Insomnia Sleeps

The time on the stove read 1:04 AM as Atlas padded out of the bathroom in a pair of sweats and a black T-shirt he'd rummaged from the dresser in his room. These days he was grateful for the maid housekeeping service because it would've been nearly impossible for him to keep up with the dirty laundry.

Being a contestant in the Respawn Wars here at Ark Academy was a full-time job; whatever people thought. It wasn't all fun and games.

He'd taken a couple of anti-depressants before he'd showered in hopes of finally getting a few hours of shut eye, when a knock at the front door of his apartment startled him.

Walking past the little nook of a kitchen, he peeked through the eye hole, confused as to who would be knocking at this hour.

For a heartbeat, as his mind slipped into the realm between reality and dreaming, he thought it was Olivia. The powerhouse of a girl who'd accepted him as her teammate. The girl who would put the rest of the world on hold just to make sure he was okay. She was like a sister to him really. And she was the only lunatic who would disturb him at this hour.

It wasn't Olivia of course. The funeral had been two months ago but he remembered it like it was yesterday. Olivia's mother, a petite woman with the same ebony skin as Olivia had hugged Atlas and told him how sorry she was for him. Olivia's resemblance to her mother stopped at her skin color. She was big boned and taller then most of the other girls in her class. Her get out there and get it done personality could not have been more opposite than the woman who played the maternal role.

Cleo, the rookie who'd been assigned to his team stood in the doorway. She smiled. All teeth and dimples. Too damn young to be apart of the Tournaments. Regardless of how they were marketed. He knew the darkness that they filled the mind with. The way simulations had been engineered to be hyper realistic, not even realistic, straight from a horror film.

Cleo brushed past him, clutching her jacket close and he realized that it must've been freezing outside. Even though it was nearly March, winter had its way of holding on to things. Reluctant to let go.

"I just couldn't sleep." She said once he'd led her over to the couch. "Guess that makes two of us." He said dryly. Atlas wasn't a stranger to insomnia. Or the awkward silence between two people who've felt things no human should have to remember.

The Respawn Wars were about as science fiction horror virtual reality game as you could get. Except it wasn't fiction anymore. Technology had finally caught up to man's obsession with terrors.

"Oh, I brought you something." Cleo said, her eyes flickering to his for a moment before she reached into her back pocket.

"Just to keep with you when you're in the link pod." Her voice was soft. He tensed at the sight of the band on her wrist. All players had to wear the ID bands. You never took them off. She slipped a little crotcheted yellow and black ball into his hand. He realized after a moment of turning it over in his hands that it was a bumblebee. At first he didn't know why she'd crocheted him a bumblebee of all things but then he remembered the joke.

The day Cleo had joined the team, what with his sleep deprivation, his dyspraxia was harder to manage.

He'd walked right into her, nearly dropping his lunch tray and managing to artistically paint her Academy outfit with egg noodles and stir fry.

"Some bumble butt huh." He'd choked, trying desperately to cover up the fact that he was mortified. Here he was making a complete idiot of himself to the new kid. So much for first impressions.

She'd just laughed awkwardly. Her big brown eyes swept over his as they hurriedly scraped sticky noodles and sauce off the floor. "I like bumblebees." She's said it like they were just talking a stroll through Ark City Park.

"Thanks Cleo." Atlas said trying really hard not to think about the last time he'd found himself in this apartment with another girl so late at night. Olivia, one of his classmate's and a high ranking contestant on the leaderboard would keep him company in the quiet hours of the night when sleep evaded him. Their friendship had been forged in the trenches of the battlefield. The Respawn Wars was built on the basis of being invincible. But he'd never felt more vulnerable when he was in the simulation, knowing at any moment he could die. His avatar subjected to any number of gruesome deaths. For him to simply respawn moments later, the memory as fresh and painful; seared into his conscience and as palpable as wet paint on a canvas.

Atlas leaned against the wall to keep himself from sagging. He really didn't need his rookie teammate to see how pathetic he was. Cleo had walked over to the window overlooking the city. All the glittering lights like a million diamonds in the inky night.

"it's so beautiful from up here." she breathed her hand pressed against the glass. "Yeah." He shrugged the worry to the back of his mind, easier in his current state than it usually was.

"I didn't know you crotchet" He said trying to start a conversation although he didn't really know why. If Cleo had come here to talk, wasn't it up to her to say something? No. Some scared part of him craved the companionship.

Someone who would share the space in silence. Oh Olivia, how he missed her.

It would take years to get used to not see her, flipping a long black braid over one shoulder as she walked. Or duck as she shot daggers at him with her eyes when she felt singled out.

Or laugh himself to tears with her at three o'clock in the morning at nothing particularly funny.

She was everything he'd never had as a single child.

Atlas heaved a sigh as he sank down on the floor in front of the couch. He never sat on the couch because Olivia would always hog the cushions with her piles of pillows and throws.

"Yeah," Cleo turned away from the window. Wearing an oversized T-shirt and sweats. "I do a lot of that actually. In my spare time. Kind of like a hobby." She motioned to the carpet beside him. "Mind if I sit?"

He nodded in a way he hoped seemed inviting. "So why'd you come over?" Atlas looked at the bumblebee still clasped in his hand.

Cleo fiddled with her shoelace. "I'm not used to having a place all to myself." She said shyly. "The apartment I lived in with my folks was really small."

"oh." The muscles in his back relaxed a bit. Sore from the training session he'd done yesterday morning.

