Drown in a Needle

My lungs scream for air. My body has given up on flailing, a last act of defiance against the rushing liquid that’s filling my nose, my ears, my eyes. Everything burns–my skin, my sight, my throat. I feel tears forming and disappearing away into the vast unknown of the sea. I see bubbles floating up, but I’m not sure if it’s from my mouth or the flailing limbs below me. Soon after, I can’t hear my screaming anymore. I can barely feel the burning now, and I’m overcome with a calming sensation. I see my outstretched hand reaching out towards the light that's comes to a sliver, fading into the dark unknown. My mind starts to fill with darkness, and I’m thinking water must be getting into my skull.

At least it’s over.

 ࿔*:・ﾟ𓇼ִ

I wake up to the sound of birds chirping, but that can’t be right because when I open my eyes I see ocean and sea. What takes my breath away the most, though, is the floating whales and creatures that glide past my glass room. I come to the conclusion that the sound of birds is the sound of dolphins singing their songs, talking to each other in quick yips. I quickly walk up to the glass and touch the cool smooth wall. It was a little rough, weird for glass. Like the feel of school walls but clear. My breath fogs up where my mouth hovers over the panel. Suddenly, a door emerges and a gold handle appears, luring me in. With nothing else to do and curiosity taking over, I open the door. Slowly.

What comes next does not unfold as slow, because water immediately rushes in, sweeping me off my feet. I yelp, trying to grasp something, but my hands only slide across the slick glass, leaving me helpless. What did I think was going to happen? The whales and mystical animals that had just left me in awe were now filling my mind with sirens that made my ears feel like they were bleeding. The beautiful clear ocean turned into a dark, murky water, and hands, thick, stringy tentacles, and squelching webs moved across the glass, inching closer and closer to the wide open door. My eyes filled with terror, screams escaping me in jolts of fear, but they were washed away in the darkness, enveloping me again, silencing my cries with nothing but desperate bubbles. In the back of my mind, behind all the panic, a single thought emerged.

Curiosity killed the cat. 

 ࿔*:・ﾟ𓇼ִ

Again, like the past month, I wake up in a room, but this time the walls are not clear and I cannot see out into the vast sea. White lights blind me, making shadows darker and my skin look paler. I look sick. By now I don’t wake up with a calm or dreaming mind. I need to get out of here. Whoever or whatever it is making these elaborate tricks is toying with me, and I need to leave. I was so stupid to think that this was heaven. My mind told me the day that I opened the door was all but a dream, because when I woke up I played with dolphins and swam with turtles. I surfed the waves with mermaids and creatures only the most creative could think up, and not even then could they really feel what I felt in those moments.

It was pure bliss. And I was purely ignorant. What had I become? I couldn’t remember who my mom was, my family, my friends. This illusion had gotten the best of me. Sharp pains racked my head, voices taunted and warned me. I looked at my arms and my legs, noticing how thin and pale I had become. I reached up and touched my tangled head of a crows nest. My skin was dry and my lips were chapped. I had not eaten, and my stomach immediately growled in anger. I got up from my bed and desperately tried to find an opening. My broken hands clawed white walls, broken nails on smooth surfaces. I screamed and screamed and screamed, slowly ripping my hair out. Tufts fell to the floor like I was at a barber shop.

What had I become?

I slid down the wall, leaving a squeaking sound in its wake. I clutched my head, my eyes searching each and every tile for something. An opening. A hole that I had missed. 

“Please,” I pleaded. “I need to get out of here.” My voice cracked and I licked my desert lips. 

A voice answered.

A miracle! I thought, searching frantically for the source. “Alice, you’re going to need to stay calm, okay? We need to give you your daily dose.” 

“NO!” I cry. “I want to be away from here!” I scream.

“Alice, We’re going to come in now. Just–stay calm, will you? You’re going to be okay.” She pleaded.

