A Train To Nowhere

In this short story, there is a trigger warning for mild sexuality, emotional abuse, and abusive language.

We had been broken up for two weeks. We did break up often, but this time felt different. My ex-girlfriend, Hailey, didn't text me often, and she felt a lot more distant than in any previous breakup. I was going through it. All I could think about was her. I was sure this was all a misunderstanding and we would be back together soon enough. I came up with a plan for her to visit me. We were long-distance. I knew once we laid eyes on each other again, she couldn't resist. I texted her,

"Hey, I need you to come over to pick up your stuff from my apartment."

"Could you just mail it to my place?"

"I don't think I can afford that."

"I can send you the money."

I wasn't expecting these responses. I had to adjust my plan slightly.

"If you don't come pick up your things, I'm just going to throw them out."

I wasn't proud of my response, but I was determined; I was going to win her back.

"Noted, I'll be there on a train tomorrow."

"I'll see you at the station."

I waited for her at the station. I felt nervous and wasn't too sure how this was all going to play out.

She got out of the train in a yellow sundress, her long brown hair fell to the middle of her back, and her olive skin glistened in the summer sun. She was more beautiful than the last time I saw her. When our eyes met, I couldn't quite read her emotions. I won't lie, the initial greeting felt cold and awkward. We gave each other hugs, but I felt like she didn't want to hug me or even touch me.

I tried breaking the ice a little 

"I've missed you, Hailey."

"It was really low of you to threaten to throw my stuff away, Eddie."

"Hey, I know I just really wanted to see you one last time before we said goodbye."

"You could have just said that."

"I just knew you wouldn't come; you've been very distant lately."

"That's what usually happens with a breakup."

I had borrowed my roommate's car for the day. We engaged in some small talk about school and work, catching up on the time we had missed over the past two weeks. I could feel like I was winning her back because once we made it back to my apartment, our clothes were off pretty fast. It felt like nothing ever happened, as if the breakup hadn't occurred. It was just you and me. That's all I wanted.

I was surprised when I saw you at the edge of the bed with your hands to your face.

"Hey, love, what's wrong?"

"We shouldn't have done that."

"I think we both had fun."

"I need a drink."

We decided to walk to the liquor store near my apartment and grabbed some tequila. On our way back to my apartment, I was very persistent and straightforward about us getting back together.

"I just don't know why we can't get back together. We love each other. We argue, but every couple argues."

She scoffs at me.

"What the hell was that about?"

"You don't get me or respect me, Eddie, that's why we can't be together and I…"

I stare at her, a little confused. She took a deep breath with her eyes closed.

"I did something I know you wouldn't approve of."

"What is it?"

"I slept with someone else."

I exploded. I was not expecting this. I don't know if I should have been surprised because she did cheat on me before, an emotional affair, but cheating nonetheless. We had been together for four years, and she had already slept with someone else after two weeks!

"I always knew you were a fucking slut, can't believe I had someone else's sloppy seconds."

She laughs at me, and it only makes me angrier.

"I need you to get out of my apartment."

"That is fine, drive me back home. I didn't want to come in the first place."

When we return to the apartment, I continue to insult her to elicit a reaction. I didn't understand why she was so calm, why she felt nothing at all. I wanted her to feel the pain I felt in the moment. I even started throwing her things at her. She pushes me and yells,

"Enough, drive me back home now, Eddie."

I keep trying to get under her skin. I couldn't control how I felt. I believed her to be the love of my life, my high school sweetheart, my college sweetheart, my first everything. With this revelation, it felt like nothing could be the same. I was never going to be the same. I know I couldn't look at her the same way. She felt tainted to me. When I knew that she wasn't going to give in to my insults, I pulled over to the side of the freeway.

"Get the fuck out of the car and find your way home."

"What? My phone is dead, and you aren't leaving me stranded off to the side of the freeway."

"Get the fuck out now!"

Then I got the reaction I wanted. She started to cry, begging, and then hyperventilating. I never saw her this way, and I can't lie, for a moment, it felt good. Perhaps she would understand how I felt, and maybe she would feel remorseful about how she had thrown away our relationship. I realized I had gone too far; she was struggling to breathe.

"Hey, calm down, I'm going to take you home."

I got back on the freeway, but it would take her about ten minutes to calm down. It was silent for a long time until I said,

"Who was it?"

"I don't think that is appropriate to talk about."

"I just want to know who it was?"

"It won't make you feel better, Eddie."

"I don't think you get to decide that."

"I still won't tell you."

This is when I started to break down in tears. The anger-to-grief transition was a process I wasn't expecting to happen so fast. The tears just kept on coming, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. I started to drive fast and aggressively.

"Eddie, calm down, you are scaring me."

"I just can't believe you would do this, Hailey. I can't imagine life without you. You are the only person who knows the real me. My family and friends only know a mask. Hailey, you are the only one."

"Eddie, we are broken up; you just have to accept it."

"I can't! I love you, and I thought you loved me too."

"I do, Eddie, I just can't do this anymore. Today is a perfect example of why I can no longer be with you. This has felt like the longest breakup, and I feel finally ready to let go. It's your turn now."

We made it to her apartment, and I parked, then wailed with my head on the steering wheel. She stayed with me for a little while. She tried to console me by rubbing my back, but I told her the touch made me sick to my stomach. She breathed in deeply and said,

"I know this isn't what you want, but this is goodbye."

I didn't respond. She didn't wait for me either. She got out of the car and closed the door gently, giving me more grace than I deserved.