He had been the first to arrive at the Pit. Sometimes it took a while for his brain to wake up. Especially since he didn't really sleep at night. Some of his classmates joked he was nocturnal. If only it were that simple.

The series of platforms with ropes and nets suspended over a pit of foam cubes was where the teams trained together before going into the simulations.

Cleo made it her personal mission to shadow Atlas like she was some sort of side kick. Why of all the top ranked students at Ark Academy had she chosen him as her hero? Sure, he was a champion. He'd ranked #1 in two of the six Respawn Wars he'd participated in.

The meds had a way of toying with his emotions; mixing them into some sort of cocktail. Sometimes it was easier that way, to let the numbness dull out the aching despair eating away at his core. His fingers twitched, tapping rhythmically on his knee as he rested his head on the armrest of the couch. It was nice having Cleo here.

She got up and he flinched at the sudden movement. "Got any ice cream? I'm hungry." She announced. After rummaging through his freezer for a few seconds she pulled out a tub of ice cream in one hand. "Hah! I found it." A dry laugh forced itself from his throat. She held up the tub like it was a trophy. "Just gotta find some spoons." She added, more to herself.

Tomorrow at the Respawn Center he'd get hooked up to the simulation machine. Once his brain was linked up with his avatar, and all the other players were loaded onto the server, the match would start.

He didn't know what the match would consist of. Capture the Flag? A Manhunt? Freeze tag maybe?

Thinking about it made his headache. Atlas shifted as Cleo came back to the carpet with two spoons in one hand and the ice cream in the other.

Shrugging off his concerns for tomorrow he tried to cram all of his thoughts into the overstuffed compartment at the back of his mind.

"Didn't take you for a strawberry ice cream kind of guy." Cleo said with a little smirk. Like this was another joke. He took the spoon she'd offered him. "I'm more of a mint chocolate chip kind of girl." She scooped a spoonful of the pink stuff into her mouth. "Yeah," He realized it was probably weird to watch her eat, but he couldn't help notice the way her bubblegum pink hair formed a halo around her wire-rimmed glasses.

The light from the kitchen reflecting in her dark eyes.

He didn't really eat ice cream. Olivia on the other hand never missed a chance to splurge on the frozen treat.

she liked strawberry ice cream best.

His stomach twisted as an avalanche of memories can tapping at his mind. Jaw tensing, he managed to tamp down the jitteriness seizing his chest. Cleo looked out at the window the tub of ice cream perched on one knee.

Atlas scooped a spoonful of ice cream out of the tub and swallowed it. Olivia's voice on the night of her death echoed in her ears. It was her birthday and they were up late, after the party she'd hosted in her apartment.

The memory was hazy, or maybe that was the fog in his mind because of the drugs swimming through his veins. Words were exchanged. He said things he regretted. How he wished he could take them back a thousand times over. She had wanted to quit the tournaments. Leave the Academy and all the opportunities it provided for her.

Now she was gone and it no one could tell him it wasn't his fault.

Suffocating he scrambled to his feet, sweating in his sweatshirt. He'd gotten up too fast. As a wave of dizziness hit him like a tsunami his vision darkened around the edges. Must be the drugs. Not that he was ever very graceful. Everything tipped precariously.

"Atlas!" Cleo grabbed his shoulder, her grip remarkably strong for such a small creature. Steadying him as he regained his senses.

"Here," She led him over to the couch. He felt the spoon slip from his grasp as he sank down on the cushions. The familiar smell of gingerbread clung to the cushions. Tears stung his eyes as Olivia's face materialized in front of him. "Give yourself a moment." She said. Except it wasn't her voice. Cleo gripped his hand in hers. Warmth seeping into his clammy skin. "Are you hallucinating?" She asked, the scent of gingerbread fading fast as her body pressed against his.

It felt like he was floating. Like gravity had stopped existing and he was a balloon; untethered. "Olivia." He said her name even as he realized how wrong it was.

Suddenly he was just a rookie again. Olivia stood in her red flannel pants, hands shoved into her pockets. That was back when he could still sleep like a normal human being.

He had knocked at her door, unable to shake the hallucinations that were cornering him in the dorms. He'd thought she would call him crazy but she just smirked knowingly. "Always helps to have someone to talk to." She said, gnawing on her lip. They talked about life back home over mugs of strawberry ice cream. She didn't bother serving them in bowls. Said it was boring doing the same things other people did. Atlas remembered coming back to her apartment the night after that. They played card games. Uno was her favorite. Solitaire was his. They'd stay up till the sun started to come up. Laughing and talking. Or sometimes just sitting there, in complete silence.

"Sorry," Atlas gulped air hungrily. Coming up for a breath as he surfaced from the memory. "It's okay." Cleo said, her voice husky. It must've been getting pretty late. He thought sitting there with her body cocooned against his.

"Do you want to go back home?" He asked his body trembling with fatigue as he sat up a little straighter and turned to face her. "Do you want me to go?" Cleo asked their faces closer than they'd ever been. He wondered why he'd never noticed the spattering of freckles on her lips before. They were all over her face, like someone had sprinkled cinnamon all over her nose and face.

He didn't want this moment to end. Maybe if he could hold onto it for a little longer, the ghosts of his past lives - or rather, past deaths, wouldn't haunt him in the dark.

"Don't go." He whispered. "Okay." Cleo wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I won't." She promised and he closed his eyes just for a moment. Thinking that maybe, just maybe this would be enough to numb the pain and keep the terror away.