My hands shook and my vision blurred. “You’re lying. There’s nothing that I hate more than lying.” I said under my breath. This lying monster is going to pay. 

This lady was not a miracle. She was a witch. A witch keeping me in her little cabin, drowning me. She was drowning me. I watched as a door appeared just like the first day. This time instead of going towards it, I got up suddenly, falling to my hands. I watched as octopi and beautifully monstrous mermaids with white coats with long, long, sea urchin spikes tentatively step towards me. 

“YES YOU WITCHES, BE AFRAID!” I screamed. I stood up unsteadily, taking steps, crossing my feet like I was doing a drunk dance. My hands shook, scrambling to find something. 

“Alice, please. Just–just sit down, will you? You’ll be sleeping in no time.” She moved to position the sea urchin at my body, but I would not have any of it. I swatted it away, yelling and screaming. Yes, I thought. I am a rebel. I will fight. They will not get me. 

“Please, Alice. Just calm down. You don’t want to be reminded of it again, do you?” My wild eyes searched her terrified, and a slow grin snuck onto my lips.

“You will not get the chance to.”

“Alice–”

“I. Will. Not. Let. You.” 

I swipe my hand across the small sharp point, leaving a red string in my palm. I feel none of it, though, as adrenaline courses through me. I grip her wrist and her face contorts into fear. Oh, fear, how I missed the look, the taste, the smell. 

“Alice, you leave me no choice.” Then she does something so unexpected, I have to stumble back and clutch my ears. That sound. No, I cannot hear it again. 

“Alice come downstairs. Stop rotting in your room!”

I run downstairs. Outside a storm seems to be raging, but it’s not a problem. Hurricanes happen all the time in Florida. I look at the TV, watching the news. 

“This is one of the worst storms we’ve had, folks. Watch out–and it’s moving towards Cedar Key now as you can see here. This hurricane might be almost a category five. We reached category four about an hour ago.”

“Mommy, are we going to be okay? That’s where we are.” 

This time when I look outside, the storm doesn’t look as nice as it did before. Trees sway in all directions, things fly; things break. I wrap my arms around my chest and tell myself I’m going to be okay and that there is nothing to worry about. And then there was that sound. The siren. A flood was coming. 

“Oh no.” My mom whispers. She’s trying to be quiet so I can’t hear, but I hear everything. “Honey, come here.” Her hand swipes downward, calling me over. I sit down next to my mom and dad. 

“We’re going to be okay. It’ll pass in no time, okay? There’s nothing to–”

But before she could finish the sentence, the windows shatter and all hell breaks loose. There are screams and yells, but I cannot move. Only my eyes swirl frantically, staring at the storm outside. Its wind moved towards me, making me fall to my feet. Its howls taunt and grab me by the hair and the hands, taking me into a dance. A dangerous one.

“Alice! No, Alice, come here!” My mom reaches out for me. Her soft hands clutch my wrists and pull me away. We hide in a small cabinet. My mom prays, but that must’ve enraged the water because it came flooding in and swept my mom and I away. My mom’s grip slid away from me. The pressure was too great.

“No! Mommy! Come back! Come back!” I cried. Oh, I cried. I flailed in the water, but even my time swimming at the beach could not beat this tide. I was pulled under, and my screams disappeared into the waves. They toyed with me and pushed me around, and I could not get just one gasp of air. My lungs screamed for air, and I thought, water must be getting into my skull.

At least it’s over. 

 ࿔*:・ﾟ𓇼ִ

I wake up crying, and I know they have given me the shot. They must’ve bathed me too because I can feel the wet creep around my skin. Water. Just thinking about it makes me gag.

“Why am I here?” I whisper. I’ve lost all hope. I have no family. My mom is dead. My dad is too. I have nobody. It’s just me, me, me, and this is the life I will live forever until the day I die. But I don’t want to live that way.

I would rather drown in my own blood than drown in a needle.

 ࿔*:・ﾟ𓇼ִ