When the snow falls

Mary sat in her apartment, deflated, unable to sleep.It was almost midnight.

The icy cold of winter crept into her poorly insulated apartment and she wrapped herself up tightly inside a plush blanket. The rosy glow of her hallway nightlight threatened to seep into her room through the crack under the door. She lay there cold and crying, not wanting to give up hope but lost in a downward spiral of self-doubt and depression.

She told herself she could continue to feel solemn for three more minutes and if she wasn’t asleep by then she would have to get up and do something to distract herself from feeling alone. She was used to disappointment and had developed a way to get through it. Her whole life she had struggled to connect with people.

There was a massive snowstorm that night, a total white out. Through the thin French windows she could see the obscured glow of the streetlights.The silence only intensified her deep feeling of sadness. She ruminated a little more on how boring her life had become, work, home, frozen dinner, bed, repeat.

12:01 – It had been over an hour now since she went to bed and she still couldn’t fall asleep. It was time to get up and focus on something other than being awake. She stepped out of bed and layered herself up with a fluffy robe and furry slippers. She grabbed the blanket off the bed and walked down the hallway turning on the light.

Bang, Bang, Bang. The sound of someone knocking on her door startled her. Why would anyone be knocking this late? She walked over to peep through the hole and see who it was.Outside there was a woman, a beautiful creature with flowing blond waves and brilliant blue eyes. Mary felt immediately drawn to open the door to this stranger. She felt no fear or hesitation.

“Hello, can I help you?” Mary was mesmerized; it was as if the woman was glowing (illuminated by the safety light in the apartment building hall).

“Hi, are you Mary? I am Seraphina, your next-door neighbor. I have seen your name on the mailboxes. Um look my boyfriend and I had a fight. He’s drunk and he locked me out of our apartment. I noticed the light on under your door and was hoping maybe I could crash on your couch? It would only be till morning, then I can go stay with my mom, but it’s really late and I don’t want to freak her out, she is one of those people that goes to bed super early, like eight o’clock. Rick is being a total d-bag right now and I have had absolutely all I can stand of him. UGH why do I always pick such losers?”

Mary stood blankly, she wasn’t sure if this girl was going to stop talking at her and she wasn’t really sure she wanted her to.

“Uh, Yeah, um come on in.” Mary stuttered and she motioned towards the living room.

“You are so amazing, thank you! GOD I can’t believe he is being such a dink. I came home from work and he was acting like such a brat so I decided to go meet up with some of my girlfriends, you would love them they are the best, so much fun.Then I get home and he has the dead bolt and the sliding lock and the door lock, it’s like he couldn’t even be bothered to remember that I needed to get in, ya know?. Like he just barred up the whole fucking place and left me out on the street to freeze to death in the storm. Honestly I would still be out but the bar shutdown early because of the storm.Have you looked outside, its like a foot of snow in the last hour, it’s nuts. Do you have anything to snack on? I am kinda starving. I was going to make a ‘run for the border’ but they were closed too. God this is so typical, I can’t believe he could be so thoughtless, but then he is yet another example of a total narcissist.”

Mary mindlessly went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, Seraphina was still talking on and on about Rick about food, about the bar she and her friends went to. Mary was confused and dazed by this sudden whirlwind of life that the storm had blown into her home. She took some pizza pockets out of the freezer and put a couple in the microwave.Seraphina continued on with her rant and it became clear that she was a little drunk.

Mary had no idea what to say, she liked that Seraphina was talking incessantly. It felt warmer with her in the apartment. She watched her expressions and found herself falling for this wild woman.

“Oh my god, now I have gone on too long. I am so sorry.It’s just been a very hectic day.Oh pizza pockets yummy, thank you!”She took the microwaved food from Mary.

Seraphina stopped talking and ate. Mary brought her a glass of water.

“You know it’s weird I didn’t even know anyone was living next door, I thought that apartment was vacant.”

Seraphina smiled at Mary “We just moved in like yesterday, we only had gotten a bed and a suitcase so far so it’s all pretty no big deal, honestly, I am not even sure I really liked Rick anymore. We had been dating just the appropriate amount of time and he suggested we move in together so I was like yeah sure, ok.”

