All Right, Then, I'll Go To Hell

"All right, then, I'll go to hell."

- Huckleberry Finn (musing on saving his friend, the slave named Jim, even if he goes to hell for it)

I grew up with Jimmy. He lived in an apartment just down the hall and I met him on that first day when we moved into the building. I was ten years old and an only child. He was almost two years older and about two inches taller, with broad shoulders. I liked him right away. We became fast friends in a very rough neighborhood. I got my ass kicked numerous times trying to protect him when we were growing up and he did the same for me twice over. We both got drunk for the first time together when I was just twelve. We got our first tattoos together and we have watched the sun rise over the Philadelphia skyline countless times. He was quietly laughing outside the bedroom door the first time I got laid.

I’m almost thirty years old now and me and Jimmy are as tight as ever. The first time we jacked an A-Car (armored car) together was almost ten years ago. We came away with over $120k in cash and never fired a shot. It was off to the races from there. Shots were eventually fired though. It didn’t end well. But life goes on if you don’t get hit. We never got hit. We’ll get into those details later.

“All right, Derek. Here’s the first law. You don’t ever turn on your friends. No matter what kind of heat comes at you, you don’t ever turn your back. I don’t care if it’s the cops or those assholes down on South Kensington or just some random punk on the street. We stick together. Always.”

The First Law Of Jimmy.

“I would never turn my back on you. Not ever.”

I was 21 years old the first time we robbed a bank. It went haywire but somehow we got away clean. You know how most banks have those double doors with a space in between? That’s mainly because they can lock you in there until the cops come. Bullet-proof glass. We knew this so we came with two door-stoppers to prop them open, but some guy saw what was happening on his way out and kicked one away. Fortunately, Jimmy spotted it, put it back in place and then took that asshole’s cell phone and car keys. We left with just over $80k but one of the cash bundles had a dye pack in it and we turned purple for a day or two. We actually laughed about it and made fun of each other. He said I looked like a Smurf, but I said the Smurfs were blue, not purple, and he was a dumb fuck we laughed some more.

Another one of the cash bundles had a GPS tracking chip embedded in it but we found that right away and got rid of it. Then we had to ditch the stolen car. Robbing banks is a pain in the ass. We decided to move on to an easier form of income; robbing coke and heroin dealers. They have their methods of protection too but they're not nearly so organized. More importantly, they don't call the cops after they get robbed.

“Derek, here’s what you gotta understand. It aint always gonna be easy, but you just gotta muscle up and make it to tomorrow morning. I know today was fucked up but sometimes things go sideways.”

The Second Law Of Jimmy.

We walked up on the corner near Alleghany Ave just before midnight. Me, Jimmy and my cousin Stevie. We had been watching the flow of business from a car parked just down the block and we picked what seemed like the right time. We were wrong.

Just as I put the barrel of my Sig Sauer 9mm to the back of the head of the kid who was running that crew (I say kid because he couldn’t have been a day over eighteen) and told him “Give it up. Money, dope, jewels, everything…” three of his boss boys came around the corner with a re-up package. Really bad timing. They saw what was happening and bullets started flying immediately. Me and Jimmy fired back and we got out but my cousin caught two in the chest. I should have never brought him. That will weigh on me forever. I have to live with that forever. I had to deliver the news to Stevie’s mother that night, and in the end we came away with nothing.

“You can't control everything."

The Third Law Of Jimmy.

On the day after the 4th of July that year, me and Jimmy tried to rob an underground casino. We had played cards and dice there a few times just to case the place and it seemed safe enough at the right times of day and the right days of the week. Tuesday afternoon before five o-clock? Nothing but fat, lazy, poorly trained security guards not paying attention who we could have on the floor in seconds with a pistol to their face. A few zip ties would take care of the rest and there would be at least $100k waiting for us in the cage. Probably much more. We had been monitoring the dealers and chip-runners and the floor men and doing all the math. We knew it was worth the risk. But the risk was greater than we calculated.

The room was a lot more crowded than we expected when we got there that day. At first me and Jimmy exchanged a quick smile. More cash in the till, right? But two players at one of the poker tables were off-duty cops with pistols in their ankle holsters. Guns were drawn. I was able to get out the door but Jimmy was pinned down in a corner so he just dropped his .45 Springfield before he got shot.

I ran.

I broke The First Law Of Jimmy.

The trial took place a few months later. Jimmy got sent up to Holmesburg on several class A-1 felony charges. He has been there for almost a year, but I saw him today out in the yard.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Do you remember that kid Stephan Arnoff who we went to school with? Saved his ass from a few bullies? Well that dude is a lawyer now. I sat down with him and asked some questions. Turns out it’s not too difficult to pick your prison if you commit the right crime in the right place. And if you have a good lawyer. Stephan remembers what we did for him and he represented me pro bono. He’s working on getting me and you assigned as cell mates too. He says that might take a while. For now I’m up on Cell Block D.”

Jimmy blinked twice and when a small tear ran down his left cheek he quickly wiped it away.

“What did you do?”

“I just robbed a liquor store up on North Fifth. I didn’t hurt no one. When I walked out I threw my pistol in the sewer and put my hands up and waited there on the corner for the cops. It didn’t take long. I got seven years so I will be here most of the time that you are here, unless one of us goes and kills someone. I suppose if that happens we can both kill someone and things will stay the same. We'll just be here a lot longer."

“Are you fucking insane, Derek?”

“No, I’m not insane. I just go wherever you go. I don't care where it is. We’re in this together until the end. You’re my only brother. I love you, man."

We would have hugged but it was prison.

THE END

Author's Note: I have always loved that quote by Mark Twain - "All right, then, I'll go to hell" - in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. It embodies what it means to be a true friend in just seven words and I think it's truly beautiful. Thanks for reading.