Two Dimensional Love

My Diary

-          by Kush

Date: 5^th February, 2019

The day was same as the other days. I closed my work at 6:00 p.m.; a little earlier than my usual time. After saving the files and stretching my muscles a little, I collected my things from the desk in the office and got up to leave. Since I have an early flight to catch; I will be going to bed immediately after dinner. Tomorrow is going to be a great day!

Date: 6^th February, 2019

I was travelling to Chennai to attend a friend's wedding. I was standing in the queue at the airline counter and looking around waiting for my turn.

  Bored after looking at the tired faces sitting around and twice reading the flight schedules on the screen, I looked at the queue to see how much more time it would take. Just then, I thought I had seen a familiar place standing some places ahead of me. I stared again to recheck if it was the same person.

Ria! My heart skipped a beat. There she was, standing right in front of me; the girl I had loved, the only girl I have loved. It was as if time had had no effect on her. She was still the same as she was four years ago, when we had broke up on the day of our college farewell. The expressive eyes highlighted by her favourite kajal, showcasing the world in them; strands of hair covering her left eye whenever a gust of wind passed; the peachy cheeks, which I had kissed; the baby pink lips, always accentuated by her smile. The most beautiful girl in the world!

Ria had not noticed me yet. I was glued to my place right from the moment I saw her; wondering whether to approach her or turn away and join another queue. Had she looked up straight even for a second from where she was standing; she would have seen me. But she turned away, and started walking in the opposite direction.

I slowly followed her to the waiting lounge. She moved towards the second last row of seats and stood there for some time. I stopped near the corner to avoid getting caught. Peeking from the side, I could see her making some nervous glances at the people around her.

Looking at her intently, the memories of our college days started to play right in front of my eyes….

Ria and I were in a relationship since the last one year. It was great being in love! Exams and projects were less important than late night calls and messages. Romantic songs and books had entered our playlists and reading preferences. Messages, flying kisses, chocolates, little surprises and gestures meant the world.

Amidst all the love and togetherness, there was something which still disturbed me. Although I loved her madly, I could not marry Ria.

 Three months ago, I had met with an accident while travelling on my bike on the highway. About to take a turn near the crossroads, a car travelling on the wrong side of the road hit me. It took only a couple of seconds to happen. The last thing I saw or rather remembered was the car running towards me.

Fractured bones, bruises were the obvious effects. However, the impact of the hit was severe on my left leg where the car had hit me directly. Ria was there by my side all this time. She hardly left the hospital. Maybe, she was suffering more than me.

It took four weeks for me to recover. In order to recuperate my leg, the doctors had to prescribe heavy medication which included steroids.

The regular intake of steroids resulted in me becoming infertile.

This was a big blow for me and my family. There were negligible chances for me to overcome it. I had requested my friends and family to not reveal it to Ria.

While discussing about our future, one thing which she always mentioned was about having children – our own children. Ria loved kids. How could I have desolated her from motherhood which she desired the most?

Yes, we could have adopted a child. Everyone suggested it. But would it be fair to her? It was me who had the shortcoming. Then why should she suffer? Why should she not have a child of her own?

I could not tell her the truth; Ria would not be able to bear it. And, in such a situation, I could not marry her either. The only choice left was to break up with her.

It was the last day of college. The farewell celebrations were on. Everybody was shouting, cheering, laughing, enjoying. But there were two persons who were crying inconsolably - Ria and me.

I told her we were not compassionate enough; that we did not have any future; that I did not love her anymore. She was shattered. Her cries, requests tore me apart. But I had to stay strong, I could not tell her the actual reason.

Ria begged me to stay. Pulling me towards her; she tried to hug me. I would not be able to continue it for long. I pushed her aside. She was taken aback by this reaction of mine. I did not allow any expression to come to my face. Gaining her balance; she stood right in front of me and slapped me. Without another word, I left.

I did not contact or meet her. I had already given her enough pain. Keeping her as part of my memory, I moved on in my life. I swore my friends not to tell her anything about the actual events post my accident.

About ten minutes later, although it seemed like an eternity for her as well as me; she saw somebody and waved. I could not get the view of the entire lounge and hence waited for the person to enter my field of vision. The person was not alone. Holding his hand was a small boy who was so excited to see Ria; it looked like he was running in the air.

The boy must be Ria’s son and the person he was dragging along; her husband.

The boy must be around two years in age. He looked the same as Ria. He jumped into her arms; and she reciprocated her love by kissing his cheeks. The couple sat on the seats while their son, with his never ending energy; juggled between the laps of his parents. I could see her being happy; laughing and playing with her child. I stood there for some time; observing the family and the happiness on their faces.