“So you are not in love with him?” Mary was asking for her own reasons, her heart started to flutter and she felt warm and fuzzy inside.

“Nah, I don’t even know why I was dating him honestly.The apartment just seemed like a good way to get out of my mom’s house, I feel like I have been living at home a little past the expiration date you know?”

“Let me get you some blankets, tomorrow I doubt anything will be open. I have coffee and breakfast stuff if you don’t have to be anywhere right away in the morning.” Mary didn’t know this amazing creature but she wanted to, she hoped Seraphina would stay longer.

“Yeah, if the snow is over a foot now and it is still snowing like crazy you might be stuck with me” Seraphina said.

Mary’s heart almost exploded out of her chest, the idea of Seraphina staying longer was electrifying to her. They sat on the couch together and talked. Sera did most of the talking (she told Mary that was what most people called her, though secretly Mary preferred Seraphina). The presence of this complete stranger was altering something in Mary’s DNA. It was exciting her and she wanted more of it.

The next morning Mary started the coffee and made waffles. Seraphina was great company they talked for another few hours staring at each other with deep intent. The snow subsided and the two girls decided to go out and see the damage. Mary lent Seraphina some warmer clothes, some jeans and a sweater, and they walked out of the building with hot chocolates spiked with mint schnapps. They wandered up and down the roads and marveled at the challenge of walking on the icy sidewalks,. They discussed their lives, their childhoods and their dreams. Seraphina wanted to be an actress but she was struggling to get any roles. Mary liked her job and made good money; she wanted love and comfort in her life. The girls spent hours walking the streets and looking at car accidents, they both had a kind of fascination with the destructive beauty of nature.

They found a pizza place that was brave enough to be open.There was a line down the block, it was the only place for miles around, and they took home a large pie. After they were full and a little tired Seraphina leaned closer to Mary.

“Do you think we will ever find true love? Like the kind in movies?”

“Yes, I believe that can happen. Maybe not exactly like in the movies, maybe we have to deconstruct what love actually looks like to be open to it, but yes I believe a couple can find each other, feel grateful for each other and live happily ever after”. Mary felt tears rolling down her cheeks, a tightness in her chest. Saying this out loud meant she had to admit it was all she’d ever wanted. She felt in that moment the most vulnerable she had ever been in all of her life.

Seraphina leaned forward and placed a very gentle, tentative kiss on Mary’s lips. She moved herself back and smiled. Her passion shined through the smile and lit up Mary’s face and heart. Mary leaned forward and kissed Seraphina, mimicking her exactly. Mary smiled and her soul shined through her smile and lit up Seraphina’s face. The two girls sat looking at each other, then instinctively they reached out their hands and began to play with each other’s fingers. All the while they just smiled at each other. Neither of them talked, neither of them moved from where they sat on the overstuffed couch. They just held onto each other’s hands and took turns gently kissing each other.Mary and Sera both felt like they were kids in junior high and this was the first time they had ever been in love.

Over the next year they continued their romance, seeing each other multiple times per week and they were as happy as anyone had ever been.After the first year they moved in together, they found a large condo that was conveniently located close to Mary’s job. Seraphina started to get acting roles and Mary got a promotion at work. Somehow finding love in their lives had made their lives better and they enjoyed each other and were deeply devoted to each other.

Mary was looking forward to their third anniversary, she had booked a suite at a local hotel spa, they were going to get couples massages, soak in some hot water, drink some champagne and have an amazing dinner at Chez Luca, the hardest restaurant to get into. At the end of it she was going to ask Sera if she wanted to get married, not propose necessarily but maybe share the idea that they could if it was so desired by both of them. when three years to the day they had met arrived there was another extreme snowstorm and the city was again shut down. No spa day, no hotel and no Chez Luca. Sera was working on a movie set the next town over and they were snowed in.She wasn’t able to get home.

