Do not, under any circumstances, accept any job offers from people whom you have known for two hours, 24 minutes, and 2 secondsAlways, check if your work is going where you are told it would go, like a website and not a bombRun background checks on everyone in your new work environment, making sure that they are all perfectly safe and sane peopleMake sure no one is supposed to be in an asylum named Bright Rose LifeCheck if there is a bomb at your desk every dayKnow all your colleagues’ ages before you say yes to a date from themMake sure all future dates are not takenMake sure all future dates are not your married-with-kids boss in disguiseIf 8. happens, make sure you say no immediately instead of an hour later Make sure that someone in your work environment knows how to diffuse a bombDon’t punch anyone in the face if called “bonbon”Always, always, memorize the most wanted lists in every state, including MaineAlways, memorize most wanted lists everywhere, including KyrgyzstanMake sure no one you know and spend a lot of time with is on a most wanted list anywhere, INCLUDING MAINEMake sure no colleagues are number one, escaped convicts, that work for the mafiaConfirm no one in your work environment is a homophobic, misogynistic, racist bigot that makes fun of your Chinese-French heritageIf there is a homophobic, misogynistic, racist, bigot, sock the bigot within an hour of knowing him instead of after he insults your girlfriendMake sure said girlfriend is not clearly cheating on you and using zodiac signs as a reason to break up, even though yours and her signs are VERY compatibleMake sure your calculations are ACTUALLY for toothpaste and not for bombsMake sure that if 19. does occur, that said bombs are not in your deskMake sure that your fellow, super pretty colleague is singleMake sure that she is your ageMake sure that she is supposed to be here and not in the asylum down the roadMake sure that she is not setting off bombs using your calculations at your desk with the mafia’s helpMake sure that everyone knows your name is A. C. BonbellDo not sock so many peopleDouble-check when your girlfriend is going to visit her sisterMake sure she is visiting her sisterMake sure she has a sisterMake sure she isn’t with her secret boyfriend in Central ParkMake sure you are not walking in Central Park when your girlfriend is visiting her sisterDo not scream your significant other’s name when you see her making out with your colleague who is supposed to be in prison and part of the mafia, married to the super pretty colleague who is actually 50 and supposed to be in an asylum, sister of your boss who is married to like 40 women and has 64 girlfriends or somethingMake sure all teddy bears are solely for the purpose of cuddlingMake sure there are no secret cameras in your officeMake sure you don’t have a creepy stalkerMake sure this creepy stalker does not live right across from youMake sure this creepy stalker is not staring at you every time you step out of the houseMake sure you are not being watched by a creepy stalker and the Kyrgyzstani governmentNever take a Sunline plane to ChinaIf you do, make sure that the guy sitting next to you is not the creepy stalker who is the homophobic, misogynistic, racist, bigot from workAlso, make sure that the other guy sitting next to you is not the Kyrgyzstani government official who put security cameras on your desk and in your teddy bearsMake sure that your jack of many affairs boss is not working with the mafia colleague (AKA his brother-in-law via pretty old asylum colleague) that your girlfriend cheated on you with and all your designs have been used by the American Mafia and then the Kyrgyzstani MafiaMake sure that you don’t have to take a lie detector test from the FBI ever againMake sure that you don’t have to take a lie detector test from the Kyrgyzstani government ever againMake sure your new job is nice and safeMake sure you get a healthy and great work environmentTry to make sure no more of your sisters have traumatic events, 5 is enoughTry to make sure Bill Clarkson doesn’t keep tricking your sisters by asking them out, getting serious with them, getting a new girl, and then trying to throw them off a cliff, not realising that they all know acrobatics and can flip to safetyMake sure your parents don’t get into a big fight over your youngest sister’s college education, whether she should take economics or the artsMake sure they take into account what your youngest sister wantsMake sure they also take into account your youngest sister is 5Make sure that your second-youngest sister is not getting harassed by her ex-boyfriend but is too scared to tell anyoneMake sure that her boyfriend is not your boss’s 4th kidMake sure that your third-youngest sister is not struggling through college because your parents have been controlling her and she doesn’t want to do this major in this college and like these things and see these movies and read these booksBuy white flowers for your brand new girlfriend who helped you get a new job and a psychologist and whom you helped to learn acrobatics