The Two-Sided Book

Rain pounded on my umbrella as I made my short journey from my car to the college library. Horrible conditions to come to such a place, but the letter was specific. And, since Kristin signed it, it had to be important.

I owed so much to that girl and her mediating abilities. There was someone asking for her perspective almost every day. Even professors of this dusty old place said that she was wise beyond her years.

Then, she disappeared. Not a word to anyone. While considered quiet and invested in her studies, she was friendly and open to going to parties and events around campus from time to time. I held the opinion that she would become the wealthiest and most successful of our graduating class. But, without a word to anyone, not even a glimpse of her at any party or shady establishment off campus, not even as little as a test to anyone, she was gone.

The two weeks of her disappearance kept crawling on like nothing had happened. My time during those weeks was spent like they usually were, studying for classes and doing my half of the chores for my shared apartment. The girl I shared the apartment with, Nora, seemed closer to Kristin. Nora was the one always convincing Kristin to go to the parties, and they often went together. But, even my roommate seemed unfazed by Kristin's disappearance. Life carried on normally, except for the small pricking feeling in my heart.

That was when the letter arrived. One of my chores was getting the mail, and I don't know if Kristin knew that. It was addressed to me, which made me raise an eyebrow when I read it. It's instructions about going to find something at the library didn't seem out of character for Kristin. What was out of character was the letter saying not to tell Nora of anything.

My excuse for going out on the rainy day was telling her that I was going to study for a bit. Nora eyed me and said that I don't study outside of the apartment. I played it off saying I wanted a change of scenery. Her last words to me were "Be careful" before I started my expedition.

I entered the library and shook my umbrella in the entryway a little before grabbing a plastic umbrella bag to put it in.

My heart's usual rhythm became audible in my ears and forceful on my chest. I couldn't stop a smirk from forming on my face. This task from Kristin was for me and me alone. I would be leaving here with some new knowledge that the few patrons that made the trip on this dreary weather day would never know.

Some thunder rumbled outside as I climbed the stairs to the second floor. I bit my lip and slowed my pace. The second floor wasn't as well lit as the first since most of the light came from high-arched windows. That choice cast shadows today among the packed shelves. I let out a breath and pulled the folded letter from my pocket. I steadied my breathing as I reread which shelf I needed.

"In the very last set of shelves, before the long hall splits into two, go to the right set of shelfs. The book you are looking for will reveal itself when lightning strikes. You won't have to wait long. It'll know you're there."

My feet inched forward slowly as I started to the end of the room. One, two, three...eleven sets of shelves I had to pass before I took my final steps.

I kept my focus forward at the stained glass window just on the other side of the doorframe. The rain outside produced a softer tapping sound against it's beautiful display rather than the harsher one produced by the windows next to me. It didn't stop my hands from trembling as the sounds echoed.

Biting my lip, I turned to the right. These shelves were sparsely populated with stacked newspapers. A few worn magazines from decades before I was born were shoved between dark bookstands. I raised an eyebrow at what I presumed was a pitiful display.

CRACK! RUMBLE!

The streaks of the lightning bolt were visible in the window as it lit the entire row. I stepped back, but there it was. The only odd item out.

On the shelf that was a my eye level, a leather bound book was placed at the very end closest to the window. I had to cover my mouth to restrain the little yelp I let out. I looked back in the direction of the stairs. Nobody. When I looked back down the row, the book was still there. It was like the shadow that kept it hidden had been peeled back just enough for me. I took a couple short breaths in and out through my nose before striding over and yanking it off the shelf.

My eyes were shut tight as I clutched the book to my chest. No shouts. No burning sensation in my fingers. Only the taps of the rain drops which had softened a little bit. But, was that an odor? Mothballs? No. I sniffed. Leather. I pried my eyes open slowly.

The book was still pressed against my chest, but its leather cover produced a pleasant smell. It was as if the book was freshly printed and was just delivered to the library. I pulled it away to finally study the craftsmanship.

There wasn't much to observe which made my lips curl into a small frown. It was a black leather with a braided border design pressed into it. The middle of it was flat and smooth. I flipped it over and almost dropped it.

While the design matched the front, the leather on this side was white. I turned the book to the spine. The black and white met right in the middle of the spine, and two sets of justice scales were the design pressed into the leather. One was right side up, and the other was upside down. The entire time I examined it, my mouth slowly opened at this subtle beauty I found.

I shook my head, gripped the book, and walked over to the first table that separated the shelves. I did scan the room again thinking somebody had joined me, but it was in vain. I was along with this book and the rain.

Kristin's letter didn't explain what I was supposed to be looking for in this book. So, with the black leather facing me, I opened it to the first page.

It was tanned paper, but a variety of handwriting styles adorned the page. Some at the top were more worn than the ones at the bottom that required squinting to see them. Some were written in pencil and some in ink. Going through all of the words, my eyes widened at what I was really reading.

Names. Each one had a number next to them which I assumed was a page number. This was a table of contents. The very last name written on this page was Kristin's. I started flipping to her page.

RUMBLE. My body tensed at the soft thunder outside. The lights flickered a little above me as I turned the pages. I stopped where I needed, and more of Kristin's handwriting covered the page. A date was at the top left corner, the exact date Kristin disappeared.

Another rumble as I sat there staring at the date. What did Kristin write that she wanted me to see?

"Let my tale that is hidden be immortalized in these pages until one that I trust is found to judge both sides with impartiality."