Mary set down her phone. The conversation had been brief, Mary’s heart dropped a little, her disappointment was overwhelming. She wanted so much to be with Seraphina on this special day. Sera was so wrapped up in her character that she completely forgot what day it was.Mary got off the phone with her and opened the champagne. She poured herself a glass and then another. She opened the cupboard and took out a box of cookies. She ate them all. Then she went into their room and fell asleep.

The storm didn’t let up for three days. They had never been apart this long and for some reason Sera had stopped answering her phone. It was getting late on the third day and Mary was getting worried. She couldn’t understand why her sweet angel wasn’t at least keeping her updated on weather she could make it home or not.

On the fourth day the storm passed. The whole crew on the set of the movie had been put up in a hotel close to the studio. Sera was enjoying the solitude, well the solitude from Mary. She was sleeping better and hanging out with the film crew and cast.They were building up a camaraderie that they hadn’t really been able to do when they were all going home at the end of each day. Now they were dining together, watching tv together and eventually after the third day some even began sleeping together. Sera was eyeing a particularly handsome person named Siff. Siff was enigmatic. They wore skirts every day and eyeliner, they had dark skin and a heavy black mustache and beard. They wandered around loud and proud and emanated sexual energy, especially towards Sera. Siff would follow Sera to her room and they would watch movies and fall asleep on her bed.Siff was the embodiment of everything Sera was afraid of but also desired most. They were fascinating, full of life and creativity. They ran the boom, but what Siff really wanted to do was be the artistic director.

On the fifth day the clean-up began, there was a film festival scheduled for the weekend and it looked like it was able to go on.Sera was supposed to take Mary, but Mary didn’t really understand film, she understood home life, engineering and responsibility. Sera told Mary she didn’t have to come and that she was going with some friends from the set anyway. She told her it would be easier to stay through the festival in the hotel since it was a long drive from where they lived.

Mary felt concerned, she was missing her darling Seraphina.Sera was enjoying the attention and time with her new cast of characters. Especially Siff. Siff understood the industry. They knew the importance of connections and working until the work was done. They loved art and theatre and designer clothing.

Sera came home after the seventh day of being gone and sat down with Mary. She told her about Siff, about her friends on the film crew and that she hadn’t felt this alive or important in “all her life”. She told Mary that she would be finding a new place to live but was going to continue to stay at the hotel for now.

“It isn’t fair to you if we drag this out, a clean break is the thing. Oh Mary, you look so deflated I feel just awful but I am who I am you have to understand that. I love you but I want to focus on my career and networking with the people in my industry.I can’t do that knowing that you are at home moping around waiting for me to come and be your whole world, your WHOLE LIFE. FUCK Mary I mean don’t you have anyone else besides me that you can focus on? It just seems like your always home, sitting here, waiting for me to be everything for you. You should see Siff, they are so amazing, and we love the same clothes and the same shows, all the shows really. It is so fun, I am so excited, we already plan on going shopping together once filming is done. Don’t worry I will get all of my things out of here very soon. We just need to rip it off like a band aid. We can still be friends, of course I want to be friends with you Mary.” On and on she blathered as she stuffed as much as she could in a suitcase. She continued to talk at Mary while she dumped all of her make up, creams, potions, shoes and jewelry into bag after bag.

Sera’s ringtone alerted. She looked at her phone, grabbed her three bags and two large rolling suitcases, gave Mary a big superfluous hug and walked out the door.

Mary stood in front of the open door stunned. She couldn’t fathom life without her Seraphina.All of this seemed like it came out of nowhere. She had put everything in her life on hold to support Sera, to make her dreams of becoming an actress come true.

Mary shut the door, still in shock, and walked over to the couch, she picked up a fuzzy blanket and wrapped herself up in it.The cold chill of winter made the condo seem drafty. She sat there until eleven pm and then went into the bedroom, her mind swirling with confusion. She gave herself one hour to lie there and fall asleep. She lay there cold and crying, not wanting to give up hope but lost in a downward spiral of self-doubt and depression.

She told herself she could continue to feel solemn for three more minutes and if she wasn’t asleep by then she would have to get up and do something to distract herself from feeling alone.

The End.