Fluffy

The doorbell is about to ring. My hands caress Fluffy’s ears, those furry and huge ears that only a cocker spaniel can make dance with so much grace when she moves. When the doorbell rings, she will become a white and black whirlwind, barking with euphoria at the door because her owner has arrived.

Fluffy is alone. That’s why I don’t mind sitting here with her on the couch, even though I’m uncomfortable with this belt that squeezes my hips. With it on, my curves are as mesmerizing as the feel of the fuzz on the skin of a ripe peach. This is the belt I need, so I endure its pressure on my stomach as I stroke Fluffy.

“Oh, my cute little girl, she leaves you home all day on your own”.

I feel her skin stretching while my fingers get lost among her fur. I want her to know that I’m here. That half-finished canvas, abandoned in the middle of the living room, doesn’t matter. The twenty seven tabs open on the laptop don’t matter, neither does the undone bed, nor the dirty plates nor the clothes scattered around the house like autumn leaves. I want her to know that I’m hers alone.

“I wish you could stay”.

If she only didn’t make any noise. If we remain silent, it will be as if we weren’t home. I press harder so that she stays put on the couch, as if the pressure of my fingers could lull her to sleep until she becomes the Sleeping Bitch. Here, stay still, just the two of us. In my little house, chaotic but cozy. Forever.

The doorbell rings.

Fluffy jumps and her ears like wings and her tail a propeller, her barking the roar of an engine. Her joy tastes bittersweet to me. I know what her life has been since the day she adopted her, and I know how many hours Fluffy spends immersed in a pit of sadness since she and I are no longer together. Fluffy feels abandoned. She gathers crumbs of happiness when she’s home, and she becomes her shadow. But truth pierces her like a needle in a nipple, sucking her vitality with each dawn. Fluffy is alone.

I open the door and Fluffy jumps over Veronica.

“Fluffy!”

“Who’s here, Fluffy? But who is she?”

“How are you, Alice?” she asks me as she bends down to greet Fluffy.

“No! How are you? How was that trip in Finland? Very cold, right? How crazy to go there on vacation in February. What about Santa? Did you eat reindeer?”

“Yes, very cold, but very beautiful.”

“Do you have any pictures?”

“They give a spectacle with Santa, honest to God that for me…”

“I can imagine, full of elves and presents and kids…”

“And I didn’t try reindeer. Francesca is vegan and…”

“How boring! Meat is so good. Just yesterday I bought chicken and you should have seen Fluffy smacking her lips.”

Fluffy is now sprawled out on the floor and she strokes her.

“How has she been behaving?”

“And the forests? The land of a thousand lakes!”

“Yes, but they were all frozen.”

“And you walked on them?”

“Yes, but...”

“And the ice didn't break?”

“No, at this time of year the ice is...”

“What if it had broken? You could have fallen in. Or Francesca. What if you had drowned? Or died of hypothermia. What a tragedy, right, Fluffy?”

Veronica stands up and Fluffy sits down next to him, watching her every move.

“Hey, Alice, I'm in a bit of a hurry, because...”

I turn around and slowly bend down to pick up the bag, which is next to the shoe rack. I let my curves work their magic, letting her gaze get lost in the infinity of my legs. I turn back and hold the bag at waist level. When she comes over to take it, I know her eyes have fallen on my belt. I want the memory of her hands tied by it to come back to her mind, the pressure of the leather that now wraps around my hips squeezing her wrists as her body contorts with pleasure in contact with mine.

She takes the bag with one hand and I see something in her eyes. Desire? Despair? I don't know what she sees in mine, but she quickly looks away.

“It's all here,” I say. “The food, the two bowls, her toys, and her blanket.”

“And Fluffy...”

“Of course.”

I grab the harness hanging on the door behind him. She steps back a little, I feel her breath on my skin, our bodies almost touching. I put the harness on Pelusa, who is panting with her tongue hanging out.

“I'm going to miss you so much.”

I give her lots of little kisses on the face and put her leash on. Standing in front of Veronica, I know the moment has come. With my free hand, I take the leash, but I don't let go. Our two hands touch, surrounded by fabric.

“Alice.”

I grab her hand and feel the warmth of her skin against mine. I feel the world opening up. My pupils dilate. Fluffy stands up and rests her paws against my thigh.

“The leash, please.”

Her hand slips away and pulls a little on the leash, but I can't help resisting. I see her expression turn serious, almost sour. It's her dog. I have to let go. But Fluffy is alone.

“I'll walk you to the car.”

“No, don't worry.”

“Really, I don't mind, it's just...”

“No!” she says, pulling on the leash and snatching it from my hands.

Pelusa looks at us with her mouth closed.

“Veronica... I...”

“I'm sorry.”

We remain silent. I can see she wants to leave, but she can't make up her mind.

“And thank you. Thank you again for taking care of her these past few days. We wouldn't have bothered you if...”

“No, no. You know I love spending time with little Fluffy.”

I bend down to pat her on the back.

“Are you okay?” she asks me.

“Me? Yes. Better than ever. Well, you know, ups and downs. Floating.”

“And are you...? I mean, is everything okay?”

“Are you sure you don't want a drink before...?”

“No, no, thank you. I'm in a hurry.”

She opens the door and Fluffy immediately follows her out and turns to look at me. I feel her pupils piercing mine like a bee's sting. The door closes.

In an instant, the whole house is tinged with a dark blue as if night were invading it, as if it were spreading its tentacles, enveloping every chair and every window, drilling the floor like roots filling the asphalt with cracks. I can see Fluffy’s shadow lying on the couch, covered with a blanket, ignoring the calls, with no one to take her out for a walk or to see the sunlight. Fluffy.

Without thinking, I take off my belt and go out into the street with it in my hand. The sunlight floods my pupils and I have to squint so as not to be blinded.

“Veronica!”

She turns and stands still. I only need to take a few steps and Fluffy will be back with me. She adopted her, but I raised her. I picked up her poop inside and outside the house. I took her for walks three times a day and gave her the opportunity to play with other dogs and smell them. I calmed her down when she got scared during her first vaccination.

“What's going on?” she asks.

As soon as she's close enough, I use the belt to lash out with all my strength. She covers herself with her forearm. She screams in pain and drops the bag. The food bowls roll across the sidewalk with a metallic clatter. Fluffy starts barking. Alice is going to save you, don't worry. Veronica looks at me, upset.

“What are you doing?”

“Give me Fluffy.”

“I knew it. You're not taking them, are you?”

I hit her again. This time she covers herself better, but I can see her face contort in pain. Fluffy is growling.

“Give her to me!”

“Alice! Stop it!”

I try to strike a third blow, but a sharp pain in my calf interrupts me. I cry out in pain and reflexively strike in that direction. Fluffy is biting me.

“No! Not Fluffy !” Veronica shouts.

She is crouched down next to her. I look up. From the other sidewalk. From the windows. Neighbors are watching us. Veronica is hugging Fluffy, ready to protect her with her own body. The food from the bag has spilled onto the ground. I continue to grip the belt tightly. I start running and clumsily take the keys out of my pocket. I'm shaking, but I manage to put them in the lock. Finally, I enter the house.

I close the door and lean my back against it, letting myself slide down to the floor. I touch the wound and see the dark red on my fingertips. My eyes slowly adjust to the darkness. From here, I can see the dust accumulated under the shoe rack in the entrance.