Grown Person

Sunday

10/5

I sat in my old recliner with my headphones in, stroking my cat, Smurf. It was 11 am, and I was watching the football game off my phone. 'TOUCHDOWN!!' I got up and danced around in a circle. Smurf watched in horror.

'Whoops, Jared's asleep.' I thought out loud in a half whisper. 'Not anymore.' Came a voice from the figure who appeared in the doorway. He was holding his body pillow and yawning. Typical Jared. 'Thanks, Ben.' he said as sarcastically as possible.

Jared was my best friend and roommate for all of freshman and sophomore year. I decided to move out because of a family situation, but since I wasn't old enough to buy a house or apartment, I stayed with a friend. His mom was almost never home-she was an officer-and his dad died when he was 2.

I slumped back into the chair when I got a text. From Mom.

'hey Hun, just checking in!!(heart emoji) how are you? its officially been 5 months! what's going on?'

For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to respond. 5 months. Already? I felt a weight on my shoulders. Not just an internal one, a physical one, as I soon realized. 'Smurf, get off.' The white fluff ball jumped from my shoulders onto the table, knocking over a cup of coffee. Great. Could this day get any worse?

An hour later I was making me and Jared lunch; well, brunch for him. I was tossing a very not green salad when a huge dollop of dressing dropped on the floor. I rushed to get a napkin, but when I turned around, the only thing that remained was Smurf licking ferociously at the tile. And you could only expect that night to be full of gagging and coughing from this monstrosity of a cat. I got no sleep. I only thought of that text. 5 months. (And about whether or not I should take Smurf to the vet.)

Monday

10/6

I slipped on my old gray sweats, and shrugged my backpack onto my shoulder.

Walking through the school hall and dodging people every so often, I spotted Jared. 'Hey, bro. Did you sleep okay? you look awful.' He made a face.

'Something like that. See you.'

'Ben! Hey, I've been texting you. Where have you been?' Stacey Miers. She was my childhood friend. We grew up together. She declared her crush on me years back, but we maintained our friendship.

'Sorry. Just busy.' I started to sit down, but she grabbed my arm.

'Are you sure? If there's something wrong you can talk to me.'

'I know.'

'Okay... bye.' I looked down as she walked away. I hit my desk with my fist. My knuckles started to bleed.

What is wrong with me?

Why am I so down?

I just sighed.

'Class, please sit down.' Today was going to be a long day.

Finally, School was over. 'Mr. Ben Hilton, please meet me in the office.' Great.

'Have a seat, Ben, I want to talk to you about something.' No duh.

'What's up?' I mumbled, staring at my feet.

'Are you alright? Your grades have been dropping recently. If this keeps up, you might not be able to go to college.'

'I know.'

'Do you want some help? I could call-'

'Please don't call my mom.' That sounded more like begging than I had intended.

'I know your parent's situation must be hard for you, Ben, but running away from it is not healthy. You should really reach out to someone-a therapist, maybe.'

I stood. 'I don't need you telling me how to live my life. Or a therapist. I'm fine, okay? Don't bring this up again.' I walked off.

Saturday

10/11

I woke up with a knock on the front door. Jared was still fast asleep, so I tip-toed to the door and opened it. "Ben! Sweetie, how are you? Your teacher called me, going off about how you weren't doing well- And my, look how tall you are! You always looked just like me, you know, but never mind that, lets talk about how you are. I decided to visit because your- well I already told you that part, but how are you? And can I come in? It really is freezing out here.'

Shocked, I stepped out of the way and hung her bag on the coat rack.

'So I heard about the whole I-am-slumpy-and-tired-and-i-will-use-two-words-for-sentences-whacha-ma-call-it, but did your teacher mention a therapist?' Forcing my mouth to speak, I said 'My teacher called you?'

'Well isn't that what I said? I can't believe you didn't call me yourself! A mother cares about her son, you know.'

'I just thought you'd be...'

'What, just because me and your father are having a rough patch doesn't mean I care less about you. You're still my child after all.'

'I know. Sorry I didn't call.' And suddenly, tears started flowing down my cheeks.

'Oh, honey, come here.' She wrapped me in a tight hug. We stayed like that for a long time.

'Who's this?' Jared emerged from his bedroom, rubbing his eyes and still obviously half asleep.

'Jared, this is my mom. Mom, this is Jared my roommate.'

'You can call me Karrie. It's nice to finally meet you! Be careful, this one's cranky.' She pointed to me.

'Mom, stop.' I wiped the tears from my face. I laughed, still half crying. It felt like that one something had been lifted off me. 'So, how is dad?'

'well you know your father, always grumpy about somethin' or other. He's more separate now, I guess you could say.'

'Are you guys still fighting?' Silence. I found that weird. my mom was almost never silent. 'Mom?'

'Yes?'

'Answer the question.' Something felt off.

'Mister Jared, do you mind...' She nodded to the bedroom.

'uhh...sure.' Jared turned his attention to me and raised his eyebrows. I gave him a quick nod, and he stalked to the bedroom, closing the door. I could almost guarantee his ear was up to the door. I looked over to my mother. 'You were saying...?'

'Your father...got in a car crash. He's not doing that well.' Well why didn't she just lead with that?! Separate, huh? She got a call from my teacher that I wasn't doing well in school when my FATHER is in the HOSPITAL?! I could not believe this.

'When?!' my voice came out harsh, and I could feel my face flush with anger. 'When did this happen, Mom? When??' As I yelled, the bedroom door pushed back from something falling on it. Or from it. 'yesterday.' her voice came out small. 'I was going to tell you earlier, but...'

'But what, Mom? What??' My voice started getting hoarse. 'what?' I whispered. my eyes burned. I fell to my knees. 'what...'

Jared came out crouching with a chair in front of his face, wooden legs out like spikes. 'Is it over?' Realizing the situation, he ran over to me, throwing his arms around me. Who knows where the chair went. 'Get out.' He said firmly to my mom. 'Get. out.'

After a long moment, I stood. I whipped out my phone. I pressed call.

Voicemail.

Again.

Voicemail.

Again.

Voicemail.

At that moment I knew. My Dad was dead.

About 3 or 4 weeks after that, I moved back in with my mom, right when she started to lose her hearing. The doctor said it was bound to happen someday, and that my fathers death was probably the trigger. I still went to school most of the week, but on days where my mom wasn't doing well, I stayed home. I started dating Stacey during that time, because my Mom herself said: 'I know you love her. I hate that you have to care for me here, so go and have a good life. You're not my little boy anymore, Ben, you're a grown person.'

I ended up not going to college. I decided to care for her instead. She was my priority down to the day she died. she was only 69.

I got married to Stacey soon before my mother's death, and she helped me as well as she could; driving her to doctors appointments, going shopping for medicine and groceries, and just being there when needed.

We had our first child--a son--and named him Aspen. Aspen Rei Hilton. Stacey lived until she was 84, and I am currently 87 with dementia. This is the last story I can remember, and probably the last I will write down before I am on my death bed. Thank you for reading.