My thoughts were brought to an abrupt end by an announcement. It was time for me to board my flight. Taking one final look at Ria; keeping my emotions in check, I left her with the people whom she loved; and who loved her too.

It is not that my love for her is not true, but sometimes love is not enough. Or maybe, love is the reason for not being together.

I could be with Ria at this moment. I could be happy with her in my life. Or, maybe we could have not carried our marriage for so long, if at all we would have married.

Yes, I have broken her heart; that was the only choice I had; to continue our love - yesterday, when we were together; today, when we are not and forever, when we would not be. A broken heart can be mended, repaired. But an empty heart can never be filled. At least, I would still be with her in the form of some good as well as painful memories.

Sometimes, love stories continue without an ending. Just like Ria’s and mine….

My Diary

-        by Ria

Date: 6^th February, 2019

Finally my project was over. I was fed up living all alone by myself here in Delhi. Now, I can go back to my family. I cannot say how much I have missed them!

It was quite cold compared to other mornings when I entered the airport. However, there was still some warmth presence within me giving me comfort. Maybe, because my family was going to be with me any moment.

Completing the check in procedure; I went towards the waiting lounge since there was still some time left for my flight. There was the constant hustle bustle which you can expect at such big airports. I managed to locate some empty seats in one of the last rows.

I was just about to sit when something stopped me. I saw someone just around the corner towards the lounge. It looked like…. Kush! But how? My heartbeats began to pace up and down.

I had come to know through an acquaintance that Kush was working for an MNC here in Delhi. Yet, it seemed impossible for him to be here.

It must be my imagination. I have had no news about him since the last four years after our college farewell. But our brain and heart rarely work in sync.

My heart was trying to locate him. My brain cursing me for behaving like an idiot. What can one do in such situations? I started looking around to see if I could find him. I frantically glanced at people again and again to get even a faint glimpse of Kush; my heartbeats refusing to calm down.

Searching for him; I don’t know when or why the memories of our college days started to play right in front of my eyes….

We were a perfect couple. Or maybe I thought it to be perfect.

The late night talks, the romantic songs….. Oh no! I cannot think about it. It still pains me when I remember those days. I should not try to relive them. Especially, now when I have my own life.

Kush was a person to die for. The greatest thing about him was his simplicity and humbleness. He had those deep mysterious eyes which could charm anybody. No matter what, he always had a smile on his face; one of the many reasons why I fell for him.

Even when he met with a deadly accident; his demeanor was not affected. Everybody around him was tensed or crying or tired. And there lay the prince laughing at all of us. Those four weeks were the worst in my life. I thought I would never be able to live without him.

And yet, I was made to live without him. I still remember the day, the day of our college farewell.

He said we were not compassionate anymore. He did not feel the love between us. No matter how much I tried; he was standing there like a stone. No words, no expressions, no feelings. For the first time, I could not see myself in his eyes!

And then, he pushed me. That was the moment I realized it was all over. I slapped him and he quietly went away.

I tried to question his friends, but they all gave the same reason for our breakup. And then, I moved on.

 My thoughts were broken when someone called for me. It was Kartik. I waved out to him. Dragging his father like a mop; who was no match for his energy. He gave me a big hug as always. He is the apple of my eyes. We sat and chatted for a while.

After a while, an announcement brought our talks to a halt. It was the announcement for the flight from Delhi to Chennai. Our flight was yet to arrive.

 “Jiju, where is Didi?” I asked my brother-in-law. Didi was late as always. “Must be decorating herself somewhere!” he answered. We started laughing on his comment. Didi, Jiju and Kartik had come here from Kolkata and were going to accompany me to Didi and my parents’ house in Ahmedabad where I lived. She arrived a little later.

Kartik refused to go to her. He is very fond of me. How I wish I could have a child like him.

Maybe, being a mother was not in my destiny. I had always thought of having a family with Kush. With him gone away; I decided I would never marry anybody else.

Yes, he had broken my heart. But he was my love, the love of my life.

He broke up with me, I did not. He felt the love was over between us; I did not.

I wish he remain happy always. This, is love.

Love, is accepting the way we are, we were, we could be and we would be.

Maybe I could be with him. But I am not.

If he would have given me just one chance; I would have done whatever he said. I loved him more than anything. More than myself, my family, my wishes and my dreams.

Sometimes, love stories continue without an ending. Just like Kush’s and mine….