God its hot in here

God its hot in here!

2AM. The warmth reaches me even here in the attic!

When the outside temperature gets below twenty degrees, we heat the house with wood. It’s a small house, and as we all know, heat rises. If I can feel the heat up here, it must be hellishly hot downstairs.

There is snow expected before morning, so the wood stove in the den is roaring. That thing puts out enough heat to provoke nudity.Thankfully, I typically sleep comfortably in my upstairs bedroom where blankets are a must, and yet, much more satisfying than waking up all sweaty and clammy. My husband resides in a room downstairs due to his “sensitivity” to cold temperatures. Not a big deal. I enjoy the cool air and having the bed to myself, except for the dogs who always sleep with me and keep watch.

The house is quiet but for the breathing of my pets and the endless snoring of my husband; another reason he sleeps downstairs. I was wakened by the howling wind, so I reach out and pull the curtains aside. My bed is less than an arm’s length from the window, and the garage lights, which are out of my view, cast just enough of a glow to allow me to see the snow twirling in all directions. It looks blizzardlike, and captivating, so I swing my legs over the side of the bed, put my elbows on the sill and my chin in my hands and I watch in wonder the magnificence of mother nature.

It’s beautiful. Breathtaking.I can't look away until both dogs wake, stretch and stand behind me breathing on my neck, wanting to see what has my attention. I sit back and put an arm around each of them and smile. I wonder about our thoughts. I’m thinking how awesome it is to be safe, and warm, and able to enjoy the wonders of nature. Do my pets have the same thoughts?

3AM. Unable to fall back into a restful sleep, I slip on my robe and socks and tiptoe downstairs to maybe sit and watch the fire while I sip some tea and let my thoughts wander. I just love those times when quiet solitude offers me a platter of time filled with tasty morsels of thought-provoking subjects.

It’s dark downstairs except for the flickering shadows cast from the woodstove’s glass door. With each step down I feel the intensity of heat, but once I reach the floor, it’s BAM! GADZOOKS! The hotness hit me like a batman punch.

At times, I settle on the top step where it’s cooler and enjoy watching how the fire’s reflections flicker across the walls. It really is mesmerizing. Watching fire that is. Not this sweltering heat. Sitting by the stove is out of the question!

But tonight I want tea, and I may have to bring it upstairs to sip and ponder the selections on my platter, but that’s OK.

I don’t need to turn any lights on. Thankfully.I absolutely do not want to wake my husband and have to share my platter with him. Not that I’m selfish, I just believe his thoughts on most subjects are about as polar to mine as the thoughts of my animals. So, I just set the kettle on the woodstove to heat up some water, grab a cup, put in a tea bag and a spoon, then settle in at the end of the couch with my legs stretched out and both dogs lying beside me on the floor. I close my eyes to prepare my platter with all the delicacies I like to taste and then analyze. Damn its hot down here!

When the kettle begins to hiss I get up to retrieve it. As I pass by the picture window, I am surprised by the intensity of the falling snow. Unlike upstairs where I had a glow from the garage light, this side of the house is dark.Dark dark, and yet I can still see how brutal it is getting outside. The snow is like a thick cloud, wafting past the window and twirling back on a gust. I’m tempted to open the door and take in a deep breath of the frigid air, (hmm, suppose that’s how the refrigerator got its name?) but if I did my companions would bark and that would end my solitude. So, I poured the hot water into my cup, sat back down and thought while I stirred. The first thing I thought was just how friggen hot it was…maybe I needed a cool cocktail instead of tea. Off came my robe and socks, and I quietly snagged a couple of ice cubes from the freezer and poured myself a healthy night cap. Nassau Royal. A liquor that is no longer manufactured. It’s from the Bahamas and It’s my favorite drink. Unfortunately, nights like this one are slowly emptying my one remaining bottle.

Anyway, with my nightcap in hand, my thoughts went to my earlier comment about my husband’s thoughts vs mine and I found myself wondering what the dogs thoughts might be right now.

Immediately I thought about why I feel stronger connections to animals than to humans and about all I could come up with is that my experiences with animals has been, for the most part, favorable. I recognize empathy from animals that are given empathy and though I feel bad for people struggling, I am almost de-sensitized by all the bad press I see and hear daily. It seems that animals appreciate kindness. People do as well, but not with the gratitude animals display.

I’ve had these thoughts many times and it still bothers me. Why do I feel the way I do?I find myself trying to make sense of the guilt I carry because I care more about animals than people—even though, honestly, it's not that simple. Nothing ever is.

God forgive me, but I worry more about the animals being safe than I do about the many humans who struggle almost every day.

Why is that? I’m not a heartless woman, I do have feelings for all people, but animals touch my heart in a different way.

This really bothers me. Maybe a short refill?Yup.

Other remedies to other problems sitting on my platter come close to being picked up, but I’m feeling the full effects of the heat, both external and internal, and my mind starts pushing me hard to step outside and revel in the piling snow.If I let the dogs out with me, maybe they wont bark. But, now I think, who cares! We don’t have close enough neighbors for barking to wake anyone, other than the “heat monster” sleeping in the other room. The hell with him! Again, it’s friggen hot in here!

3:30AM The dogs are all excited, tails wagging, and they are making little hops, like bunny rabbits, back and forth in front of me as we all pile out the front door into the blizzard. It’s awesome!I am barefoot and my nightgown is soaked in minutes, but who cares! The dogs chase each other, and I scramble around them trying to avoid being knocked over.Inevitably, I fall and in a flash they are on me. It's been ages since I last played in the snow like this! I feel so alive! Trying to make snow angels with two dogs is a hoot!

My feet actually started to feel cold enough to bother me so I got up out of the snow, and headed toward the house. I paused at the door and grabbed an old towel that was hanging from a nail just beneath the entrance overhang. We typically used it to wipe muddy paws, but I tried to dry them as best as I could before letting them carry all that snow into the house. Once inside, they shook and headed for the rug in front of the couch waiting for me to sit down. I dropped my wet nightgown and wrapped myself in a blanket draped over a chair next to the stove, so it was like a warm hug. I was feeling just perfect as I walked past the window again, but this time, I was happy to be inside, warm and a little tipsy. The snow wasn’t yet beginning to slow down but I stood there and kept watching it anyway, not expecting nor wanting anything. Sometimes, nothing is a wonderful thing.

4:00AM One more little pour that I chug before heading upstairs. In the dark I brush my hair and put on a fresh nightgown. The dogs have dried out sitting near the wood stove and they jump on the bed and wait for me. I’m beginning to feel tired but not quite ready to crawl under the covers and close my eyes. Instead, I sit on the edge of the bed with my chin in my hands and elbows on the sill, and I look to the sky in wonderment. Its just snow. Ice crystals that clump together and form snowflakes, but what a glorious gift! {Hic}