Shimmery Clean

WARNING:

References to gore, physical violence, alcoholism, and staged suicide are mentioned in the following story.

Written by Jace Ashworth and Neenee Hu

The day it all went down was Halloween.

All everybody talked about was trick-or-treating, costume parties, or getting rip-roaring drunk at some girl's house.

Including me. I cannot exclude myself from this list.

I mean, you can take the girl from the party, but never the party from the girl, am I right?

That's what I was thinking when Brad invited me to his costume party.

"Unique costumes are advised!" he had told me. "It's better for the theme.

And that's why I was standing in the nearby dollar store, searching the shelves for something that screamed, "I'm special!"

With Kaleb, too. I never go shopping without my boyfriend.

He held up another costume to me. "How's this?"

I shook my head and waved him off. I was going to DIY this year. No questions asked.

Except when he dug his hand into the very bottom of the shelf and pulled out a mess of denim, leather, and red fabric. A pair of aviator's goggles fell to the floor as he showed them to me.

"You can be Amelia Earhart!" he argued. "Rhoxane Earhart! Pilot of my heart!"

I laughed. "That's not a bad idea. You gonna hop beside me in the cockpit and let me take you for a spin?"

He snickered behind his hand as he tossed it to me. "Try it on. I picked out a medium for you."

I twirled my way through the changing room door, shutting the door and locking it with a click.

I pulled the shirt over my head and snapped the goggles over my hair, tugging the pants over my boots.

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew.

Weird. Strangely historic. Perfect.

Kaleb and I walked to the cash register, where the employee scanned the tag and put the fabric into a paper bag.

I grabbed it while Kaleb fished in his hoodie pocket for the car keys.

As we strolled out, hand in hand, I turned to him.

"Are you going?" I asked. "To Brad's party?"

He shrugged. "Dunno yet. Maybe? It's a 50-50 right now."

I dug my hands into his shoulder, making puppy eyes.

"You need to come with me! I need someone to protect me! You know I'm afraid of the dark!" I pleaded.

Of course, he did. I wasn't afraid of the dark. I was afraid of him leaving me.

"Fine, I will. I don't want my Rhoxane to be scared after all," he swooned, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

I laughed, leaning into his embrace. Direct shot.

As he unlocked the car, I stood by, humming along with the wind.

When I slid into the backseat, he clicked on the radio, Conan Gray blasting through the car.

I swatted him on the shoulder as he buckled himself in before turning down the volume.

"Not so loud." I scolded him.

"Sorry, President Rhoxane," he joked, testing the engine. "I'll be sure to read your mind not to blast your favorite song next time."

"Oh, shut up."

He laughed, pulling out of the parking lot.

"You gonna be Amelia Earhart? It's decided?"

"No, I just bought a costume that looks perfect on me to hoard. Yes, duh, I'm being Amelia Earhart!"

"Jeez, okay. I get it," he rolled his eyes. "I'm being a serial killer this year."

"Oh, I think Zacharias will be one, too."

"Great. I have to match with your stupid brother."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. That was the music."

I sighed and leaned back in my seat. "Liar."

"Sorry. He's just protective."

I swallowed. "That's what big brothers do, is it not?"

"I don't like it."

"Sucks to suck, Kaleb. This one's mine." I pointed outside the window.

I clicked open the door and slid out onto the pavement as he rolled down his window. I poked my head through it and pecked a kiss to his cheek before smiling.

"See you at Brad's," I said softly.

"See you. Love you."

"Love you too."

The neon lights hurt my eyes. So much for being afraid of the dark.

I poured myself another cup of punch and looked over at Zacharias. He glanced back at me and smiled, fake knife brandished.

"You want somethin' stronger?" he asked. "Don't say you're a wimp, lil sis."

I rolled my eyes. "Bring it on."

He spun a bottle of- was that- alcohol?

He flicked the cap off, poured me a cup, and slid it over.

