steve wasn’t real. My cheeks burned. Luckily, she couldn’t see me.

Rosie: Oh yeah, haha. I’m joking with you. No plans. You?

Sarah: Rosie, I’m a little worried about you. Have you still been going on dates?

The last guy that messaged me was a month ago. The message basically yelled at me for not responding quick enough. At first I considered apologizing, but then The Nightmare’s words came back to me. You could just find a nice guy. I decided to wait. Nothing wrong with that. Of course, I hadn’t even glanced at the app in all that time either. Real life men weren’t as great as Steve. I sighed. Of course, they weren’t as great as someone I created.

Rosie: Don’t be silly. No reason to worry about me.

Sarah: I think you should try to be more social. I should too. Maybe we can both try it together?

I clicked out of the chat window and pretended I had work to do.

On the way home, a raindrop hit my forehead. The weather didn’t mention rain or else I wouldn’t have walked. I glanced up and saw a man walking along the edge of a building, and stopped breathing. He was too close to the edge, and I wanted to pull him back. Then, I noticed something familiar about him. He looked like The Nightmare, but that couldn’t be. I was awake. I knew I was. I ran into the building and flew up the stairs as fast as I could. So fast, I tripped over one and fell. With a quick whine of pain, I pushed myself up and kept running. I opened the roof door, completely out of breath. My head spun and my vision blurred. As the air returned to my lungs, I recovered and searched the roof. The man was gone.

It couldn’t be a dream. Real life sucked. I controlled my dreams now. I wouldn’t let them get this bad. For a moment, I hung out to take in the view and embraced the misty rain gently dampening my skin. The atm for my bank glowed across the street, reminding me I needed to stop in soon. That could wait for tomorrow. I yawned.

In my dream, I stood in an endless space. Squares of flooring stretched beneath my feet as far as I could see in all directions. Everything else was black. The floors kept moving. I struggled to find a center to the square so I could maintain balance, but the floor shifted over and over. Each time I slid towards nothingness and scrambled to regain balance. I didn’t last long before shoving myself into the waking world. Was my machine on the fritz?

I stood in line at the bank thinking about how to repair my machine. A man stood too close behind me, chewing his gum impossibly loud. His cologne suffocated me.

“Everybody on the floor!” A voice yelled.

I spun around, with my hands in the air. Three men in all black stood with guns pointed at us. My heart thudded so strongly, I thought it could break free from my chest. My vision blurred. I gasped, unable to breath. My focus fell on the lanky man in the middle. He had a mask on, but I’d recognize those icy blue eyes anywhere. The Nightmare. My Nightmare. He seemed different though. He didn’t have his cool confidence. His eyes darted wildly. I was so sure I was awake. This didn’t make sense.

I pinched my arm. I didn’t know if that really worked but I did feel it. I was awake, but then how was he here?

“You can’t hurt me!” I yelled. My eyes were fixed on The Nightmare. “It doesn’t work like that.”

“The hell you on about?” One of the men in black said.

I sucked in a deep breath and bolted towards The Nightmare, ready to change this. His eyes widened and he threw up his arms to block me.

“What’re you doing?”

Right before I reached him, I heard a loud noise. A noise so loud, my ears rang and everything sounded distant and underwater like. A sharp pain hit my side and my body felt strange. I fell into the man, The Nightmare. He held me in his arms as we both collapsed to the floor. I saw a stain on my dress. It grew larger as I watched it.

The Nightmare yelled out a long string of curses. He pulled off his face mask and pressed it on my wound. My hand reached up, stroking his cheek. His skin felt soft and solid. Real. Tears fell from his eyes onto my face like drops of rain. He prayed to God, promised to be a better man, and said he’d never do anything like this again. He begged me to hold on, and assured me I’d be okay. With each word, I sank deeper into the softness of his sweatshirt. As soothing as a blanket. His arms and his chest were so warm. He held me tightly to him.

“I missed you,” I whispered.

“What’re you talking about?” He wailed. His voice was high pitched and shaky. Other people were yelling things too but I couldn’t understand any of them. I stared into The Nightmare’s blue eyes and felt weak. Cold. Why hadn’t I woken up yet? I thought it wasn’t possible to die in a dream.

This isn’t a dream, my love. I felt the tug of sleep.