Strong words to start. I didn't know that Kristin did have that much faith in me.

"A mistake Dylan made is the source of my pain."

Dylan? That was a name I hadn't heard for a while. He was another boy in my class. Needed some extra help often from the teacher or from others, but he was also a good student. I could notice though from subtle words he said that he did need help with social situations. He often was at events with Nora and Kristin. They talked with him a lot. I did overhear Nora's slight teasing and babying him a lot though. She would mention how he couldn't go off alone and needed to be protected. Dylan kept giving her side-eye whenever those words were said.

"But, while I can forgive him in time, I will have a hard time forgetting. I will also not forget Nora's hand in everything."

Nora? RUMBLE. My eyes shut, and I clenched my teeth. A moment passed before I opened them again and continued.

"While I am a little ahead, I must go back and include Jordan into the mix, and share about her."

Jordan. This was a girl I didn't know very well, but I saw her getting close to Dylan when they were first introduced almost seven months ago. I remembered Dylan inviting me to go see a movie with Jordan and one of her friends. While Jordan was nice overall, her friend was off-putting and they were both talking over the movie. It did leave a sense of them being rude in my mind. Come to think of it...

RUMBLE. I kept reading.

"Jordan was never a good person. In the past, she was a friend to my sister."

RUMBLE. Memories were flooding back. I tensed my fingers. Those messages Kristin sent me that day...

"But, she decided to make a social account for my sister when my sister told her no. Things escalated a bit after that, and long story short, they stopped being friends. While I was not involved in the whole situation, I remembered it well. My sister would also notice how Jordan pushed away anyone who got close to her romantically by treating them like a therapy session. Dumping so much onto them. I only found out a day before writing this that Jordan has Dissociative Identity Disorder but doesn't go to a doctor about it.

But...it had been ten years, and I did know about the DID . When Jordan reemerged here, I could've given her a bit of benefit of the doubt. It had been a long time. Maybe there was a change. I even asked a friend what they thought of Jordan because I was worried that Jordan would wind up hurting Dylan."

RUMBLE. I let out some shaky breaths. Those messages. Dylan. When had Dylan suddenly cut off contact from all of us? It was lining up with the timeline Kristin put here. The two months. But, I told Kristin that Jordan seemed okay. What happened?

"I stayed out of it until Dylan came to me. I gave him a warning of the incident with my sister all those years ago. I encouraged him to think about what he wanted in a romantic relationship, and overall, I just wanted him to be careful. I didn't want him spilling everything I told him to Jordan though."

I started shifting in my seat. The rain had picked up.

"Then, while I can't fully blame him for asking Nora for advice, the fact that Nora, OF ALL PEOPLE, told him that I was a bad person for sharing the experience my family had with Jordan is absurd! Saying that he should go after her romantically, when we both knew he was inexperienced. And Jordan was not the type to get experience with. I wanted to help a friend, I didn't want to see him hurt, and I was treated like I was NOTHING! IT REALLY IS NO GOOD DEED, ISN'T IT?!"

RUMBLE. The loudest one. I lost my balance and the chair fell over. I stayed there for a second though. My body turned heavy and cold like I could feel the betrayal that Kristin felt. Someone you trusted, sticking the knife in your back...

I tried to force myself upwards and picked the chair up. Upon sitting down, I found my place. There was still a little left.

"It brought my mind back to when a friend in middle school accused me of being the bully and pushed her and multiple other students, when that was the farthest from the truth. Bumping yes, but double-handing holding someone against the wall? That isn't me."

Those words did make my body warm up. Seeing Kristin's friendly, I was convinced that she wouldn't hurt me.

"I had stitched those wounds, but now it went being opened again by someone I trusted. And my worry now is Nora."

I furrowed my eyes. I wanted to know what was going on.

"Nora would be the person to stir up drama if it makes her look good. I'm scared to go be around her and say something that she'll take the wrong way. She'll use it as ammo.

So, I am putting my story here, on the black side which is the one that is not in the world, as the rumors say. I ask that the one who reads this will understand, and maybe, I'll come back. Cause that's what this book does right? Make me disappear until someone understands my side? I hope I choose the right person."

"You did," I whisper. I sat there fingering the last sentence. My words didn't even echo in the room. But then...

I flipped over the book to the white side. It was upside down when I first opened it, and I flipped it around. Nora's name was at the bottom. I turned the pages faster this time to find it. Her page wasn't as full as Kristin's, and the sentences were shorter.

"Dylan is someone who needs to get out and experience things.

Why should someone's past hold him back? Kristin's an idiot and just wants to hold him back.

Yes, Dylan! You got it!

Wait...Jordan broke up with you within a week?

She made you think you had multiple personalities as well?

How many boundaries did she give you?

I messed up. He stopped talking to me.

I can't tell Kristin.

I can't tell people I messed up!"

The rain had slowed down. I woke up with somebody shaking my shoulder. My head was on my arms. The book wasn't there. I asked the person who woke me if there was a book there. They said no. But, now I understood.

Dylan made a mistake. He was confused. Kristin was hurt. Hurt too many times that she turned to that book. But, the line she wrote. Disappearing until someone understood? I closed my eyes. I had it Kristin. I knew you didn't mess up. Maybe Dylan could come to realize that you were right too. You are a good friend. I wanted to say that to her face so bad.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out. It was Nora. I narrowed my eyes, and my chest tightened. I debated about opening it, but the preview was enough.

"You are not going to believe this."