Entombed

Paulie was not fond of the cold, in fact, he hated it.

He would much rather be back in that warm port town, enjoying an emerald goblin fizz.

But, the captain promised them riches and treasure in this frozen wasteland.

At that time, Paulie and his crew were just waiting for a voyage to call them out to sea. It seems the captain found one of them.

There was a rumor that on the far end of the Spine of the Dragon, a crafty warlord by the name of Ch’ao the Red had thrown his coffers into a ravine to hide it from his pursuing enemies. The warlord was never found, possibly escaping or executed by his pursuers or the Royal Navy. This rumor found its way to the Southern Seas and its many cutthroat islands. That’s where Captain Matthias the Bold heard about it first.

Voyaging into the icy northlands would be enough to deter any seasoned sailor, but Captain Matthias had enough information to commit to this venture.

Both Paulie and Liz the lookout had doubted the Captain and he had proved them wrong before, but sailing out to the frozen north on a whim was too dangerous to consider. Captain Matthias then decided to prove it by bringing them to his source. He led them down streets and alleyways to an old rumpot who claimed to have served in the warlord’s ranks.

They found the old codger alright; clutching a purse of gold and stabbed in the back with a dagger.

After acquiring several provisions and some necessary gear, they set sail at dawn the next day. The Captain was insistent but his crew agreed due to three pieces of evidence. First was the bag of gold; anyone willing to pay an informant knew that their information had to be genuine. Second was the old man being dead; anyone who would believe the information to be genuine would be willing to make sure the information did not leak to anyone else.

But the third piece of evidence was what spurred the crew on.

The old man was stabbed with a dagger that ended in a curly cue pommel beneath the handle. This was the calling card of PigFace Pugly; captain of the Scurvy Sty and a wannabe rival of Matthias the Bold. If he had a lead on a genuine treasure; chances were high that he had a good head start to the Spine of the Dragon.

Captain Matthias and his crew’s little sloop, the Mutineer, sped along the trade winds in order to outrace the Scurvy Sty to the Northernmost settlement of Coldcoast. There, they would procure a sleigh to take them into the snowy wilderness.

On the third day out, their lookout let out a cry of five points off the portside stern.

“Is it Longleaf?” the captain called up to Liz, dreading the possibility that it was their erstwhile pursuer.

Liz peered through her spyglass to glance at the ship to their rear. It was a powerful warship painted in blue and whites, denoting a Royal Navy ship. The spyglass trailed up the to see the colors it flew. Beneath the Royal Navy flag and the colored streamers that identified it as a war frigate was a small, handkerchief sized flag bearing a coat of arms. The image of a bramble bundle surrounding the base of a tree.

“It’s Thornwood, Captain!”

Commodore Stede Thornwood may have been a similar rank to Longleaf, but the two could not be more different. A High Elf noble; Thornwood practically bought his rank and like any noble he desired more money for more power. Now the crew knew where that poor devil got that purse of gold. PigFace Pugly must have stabbed him on principle when he found out he had been paid off.

Thornwood’s ship seemed to be following them at a steady pace. Chances were high that they all had the same destination. It was a race for a treasure hidden in the ice.

The Navy on one end, the crew of the Scurvy Sty on the other.

This was going to be one Hell of a fight.

Captain Matthias wisely decided that they chose a less populated settlement to acquire proper transportation. Thankfully, Liz’s maps marked a small hermit’s hut where they could barter for a sleigh. That hermit drew a hard bargain, though; he was willing to give them the winter clothes and sleigh if they gave him their only two casks of ale. And the old looney didn’t even throw in a hairy unison to pull it.

Without being asked; Paulie offered to pull the sleigh for his Captain and Lookout. It always felt like his was eventually the beast of burden since he was the largest amongst the crew. Not to mention the harness was a tad humiliating. Still, it was better than working for Desdemona.

They were at least a day or two deep into the winter wasteland before a blizzard hit them. The Captain was sure as seawater that they were getting close to the reported resting place.

That was when a small blur of hair and muscle hit Paulie low in the knees. For a brief moment, he thought it was some kind of snow cat. Instead, he saw the twin hatchets gripped in its leathery, naked fists and the navy blue of his uniform tunic. It was a dwarvish sailor, the only race with skin like stone and a fiery furnace of a heart to help it survive the cold half dressed. His copper red bushy beard and hair were rather short for his race; definitely a regulation trim. Perhaps Thornwood’s ship made its way up to the top of the world.

The sharp crack of a musket in the chilly air led credence to that possibility. The captain grabbed Liz’s head and forced it beneath the front piece of the sleigh, avoiding the splinters flying from the stopped ball. The three of them chanced a glance at a ridge to see the shapes of armed men and a sleigh. Paulie ran to the sleigh to take cover with them, but another boot slammed into the back of his leg. As he fell into the snow, the agile Dwarf swung his axes along the reins and sliced them from the half giant’s harness. Before Paulie could pull himself to his feet and grab his hammer, the Dwarf sent the sleigh sliding down the hill with a double mule kick.

