Fragments of Adam

Tick tick tick. Scratch scratch scratch. Drip drip drip. Huff huff huff whew.

Doctor, Doctor!! Please help me. Please i need this. Come on in. Please please make yourself feel welcome. Take a seat and tell me what’s bothering you. It’s my anxiety it’s gripping me in a chokehold and I can’t escape it. I just feel like I’m being drowned by this and I can’t help myself. Click click click, footsteps echoing down the hall rung though the walls. I am constantly worried about how I look and I am constantly sweating from nervousness and fear. And I hate my job as well as a librarian and it just adds stress to my life, but I can’t leave, what if I fail again? I just need some advice. Well personally I think it would quite benefit

you to take some deep breaths and calm down. You are a strong young woman who I know can be confident and … knock knock. Come in please. Doctor well hello how nice to see you again. Oh yeh doctor i would like you to meet my boyfriend Kyle, he is just here to help me talk out anxiety. Of course of course come on in Kyle I was just talking to Sasha about how she can help herself.

…

Well thank you Sasha and Kyle it was great to meet you. Slam. Ugh what horrific people and he left a sweat stain on my couch just perfect. The sterile white walls looked even more gloomy. Knock knock. Uh hello Doctor I think I’m your 2 o clock appointment. Ah yes come on in please, Is there anything I can get you? Actually a water would be nice it’s a bit hot in here. Swish whew click. Well I’m so glad that you have come in today can you tell me what’s troubling you. It’s my parents, they said that they might be getting a divorce and it’s heartbreaking for me to hear this news because all I want is to be a happy family. Drip drip drop. Yes I understand how hard that is and how difficult it must be to have to go through this especially because you are only 15, Maria. If you are comfortable sharing, why are they splitting up. My dad is horrible, I hate him. He’s abusive to us. I.. Im scared He hits us with belts and glass bottles. Crashhh slam. STOPPP PLEASE! He comes home drunk almost every night and… drip drip pound pound lub dub lub dub screechhh… I just feel like my life is falling apart and I’m so young. I’m so sorry Maria that this is your home life and I’m so glad that your mother is taking you out of that situation. Let me tell you a story about a young bo… I I I ha ha the world suddenly just became very dizzy. Excuse me one moment as I get some advil. Shuffle shuffle. No no there’s nothing here there’s nothing here it’s all gone. Knock knock… Doctor my name is James I’m your new client. Well hello James it’s so lovely to meet you. Tell me a little bit about yourself. Well Im an accountant, I live with my 2 dogs and my teenage dream was to be a fashion designer. I’m so glad to hear about you, if I may introduce myself again, my name is Doctor Ivan David and I like a lot of things but I really love helping people feel better about themselves and breaking free from their mental prisons. Well James I’m assuming you have something to talk about about since you have come to me. Yes actually I think I just care to much. I’m sorry James please elaborate on this. Well I think I just care to much about what other think of me. I constantly think that everyone is watching me and judging me. When I was young my father told me I was a disgrace if I ever became a fashion designer. I didn’t want to let him down. And I think it’s the reason why I gave up hope on being a professional fashion designer. I told him that I liked other jobs when really I only liked being a designer. I instead settled on a much more boring job because of my failed career as a fashion designer. And I’m really upset about it because I was extremely talented too. I remember I made this one dress with this astonishing white belt.. BELT no please not the belt stopppp… James I think that this is not out of the ordinary for people to want to live up to the expectations of others and why we often bring ourselves down. Yeh doctor I just can’t shake the feeling like everyone is watching me and my every move. On another side note I don’t smell bad do I? I just think that sometimes I’ve been told I smell because I sweat like a pig, which is another thing I think that people are judging me on. Knock knock… Doctor can you please see me now. Linda, can’t you see I’m in the middle of taking with another patient. Can you please take me now. Well Doctor I don’t mind if Linda comes and sits in with me and we can all talk together. Are you sure James? Oh yes. Well come on I’m Linda and take a seat please. Swish swipe. Why is she wiping down the seats like that Doctor. Linda suffers from being germaphobic unfortunately and it takes over her life completely. Tap tap her foot shakes the ground. Well now that all three of us are in the room would you guys like to share collectively anything. James, yes? I personally just wanted to say that Linda is very beautiful and I was wondering if she wanted to go out on a date with me? Umm I’m flattered James I would love to go out with you, but when? Isn’t now as good a time as any other. Doctor is it all right if we dip out and head on a date. I just wanted to please you and make you think that I’m not a disappointment. Lisa is so pretty and I like her see da.. I mean doctor. You could never be a disappointment to me James. Very well then if you must. Good day Doctor. Shake shake. Slam. Ugh Linda’s clammy and sweaty hands again. Knock knock… Doctor Doctor I’m so glad you had an available appointment. Yes I had a few cancelations today. Well Adam how is your day going. It’s not going good doc. I think I’m going crazy doc. What do you mean by this Adam? Well to be quite honest I think I’m seeing things like objects and people that aren’t really there in real life. They look real in my brain but I can’t touch them. So Adam you are saying you see these images yet they are not tangible. No but they feel so real and I feel like they are actually happening. Doctor how can I stop these. I keep seeing things like people trying to talk to me but they are too muffled to speak. I hear glass bottles breaking yet there is not a shard around me. I hear screaming but it’s not real, it’s not real. Is it? I hear a truck, and I can see cigarette butts everywhere and I see houses but one in particular. It’s a small rickety house with only two shutters yet one of them is broken. I see broken beer bottles lying around.

I see a a man. I see a man. He appears to be. SHUT UP. Stop it stop taking. He’s hurting someone. STOP. And I see a boy who runs out of the house. STOP ITTTT. The boy grows up to be a man. It’s not just a man tho. I see an anxious librarian and her boyfriend Kyle. I see a 15 year old girl whose father is horrible to her. Please stop it Adam I can’t take it! I see an accountant whose dream was to become a fashion designer but doesn’t want to disappoint his father. Please stop Adam please. I see a germiphobe who is afraid of any illnesses and had very sweaty palms. I see a 12 year old boy named Adam who has schizophrenia…

I see a doctor with hyperhidrosis.

STOP STOP Sto… Crash Roll ROLL Scratch Ahhhhh

Silence so suffocating, even the air seemed to hold its breath

…

Poor fellow what’s wrong with him.

He’s at it again, muttering and mumbling to himself. Sometimes I swear it sounds like a whole room full of people, laughing, crying, whispering.

Some say he’s possessed. Some say he’s broken. I don’t know which frightens me more. They say he’s been here for years, ever since he ran away from that house of his as a kid.

They call him Adam but I’ve heard a dozen names come from his mouth. Each one talking differently, walking differently, breathing differently. Sometimes I think the whole ward is trapped inside of that body of his.

But who are we to pity him, who even are we anyway?

Click. The dimly lights flicker.

In the glass reflection his lips appear to be moving. He mouths our words before we even think them.

Goodnight, Adam.