The Secret Within Her

“Watch where you’re going, girl!” the man cries as I dart between two of his carts, Irlanian accent heavy, spitting on the ground.

I don’t respond. That would take far too much time, which I don’t have. The streets are increibly crowded this morning, packed with people moving their wares like the yelling cart man, or trying to haggle in their stands.

It’s a cachophany of noise, smell, and sight. Cobbled white streets and white buildings, filled with brown carts and merchants dressed in equally brown clothes, the aroma of cooking food mixed with pungent horse manure all make up the area.

I don’t linger, finding the back street I was looking for quickly, which contains a small clothing shop, packed to the brim with an array of hues, fabrics, and styles. The woman behind the counter looks up.

“Dia!” she exclaims as my socked feet cross the threshold, as I now carry my dirt covered boots in my hands. “You’re supposed to be at Revealing in…” she checks her watch. “Five minutes!”

“Which is exactly why I’m in need of a white dress. Preferably one that doesn’t turn translucent when it gets wet. We all know what happened to Ivy Majors last year,” I reply, scanning the racks.

Ren looks at me, her bright blue eyes standing out against her pale skin and pointed ears, but she immediatley reaches for one dress. “Change. It’s free of charge, but only because I pity what will happen to you if your mother sees you without an approptiate dress for the ceremony.”

“Thank you! I owe you… more than one,” I say, dashing towards the dressing room, an making myself up in a hurry.

The dress is lovely. It comes down to around my kneecaps, made of a white linen material. The bodice is embrodiered in white thread that makes up a beautiful flower pattern. From the short, puffed sleeves come ribbons, tied into delightful bows.

“You’ve outdone yourself, Ren!” I exlaim, pulling my hair down and brushing it through till it looks acceptable. From my bag, I pull a tray of cosmetics, which I use to brighten my face, before slipping into the pair of sandals Ren provides.

I rush out the door as she wishes me luck. “We all know how this is going to turn out, Ren! There’s no luck for me.”

It’s been dreadfully clear since my early years that there would be nothing revealved in the Revealing ceremony, where most young adults such as myself learn what discipline of magic they possess.

All show some sort of inclination towards magic, with small glimpses here and there of what they will be. Most know before the day what they are.

I have never shown any inclination, despite my lineage. My middle name, Eliane, signifies nothing. No fire or light has ever shown itself. My parents chose it, resonably susepcting that I would hold the gift of fire that they each possess.

Much to their dissapointment, I have shown no hint of the magic. Even though they continually try to force it upon me, and hold on to the hope that I will show something.

I know within my heart that I hold no magic. I gave up those hopes years ago, when it became clear to me that they would do nothign but cause me harm.

It’s better to accept the truth early on, and to cease the foolishness.

Everyone else certainly has. All around me, I have always been someone… different. One of the only not blessed with a discipline in recent history.

Unfortunatley, I am a rarity in the water city of Irla.

I break out onto the sweeping white stairs that lead down to The Basin, turning back for just a moment to look at the city, made almost entirely of white stone.

Just behind it crashes the roaring waterfall, which is the reason for our cities existence in the first place. The crystal clear waters fall, and rush in two rivers around each side of the city, which is effectively an island. Together, the rivers come to form The Basin.

The stairs lead down the hill towards it.

Taking a deep breath, I move swiftly down them. It’s finally here. The day I’ve anticipated for years, the one that has defined my very being.

The one that will seal my fate for good, and permanetly mark me as unlike everyone else. I think that most don’t truly believe that someone has no magic until the defintive ceremony that is Revealing.

A plunging into the waters that fill us with our magic, from which our very life source flows, upon which our magic should flare.

Their magic, I suppose.

Turning the corner, The Basin comes into view, around which there is a crowd of people, right above the ladder that leads to the small plunge pool among a cluster of rocks.

I quickly pick out the dark hue of my mother’s hair, standing beside my father, and make my way towards them. “I don’t even want to know, Dianthe. I’m just glad you’re here on time and looking presentable.”

It never changes with her. I can’t help but wonder if today will be enough for her to dinally accept it, or more will be required.

I hope it is, because I’m exchausted of her desperate hopings that her daughter is like everyone else. It makes it much more difficult to accept reality when someone is constantly dreaming right beside you, constantly whispering it into your ear.

“Ready, my dear?” asks my father, looking me in the eyes, sympathetic.

My throat threatens to close up. He’s always understood much more than she has, and goes out of his way to comfort me.

Today, comfort is too much to bear. I nod, and he smiles.

I watch as the ceremony begins, the first girl climbing down the ladder and lowering herself into the pool. Only when she submerges herself entirely and then breaks from the water does it show.

A strong gust of wind blows up in the pool. A wind weilder. She grins, no doubt having know it for years now.

Will I ever experience that sort of joy? Something similar to that extreme satisfation? That perfect validation that comes with knowing who you are?

I’ve never known who I am, not exactly. The biggest piece of me is missing, and I do not know why that is. Where I fit is a continually unanswered question.

One after another, they plunge into the pool. Some manifest fire, others water, some have much more specific discipline.

Until there is only one person left in front of me. Each step she takes into the pool feels like an eternity for me, because I am next. This is the defintitive day. From this moment there will be no going back.

It will be a confirmation of what I have known all along.

My breaths no longer come easily, and I find myself having to fight for each one.

Her magic flares. Bright and brilliant, she holds the power of lightning, which cracks the sky.

She rushes from the pool, giddy at the result of the strength of her power.

“Go ahead, dear,” my father says to me, putting an encouraging hand on my shoulder. I do as he says, carefully descending for fear of missing a rung.

My entire body is filled with small tremors as I my feet hit the smooth rock that makes up the bottom of the pool. The water surrounds me, warm from the expenedture of magic.

I have to submerge myself fully, but I cannot seem to find the strength to do it.

So I command myself. The water rushes up over my head, and I break up once more. It’s over, and there is no-

A current runs through me. A quick feeling of warmth and energy. Fire illuminates the sky above my head, a roaring flame, crackling.

Golden light.

Elaine.

I cannot believe it, not as I emerge from the pool, but as the ceremony closes, I begin to process it all.

I do have magic, somehow. It just never showed any signs prior to this day. It is strong, despite its unwillingness to show itself.

All these years, it has been within me, even if I have not had the knowlege of it.

Fury fills me.

How ridiculous that the idea of something, the assumption that I did not have any magic, defined my entire life. It marked me as other, as lesser, even.

When the entire time, I was just like them. Just like the people I wanted to be, who I knew I would never be. Who I compared myself to time and time again, only to measure up short.

How could I let this define my entire sense of being? This was the person I was the entire time, and yet, one thought changed everything for me.

It warped the way I viewed myself. It caused me to put magic, and possessing it, above who I am as a person.

Now, it is very clear to me that it should not have been the magic that mattered most, but me. For I was the same woman the entire time.