“Captain! Liz!” the giant yelled out as he desperately reached for the oaken sleigh.

“Paulie!” Liz cried out as she and the Captain were sent sailing out into the white, frozen Hell.

Paulie’s hand formed into a fist before he turned to the Navy man. A quick crack to the temple with Dwarvish steel sent the one eyed helmsman careening to the ground. Paulie expected the killing blow when he heard the posh voice stay his hand.

“Leave them, Sergeant! We need to beat that green brute to the real prize!”

Paulie’s consciousness faded as the dwarves’ footsteps crunched away.

Paulie awoke with a thin layer of frost across his body. He felt as low as he was alone.

When Paulie first met the Captain and Liz, he was laboring beneath a misplaced but deep love for the slaver queen Desdemona. Despite her ruthlessness, Paulie was blinded by her beauty. Right until he was nearly blinded by her due to a blunder. Maybe he did deserve it; Matthias and Liz were too slippery for him. As Desdemona’s slave ring came crashing down, the two pirates had her over a barrel. Paulie finalized her demise by committing mutiny and joined their ranks. The last he saw of his once-love, she was rowing away in a fit of rage.

But now he failed his Captain and his crew. He may hate it, but for the life he led; his fate should be as cold and cruel as the blizzard raging around him.

That was when the half giant heard the sound of sleigh bells.

“Ho ho ho, Paulie!” a voice called out.

The cold bitterness of despair was soon blasted away by the warm, familiar voice. Paulie lifted himself up and turned back to see his bold Captain leading a sleigh pulled by twin, one-horned unison.

“Captain!” Paulie called back. “For a pirate, you make a fantastic Father Winter!”

The Captain grinned from the hood of his winter coat as he hopped off the sleigh.

“The best gift of the year are PigFace’s beasts of burden!” he cackled as he patted the snowy hides of the unison. “Turns out they have more pride than a goblin when it comes to serving old Pugly! Climb aboard and leave the sleigh pulling to them!”

In a moment, they were dashing through the snow side by side in the sleigh.

“Where’s Liz?” Paulie asked.

“Oh, don’t worry! She’s lying in wait for us!” the Captain reassured him.

The unison thundered along the tundra as they passed a snow-flecked green mound.

“That’s how she, the Commodore and I have been tracking PigFace! He probably complained about the weather one two many times!”

Using the goblin corpses as breacrumbs, they rode a few more miles into the snowy wastes. The pirates soon spied Navy blues sprouting from the merciless white. They seemed to be peering down a giant crevice in the tundra.

“Thorny!” the captain called out in a hearty voice.

The Naval men spun around to see the pirates. Commodore Thornwood’s blonde moustache was waxed to a point at either end, giving him the appearance of a tall grandfather clock. He was flanked by two humans armed with muskets. The dwarven scout turned ready to face Paulie once more.

The half giant was ready as well. Placing a foot on the front piece and launched himself at the wee man. In a flurry of flesh and snow, Paulie and the Dwarf tussled with fists and axes. Captain Matthias turned the sleigh so that the valuable unison would not take the fired musket balls. He leapt from his wooden vehicle and tumbled into the powder.

“Liz!” he yelled out.

As if summoned by magic; a dagger flew out of a snow drift and stuck itself into the head of a one of the marksmen. Commodore Thornwood and the other rifleman stared in horror as he toppled to the ground. Another dagger flew into the throat of the other rifleman, who also fell transfixed to an icy resting place.

From the snowdrift rose, completely naked and with two more daggers in her claws, Liz Lightpaw shivering the flakes of ice from her pure white coat.

“This is the LAST time I do this for you, Captain!” she yelled between her chattering gnawers.

“The camouflage worked, at least!” Matthias cackled as he approached the Naval officer.

After coming to terms with a naked she-rat standing in the snow; Commodore Thornwood drew his saber to attack Captain Matthias. The bold Captain blocked it with his rustic cutlass and swiped it to the side. The two armed sailors came to blows, Naval swordsmanship against self-taught brawling in a duel. Finally, the pirate prevailed and send the Royal Navy saber flying into its own sleigh. A back-handed fist sent Thornwood spiraling into the berth of the winter-borne vehicle.

Paulie was still going at it with the Dwarf sergeant. The hatchets had already tasted of the half-giant’s flesh while the Dwarf was covered in stone-sized bruises. Ultimately, the Dwarf was grabbed by the throat and lifted from the snow. Paulie tossed the sergeant onto the sleigh with his commanding officer and slammed the front piece with a powerful kick. The Navy sleigh slid back down the ridge, careening into the blizzard.

“Well done, Mr. Paulie!” the Captain shouted as he threw a thick blanket over his lookout.

The half-giant turned and grinned to his Captain.

After a quick warm-up, the crew was ready to face their pirate rival.

