Beach Sunsets

The bubbly champagne trickles down her throat as Piper gazes on to Santa Monica’s beach from her hotel suite. Sitting on her balcony she hears the waves crashing, sees the palm trees swaying, and hears the tourists laughing. It’s her birthday. She finally has enough money to buy a hotel room somewhere nice, Viceroy Santa Monica. Somewhere she had dreamed of going all her life.

When Piper was in high school she always kept a collage of California beaches on her planners, every single year. It was her motivation to get out of the small town of Portales, New Mexico. Piper was labeled a nerd and bullied by Stacey, this older girl that had blonde hair, big boobs, and severe dyslexia keeping her from doing well in school.

Another sip of champagne and she has flashbacks of high school. Piper was invited to a house party at Gabe’s house. Everyone was invited. She made a point to do her makeup and hair as well as she could. She took hours watching YouTube videos trying to figure out how to look pretty enough for someone to notice her. When she arrived Stacey sneered at her saying, “Wow that’s a lot of eyeliner.” The popular girls giggled while Piper shyly tried to find a beverage to hold. Gabe offered her a fanta and a shot of vodka which she took nervously. The night was going okay until she was looking for the bathroom and Stacey shoved her into a bedroom and put a chair against the door so Piper couldn’t get out. Piper remembers the anxiety that overtook her body like a fever. She tried to shake the door open and heard the echoes of laughter. She finally just decided to jump out the window and sulk home. High school didn’t want her around so she sought to find a world that did want her around.

She’d daydreamed of blues skies and ocean waves while she studied relentlessly, competed in speech and debate, volunteered with her church, and created the resume of an all-star student. Every house party, every cute boy, every high school dalliance was pushed aside. Eventually she left the cows, tumbleweeds, and dyslexic Stacy to go to University of California Los Angeles.

Now, Piper is finally stepping into her dreams working at an international marketing agency as a Marketing Coordinator. It was a solid ascent to the top. However, the only birthday present she got today was her boss sending her a bottle of champagne and a card from her parents. Sitting on the pristine white patio chairs, she lathered herself in the high-end lotion the hotel provides. A luxury she would never afford herself on a normal day. It smelled fresh and sweet.

As sunset was nearing, she took her cup and decided to walk to Santa Monica Pier. Walking onto the clean sidewalks roller skaters zoomed by, drummers banged away, and the ocean air filled her lungs. She strolled barefoot on the sand. Each step sinking then she pulls her feet out. The resistance as it pushed against her and the tingle of each little tiny bead moving across her feet was always so strangely refreshing.

She passes Ivy at the Shore where she and her ex-boyfriend Lucas went for breakfast before exploring the Abbot Kinney Street Festival. She remembers the ridiculous prices and the fruity drinks. They spent the day wandering around the area when it was packed with day drinking locals and artisan craftsmen. By the end of the day, they walked on to the beach with some beers and said, “I love you,” for the first time. The flicker of the memory made Piper smile and she quietly took another sip of champagne.

Lucas and her broke up a month ago because she was so focused on her work that she stopped paying attention to him. His presence in her life faded into the background as she worked more and more hours and took on more and more projects. She was traveling at least once a month from event to event. While he lived a stagnant life as a Data Analyst working from home. His world was much quieter than hers. When she told her parents they broke up they said, “He’s jealous of your success.” And the voice of Lucas echoed in her head, “Your parents don’t care about your well-being, they care that you pay their mortgage.”

She passes under Santa Monica Arch where the congestion of humans convulse. To the left is The Lobster, a fancy restaurant she worked at while she was in school. For her graduation, she treated her family to dinner there. Her little sister’s eyes couldn’t stop looking at the ocean. It was the first time she ever got to see it. When her mom got up from the table she twinged with pain. Her back injury was getting worse and her mom couldn’t afford to stop working. It was nice to see her dad nervously indulge in his pasta and her mom’s shoulders shimmy when she had a sip of wine. After graduating with a degree in Marketing, Piper worked as a Receptionist and she gave ¼ of each paycheck to her family. On the side she did bookkeeping for a small cafe and even picked up shifts as a Postmates driver. She lived with roommates so her mom could afford her medication, she shopped at a discount so her little sister always had school supplies, she rarely went out so that their mortgage was paid.

Strolling down the narrow bridge passing by the cramped parking lot for the iconic beach. She can see the Ferris Wheel turning in the distance. Someone is playing 80’s songs on a saxophone for tips. The roar of the roller coaster gets louder. She takes a moment to admire the Route 66 sign that says, “End of the Trail.”

This was the first place she came when she moved to LA. Her roommate Lana, whom she met on Facebook Marketplace, came with her. She was born and raised in California. Lana enjoyed seeing her eyes light up in awe of the street performers, the expansive beach views, and the laughing children darting up and down the boardwalk. “Don’t worry, one day you’ll roll your eyes when someone wants to come to the pier,” Lana laughed.

Lana stopped talking to her after she missed her birthday for a conference. Lana wasn’t surprised because Piper had gone from spending every moment looking up to Lana as her mentor in the City of Angeles to texting with her once a month to check in. “You didn’t show up to my birthday. Why should I show up to yours?” Lana responded when Piper reached out. That moment Piper realized she didn’t have anyone in this city. She finished her champagne and tossed it in the trash. She sat in that moment of loneliness.

Piper stands at the edge of the pier overlooking the ocean as the sun starts to fade into the horizon. The sunset streaks the sky in soft yellows and pinks that contrast against the blue of the water. The soft waves of the ocean splash against the pier. Families laughing, hugging, and joking around her This is the place she always dreamed of being. She hadn’t even thought about who she wanted to be here with.

All the things on her LA to-do list didn’t amount to emotional fulfillment. While she was trying to escape cow pastures and thrift clothes, she forgot to enjoy a mimosa with friends or holding hands with the love of her life. While working towards promotions, she never worked on relationships. And now she’s spending her birthday alone in the most beautiful place she could ever dream of. As the sky transformed into cotton candy and the cool ocean air caressed her skin, she couldn’t enjoy it with the aching loneliness.

Overcome by sadness she finishes her drink, slips off her shoes and quickly jumps off the railing and plummets into the ocean. The crowd screams and gathers to watch her emerge in the freezing cold water. Are these the waters going to carry her to happiness?