"Here you go, Rhoxy."

I glanced at it, placing my cup of fruit juice down on the porch rail.

"Are you sure?" I asked warily, picking it up and watching the amber liquid fizz and slosh.

"It's nothing much," he waved a hand. "Mom'll never know."

I swallowed. "I trust you, Zach."

"I know. It's nothing much, I promise."

I gulped, raising it to my chin.

"Okay," I breathed out. "Here we go."

I brought the plastic cup to my lips, guzzling down a sip. It burned and scalded on the way down, but really, it didn't taste as horrible as I believed.

I dropped the cup, watching the last few drops spill over the stone floor. The synth-pop from inside still blasted in my ears.

"Oh."

"So? How's it feel being a woman now?" he grinned.

"Strange. Was that beer?"

"Town's finest. Was it good?" he asked, pouring himself a glass.

"Suspiciously, yes. Did you poison me?"

He barked out a laugh, taking a sip for himself.

"Nah. I wouldn't do that."

I blinked. "Can I pour one for Kaleb when he gets here?"

"Sure, Earhart. Whatever ya need."

I smiled and headed back inside, scanning the crowd for that familiar face.

I saw the dark curls above one ponytail, rushing over and clinging to his arm. "Baby!"

He looked at me, a look of shock passing over his face, before he went warm. "Hi, Rhoxy. How've you been?"

"Good. You saw me earlier, silly."

"Oh. Right."

I giggled, leaning my head against his shoulder. "I missed you!"

He swallowed. "I did, too."

I spun around him slowly, giggling.

"That's good," My gaze drifted down to his costume. "You're a surfer? I thought you'd be a... never mind."

I smiled up at him, standing up on my tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He flushed and smiled crookedly, before patting me on the back and walking off.

I blinked. Strange.

I sat on the couch, sipping from another plastic cup.

In an instant, I felt arms around my shoulders. I glanced up to see Kaleb again, in a new costume. Serial killer.

I grinned up at him. "New costume?"

"What?"

"You were a surfer earlier. And a bit whoozy. Were you drunk?"

He paused, stiffened, and coughed into his arm.

"Rhoxane," he cleared his throat. "That was Kato. Your vowed archnemesis? My twin brother?"

I swallowed. "Oh."

"Did you... uh... kiss him?"

"...Yeah. I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "I understand the mistake. It's alright."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

I laid my head on Kaleb's shoulder, talking. I don't remember about what.

I do remember that Zacharias came running to me and, out of breath, whispered the worst words of my life.

"Kato's body is in the pool. And he's leaking red."

I remember walking to the pool and staring at the limp, surfer boy at the bottom. Zacharias was right. He was leaking red.

"Looks like something from Jaws," I heard Kaleb breathe out.

"Not helping." I whispered back. Somehow, the sight didn't repulse me.

I heard a splash as my cup dropped into the pool. The red plastic matched the eerieness of it all.

"Do you think someone murdered him?" I murmured.

"Yeah. Kato wasn't any bit suicidal."

"Who do you think did it?"

"I don't know, Rhoxane. And to be honest? I don't think I want to."

I remember sitting outside, watching them try and fish Kato out of the pool.

I remember watching Zacharias point at me and accuse me of pushing him in. After all, I was his sworn enemy.

I remember Kaleb pushing me away.

I remember sitting with my feet in the dark red water, watching the waves lap at my heels.

I remember watching Zacharias, in the corner of my eyes, wash off a knife. From deep red to gleaming silver.

Maybe it wasn't so fake after all.

Now I lay in the bottom of the pool.

My parents and brother weep for me.

They ask the authorities, Kaleb, heck, even Brad.

They all said I wasn't suicidal. I was happy. But I drowned.

and nobody mentioned how suicide works.

How you don't have to be sad to be suicidal.

How you don't have to have a dirty legacy of drinking and self-harm.

Because when you die, especially in water,

you'll always emerge shimmery clean.