The Navy men had been examining the ropes and pitons hammered into the edge of the crevice. Captain Matthias and his crew slid down the ropes into the crevice until they found a cliff jutting out above the abyss of the world. Three small, lithe goblins were on the cliff swinging picks into the ice while a massive, furry bugbear held a lantern above PigFace Pugly.

While most orcs had been blessed with a manly jaw, physique and a robust nose; PigFace Pugly was just as his nickname suggested. He had thick jowls, potbelly, an upturned nose and a greedy temper to match. This same temper kept his crew of goblins and bugbears in check. Fear and greed was the fuel that ran the Scurvy Sty.

Before them was the large form of a man draped in a blood red cloak. He was frozen into the wall and his body was dried out and desiccated. His thin mustache drooped into icicles that hung from his frozen smile. In his bony hands, he held a golden crown encrusted with jewels.

This was the final resting place of Ch’ao the Red.

At his feet were two ice-flecked strongboxes. The Goblins were working on the third one when Captain Matthias spoke up.

“Quit your plundering, PigFace! We heard of this place first!”

The Scurvy Sty crew spun around to see they were not alone any more. Captain Pugly let out a throaty cackle.

“Matthias! Couldn’t stand your ravishing rival getting the better of you, eh?”

“N-no, of course not…” the bold captain said with a nervous chuckle. Old PigFace always did have a high opinion of himself. “Normally...I’d suggest we share the loot together, but seeing as how its freezing down here and you killed a kindly old informant; we’re going to do this the way God intended.”

“Agreed,” Pugly nodded. “NO QUARTER!!”

The two crews charged at each other before breaking off into fighting pairs.

Liz got one of the goblins with a thrown dagger before she attacked the other two at the same time. Their daggers and shanks clanged together as sparks flew.

Captain Matthias and PigFace Pugly crossed swords. The Orc’s huge cleaver threatened to snap the human’s cutlass in half, but Matthias was a skilled enough swordsman that he could redirect his powerful chops.

That left the bugbear to Paulie. Like the Dwarf; he fought him barehanded. His hairy, beastly form crashed against the half giant’s stony muscles.

Both crews met the challenged meted by the orc captain.

Liz sliced at the goblin’s green flesh as they jabbed at her. The agile she-rat dodged a few times, but even she felt the sting of cold steel.

Pugly got his cleaver stuck into the ground and this gave Matthias to slice him across his pig face. The orc hissed as he bled down to his mouth. He gripped the cleaver with both hands and wrenched it from the ice.

Paulie slammed a fist into the bugbear’s chin. The bugbear growled and slammed his hairy head into the half giant’s face. Paulie returned the butt with much more effectiveness. As the beast clutched his aching face, Paulie’s powerful legs kicked him across the ice tomb. The bugbear growled through a broken nose as his claws dug into the ice. When Paulie charged at him, the bugbear ripped two chunks of ice and slammed them against Paulie’s ears. The helmsman grit his teeth through the pain and grabbed hold of his hairy head. The half giant fist slammed into his broken nose three times.

The crews seemed to be prepared to fight for an eternity.

At the last moment, Pugly drew his massive pistol. He planned to blow a hole in the bold Captain. Matthias saw this eventuality so he used the guard of his sword to knock the flintlock to the side. The firearm went off and sent a shot straight into the ice by Ch’ao’s throne.

The entire ice wall began to crack and crumble. Both crews paused and stared at the jagged lines breaking upwards to the top. The crown and the third strongbox fell to the ground as the powder began to fall from the surface. Then thunder rolled as large chunks began to fall.

“Time to go!” the she-rat shouted.

She slid two of the chests to her crewmates while she grabbed the third one and Matthias grabbed the crown. The pirates broke off from their opponents, grabbed the loot and ran to the ropes. The she-rat was up in a jiffy followed by the human and the half-giant. Paulie was a third of the way up when he felt a terrible weight on the end of the chest.

He looked down to see Pugly gripping the hanging handle of the chest while his crew clutched to his booted feet. The rope began to burn his hand as he started to slip.

“Let go, you greedy fool!” he yelled down at the orc.

“You’ll get this chest when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers!” he roared.

A flash of steel followed by a sharp squeal and PigFace Pugly falls into the icy depths with his his own crew. Only his hand remained clutching the chest.

Paulie’s good eye turned to see his Captain possessing the face of a madman.

“No quarter!” he called down to the plummeting PigFace.

The half giant began to haul the two of themselves up and out of the crumbling crevice to freedom. With a thunderous crack; Pugly, his crew, Cha’o and his fabulous treasure were permanently entombed in the ice. The crew took a moment of silence for the poor devils now trapped in the icy depths. But only a small moment before Captain Matthias literally crowned himself the winner.

“Let’s get out of this frozen hell!” the Captain cheered as he whipped the reins against the unison.

Paulie cuddled up to Liz in the warm blankets while Captain Matthias took them off dashing through the snow with their gifts in tow.