Waiting For You

I love everything about you. Your smile. Your laugh. Your eyes. Eyes as blue as the ocean. Your long golden locks that hang below your waist. Your stick-figure physique. The scent of your lavender perfume.

You turn around in your desk and smile. My heart begins thumping. Are you looking at me? My palm begins to feel damp. This is it. I'm going to tell you. I will my mouth to open. Just as I'm about to say it, he beats me to it. You giggle and tell him you feel the same way. My heart hits the floor. It shatters into a million pieces like glass. Every piece jagged and sharp enough to make me bleed. I'll never be able to put it back together. I missed my chance. Will I get another? Do I dare hope? I wait. I wait and I watch. I watch you wear his jacket. I watch you cheer him on at his football games. I watch you dance with him at prom. I feel a tightening in my chest. Will you ever breakup? I watch you walk with him at graduation. You look so happy and alive with him. I want you to be happy.

Time is an ever flowing river. I try to keep my distance. Our worlds keep colliding. I am kind to you. I don't dare get too close. So I watch. I watch you marry him. My heart feels like it's being torn in a paper shredder. I offer fake smiles and insincere congratulations. I'll never get my chance now.

Our world is small. I never got out of this little town. I see you at barbecues. I notice you've cut your long locks. You're still as beautiful as ever. I can't tell you that. I notice when you start glowing. Something is different. I see your belly swelling with life. The tears roll down my cheeks when no one is looking. Why can't that child be mine? You worry about the pounds you put on. I don't think you've ever been more beautiful. Soon you have a daughter. She looks just like you except she has his brown eyes. I notice when you quit your career at the office to stay home and take care of your daughter. Soon I notice that glow again. You're expecting another one. This time it's a boy with your blue eyes.

I try to stay away from you. I see you at the store. You don't notice me so I keep my distance. He isn't with you. You have a toddler clinging to your hand a baby at your hip. I don't miss the dark circles under your eyes. I catch a whiff of your perfume. I clench my jaw. I want to go over there and tell you how I feel. How I've always felt. I won't. I will not pursue a married woman no matter how much my heart longs for her.

Time waits for no one. I see you teaching your daughter how to drive. I see you at your sons soccer games. I am there watching my nephew. I greet you out of politeness. I notice the streaks of grey in your hair. It enhances your beauty. I will not sit near you. I will not tarnish your reputation. I don't see him.

Soon your kids are grown and away at college. I notice your countenance has changed. It looks like a big black storm cloud is hovering over you. You walk with your head down now. Instead of light I see unshed tears and pain in your eyes. I want to ask. I want to take you in my arms and comfort you. I can't. He's my best friend. You're his wife.

Then I find out. The truth. I see it for myself. He's with another woman. How can he do this to you? Doesn't he know what he has? You already knew. That's why you're always crying. That's why you've lost your spark. I see your soul shatter. There's no way she even holds a candle to you. I stop talking to him. I fear I'll beat him senseless if I ever see him again. He leaves you. I feel sad for you yet I can't help the glimmer of hope that creeps into my heart. Will I get my chance at last?

I wait. I've waited this long. I can wait a little longer. You get divorced. I give you some time. Not too much time. I don't want to miss my chance again. Once things have settled I reach out to you. I tell you how I feel. How I've always felt. I stretch out my hand and you accept it. I go slow. I give you time to process. I wait for you to trust again. I buy you a dozen red roses every week. I buy you the diamond necklace I noticed you admiring at the mall. I pay attention. I know you love sweet tea and that you can't stand it when people scrape their plates with their forks. I know your favorite color is pink. I know you love going for walks and being out in nature. I listen with enthusiasm when you talk. Not a day goes by when I don't tell you how I feel. I watch your spirits lift. You start crocheting again. Now you're selling your crocheted teddy bears online. I'm happy for you.

You trust me now. We get married. I treat your children like they're my own. I don't try to replace their father. I only give advice if they ask me for it. I show your daughter's boyfriend the big ditch in our backyard. She asked me to. It works. We've set the bar high. She hasn't found the right one yet. When your son gets a promotion I take him out for a burger. I teach him the correct technique for tying his tie.

I take care of you. I give you anything you ask for. I want you to know you're my queen. We go on trips together. We see the islands of Hawaii, we visit the Eifel tower, we take a family trip to Disneyland. We're happy. I love your kids. I love you. It's heaven on earth. You're mine at last and I will never let you go.